Mother Daughter Sister Wife

  • Season 2, Ep 6
  • 02/18/2014

George and Gil make trouble at a local Y, C-Czar learns a lesson in patience, and tensions mount at Gigolo House when Bobby clashes with Eagle Wing.

- THE Y.

- MANHATTAN'SOWN EXCLUSIVE CLUB

THAT ANYONECAN BELONG TO.

- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA,NO, NO, NO.

- GET OUTTA HERE!GET OUTTA HERE!

GET OUTTA HERE!- GET OUTTA HERE.

THEY GONE?

YOU HAVE EVERYTHING?

WELL, I HAD NO WALLETTO BEGIN WITH.

SO THAT'S OKAY.

- YOU KNOW, I LOVE COMINGTO THE "Y" WITH YOU, GEORGE,

'CAUSE YOU'RE A GREAT GUY.

- YEAH, THANKS.

- AND THERE'S A FEW LADIESTO OGLE.

- ROLL OUR EYES AT.- YEAH, YEAH.

BUT MORE THAN ANYTHING,WHAT I LOVE ABOUT THE Y

IS THE CULTURAL ELEMENT.

- OH, THERE'S ALWAYSGREAT GUEST SPEAKERS.

- YEAH, THE SPEAKER TONIGHTIS NONE OTHER

THAN MIRIAM MOYNIHAN,WHO IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY

WAS A STUDENT OF YOURS.

- MIRIAM MOYNIHAN.SHE WAS A STUDENT OF MINE

WHEN I WAS A SHORT STORYPROFESSOR AT SUNY-YONKERS.

AH, MIRIAM.WONDERFUL.

I EVEN GAVE HER COUGH SYRUPONE NIGHT

SO SHE WOULD GO TO SLEEPAND I COULD FONDLE HER.

I MEAN, I DIDN'T DO THAT.

I DID NOT DO THAT.- YOU DID NOT DO THAT.

- YEAH, MY LAWYER SAIDYOU GOTTA SAY "DID NOT."

- OH, ONEOF THESE SLICK LAWYERS?

I DON'T WANNA PUT YOUON THE SPOT

BUT LET'S SEE WHAT SHE WROTEABOUT YOU.

- LET'S CHECKTHE ACKNOWLEDGEMENT.

ALL RIGHT HERE.DEDICATION PAGE.

NOW, IT'S JUST A MATTEROF READING IT.

"FOR WOMEN EVERYWHERE..."

THERE'S NOGEORGE ST. GEEGLAND HERE.

- WHAT?- WHAT?

- HUH?

- SHE LEFT ME OUTOF A WHOLE BOOK.

- THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.- I'M NOT MENTIONED ANYWHERE.

AND I WAS THE REASONSHE BECAME A WRITER.

- REALLY?- OF COURSE, LOOK.

"MOTHER, DAUGHTER,SISTER, WIFE."

THIS IS TOLDFROM THE PERSPECTIVE

OF FOUR DIFFERENT WOMEN,JUST LIKE MY NOVEL

RIFKIN'S DILEMMA. - WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT?

- IT WAS ABOUT A BOYHOODOF A GUY NAMED RIFKIN.

HE JERKS OFF ALL DAY LONGAND I DESCRIBE IT.

IT'S A UNWRITTEN NOVEL.- IT'S THE SAME THING!

- IT'S THE SAME THING.

YOU'VE GOT A LOTTA NERVEWRITING A BOOK

AND NOT THANKING MEAND THEN COMING TO MY "Y"

AND GIVING A SPEECH ABOUT ITIN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS

AND GIL FAIZON?

OH, I'M GONNA RUINHER SPEECH TODAY.

- [laughs]

- WE'RE GONNA CAP OFF OUR DAYAT THE "Y"

WITH ONE OFMY CLASSIC INCIDENTS

WHERE I MAKE A WOMAN CRY.

- WELCOME TO OUR HUMBLEWHOREHOUSE ABODE.

- YO, WHAT ARE YOU DOINGIN HERE?

- OH, HEY.

WEREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BEON A DATE?

- THAT'S RIGHT.

I GOT A DATEWITH A MODEL,

AN ARCHITECTURAL MODEL.

- OH, COOL.

THESE GUYS, I TOLD THEM THEYCOULDN'T HAVE SEX IN THE HOUSE,

AND THEN IT BECAMEFORBIDDEN FRUIT, SO...

- THESE MODELSARE MY FORBIDDEN FRUIT.

I WANNA BE AN ARCHITECT, MAN.- THAT'S COOL, MAN.

I'M GLAD YOU'RE PASSIONATEABOUT SOMETHING

BESIDES JACKHAMMER[bleep] GIRLS.

- I DON'T TELL NOBODYTHAT [bleep].

I CAN'T TAKE THE PRANKSAND THE TEASING.

- I'LL NEVER LETANYONE KNOW

YOUR TOTALLYRESPECTABLE SECRET.

- 'CAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT'S GONNAHAPPEN IF THEY FIND OUT.

- YEAH.

YOU'LL GET FIREDFROM BEING A WHORE

AND INSTEAD HAVE TO PURSUEA CAREER IN ARCHITECTURE?

- IT'S HARD TO LOOKAT THIS BAKED POTATO

WHEN I GOT SUCH A SWEET POTATOIN FRONT OF ME.

[both chuckle]

- YOU'RE FUNNY STILL.THAT'S GOOD.

- THE DATE WAS OFFTO A GREAT START.

- THANKS FOR TAKING ME OUT.

- NAH, THANK YOUFOR TAKING ME OUT.

[both laugh]

I FEEL LIKE IMPLICITLY,YOU UNDERSTAND ME...

- UH-HUH.

- BECAUSE, LIKE,YOU'RE ON THE SAME LEVEL.

- WAIT, SAY THAT AGAIN.

- OTHER PEOPLE AREN'TON THE SAME LEVEL.

- YEAH. CAN I ASK YOUA QUESTION?

- YOU CAN ASK ME ANYTHINGYOU WANT.

- DO YOU DATE ME TONIGHTFOR MONEY LIKE WE DISCUSSED?

- I'M SORRY, WHAT?

- LIKE, NOT TO MESS UPYOUR DINNER

OR, LIKE, THE VIBEOF WHAT'S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW,

BUT YOU DEFINITELY DIDSTRAIGHT-UP OFFER

TO PAY ME FOR SEX.

- NO.

- AND DINNER'S INCLUDED.

- SWEETHEART, LET ME TELL YOU

HOW IT'S GONNA GO DOWNRIGHT NOW, OKAY?

I'M A GIGOLO NOW.

I LIVE INA GIGOLO HOUSE

WITH A NUMBEROF OTHER COOL DUDES, OKAY?

IT'S DATE NIGHT,USA TONIGHT.

I DECIDEDTHAT I WOULD GRANT YOU

WITH MY PERMISSIONTO BE THE GIRL

THAT WOULD PAY ME VERY MUCHFOR SEX TONIGHT

BECAUSE I, MY FRIEND,AM A GIGOLO.

- THEN I'M A GIGOLOTOO, BOBBY.

- PSSH.

YOU'RE NOT A GIGOLO.

FARLEY, YOU'RE A PROSTITUTE.

- [laughs]

AH, HA, HA.

SAY THAT [bleep] AGAIN.- YOU'RE A PROSTITUTE.

- WHAT THE [bleep], MAN?I CAN'T TAKE IT.

YOU DON'T GET IT, STUPID.

NO, I WAS NOT SATISFIEDWITH BOBBY'S SO-CALLED SERVICES.

STICK TO WHATYOU DO BEST:

HANGING OUTWITH YOUR MOM.

- OH.OOH.

MM.[groans]

- WHAT...THE...[bleep]?

PETER, I SAIDNO [bleep]ING IN THE HOUSE.

- CHILL OUT, EAGLE WING.

- HAMMER, WHAT AREYOU DOING THERE?

AND WHAT ARE YOU PLAYINGWITH, TOYS?

- SHH.- YOU'RE GONNA SHUSH ME?

- GOOD-BYE. I'M MOVING OUTTO PURSUE MY PASSION.

I HOPE THAT ONE DAYYOU ALL LOOK AROUND

AND REALIZE YOU'RE HAVING SEXIN A HOUSE THAT I BUILT.

LOOK OUT, WORLD.HERE COME THE HAMMER.

- FINE, YOU'LL BE BACK!

YOU'LL BE BACK, HAMMER!

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING,EAGLE WING?

WE JUST LOSTAN AMAZING GIGOLO.

YOU KNOW WHY?'CAUSE OF YOUR TEASIN'.

I MEAN, WHO DIED AND MADE YOUTHE KING OF GIGOLO HOUSE?

- IF YOU GOT A PROBLEMWITH WHO'S IN CHARGE

OF THIS HOUSE,YOU CAN TAKE IT UP WITH ME.

I AM IN THE BEDROOMAT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS.

- OH, I KNOWWHERE YOUR BEDROOM IS

'CAUSE IT SMELLS LIKECLOWN MAKEUP AND SPAGHETTI.

- NOT TONIGHTIT DOESN'T, BRO,

BECAUSE JUST LIKEMY FINGERS,

IT SMELLS LIKEYOUR MOM'S [bleep].

- [inhales]

- YEAH.- NO!

- [laughs]

GIGOLO AUDITIONS TOMORROW.

SPREAD THE WORD.

- ONE TIME WHEN I WASIN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL,

I'M A MOTHERAND A SOCIAL WORKER.

AND I'M OPTIMISTIC ABOUT WORKINGWITH C-CZAR TODAY.

HEY, C-CZAR.I'M PATTY.

WELCOME TO DAD ACADEMY.- IT'S SURE NICE.

ANOTHER BOY, FINALLY.- I'M NOT A BOY.

I'M A WOMAN.- OH, OKAY.

I'M A WOMAN, TOO.OOH, TOUCH MY VAGINA.

TOUCH MY VAGINA.- I'M NOT GONNA DO THAT.

THIS IS A STANDARD-ISSUEPSYCHOLOGICAL TESTING DOLL.

AND THIS IS WHAT C-CZAR'SGONNA BE WORKING WITH TODAY.

- WHAT THE [bleep] IS THAT?- THIS--

- IS THAT ANDERSON COOPER?

- WHY WOULD YOU THINKTHIS WAS ANDERSON COOPER?

- 'CAUSE HE'S WHITEAND HE'S GOT FLAXEN HAIR.

- HE'S WHITE?- YEAH, THAT BABY'S WHITE.

- A FATHER NEEDS TO SPENDA LOT OF TIME WITH HIS CHILD.

- NO.

- NO?

- NO!

- OKAY, YOU'RE GONNA BEIN THIS ROOM FOR FOUR HOURS.

- I DON'T WANT THAT BABY!- DO YOU WANNA BE A GOOD FATHER?

- NO, I DON'T WANNA BEA GOOD FATHER.

- DO YOU WISH YOU HADA GOOD FATHER?

- YEAH.

- THIS IS GONNA BE YOUR BABYFOR THE DAY,

AND YOU'RE GONNA SPEND SOME REALQUALITY TIME WITH IT, OKAY?

FOR C-CZAR,I KNEW THAT FOUR HOURS

WAS A LONG TIME.

- ♪ YEAH

- EVERYTHING'S BOLTED DOWNIN HERE.

I CAN'T GET [bleep] OUT.

I'M CHARLES MANSON.

I'M CHARLES MANSON.

I WAS, LIKE, MAD ANGRYAT EVERYTHING.

WHY DON'TYOU STOP SMILIN'?

IF YOU A REAL BABY,YOU'D BE CRYIN',

FILLIN' YOUR ASSWITH [bleep].

WHAT IS INFINITY?

'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT THISFEELS LIKE.

- IT'S BEEN TWO HOURS,

AND I'M REALLY PROUDOF C-CZAR.

WE'RE HALFWAY HOME.

- OH, [bleep].OH, [bleep].

OH, [bleep].OH, [bleep].

CHICKEN HEAD.BITCH ASS CHICKEN HEAD.

IN HOUR THREE,I WAS JUST EXHAUSTED,

EMOTIONALLY DRAINED.

- YOU'RE HOLDIN' MEBACK, BABY.

YOU'RE THE ONLY ONEWHO UNDERSTANDS

WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH,AND YET YOU'RE THE ONE

WHO CAUSED THIS NIGHTMARE,BABY.

IN HOUR FOUR,I FELL IN LOVE WITH MY SON.

- C-CZAR?- GET THE [bleep] AWAY FROM ME.

- C-CZAR, IT'S ME, PATTY.

CONGRATULATIONS.

YOU CAN GIVE THAT RIGHT BACKTO ME NOW.

- WHY WOULD I GIVE YOUMY BABY?

- WELL, IT'S NOT A REAL BABY,OF COURSE.

- OH, YOU'RE GONNA SAY THATTO HIS FACE?

- THAT'S NOT A REAL--- WHAT IS THIS, "PINOCCHILO"?

- I'M NOT CALLINGTHE BABY "PINOCCHLIO."

I'M SAYING THAT WHY DON'TYOU GIVE THAT BABY

A BIG OLD HUGAND GIVE IT ON BACK TO ME, OKAY?

- OKAY.[inhales]

[blows raspberry]OW!

IT'S STUCK TO MY LIP RING!DON'T--GET AWAY FROM ME!

GET AWAY FROM ME!THIS BABY'S--

- C-CZAR, DON'T MOVE.- AHH!

FOR A NEW MEMBERHERE AT GIGOLO HOUSE

TO REPLACE HAMMER,ALL RIGHT?

FIRST CANDIDATE.LET'S GO!

- BRO, STRAIGHT-UPMAN-TO-MAN QUESTION:

ARE YOU AN ARCHITECT?

- YES.- NEXT CANDIDATE!

- YOUR WIFE AND YOU HIREDPETER TO [bleep]?

- I MEAN, YEAH,THAT'S A SPIN ON IT, SURE.

- YOU CAN BE, LIKE, A WEIRDO GUYIN THE CREW.

- FAVORITE FAST AND THE FURIOUS MOVIE.

- UH, 2 FAST 2 FURIOUS.

- WRONG. FAST FIVE.NEXT!

- I'M GETTING SILHOUETTE.- ♪ WHOA, OOH, WHOA

- HI.I'M FARLEY.

- LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION,FARLEY.

- WHAT, BOBBY? WHAT?

- OKAY, FINE,YOU WANNA START WITH ME

RIGHT NOWIN FRONT OF EVERYBODY?

- IT'S NOTALL ABOUT YOU, BOBBY.

- STUPID, BOBBY.

- THIS IS ABOUTTHIS BEAUTIFUL SPECIMEN

THAT WANTS TO BEA GIGOLETTE.

- I WANNA BEA STRAIGHT-UP GIGOLO.

THAT'S WHATI'M TALKING ABOUT.

I WANNA BE LIKEONE OF YOU.

I GREW UPWITH MANY BROTHERS.

AND, LIKE, I WATCHED THEM[bleep] THEIR GIRLFRIENDS

THROUGH A KEYHOLE.

AND I WAS LIKE,"I KNOW WHAT THEY LIKE

AND I KNOW WHAT MEN NEED."

- BEFORE WE GET ANY FURTHER,DO YOU HAVE A RESUME FOR US?

- UM, I THINKI BROUGHT MY RESUME...

- OKAY.- AND IT'S RIGHT HERE.

- WHERE?- SO BASICALLY,

IF YOU DON'T SEE A RESUME

IN FRONT OF YOURIGHT NOW,

THEN YOU'RE BASICALLYMAJORLY TRIPPING.

- MANY WOMEN ARE LOOKINGTO LOCK DOWN A HUSBAND,

SOMEBODY REAL, A BOYFRIEND.

ARE YOU LOOKING FOR NOTHINGBUT CASUAL SEX,

A CYCLE OF NONSTOP [bleep]IN YOUR HOLES?

- I'M COMFORTABLE WITH THATVERY MUCH SO.

THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NOBODYIN MY LIFE

THAT I EVER WOULD HAVEFEELINGS FOR EVER AGAIN

'CAUSE I'M [bleep]ING DONEWITH FEELINGS.

- REALLY?- AND RIGHT NOW,

FROM WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH,

I'M BASICALLY LIKE A MACHINEAT THIS POINT.

- WHAT ARE YOUTALKING ABOUT?

- UGH, YOU RUIN EVERYTHINGI TRY TO DO.

WHENEVER I TRYTO MAKE SOMETHING OF MYSELF,

IT'S LIKE YOU'RE RIGHT THERETRYING TO CUT ME DOWN.

- I JUST WANNA BUILD YOU UP.

- WHAT?- I JUST WANNA BUILD YOU UP.

- BOBBY, NO ONE CAN HEAR YOUWHEN YOU CRYIN'

90% OF THE TIME.

- I DON'T CRY.- HE CRIES A LOT.

- NONSTOP.

IT'S LIKE LITTLE BOY BLUEOR SOME [bleep].

- OKAY, I THINKWE'VE HEARD ENOUGH.

YOU EMBODYALL OF THE ATTRIBUTES

THAT IT TAKES TO BEA GIGOLO.

SHE IS BEAUTIFUL,SHE IS INTELLIGENT,

AND SHE IS GOOD TO GOSEXUALLY.

WELCOME TO GIGOLO HOUSE.

- [giggles][applause]

THANK YOU.- NO, BRO, VETO, BRO.

- SO THEN BOBBYSTARTS SAYING

LIKE WHAT I CANAND CANNOT DO

BEIN' THAT I AM A WOMAN.

HOW ABOUT HULLARY CLINTON?

- BRO, IF THERE WEREN'TA GIGOLO CODE,

I WOULD STRAIGHT-UPPUNCH YOU IN THE--

- BRO, I DON'T GIVE A [bleep]ABOUT THE CODE.

I WILL END YOU.

- HOW ABOUT YOU FORGETTHE CODE

AND JUST HIT HIMIN HIS STUPID FACE?

Loading...