Ian Bagg & Pablo Francisco

  • Season 2, Ep 6
  • 11/08/2012

Ian Bagg only takes classy pictures of his penis, Pablo Francisco imagines what Judge Judy's marriage is like, and Gabriel Iglesias's old jokes get animated.

We wanted to do somethinga little bit special,

a little bit different,but also, uh,

kind of bring somethingback from the past.

And we've been getting a lot ofpeople yelling out, "Martin!"

And some people ask him if I'mgonna do some of the old jokes,

and yes and no.

I got a little somethingspecial for you guys.

Uh, some really amazinganimators have gotten ahold

of some of my old footageand they actually put some

of my stand-up comedyto a cartoon.

And, uh, well,we got a couple clips.

You guys want to see one?


So, check this out, you guys,for the first time ever,

"Fluffy Classic Clips."

Three years ago, I boughta Beetle, not even thinking.

That's not the joke.

Shut up.

I wasn't thinking.

I bought the car 'cause it was affordable,

economical brand-new freaking Beetle for, like, 17 grand.

I was, like,"Aah!" First new car.

I go to show it off at my friend Martin's house.

I thought it was nice, I pull up, you know.

(mimics car motor)

(mimics brakes screeching)


He lives in the hood.

I don't get out the car.

Across the street there are these gang members.

The kind of gang members that don't really get into,

you know, like, shooting people and stuff like that.

They just hang out on the porch and talk a lot of smack.

And, so, I'm there in a Beetle, and across the street,

I hear this, right? I'm, like,"Martin!"

And over here I hear,


Hey, what's up, guys?

How's it going?

How'd you getin there, ese?

Hurry up, Martin!

Two months later, I go backto pick him up.

Now I've had some time to work on the car, right?

I put some rims on it, some stickers.

I put a chip in the motor so it goes faster.

I thought it was bad, right? I pull up.

(mimics car engine)

(brakes screeching)

(engine revs)

(horn beeps)Martin!


Uh-uh, I'm not turning around.




I don't see you.


(Gabriel groans)


Ah! What?!

Check it out, eh, it's"The Fat and the Furious."

I love Florida.A lot of the girls wear

my favorite outfit here, thehigh heels and shorts?

Oh, my God.

It says so much about a girl.

It says, "I'm going to the prom,but there could be a barbecue."

(laughter, applause)


What if, what if there's corn?

Get my eating shorts.

You ever take a picture of yourjunk with your cell phone

and send it to your lady?


That's what technology's about.

How do I get my penisto that girl quicker?

Everybody does it.

I do it, but I'm classy.

I put a sunset behind it.


Pull my sack to the side.

Pull my sack to the side, makeit look like a long-necked duck

going south for the winter.

Girl... girl receivesthat picture,

she has no idea what she'sgotten for a half an hour.

"What the hell is this?"

45 minutes later:


"He is so artsy."

Lot of differentkinds out there.

I've seen this one girl,

she just had a littlepatch of hair there.

You ever see that?

It looks likea Hitler moustache?

Just an angry little (bleep).

(with German accent):Oh, there's going to be

so much trouble later on.


Have your papers in order

if you want to geton flight 1745,

Lufthansa, leavingMiami noon tomorrow.

You scare the (bleep) out of me.

she's more rude than ever.

(imitates Judge Judy):Shut up!

Let's see the receipts.

(deep voice):That's right.

That's right,she doesn't know you.

She wasn't there.

She could give a crap about you.

She asked you tocome on the show

only for herjust to yell at you.

(Judge Judy):Be quiet.

Who are you?

(deep voice):That's right, she studiedlaw for 25 years all for what?

(Judge Judy):The gerbil cage is his!

(deep voice):That's right, she's Judge Judy.

(Judge Judy):Who are you?

Who are you?

(Southern accent):I'm here to try to...

(Judge Judy):Shut up!

Let's see the receipts.

I'm the boss, applesauce.

(deep voice):That's right, she lookslike she's passing a stone.


And she's married to anotherjudge, can you believe that?

I love you.

(Judge Judy):Prove it!

Let's see the receipt.

(announcer voice): Hell's Kitchen.

Get ready for Hell's Kitchen.

(a la Gordon Ramsay):Who is this piece of (bleep)?Where's this avocado?

(announcer voice): That's right,he's a culinary chef.

What the hell is he doingin a (bleep) kitchen?

(a la Ramsay):What the (bleep)?!Hey, (bleep)!

(bleep) (bleep)!

(announcer voice): He has a newcookbook coming out called...

(a la Ramsay): The Joy of (bleep) Cooking!

(deep voice):He has a bald spot.

Pablo has... He went to theBosley Hair Institute

where he paid $10,000 for thesehairs... to go right there.

He has hair on his ass,hair in his crack.

There's a Starbucksright in there.

He has a hair on his back.

Over here, over...

Screw it!

This is bald spot music.Hey, what's up?

(mimics lively trumpet music)

From the front it's hip-hop.


Yo, check me out, man, I'm VIP.

(mimics lively trumpet music)


Bald spot.

It's burning up right now.The lights are...

(imitates sizzling sound)

(deep voice):It's burning it up.

Are you in good hands?

He needs a tattoo of a brownspot to go on the white spot.

To make sure he gets calledon the white spot.