Rory Albanese, Mike Yard and Holly Walker debate a lingerie ad, and Charlamagne Tha God, Jordan Carlos and Grace Parra discuss Donald Trump's and Hillary Clinton's likability.
Yes. Thank you very much.
-Please, please, thank you. Oh.-AUDIENCE (chanting): Larry!
-Larry, Larry, Larry.-So kind.
Thank you so much. Please...Welcome to The Nightly Show.
-I am Larry Wilmore.-(chanting stops)
Charlamagne Tha God is onthe panel tonight, you guys.
I have to say--
last night was a somewhatSuper Tuesday,
so let's check inand see what's happening
-with The Unblackening.-♪
(humming a tune)I got to get the remix of that.
After his disappointingperformance in Florida,
Marco Rubiosuspended his campaign.
-Uh, he gave a concessionspeech. -(scattered whoops)
Yeah.He gave a concession speech,
and in classic Rubio fashion,
then repeated that concessionspeech three more times.
Shut up! Shut up!
Now... But now, with Rubio gone,
the questionthe GOP is asking:
where's his voter going to land?
I don't know. I don't know.
But for more insight,let's check in
with our ownRicky Velez in Florida.
-(cheering, applause)-Hey, Larry.
How you doing?
So-so, Ricky, what do you think
is going to happenwith the Latino voting bloc?
Oh, I got no idea.Yeah, I-I am not doing that, no.
So, did you hear aboutthe zookeeper
who got caught jerking offa dolphin? Did you-did...
Ri... What are youtalking about, Ricky?
Yeah, yeah, yeah,there's a zookeeper
in Hardewijk, Netherlands,and he, uh,
gave a dolphin a hand job.
Roll the clip.
Ricky, you can'tshow that on TV.
FCC rules prohibit any showingof bestiality on television.
I know, I know.
But I can show it to yourstudio audience. Roll the clip.
-(indistinct murmuring) -♪ -(audience exclaims, groans)
Oh, my God.Oh, my God.
-Jerked off a dolphin!-Okay.
Audience at home,
Google that at your own risk.
-Google it. -Or Bing itif you must, all right?
-Ricky, that's disgusting.-I know.
Normally you'dhave to pay a stranger like $80
to get jerked offin a dolphin tank.
-Crazy.-No, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky.
I asked to youprepare a political...
The last time I saw a video
of a dolphin being jerked off,
it was Dan Marino.Hey-oh!
-No, Ricky, that's not funny.-There we go. Thank you.
-Stop it.-Thank you.
-That's why I get paid good for.-No, that's not...
Stop making fun of Dan Marino.
Look, this is a completewaste of time.
Come home right this minute.
-Making... a dolphin.-(cheering, applause)
What's wrong with people?
All right. Now, as far asthe election...
Okay, let me cut to the chase.
The two big winners from lastnight were Donald and Hillary.
A huge win, we project,
for Donald Trump in Florida.
Illinois.In North Carolina.
Hillary Clinton is the winner
in North Carolina.Ohio. Florida.
Wait, hold on a second--
Hillary and Trumpboth won in Florida?
See, this is how crazythis election is.
A Latino and an old Jewcan't win in Florida.
Nothing makes sense.
America, I don't evenknow you any more.
Who are you?
Now... now, Trump's victoriesare especially impressive
given the amount of negativeadvertising against him.
Nobody has ever, everin the history of politics,
received the kindof negative advertising
that I have.
Mostly faults,I wouldn't say 100%,
but about the 90%.
Oh, really? Hmm.
Okay, so, um, so, pray tell,
what... what are the ten percentof negative things
said about Trump that are true?
Uh, called Mexicans rapists,called John McCain a loser,
called Rosie O'Donnella fat pig, used illegal aliens
to build his cheap hotels,has the world's smallest hands,
calls black people "the blacks",said Megyn Kelly bleeds
out of her wherever,gives kids notes that say
"no one gets a handout"at Halloween, wants to bone
his own daughter, thinks havinghis own steaks makes him legit.
I can't keep up. I can't keepup. Just scroll it up,
scroll it up, scroll it up.Scroll it up.
Come on. Scroll 'em up,scroll 'em up, scroll 'em up.
-Faster, faster, faster.-VELEZ: Larry, La-Larry?
-Larry. Larry, Larry, yeah.-Wh-What? Ricky, yes?
-What? What, what, what?-Larry, Larry. Um...
Where the hell are you?
Oh, I'm in Hardewijk,Netherlands,
covering this dolphin storylike you told me too. Yes.
I didn't tell youto cover the dolphin story.
No, no, Larry, you told me.You told me.
You sat me down, you said,"Ricky, you stay on top
of this dolphin being jerked offstory."
And I'm doing it.I'm gonna get it done.
Ricky, I never said those words.
Okay, look, but, fine, as longas you're in the Netherlands,
what's the latest?
Well, uh, this city is called,uh, Hardewijk,
-and, uh, check this out.-All right.
Um, hey, Siri, what doesHardewijk translate to?
SIRI:Land of dolphin dicks.
Ricky, get back here right now
and stop messing aroundwith Siri. Stop that.
-(cheering, applause)-That kid...
Okay, back to the story.All right.
But oddly enough,most of the negativity
aimed at Trump and Hillary
isn't even comingfrom their primary opponents.
"Donald J. Trump and HillaryClinton's resounding triumphs
"on Tuesday maskan unusual reality:
most Americansstill don't like him or her."
One of two candidates who manyvoters don't actually like
or don't trust may becomepresident of the United States.
Hillary and Trumpdid so well last night
they even beatthe very concept of likability.
Likability came in third.
I mean, now, every candidateis disliked by the other side,
but think about it--some of Hillary's voters
even hate Hillary.
And the GOP establishmentcompletely despises Trump...
VELEZ:La-Lar-Larry, Larry, Larry.
-Larry. -What, Ricky? Ricky,I thought I told you to stop...
Yeah, yeah, I'm still coveringDolphin Watch 2016!
Who approved youmaking a graphic?
Larry, this is an importantstory, all right?
You know that movie Spotlight?
This is my Spotlight, okay?
A lot of the dolphins don't wantthis story to be told.
You're Catholic. You understand.
Hey, hey. Come on, Ricky.That's not fair.
Okay. Okay, stop it. Now...
Tell me,please tell me why you insist
-on covering this absurd story.-Absurd story?
Is it really more absurdthan covering another story
about Donald (bleep) Trumpmarching to the White House?
-(cheering and applause)-Come on!
-True. Yeah.-Come on!
Given the context, jerking offa dolphin is the closest thing
to hard news-- pun intended--
-that this show has coveredin (bleep) weeks, okay? -Okay.
-I see your point,I see your point. -Okay.
Look, look at this levelof crazy, okay?
America is the greatest nationon Earth.
Yet, yet, yet we've putourselves in a position
where our choicesbetween two candidates,
we're forcing ourselvesto like them.
Yeah. I-I mean,I don't know how we got here,
especially the, uh,Donald Trump part.
Exactly. That's the whole reasonI'm covering this story.
It's a metaphor, Larry.
The dolphin being jerked offstory is a metaphor?
America is like the dolphin.
-America is the dolphin.-Is the... is the dolphin.
-Okay. -And Trump isthat deviant zookeeper
who keeps manipulating us.
-It is! It's the truth!-Okay.
-All right, I'm with you.-We're just lying on our back
and allowing him to arouseour most primal urges.
Oh, my God.
But it's not okay.It's not right.
America,don't be a slutty dolphin
with a big old raging boner!
(cheering and applause)
-Wow.-Have some self-respect!
And hold out untilthe right person comes along.
Thanks, Ricky, for that electionupdate from the Netherlands.
-We'll be right back! RickyVelez, everybody! -Thank you.
-You're right. Wow.-(cheering and applause)
-(cheering and applause)-Okay, welcome back!
Now, there's a lingerie adthat's been causing a big stir.
Both NBC and ABC have declined to air a Lane Bryant commercial
with scantily clad plus-size models
citing decency guidelines. Now, many people
were upset with this andwondered if they would've pulled
these ads if they featuredskinny models.
So we need to debate this.And since we're on cable,
the only wayis to have people take
polar opposite positionsand argue over each other.
So without further ado,here's another installment
of Pardon the Integration.
All right! So please welcomeNightly Show Contributors
Mike Yard and Rory Albanese!
-(cheering and applause)-Welcome, guys!
Okay, gentlemen, we'll bedebating the Lane Bryant ad.
Now, Rory, you'll be against thead, and, Mike, you'll be taking
the position for the ad.Uh, how does that sound?
Scary as (bleep).
Every time, every time you trickme into looking like a jerk.
No, no, no, no, Mike, trust me,that will not happen.
Let me reassure you.My goal is to foster
a meaningful dialogue aboutthis sensitive issue. That's it.
I don't know, man.I still don't think...
All right, look, look,those ads are not risqué, okay?
I'm sorry, but in an era whereevery man, woman, and child
is one click awayfrom gangbang videos,
a bunch of women intheir underwear is no big deal.
Okay, Mike, look,it's not about raciness, okay?
This is about women's dignity.
Why do women have to behalf-naked in ads
to get our attention, okay?If you want to see
a bunch of women intheir underwear pretending to be
in love with each other,just watch Girls on HBO.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.Hold up. Time-out.
-Time-out, time-out. I'm sorry,-Easy.
if this were an adwith 110-pound models,
people would be loving it, okay?I'm sorry, hey,
-hell, Rory, you skipped wor...-(cheering)
-Right? People would be lovingit! -Oh, please. -(cheering)
-You're pandering.-Right? R... Hey, Rory, hold on.
I'm t... I'm... Time-out.You skipped work last year
to pretend to be a photographer
-at a Victoria's Secretfashion show! -What? -What?
I told you that in private,dude! That is not cool
to say in front of Larry at all.All right, look, not to mention,
the size of these womenhas nothing to do with it.
Why is it any time a companytries to sell something
they have to objectify women?Oh, look, Paris Hilton's banging
a Carl's Jr. cheeseburger. GuessI have to have lunch over there.
-Come on, Mike!-Let me tell you something,
it is willful ignorance to claimthat this isn't about the size
-of these women, okay?Plus-size women... -(cheering)
Yes, it is ignorant.Plus-size women are gorgeous!
-Gorgeous! Gorgeous.-That's right. -Okay. Okay.
I said it. And in a worldwhere women are objectified,
don't big girls deserveto be objectified, too?
(cheering and applause)
Uh, I'm gonna pass. Pass.
Gentlemen, time to switch sidesand argue
the opposite perspective.Because remember,
this is a mindless argument.
Now, Rory will be for the ad,and Mike will be against it.
See, Mike? I told you this wouldbe fine. It's fun, right?
You were right.I appreciate it, Larry.
-You're welcome.-Uh, Larry.
-What? -I have to say,unlike Mike Yard,
-uh, I feel uncomfortableman-splaining an issue -What?
like thisthat's so important to women.
-You made me do this. -You knowwhat? -It doesn't seem right.
Wow. That is... that is reallya great point, Rory.
-I appreciate... I appreciateyou noticing that. -Sure. Okay.
So, look, if-if you don't mind,I'm gonna give up my seat
-to one of the many womenI respect and admire -Mm-hmm.
-for her talent, her courage,her sophistication. -Okay.
-Please welcome my dear friendHolly Walker, everybody. -Oh!
-(cheering and applause)-Oh, wow!
-Hello.-Oh, hell, no!
-(laughter)-Hell, no! What the (bleep)?
-We're a... we're...-Mike, Mike.
-We're allowed to do this now?-Mike, calm down!
Calm down, Mike.Calm down, all right?
This is fine.
Now, Holly, you'll be takingthe point of view...
You know what, Larry?I got this.
Oh, right. Of course.Of course.
-(cheers and applause)-Absolutely. Okay.
Great. And... begin.
-Come on, Mike. Let's go.-Fine.
Look, the Lane Bryant ad--it's demeaning to women, okay?
Plus size ladies should takepride in their strength
and their character.
Because they couldn't possiblybe proud of their exterior?
-What? -Because they're gross?Is that it?
Is that what you are saying,Mike?
-No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.-Is that what you're saying?
-Time out. No, no, no, no, no.-They're gross? They're gross?
-Is that what you are saying?-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Time out. Time...No, what I am saying is...
-Uh-huh. -Okay, no woman needsto commodify her sexuality
to prove her worth, that's all.
Oh, oh, so they should just staythe sassy asexual friend
on the sitcom, huh?Is that what you are saying?
-(applause and cheering) -Isthat what you're saying? Yeah?
-What...? -Is that...?That's what I am hearing, Mike.
-That's not what I... -Otherwiselet's just throw a tarp
over them so we can keepour lunches down.
Is that what you are saying?How pro-woman of you, Mike.
-(laughter)-Yeah? Yeah? You know what?
-Kiss my plus-size ass.How about that? -What?! -Yeah.
-(applause and cheering)-How about that? -Yeah. Yeah.
-What the (bleep), Mike?!-I never said anything.
-Yeah. -Yeah, man.What the hell, Yard?!
-Why you got to be hatingon women so bad, bro? -Yeah.
-I know. -I mean, they're humanbeings with rights and value.
-That's right. Baby, thank you.-(Bleep), man!
-I love you so much. -That'sright, baby, I love you, too.
-That's right. -That's a reallygreat point, Rory.
-Thanks. Thanks, Larry.-How is this happening?!
-I love and respect...-(bell dings)
Not enough time for youto finish that thought.
-(applause and cheering) -Andthe winner is Rory and Holly.
-Yeah! -For taking a stand...-Oh, (bleep).
...systemic misogynythat Mike Yard is preaching.
-No, man.-I respect you...
This has been anotherpointless episode
of "Pardon the Integration."
Mike Yard, Rory Albaneseand Holly Walker, everybody.
-(applause and cheering)-We'll be right back. Oh, Mike.
Welcome back.I'm here with my panel.
First up, Nightly Show contributor Jordan Carlos.
(applause and cheering)
And Nightly Show contributorGrace Parra.
(applause and cheering)
And he can be heard weekdays6:00 to 10:00 a.m.
on The Breakfast Club on Power 105.1.
And season two of Uncommon Sense with Charlamagne
premieres on April 1--Charlamagne Tha God.
(applause and cheering)
And for everyone at home, joinour conversation right now
on Twitter @NightlyShowusing the hashtag "Tonightly."
Okay, so, tonight I want to talkabout the election again.
-CARLOS: Yay! -CHARLAMAGNE:Kind of a big deal.
-I understand why you want to.-CARLOS: Yeah, yeah.
It's a little bit of a big deal,but it's weird to me
that the two leading candidates,Hillary and Trump,
are the two candidateswith the most undesirables.
-PARRA: Yes.-It's unbelievable.
Here is the numbers.
Hillary Clinton's unfavorablerating is 53.3%.
-PARRA: Oh, God.-CARLOS: Wow.
WILMORE:Trump's is 61%, you guys.
Trump has the highest amongany leading candidate ever.
-(laughter)-CARLOS: Ever, really? Wow.
It's... uh, yeah.No, I get why Trump...
-For unfavorables, you know.-PARRA: Right, right, right.
I get why Trump has them,but where do you think
most of the anti-Hillarysentiment is coming from?
The scandals. Hillary scandals--they pop up like...
I mean, it's likethe endless bread sticks
-at the Olive Garden.-CHARLAMAGNE: But we love...
-Like, they just keep coming andkeep coming. -And keep coming.
-You know what I mean?-No fault.
Like, at least, no more. You gotto have some more of your...
CHARLAMAGNE: But we lovepolitical scandals on TV, but
not in real life. We love House of Cards. -PARRA: Right, right.
We love Scandal with Kerry Washington.
We don't like it in real life?
PARRA: House of Cards is liketweet of the week right now.
That's why she's winning, 'causewe're fascinated.
Don't say anythingabout the Underwoods
right now because spoilers.
-You know what I am saying?-We're not all caught up.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.-CHARLAMAGNE: I mean, Trump
and Clinton is interesting,though.
It's like the Super Bowl
everybody expectedbut nobody really wants to see.
-PARRA: Yes. That's hilarious.-You know what I mean?
-(applause and cheering)-That's exactly... -Exactly.
-That is exactly what it is.-How did those two teams?
-Yes.-Oh, my God.
-Yeah, no, that's so true.-Yeah, yeah.
Or I feel like we've almost been
in a relationshipwith them for too long.
-That's Hillary's problemfor sure. -Yeah.
-We have known about herfor so many years. -Yeah.
There's just so much roomfor criticism at this point.
CHARLAMAGNE:Yeah, but she's had so much time
to, like, keep it authenticand genuine.
But she never takesthose opportunities.
-Like, she's really been througha situation... -WILMORE: Yes.
-PARRA: Mm-hmm. -...that allwomen have been through.
-Got cheated on by their man.-CARLOS: Yes. -WILMORE: Right.
But she stuck with him.If she would, like,
bring us in to thata little bit... -CARLOS: Yes.
-...we probably could relate toher a little more. -PARRA: Yeah.
WILMORE: You think she shouldtalk about that?
She should talk about thatissue? Really?
-Listen, man, yeah.-I agree, I agree, actually.
-I agree, yeah. -She should...Yeah. -(applause and cheering)
But it is interesting because
with Hillary Clinton-- I alwayssaid she has an empathy gap.
-CARLOS: Right. -PARRA: Yeah.-'Cause people who meet her...
I met Hillary last year.Very nice.
None of this stufffeels like that.
-When you meet her, it's great,you know. -PARRA: Right.
But, like,when she cried in 2008,
it seemed likeshe let down her guard.
-Remember that moment when...-No, I don't.
-I've never seen Hillary Clintoncry. -WILMORE: No, no, she was
in New Hampshire and she wastalking about how hard it was.
(mock crying):This is so hard.
And everybody said,"Oh, my God."
-That's the real person.-PARRA: Yeah. More of that.
Now, I want to hearabout your husband getting head
-in the Oval Office, and how...-(laughter, cheering)
how you stuck it outlike a real D should.
CARLOS: You're talkingabout a ride-or-die situation.
-Yeah, man.-But... but what I think...
WILMORE: And it's not so muchthat she cracked--
-she showed...-She showed emotion.
-she seemed real to people.-PARRA: She was vulnerable.
And we never seeany vulnerability with her.
With me, it's just the Clintons,you know what I mean?
-Like, 'cause for me...-Both of them.
Yeah, both of them.I mean, the turn-off for me was,
like, when Bill wentto those polling stations
-not only in Massachusettsbut... Yeah. -(applause)
Okay. But also in Illinois.He did it not once but twice.
You know what I mean?Like, he broke the law twice.
-Like, I mean... -Jordanwas okay with the first one.
-Yes. Yeah. -The first one was,like, a quirk of Bill's.
I mean, the first one,I was like,
"You know,that's just Bill being Bill."
You know what I mean? He, like,goes to the polling station,
like, "Who's voting today?What's up? You know?
I'm not here to bashHillary Clinton at all,
because the only other optionwe got is the Antichrist,
looks like, in Donald Trump.So... -PARRA: Yes. That's true.
-(whooping, applause)-That's true.
-But it's, like, it's, like,the worst... -That is true.
it's, like,the worst custody battle ever.
-You know what I'm saying?Like, the kids... -Yeah. -Yeah.
CHARLAMAGNE:I'm going with Mom, okay?
-You're going with Mom?-Yeah. I'm going with Mom.
I want to... and I want to livewith Uncle Bernie.
-Could I go livewith Uncle Bernie? -(cheering)
(whooping and applausedrowning out voices)
PARRA:It does... it does feel like
it's no longerDemocrats and Republicans.
Trump or anti-Trump,that's the country right now.
-That's it. -Yes. -Do you thinkthat America's obsession
with celebrity has somethingto do with it, too?
-Yeah, yeah. But the Clintons-Oh, absolutely.
-are celebrities, too,by the way. -Yeah.
I mean, I thinkthey're just as iconic.
-Yeah. They just don't havea reality show. -Right. Yet.
But how do you thinkof the people
who Uncle Berniehas taken custody of?
-(laughter) -Uh, willthey accept living with Mom?
They got to do what's rightfor the family.
-Okay?-PARRA: Yeah. Yeah.
They got to do what's rightfor the family.
You sound like Corleo...you sound like Michael Corleone.
-CHARLAMAGNE: You have to.-At the end of the day,
-You have to.-you got to come correct.
It's either Hillary orthe Antichrist-- what you want?
-Yeah. -If Donald Trumpgets in the White House...
You remember Hill Valleyin Back to the Future II
-when Biff got ahold ofthat sports alamac? -Of course.
That's what America'sgonna look like, okay?
-Yeah. -Yeah.-I don't want those problems.
I thoughtyou might come with that point.
-So, you know what I'm saying?-But it's... but it's...
-but those two, those two,um, you know, -WILMORE: Yes.
like, those two options,it's not like Coke versus Pepsi,
it's like Coke versus bongwater, you know what I mean?
-PARRA: Right.-It's a terrible...
WILMORE:They don't mix, or...?
-Well, they just...-One is... one is drinkable,
-and the other one is deathly.-Yeah.
You're gonna get the diabetes,uh, from one...
-and bong water.You know what I mean? -Right.
Grace, do you think the...the Bernie supporters
can unitewith the Hillary supporters?
-Is that gonna happen?-Oh, I... Absolutely.
Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-(cheering) -Because tothe point of we have to do it...
I mean, I thinkuniting at this point,
we're basically likeFleetwood Mac--
we'll reunitefor a line of coke.
-We have no choice!-Yeah, we don't... yeah.
America,we have no other option!
It's either gonna be...if it's not Bernie,
it's gonna be Hillary--we can't vote for Donald Trump.
-You understand Donald Trump?-Why are you yelling at me?
WILMORE:'Cause it's your fault.
-It's your fault.-What did I do? What did I do?
I don't think we understandthe severity of this situation.
-I feel like the... -Breakit down for us, Charlamagne.
the soul... the soul of Americais at stake here.
-CARLOS: Okay.-I really feel that way.
-(cheering) -WILMORE: Yeah.-Like, like...
like, Donald Trump is notmaking America great again,
he's making America hate again.
I don't want to live in a worldwhere I walk into a room,
and they be like,"Whatcha doing here, boy!
Whatcha doing here, boy?You don't belong around here!"
You stole... you stolethat radio show, didn't you?
Yeah, "You stolethat radio show show!"
PARRA:I would rather not be deported,
so I'm with you completely.
-Yeah.-I'm Mexican. Mexican. Mexican.
I'm from South Carolina,so I'm used to seeing
the Confederate flag around.
When I see Trump paraphernalia,that's what it looks like to me.
-Trump paraphernalia isthe new Confederate flag. -Yeah.
You know? It's a symbol.To me, it's a hate symbol.
So the bumper stickerwould, like...
The bumper sticker,Trump bumper stickers,
the Trump T-shirts, theylook like hate symbols to me.
-(whooping, applause)-They evoke that, that's right.
-WILMORE: Look like?Maybe they are. -Yeah.
All right, we'll be right back.
YARD: If you live in the New York City area
or are planning to visit,
grab free tickets to The Nightly Show.