[rapping gavel]

- DR. ARMOND, PLEASE RISE.

YOU STAND HERE ACCUSED OF MURDERIN THE SECOND DEGREE.

HOW DO YOU PLEAD?

- GUILTY...OF LOVING MY WIFE.

- [laughs]

- HMM, WELL,WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT.

I THINK THE COURT WILL DECIDE

THAT PROBABLYYOU'RE GUILTY OF MURDER.

[hawk screeches]

[intense music]

- OPENING ARGUMENTSWERE AN ABSOLUTE SLAUGHTER

AS FRIENDLYDEFENSE ATTORNEY RON FUNCHES

COULDN'T COPE WITH THE ONSLAUGHT

FROM HARD-CHARGING PROSECUTORRUTH DIAMOND PHILLIPS.

- A LOT CAN HAPPENIN TEN SECONDS.

YOU'D BE SURPRISED.

LET ME SURPRISE YOU.

ONE, HE BUSTS INTO THE ROOM.

TWO, "SHUT UP,"HE PROBABLY SAID.

WHO KNOWS?

THREE, HE TAKES OUTA LARGE NEEDLE

TO PUT DOWN HORSESTHAT HAVE HURT THEIR FEET

BECAUSE THEY RUN TOO FASTIN RACES

AND ACTUALLY,THEY CAN'T EVEN LIVE ANYMORE

AND THEY HAVE TOPUT THEM DOWN.

HE PUTS THE NEEDLEINTO HER FOREHEAD,

THROWS HER ACROSS THE ROOM

WITH THE BRUTE STRENGTHOF A VETERINARIAN.

- WHILE RON FUNCHESSEEMS TO BE PLAYING A GAME,

THE RULES OF WHICHWE DO NOT KNOW.

- WOULD A MURDERERWEAR THAT HILARIOUS APRON?

[snickering]

LOOK AT THAT APRON.

- AS FOR THE WITNESSES,DETECTIVE SMART'S TESTIMONY

SHOULD'VE BEEN ENOUGHTO CONVINCE ANYONE.

THE FORENSICS WERE DAZZLING.

- AT THAT POINT,I WOULD IMAGINE

THAT HIS TORSO WAS RIGHT UPAGAINST THAT--

THAT HEAVING BOSOM.- MM.

- I'M SURPRISED HE WAS ABLE TOGET THE SYRINGE KIND OF PAST...

- PAST JUST HOW THE BREASTSWOULD PROBABLY

ALMOST STAND AT ATTENTION.

- LIKE, UH...

DOMINIQUE WILKINSBACK IN THE DAY,

THAT TOMAHAWK SLAMHE USED TO DO?

- YEAH.- YEAH, SO PUT LIKE A SYRINGE

RIGHT THROUGH HER FOREHEAD.- THE HUMAN HIGHLIGHT FILM.

- THAT IS TRUE.

- EVEN HIS OWN SON COULDN'T SAYHE DIDN'T DO IT.

- YOU'RE NOT COOL AT ALL.

YOU'RE COMPLETELYTHE OPPOSITE OF COOL.

- HE'S THE OPPOSITE OF COOL.- YUP.

- MIGHT THAT BE...A MURDERER?

- YEAH.[courtroom murmuring]

- GO GET 'EM, RUTH.

[intense music]

[mellow music]

♪

- ♪ I TRIED

♪ I TRIED

- [grunting, water running]

[doorbell rings]

WHO WOULD DARE TO INTERRUPT ONEOF MY NIGHTTIME WORKOUT SHOWERS?

I'M [bleep].I'M [bleep].

- HEY, IT'S ME, FARLEY.

- I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU I NEVERWANTED TO SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN.

AND YET HERE IT IS,YOUR FACE AGAIN.

NO OFFENSE--YOU LOOK VERY BEAUTIFUL.

- [talk/rapping]I LIKE YOUR FACE TOO.

PRETTY EYEBALLS.

LOVE YOUR FACIAL HAIR,YOUR CHEST IS GLISTEN-Y.

- [talk/rapping]LET ME STOP YOU THERE.

WHAT ARE YOU HERE FOR?

- TO MAKE A DEMO.

I NEED YOU TO MAKEA MUSIC DEMO FOR ME.

- OKAY, DELL COMPUTERIN FULL EFFECT,

STATE-OF-THE-HEARTMICROPHONE.

- I DON'T KNOW.I'M NERVOUS.

- THEN YOU JUST NEED TO "RELAS"A LITTLE BIT.

- BUT HOW COULD I DO THAT?I TOLD YOU I'M NERVOUS, STUPID.

- LET ME HELP YOU FEELTHE SEXY.

- THAT'S NICE.

♪ THAT FEELS SO GOOD

♪ THAT FEELS SO GOOD,BOBBY ♪

♪ OOH, BOBBY,OOH, BOBBY ♪

♪ OOH, OOH, OOH, BOBBY

OH, MY GOD! WOW.

IT'S LIKE YOUR KISSESACTIVATED MY VOICE.

- NO DOUBT.

- ♪ I FEEL SO

♪ READY FOR LOVE

♪ YEAH [woman moaning, beeping]

WHAT THE [bleep] IS THAT?

- NO, IT'S NOTHING.JUST--YOUR BEAUTIFUL VOICE

CRASHED MY HARD DRIVE.

- YEAH, RIGHT.YOU GOT ONE OF THOSE VIRUSES?

I TOLD YOU.GET A SECOND COMPUTER.

- I GOT A SECOND COMPUTER.

I GAVE IT TO MY MOMFOR HER EMAIL.

- OH, HERE WE GO.GODDAMN, YOU'RE A BITCH.

- I SWEAR TO GOD, FARLEY.

NOTHING'S MORE IMPORTANT TO METHAN BUSINESS.

- OH, REALLY?THEN WHAT'S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW

WITH THIS RINKY-DINK ASSMICROPHONE?

- DON'T YOU EVER MAKE FUNOF MY MICROPHONE.

- YOU THINK MARIAH CAREYSINGS INTO THIS?

- I WISH I COULD BE NICK CANNONTO YOU.

- WHO DO YOU KNOW?WHAT DO YOU BRING TO THE TABLE?

- TRIPPY D.

- YO, WHO THE [bleep]IS THAT?

- TRIPPY D WORKS WITH MGMT,LMFAO, RUDTF.

- RUDTF?

- MOST DEFINITELY.

[both laughing]

- YOU GOT ME, YOU DEVIL.

YO, STRAIGHT UP,LET'S GET DRUNK, BABY.

- OKAY.

YO, THAT TINY PROFESSORWAS RIGHT.

HOW AM I GONNA BE A DADIF I DON'T EVEN KNOW MY OWN?

AND THERE WAS ONLY ONE PERSONWHO KNEW WHO HE WAS.

I FOUND MY MOMMYIN A HALFWAY HOUSE,

BUT HER ANSWER WAS NOTAS SIMPLE AS I HAD HOPED.

- YOU GOT A GIRL PREGNANT.YOU DIDN'T EVEN

BRING A GIRL OVERFOR YOUR MOTHER

TO MEET THE GIRL BEFOREYOU GET HER KNOCKED UP?

- I'M NOT ALLOWED TO SEE HER.IT'S PART OF THE SHOW.

IT'S PART OF--THAT'S WHAT'S DAD ACADEMY.

THAT'S WHY I'M HERE IS TO--

- OH, THAT'S GOOD.THAT'S GOOD.

LET THE DADS GETTHEIR OWN SHOW.

I HAD TO TAKE CARE OF YOUALL BY MYSELF,

AND IT WAS THE GREATEST MOMENTOF MY LIFE, MY BOY.

I'M LIVING IN A HALFWAY HOUSE.I'M DOING GREAT.

- I WISH I COULD JUSTSTAY HERE WITH YOU.

I DON'T WANT TOGO BACK OUT THERE.

BUT DAD ACADEMYSAYS I GOT TO FIND MY DADDY.

- I COULD HELP YOU.- REALLY?

- YEAH, LET'S TALK ABOUT IT,

BUT I THINK WE SHOULDGET OUT OF HERE.

- BUT AREN'T WE--ARE YOUALLOWED TO LEAVE HERE?

- FORTUNATELY,C-CZAR IS VERY DISTRACTIBLE.

THIS IS MY PLACE, OKAY?- REALLY?

- I OWN THIS HALFWAY HOUSE.

MAMA IS DOING GOOD.- MAMA'S A BALLER, HUH?

- C-CZAR CAME AT A REALLYGOOD TIME FOR ME.

OKAY, WATCH THE DOOR, AND MAMA'SGONNA GO OUT THE WINDOW.

- WAIT, WHY ARE YOUGOING OUT THE WINDOW?

HOLY CRAP,WE'RE STRAIGHT-UP VILLAINS.

[exciting music]

YO, WE OUTSIDE.LIKE, TELL ME WHO MY DAD IS NOW.

- THERE WERE A LOT OF MEN,C-CZAR.

I DON'T KNOWWHO YOUR DADDY IS.

- WELL, WHAT ABOUTYOUR PATIENTS, MOM?

- I AM A PATIENT, YOU IDIOT.

OH, MY GOD.OH, MY GOD.

BABY, MAMA'S GOT TO FLY.

DO WHATEVER YOU GOT TO DO.FIND HIM, C-CZAR.

- BLAP, BLAP, BLAP, BLAP!

I'M THE ONLY VILLAININ THIS NEIGHBORHOOD!

MOM, I'M COMING FOR YOU.

I JUST CAN'T RUN FAST'CAUSE MY PANTS ARE SO LOW.

- PULL THEM UP, BABY!

I'M SORRY I LIE A LITTLE.

- IT WAS DISAPPOINTINGNOT TO KNOW WHO MY DAD WAS,

BUT IT WAS GREATTO RECONNECT WITH MY MOM.

AND THAT MEANT IT WAS TIMEFOR ANOTHER SWEET TATTOO.

THE PRODUCER SAIDTHAT THIS TATTOO SAYS,

"SORT OF COMING TOTERMS WITH MY DAD,"

WHICH I ALMOST DID.

I STILL CAN'T READ.

- QUICK UPDATE FROMTHE "I CAN FINISH!" NEWS DESK:

A SURPRISING DEVELOPMENTIN THE MURDER TRIAL

OF DR. ARMOND.

DR. ARMONDTOOK THE STAND AND, ONCE AGAIN,

FAILED TO CONVINCE ANYONEHE ISN'T A MURDERER.

- SHE'S ONE OF THE MOSTBEAUTIFUL VICTIMS

I'VE EVER SEEN.

- RUTH DIAMOND PHILLIPS ROSE TOTHE DELIVER THE KNOCKOUT BLOW,

BUT THE DISGRACED PROSECUTOROVERPLAYED HER HAND.

- I HAVE A QUESTION.

WHAT WOULD YOU DOIF YOU SAW SHANNON AGAIN?

- IS THAT HER ACTUAL DRESS?

- IS SHE WEARING EVIDENCE?[courtroom murmuring]

- WHERE HAVE THOSE CLOTHES BEEN?

- FIRST, WHAT HAPP--HE WAS--

HE WENT INTO THE ROOM,

AND THE CLOTHES WEREIN THE ROOM, AND I-I--

- TOOK THEM...- TO MY HOME TO DO ROLE--

TO STUDY ROLE-PLAY.

AND I HAVEN'T GOT IT DOWN PAT,

WHICH IS WHY SOME OF THISWAS RATHER ROUGH,

BUT I FELT THE FEELINGS.I FELT GOOD ABOUT IT.

- YOU'RE FREE TO GO.

- WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAYTO THAT, DANA?

- SHE'S NOT THE ONE ON TRIAL.ARMOND IS THE MURDERER.

- IT'S REALLY UNFAIR, YOU KNOW,HOW THIS IS BEING PLAYED.

AND IT'S INTERESTINGHOW IT'S BEING SPUN,

YOU KNOW,BY A GROUP OF MEN--

- TO SEE DR. ARMOND CELEBRATE

WITH THE LUCKIEST LAWYERIN THE WORLD, RON FUNCHES,

IS TO BE SICK TO MY STOMACH.

- EVEN THOUGH I WONON A MISTRIAL,

I DID NOT MURDER MY WIFE.

[laughter]

FOR THE FIRST TIME, I WASN'TTELLING ONE OF MY "HIT" JOKES.

- [laughs]

- ♪ IF I CAN DO IT,ANYONE CAN ♪