Race Off

  • Season 1, Ep 5
  • 10/23/2012

Woody sets the park on fire in an effort to impress a visiting dignitary.

- MAN, SCREW THOSE GUYS.

I DON'T BURN THINGS

BECAUSE MY TEAMSWIN CHAMPIONSHIPS.

I DO ITFOR THE INSURANCE MONEY.

- OH, MY GOD.A REAL BLACK MAN.

[gasps]

I HOPE IT'S NOT TOO MUCHTO ASK,

BUT I'D CONSIDER IT AN HONORIF YOU'D BITCH SLAP ME

AS HARD AS YOU CAN.

- WHAT?GET YO ASS OUT OF HERE.

- DENZEL, THAT'S RUDE.

[slaps]- [groans]

- "BITCH SLAP."THAT'S OFFENSIVE.

I SHOULD SLAP THAT BITCH.

STEVE, YOU HAVE NO IDEAWHAT'S IT LIKE

TO BE THE ONLY BLACK PERSONFOR MILES AROUND.

EVERYONE STARING AT ME,LIKE I'M A CRIMINAL!

[people murmuring]

- WHAT? I DON'T SEEWHAT YOU'RE SO MAD AT.

SO PEOPLE ENJOY LOOKINGAT YOU.

YOU'RE, LIKE, A--

- LIKE A MONKEY IN THE ZOO?

- EXACTLY, YOU'RE LIKEA MONKEY IN THE ZOO.

PERFECT ANALOGY.

- DO YOU KNOWHOW RACIST THAT IS?

- RACIST? COME ON.

WE BOTH KNOWTHERE'S NO RACISM ANYMORE.

IT ENDED THE DAY

MARTIN LUTHER KINGLANDED ON THE MOON.

- MAN, YOU DON'T KNOWWHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

- I WOULD LOVE TO BE BLACKIN TODAY'S SOCIETY.

YOU SET ALL THE TRENDS,

AND YOU GET TO SAYTHE "N" WORD.

YOU HAVE NO IDEAHOW MANY TIMES

I'VE WANTED TO SAYTHE "N" WORD.

- YOU KNOW WHAT, STEVE?

I NEED SOME TIME AWAYFROM YOUR DUMB ASS.

- WAIT. YOU'RE NOT MAD AT ME,ARE YOU?

- OH, NO.I'M NOT MAD.

[engine revs]

- OKAY, NOW YOU'RE SENDINGMIXED SIGNALS.

[slap]

- HUH.

WE NEED TO GET YOU A NEW LOOK.

YOU JIVE TURKEY.

WORD UP.

HMM,HOW ABOUT A RETRO LOOK?

♪ SWING LOW, SWEET CHARIOT

HMM.

I LIKE IT,BUT I NEED A STYLE

THAT'S ALL MY OWN.

THAT'S IT.

[rap music]

- [gasps]

WOW. WHO ARE YOU?

- BLACK STEVE, BABY.

- DO YOU MINDIF I TOUCH YOUR HAIR?

- NOT AT ALL.

[boing]

SEE, DENZEL!

THERE'S NO RACISM.

THESE PEOPLE LOVE ME.

- YOU LOOK DUMB AS HELL.

WELL, MIGHT AS WELL EMBRACEMY NEW CULTURE.

[eerie music]

- [distorted]BIKRAM YOGA.

- [slowed speech]BABYBJORN.

- [distorted]ARCADE FIRE.

- [slowed speech]GLUTEN-FREE.

- [screams]

- BRO, YOU FORGOT YOUR...

[slowed speech]CARAMEL MACCHIATO.

- I CAN'T TAKE BEING WHITE!

I GOT TO GET BACKTO MY ROOTS.

[dramatic music]

- NAH, LOOK OUT!

HE'S GONNA GRAB YOU!

HEY, READING RAINBOW!

DON'T LET THEM PUT YOUON THAT SLAVE SHIP!

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