October 13, 2015 - Racist Pirate Toy & Outsider Candidates

  • 10/13/2015

A toy pirate ship comes with a slave figurine, and Larry chats about the popularity of Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders with Jesse Ventura, Seaton Smith and Kathleen Madigan.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> Larry: WHOOO!

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

WELCOME TO "THE NIGHTLY SHOW."

I'M LARRY WILMORE.

JESSE VENTURA JOINING US ON THEPANEL TONIGHT.

VERY EXCITED ABOUT THAT,ESPECIALLY IN THIS POLITICAL

SEASON.

I'M REALLY EXCITED TO TALK TOHIM.

LOTS OF GROUNDBREAKING NEWSCOMING OUT OF ACTUALLY THE STATE

OF CALIFORNIA THIS WEEK.

AND WE MINED THOSE STORIES JUSTFOR YOU GUYS IT'S TIME FOR

CALIFORNIA'S GOLDEN NUGGETS.

>> GOLDEN NUGGETS!

>> Larry: THANK YOU,PROSPECTOR.

OKAY, FIRST UP, RACIAL SLURNEWS.

>> CALIFORNIA IS NOW THE FIRSTSTATE TO BAN THE USE OF REDSKINS

BY SPORTS TEAMS.

THE GOVERNOR SIGNED LEGISLATIONOVER THE WEEKEND BARRING PUBLIC

SCHOOLS FROM USING THE TEAMNICKNAME.

MANY NATIVE AMERICANS BELIEVETHE TERM IS OFFENSIVE.

>> Larry: HMMM... BECAUSE ITIS.

( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS )

BUT, GUYS, WHY HAS IT TAKEN USTHIS LONG WITH THIS PARTICULAR

RACIAL SLUR?

WHAT'S OUR BLOCKAGE WITHREDSKINS?

WHY IS THIS STILL A THING?

IS IT BECAUSE NOT EVERYBODYFINDS IT OFFENSIVE.

NOT EVERYBODY FINDS BLOWINGCIGAR SMOKE IN A BABY'S FACE

OFFENSIVE.

THAT DOESN'T MEAN WE SHOULD DOIT.

NOW, SOME PEOPLE HAVE ARGUED,"HEY, LARRY, SOME NATIVE

AMERICANS HAVE SAID IT'S OKAY.

WE SHOULD JUST LET IT GO."

I'M NOT SURE THAT'S AN ARGUMENT,EITHER.

I KNOW SOME BLACK PEOPLE AREFINE WITH THE "N" WORD, BUT I

DON'T KNOW ANY ANNOUNCERSWILLING TO DO A PLAY BY PLAY

WITH THE "MINNESOTA N-----S"

THERE ARE PROBABLY WAY TOO MANYPEOPLE WHO WANT TO CALL THAT

GAME NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME, LARRY?

CAN I CALL THAT GAME?

NO, YOU CAN'T.

ALL RIGHT, SO GOOD FOR YOU,CALIFORNIA, FOR LOOKING OUT FOR

YOUR FELLOW AMERICANS,ESPECIALLY WHEN IT WAS THEIR

AMERICA FIRST.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

MORE NUGGETS.

>> MORE NUGGETS!

>> Larry: OH, THANK YOUPROSPECTOR.

SO THE GOLDEN STATE HAS DONE THEUNSPEAKABLE-- PASSED A GUN LAW.

>> IN THE WAKE OF THE OREGONSHOOTINGS, CALIFORNIA HAS

OUTLAWED GUNS IN SCHOOLS.

GOVERNOR JERRY BROWN THERESIGNING A BILL YESTERDAY THAT

FORBIDS PEOPLE WITH PERMITS FORCONCEALED WEAPONS TO CARRY GUNS

ON SCHOOL AND UNIVERSITYCAMPUSES.

>> Larry: THAT SEEMS LIKE AREASONABLE RESPONSE TO A

TRAGEDY.

AND IT WASN'T A HARD LAW TO PASSIN CALIFORNIA.

AFTER ALL, GOVERNOR BROWN WASN'TDOING SOMETHING CRAZY LIKE

TRYING TO LIMIT SPRINKLER USAGEEVERY OTHER TUESDAY OR VACCINATE

CHILDREN, RIGHT IN( LAUGHTER )

TRY TO GET THAT ( BLEEP ) PASSEDIN CALIFORNIA.

BUT, OF COURSE, NOT EVERYSTATE'S REACTION TO THESE

FREQUENT MASS SHOOTINGS IS THESAME.

>> TONIGHT IN TEXAS A NEW LAWEXPANDING GUN OWNERS' RIGHTS

MOVING AHEAD.

IT ALLOWS STUDENT TO LEGALLYCARRY GUNS ON COLLEGE CAMPUSES.

>> Larry: I'M SORRY, JUDY,BUT-- SORRY, SORRY, JUDY.

( APPLAUSE )( LAUGHTER )

WE HAVE A VERY-- WE HAVE A VERYNICE WOMAN IN OUR AUDIENCE NAMED

JUDY WHO IS FROM TEXAS.

BUT, JUDY, THIS IS WHY WE LISTEDTEXAS AS CRAY-CRAY, ALL RIGHT?

YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )I GET IT.

MANY-- MANY TEXANS LIKE JUDY ARENICE PEOPLE-- WELL, YOU KNOW,

THAT'S WHY WE LISTED IT AND THEFACT THIS IS A STATE WHO ELECTED

AS ITS GOVERNOR A GUY WHO SHOT ACOYOTE WHILE JOGGING.

( LAUGHTER )AND, AND, LEST WE FORGET.

GIFTED US BARREL ROLL COP.

>> TEXAS NUGGETS!

>> Larry: OH, YES, THANK YOU,PROSPECTOR.

THAT WAS A TEXAS NUGGET.

TECHNICALLY.

NOW, THIS LAW AFFECTS ALL TEXASPUBLIC UNIVERSITIES, INCLUDING

U.T. AUSTIN.

U.T. AUSTIN, HMMM.

GUNS AND U.T. AUSTIN.

WHY DOES THAT RING A BELL...

TOWER.

>> CAMPUS CARRY LAW, IT STARTSON AUGUST 1 OF 2016, WHICH IS

EXACTLY THE 50-YEAR ANNIVERSARYOF THE U.T. TOWER SNIPER

SHOOTING.

>> Larry: YOU'RE SERIOUSLYINSTITUTING A LAW ALLOWING GUNS

ON CAMPUS ON THE 50thANNIVERSARY OF AMERICA'S FIRST

MASS SHOOTING ON CAMPUS?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

THAT'S LIKE TAKING SILVER FROMGROUND ZERO AND MAKING

COMMEMORATIVE COINS OUT OF IT.

>> IT IS ENTIRELY CLAD IN 24KARAT GOLD AND .999 SILVER

RECOVERED FROM THE VAULT BENEATHTHE ASHES OF GROUND ZERO.

>> Larry: YOU HAVE TO BE( BLEEP ) KIDDING ME.

THEY DID THATs? IT WAS THEWORST THING I COULD THINK OF.

BUT SOME STUDENTS ARE PROTESTINGTHIS-- THE LAW.

AND WHILE IT WILL SOON BE LEGALTO CARRY A CONCEALED GUN ON

CAMPUS-- THIS IS TRUE, WE'RE NOTMAKING THIS UP-- OPENLY CARRYING

A DILDO IS STILL CONSIDERED ANOBSCENITY UNDER U.T. RULES.

SO, SO, SO, TO BE CLEAR--( LAUGHTER )

YOUR FAKE PENIS ISN'T OKAY BUTYOUR OVER-COMPENSATION PENIS IS.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )CLEARING IT UP.

SO WHEN THE CAMPUS CARRY LAW ISIMPLEMENTED SOME STUDENTS WILL

PROTEST BY STRAPPING GIGANTICSWINGING DILDOS TO THEIR

BACKPACKS.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )I LOVE THAT.

I JUST LOVE THAT.

I THINK THAT'S FANTASTIC.

I MEAN, THIS HAS GOT TO BE THESEXIEST PROTEST SINCE THE

MILLION MAN-SCAPE MARCH.

( LAUGHTER )I WAS-- I WAS ACTUALLY THROWN

OUT OF THAT MARCH.

WELL, LOOK, WE ARE IN SOLIDARITYWITH YOU, U.T.

AND, LOOK, I'VE GOT MY PATENTED"NIGHTLY SHOW" DILDO RIGHT HERE.

THESE ARE-- THESE ARE REAL EASYTO MAKE, YOU GUYS, REAL EASY.

ALL YOU NEED IS YOUR OWN DILDO.

THEN YOU JUST FIND A "NIGHTLYSHOW" LOGO ON WEB-- THEY'RE ALL

OVER THE PLACE, PRINT IT OUT,CUT IT, ATTACH IT, AND THERE YOU

HAVE "NIGHTLY SHOW" DILDO.

SO MAKE YOURSELF, SEND US THEPICTURE WITH THE HASHTAG

"SOLIDARITY DILDO."

AND NEXT YEAR-- AND NEXT YEAR--( LAUGHTER )

( APPLAUSE )AND NEXT YEAR, NEXT YEAR, WHEN

YOU GUYS ARE MARCHING, WE WILLSHOW ALL THE SOLIDARITY DILDOS,

ALL RIGHT?

OKAY.

>> LAST NUGGET!

>> Larry: THANK YOU,PROSPECTOR, THANK YOU, THANK

YOU.

OKAY, OH, THANKS, PROSPECTOR.

LET'S SEE WHAT'S NEXT?

>> CALIFORNIA CORRECTIONSOFFICERS THE WANT TO START

LETTING PRISON INMATES CONVICTEDOF VIOLENT CRIMES TAKE PART IN

FIGHTING WILDFIRES.

>> Larry: WOW!

THESE FIRES MUST BE GUESTINGREALLY SERIOUS.

LOOK, I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND USINGVIOLENT CRIMINALS FOR DANGEROUS

MISSION.

THAT'S JUST "THE DIRTY DOZEN"RIGHT THERE.

SPOILER ALERT-- THE BLACKGUY DIES.

SORRY.

THE MOVIE HAS BEEN OUT FORYEARS.

I CAN-- BUT HAVEN'T WE SEENENOUGH MOVIES TO KNOW IT'S A

RISK TO FEBRUARY TRANSPORTVIOLENT INMATES.

HELLO, CON AIR, ANYONE?

RIGHT?

( APPLAUSE )SPOILER ALERT THE BLACK GUY

DIES.

SORRY, I KNOW.

I GUESS I GET IT, BUT I'M NOTSURE I LIKE IT SO HERE TO GIVE

US THEIR SIDE OF THE STORY,HOWEVER, ARE TWO OF CALIFORNIA'S

NEWEST FIREFIGHTERS, RUBENSANCHEZ AND CURTIS JEFFERSON.

WELCOME TO THE SHOW, GUYS.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> GLAD TO BE HERE.

>> THANKS FOR HAVING US, HOMEY.

>> Larry: NO PROBLEM.

SO YOU GUYS ARE WILLING TO DOTHIS, TO PUT YOURSELF IN HARM'S

WAY TO FIGHT FIRES.

>> ABSOLUTELY, LARRY.

WE'RE THRILLED TO PITCH IN ANDDO OUR PART, YOU KNOW.

>> HEY, WE JUST WANT TO REPAYOUR DEBT TO SOCIETY IN ANY WAY

WE CAN.

>> Larry: THAT'S FANTASTIC.

IT SOUNDS GOOD, BUT DO YOU GUYSKNOW ANYTHING ABOUT PUTTING OUT

FIRES?

>> WELL, LARRY, WE'RE NOTFIGHTING FIRES DIRECTLY.

THAT'S INSANE.

BUT WE ARE OUT HERE JUST HELPINGWITH EVACUATIONS AND ( BLEEP ).

AND A VERY, VERY IMPORTANTSAFETY MEASURE FOR VIEWERS OUT

IN CALIFORNIA.

>> Larry: OK, ANYTHING IN THE SAME OF SAFETY,

PLEASE.

>> HEY, PEOPLE OF CALIFORNIA,LISTEN TO ME.

LEAVE YOUR HOMES IMMEDIATELY.

>> NOW!

>> OKAY, DO NOT TAKE YOURVALUABLES.

>> LEAVE THEM!

>> AS A MATTER OF FACT, DON'TEVEN BOTHER LOCKING UP.

>> OH, AND TAKE YOUR DOG.

>> YEAH, TAKE YOUR DOG!

>> Larry: HOLD ON A SECOND,GUYS.

HOLD ON A SECOND.

I'M GETTING A REALLY BAD FEELINGABOUT THIS.

>> WHAT!

YOU WANT PEOPLE TO LEAVE THEIRDOGS IN A FIRE, LARRY?

>> THAT'S JUST MEAN, HOMEY.

>> IT'S JUST COMMON SENSE,LARRY.

LOOK, IF YOU LOCK THE HOUSE,THEN WE CAN'T GET TO THE PEOPLE

WHO NEED HELP.

>> Larry: I DIDN'T MEAN TOIMPLY ANYTHING.

>> LISTEN, LARRY, THIS IS ALIFE-AND-DEATH SITUATION.

>> AND WHAT DO EXPERTS SAY INTHESE SITUATIONS?

TAKE YOUR FAMILY PHOTOGRAPHS, DONOT RISK TRYING TO GRAB ANYTHING

ELSE.

THAT'S ALL WE'RE SAYING.

>> Larry: GUYS, GUYS, I GETIT.

THAT'S TRUE.

EXPERTS DO SAY THAT.

.>> TAKE YOUR PHOTOS OFF YOURIPAD, BUT MAKE SURE YOU LEAVE

YOUR iPAD.

>> THAT'S RIGHT.

>> AND YOUR COMPUTERS ANDTELEVISION SETS.

>> YOU DON'T NEED NONE OF THAT.

>> NONE OF THAT STUFF.

>> Larry: THAT'S ENOUGH FROMYOU GUYS.

RUBEN SANCHEZ AND CURTISJEFFERSON, EVERYBODY.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> IT'S A FIRE.

>> IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Larry: WELCOME BACK.

WE'RE IN MID-OCTOBER, ANDALREADY DEPARTMENT STORES ARE

PUSHING THEIR CHRISTMAS TOYS.

>> THE TOY PIRATE SHIP ISCAUSING CONTROVERSY THIS

MORNING.

>> I TOLD MY SON TO PUT A SLAVECUFF AROUND THE BLACK

CHARACTER'S NECK, AND THEN TOPLAY WITH THE TOY.

>> THE DARK-SKINNED CHARACTERHAS NO SHOES AND TATTERED PANTS.

>> Larry: NO SHOES ANDTATTERED PANTS?

ARE WE SURE THAT IS NOT A YEEZUSMODEL FROM KANYE'S LINE?

WHY WOULD ANYONE MAKE A TOY LIKETHAT?

>> THE MAKER OF THE PIRATE SHIP,PLAYMOBILE FROM GERMANY, SAID

THE FIGURE WAS MEANT TOREPRESENT A PIRATE WHO WAS A

SLAVE IN A HISTORICAL CONTEXT.

IT WAS NOT OUR INTENTION TOOFFEND ANYONE IN ANY WAY.

>> Larry: BUT YOU DID OFFENDPEOPLE.

IT WASN'T MY INTENTION TO EAT MYNEPHEW'S ENTIRE BIRTHDAY CAKE,

BUT I ENDED UP EATING IT ANYWAY.

GET OVER IT, JORDAN.

YOU CAN STAND TO LOSE A FEW.

ALL RIGHT, WE WANTED TO GET AREAL PERSPECTIVE ON THIS

CONTROVERSY SO PLEASE WELCOMECONCERNED MOM CATHY PHILLIPS.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )NOW, SO, CATHY, YOUR CHILDREN

ARE HAVE PLAYED WITH THIS PIRATESHIP AND YOU SAY YOU'RE

CONCERNED, ISN'T THAT RIGHT?

>> I SURE AM.

I'M CONCERNED THEY'RE GOING TOTAKE IT OFF THE SHELVES, LARRY!

THIS TOY IS GREAT!

>> Larry: THIS DOESN'T MAKESENSE.

KIDS SHOULDN'T PLAY WITH TOYSTHAT GLORIFY SLAVERY.

IT DOESN'T MATTER.

>> AND I SUPPOSE YOU WOULDRATHER WHITEWASH PIRATE HISTORY.

NEXT YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME YOUDON'T THINK THIS LITTLE GUY

SHOULD RAPE AND PILLAGE.

>> Larry: THAT TOY IS ARAPIST?

>> YES, BUT IT'S A PIRATE RAPE.

HIJINKS ON THE HIGH SEAS.

HE'S A SCALLYWAG, LARRY.

>> Larry: A SCALLYWAG?

>> YEAH.

HE LOVES TO WAG HIS SCALLY!

>> Larry: NO, NO, NO.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )THIS TOY SET JUST KEEPS GETTING

WORSE AND WORSE.

>> LARRY, JUST BECAUSE PIRATESWERE NASTY DOESN'T MEAN THAT

THEY STILL CAN'T BE FUN.

REMEMBER JOHNNY DEPP AS CAPTAINJACK SPARROW.

HE WAS A FILTHY, DRUNKEN,MURDERING THIEF.

>> Larry: YEAH.

>> MY SON LOVED HIM.

AND I WOULD HAVE SLEPT WITH HIM.

( LAUGHTER )>> Larry: WELL, THIS SOUND

HORRIBLE.

ISN'T THE LEGACY OF PIRATES JUSTAS BAD AS ANY OTHER HORRIBLE

LEGACY?

>> LARRY, LOOK, PIRATES ARE THELAST GROUP THAT CAN DO BAD

STUFF, AND WE ADORE THEM FOR IT.

THEY'RE LOVABLE.

RIGHT DOWN TO THEIR ACCENTS.

FOR INSTANCE, COULD ANYONE GETAWAY WITH CALLING YOU BLACKIE?

>> Larry: NOT IN THISLIFETIME.

( LAUGHTER )>> EXACTLY.

BUT LISTEN TO IT WITH A PIRATEACCENT.

AAARRGH!

HELLO, BLACKIEEE!

AAARRGH.

AAARRGH.

>> Larry: YEAH, I GUESS ITDOES KIND OF SEEM DELIGHTFUL.

I DON'T KNOW.

>> RIGHT?

>> Larry: YEAH, I GUESS.

>> NOW LISTEN TO ME SAY THE "N"WORD WITH A PIRATE ACCENT,

AAARRGH -->> NO, NO, NO, THAT'S OKAY.

CATHY PHILLIPS, EVERYBODY.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> Larry WELCOME BACK.

I'M HERE WITH MY PANEL.

HE'LL BE APPEARING AT THEKENNEDY CENTER IN

WASHINGTON, D.C., THIS SUNDAY,COMEDIAN SEATON SMITH.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )YOU CAN SEE HER AT THE MIDLAND

THEATER IN KANSAS CITY,MISSOURI, ON FRIDAY, COMEDIAN,

KATHLEEN MADIGAN.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )AND HE'S THE AUTHOR OF "AMERICAN

CONSPIRACIES," FORMER MINNESOTAGOVERNOR JESSE VENTURA.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )GOVERNOR.

AND FOR EVERYONE AT HOME, JOINOUR CONVERSATION RIGHT NOW ON

TWITTER @NIGHTLYSHOW USING THEHASHTAG "TONIGHTLY."

OF COURSE, TONIGHT WAS THEDEMOCRATIC DEBATE, AND WE'LL

TALK ABOUT THAT TOMORROW.

THIS WAS THE YEAR TO ME OF THEUNLIKELY CANDIDATE.

ON THE REPUBLICAN SIDE YOU HAVEA ( BLEEP ) BILLIONAIRE.

LIKE A CRAZY BLACK TWINSEPARATOR.

AND ON THE DEMOCRATIC SIDE YOUHAVE THE WHITE-HAIRED HIPPIE

SELF-PROCLAIM SOCIALIST.

THEY'RE TEARING IT UP.

JESSE, YOU WERE AN UNLIKELYCANDIDATE WHEN YOU BECAME

GOVERNOR OF MINNESOTA?

>> REALLY.

>> Larry: YOU WERE UNLIKELY.

YOU WEREN'T IN THE POLITICALSYSTEM-- DON'T ACT LIKE YOU WERE

AN EXWRESTLER.

>> BUT I WAS ALSO AN EXMAYOR.

>> Larry: FROM YOURPERSPECTIVE, WHICH OF THESE

UNLIKELIES DO YOU THINK COULDACTUALLY BE PRESIDENT?

AND PLEASE DON'T SCARE ME.

>> I WOULD THINK TRUMP ANDSANDERS.

>> Larry: REALLY?

>> POSSIBLY.

TRUMP BECAUSE HE'S GOT ENOUGHMONEY TO BE ABLE TO RUN.

AND-- AND AS MUCH AS YOU DISLIKEHIM, ONE OF THE GOOD THINGS

ABOUT HIM IS HE'S NOT SUBJECTEDTO THE BRIBERY THAT GOES ON.

>> Larry: YEAH.

>> HE'S DOING IT WITH HIS OPENMONEY AND NO ONE'S BRIBING HIM

SO THERE'S NOT THE WIZARD OF OZBEHIND THE CURTAIN WHO CONTROLS

HIM.

>> I WANT TO AGREE WITH YOU.

BERNIE SANDERS, HIS POLICIES,PREDICT LIKE $19 TRILLION OVER

THE ACTUAL BUDGET NOW.

THAT SEEMS TOO EXPENSIVE.

TRUMP, ONCE HE'S IN OFFICE,HE'LL PROBABLY GO WITH THE

BUDGET BUT ONCE HE STARTSBOMBING MEXICO, THAT'S WHEN

WE'LL HAVE PROBLEMS.

>> EVENTUALLY, IF YOU'RE TRUMP--THE SUMMERTIME, IT'S NOT

SERIOUS.

EVEN MARCO RUBIO SAID, YOU KNOW,SUMMER'S OVER.

IT'S TIME TO GET SERIOUS.

I WAS LIKE, "WOW, SO YOU DIDN'TCARE ALL SUMMER?

YOU WERE JUST AT A BARBECUE-- 'IHAVE A HEALTH CARE PLAN BUT I'M

EATING A HOT DOG RIGHT NOW ANDBASEBALL'S ON'."

BUT EVENTUALLY TRUMP, EVEN WITHALL THE MONEY, EVENTUALLY HE'S

GOING TO HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING.

YOU CAN'T JUST KEEP SAYING, "I'MGOING TO HIRE PEOPLE."

THAT'S WHAT I WOULD SAY.

I'M A JACK ASS, YOU CAN'T KEEP-->> REMEMBER THIS-- THE LAST

NATIONAL ELECTION IN THE UNITEDSTATES OF AMERICA HAD ONLY A--

64% OF THE PEOPLE DID NOT VOTE.

THAT'S NEARLY TWO-THIRD OF THEUNITED STATES PEOPLE DO NOT EVEN

VOTE.

>> RIGHT.

BECAUSE THEY'RE BORED.

SERIOUSLY.

>> TRUMP ENDS THE BOREDOM,DOESN'T HE?

>> Larry: BERNIE HASDEFINITELY CAUGHT LIGHTNING IN A

BOTTLE, BUT IT SEEMS LIKE ASMALL BOTTLE.

HOW DO YOU THINK HE CAN MAKETHAT BOTTLE BIGGER?

IT'S SMALL BECAUSE HE'S-- THEGAP BETWEEN HIM AND HILLARY--

>> DON'T BELIEVE POLLS.

DON'T BELIEVE POLL DISPLZ IDON'T BELIEVE ANYTHING.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

>> WHEN I RAN IN MINNESOTA, THEYPOOH-POOHED ME, TOO.

BUT EVERYWHERE I WENT, IT'S LIKEBERNIE, 5,000 PEOPLE HERE,

10,000 HERE.

REST ASSURED, IF THEY SHOW UP TOSEE HIM LIVE, THEY'RE VOTING FOR

HIM, BECAUSE YOU CAN SEE THEMALL ON TV.

BUT IF YOU SHOW UP LIVE, THEY'REVOTING FOR HIM.

NONE OF THESE OTHER PEOPLE AREGETTING 20,000 TO SHOW UP.

>> Larry: GO AHEAD, KATHLEEN.

>> I LIKE BERNIE BECAUSE HEALWAYS LOOKED LIKE HE MAY HAVE

JUST BEEN IN A CAR ACCIDENT.

( LAUGHTER )HE'S ALWAYS LIKE, "OH, GOD."

HE NEVER HAS A COMB.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING--LIKE, SOMEBODY, PLEASE, LIKE,

HELP THE GUY.

GET HIM A COMB AND A HAIR CUTTHAT WORKS.

>> Larry: I WONDER-- WE MADEFUN OF TRUMP AND ALL THIS STUFF,

AND I THINK YOU'RE KIND OFALLUDING TO THIS-- AM I MISSING

THE POINT HERE?

IS THERE SOMETHING GOING ON INAMERICA RIGHT NOW?

ARE WE AT A MOMENT-->> IT'S A REVOLUTION.

>> Larry: WHEN I'M GOING TO BECOMPLETELY WRONG ABOUT THIS

( BLEEP ).

I'LL BE PRESIDENT, TRUMP WILL BESWORN IN.

I'LL BE THROWING UP IN MY MOUTH.

AM I MISSING A MOMENT?

IS THERE A MOMENT HAPPENINGHERE?

>> WE DID IT ALL THE TIME WITHSTEVE FORBES--

>> LET ME THROW ONE OUT FOR YOUTO CHEW ON.

END OF MAY THE LIBERTARIANS HOLDTHEIR CONVENTION AND THEY

NOMINATE WHO THEY WANT.

>> Larry: AND WHO MIGHT THATBE?

>> HE MIGHT BE SITTING AT THETABLE.

>> WHOA!

>> THEY HAVEN'T DONE IT YET, BUTI'M WAITING TO GET THE PIKERS

OUT, GET THEM DOWN TO ONE SO IKNOW WHO IT IS.

GET IT DOWN TO ONE ON ONE, ANDTHEN YOU SLIDE RIGHT IN THERE.

OKAY, LET'S TAKE, FOR EXAMPLE -->> WAIT, THIS IS YOUR MASTER

PLAN.

HOLD ON A SECOND.

YOU'RE GOING-- HOLD ON A SECOND.

NO, NO.

>> THE NOMINATION, RIGHT -->> YOU'RE COUNTING ON TRUMP TO

GET THERE SO YOU CAN OUT-TRUMPTRUMP?

>> NO.

I WANT HILLARY AND BUSH.

NOW, IMAGINE WHEN PEOPLE GO INTHE VOTING BOOTH, THE

DISENCHANTED PEOPLE, AND THEYSEE THESE OTHER DEMOCRATS AND

REPUBLICANS AND THEN ALL OF ASUDDEN THEY SEE JESSE VENTURA.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> Larry: ALL RIGHT.

OKAY, JESSE-->> I THINK I MIGHT LIKE TO VOTE

FOR HIM.

>> Larry: KEEP IT 100, JESSE.

>> AND LET ME STATE THIS-- IWON'T JOIN THE LIBERTARIANS

BECAUSE THEY'RE GIVING ME( BLEEP ) --

>> YOU'RE GOING TO ( BLEEP )RIGHT AT THE NOMINATION?

YOU'RE WORSE THAN TRUMP AT THISPOINT!

>> THIS IS AMAZING.

>> OKAY, IF THEY AGREE TONOMINATE ME, I DON'T WANT TO

JOIN BECAUSE I WANT TO BE ABLETO TURN TO THE PEOPLE--

>> WHY WOULD THEY AGREE TO THAT?

>> BECAUSE THEY'RE LIBERTARIANS.

IT'S LIBERTY.

I KNOW WHAT IT STAND FOR.

>> Larry: I WILL NOT RUN FORYOUR PARTY.

I WILL NOT SERVE FOR YOUR PARTY.

>> I WILL CHALLENGE THE AMERICANPEOPLE TO MAKE HISTORY AND ELECT

THE FIRST PRESIDENT SINCE GEORGEWASHINGTON.

HE'S THE ONLY ONE WHO DOES NOTBELONG TO A POLITICAL PARTY.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )WOULD THAT RESONATE?

WOULD THAT RESONATE?

>> Larry: ANOTHER ONE LASTQUESTION, ONE LAST QUESTION,

JESSE-- IF YOU RAN-- KEEP THIS100-- IF YOU RAN AGAINST TRUMP,

YOU CAN BEAT DONALD TRUMP?

>> YUP.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> Larry: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.