@midnight
Season 1

Thursday, October 24, 2013

  • Season 1, Ep 0104
  • 10/24/2013

The guest comedians market bizarre products on Etsy and come up with phrases to make Chris wince.

IT'S TIME FOR TONIGHT'S HASHTAGWAR.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )LET'S KEEP IT GOING.

THANKS, GUYS.

THANKS FOR JOINING IN.

I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU GUYS AHASHTAG.

BUZZ IN WITH AS MANY TWEET ASYOU CAN.

FOR EACH CORRECT EXAMPLE YOU GET250 POINTS.

TONIGHT'S HASHTAG IS BADSERIALS.

EXAMPLES MIGHT BE GROPE NUT.

OUR LUMPY CHARM.

OR DISHONOR ABLE DISCHARGEDCAPTAIN CRUNCH WITH

DINGLEBERRIES.

DEON.

>> CO-CO-PUFF-PUFF-PASS.

>> TOM?

>> CAPTAIN FELCT.

>> KYL?

>> OAT BLISTERS.

>> DEON.

>> FROSTER FLAKES.

>> KYLE?

>> HONEY BUNCHES OF RADISHES.

>> YOU BET.

POINT.

TOM?

>> APPLE JACK-OFFS.

( APPLAUSE )>> POINT.

THAT'S PART OF A BALANCED BRKFAST.

KYLE.

>> ROCKY DENNIS' CLUMPY MASHMALLOW FACES.

THE MASK JOKE.

>> YEAH, I KNOW, I CAN'T-- OH,CRAP.

I'LL GIVE YOU POINT.

TOM DEON.

>> EARLY MORNING KELLOGG.

>> AH, NO, THEY DIDN'T BACK YOUUP ON THAT ONE.

ONE MORE, KYLE.

>> OLDEN GRAHAMS.

IF YOU REMEMBER, BEFORE THEBREAK, I SHOWED YOU SOME

UNFORGIVABLE PICTURES THAT ANINDUSTRIAL ANPOSTED ON FACEBOOK

OF HER HORRIBLY RACIST 21stBIRTHDAY PARTY.

SHE PROBABLY THOUGHT IT WOULD BEPOPULAR ON BLACK FAKEBOOK.

>> BLACK FAKEBOOK.

>> THANK YOU FOR LAUGHING ATTHAT.

>> HOW ABOUT THE DUDE IN THEGOLD THAT JUST SHOWED UP IN THE

GOLD SHIRT.

>> THEY RAN OUT OF MAKEUP.

>> RAN OUT OF MAKEUP, BUT I'MSTILL RACIST OVER HERE.

I JUST WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW.

I ASKED YOU GUYS TO RESPOND TOHER FACEBOOK EVENT AS AN INVITED

GUEST.

>> GREAT PARTY.

GOT SO DRUNK, I FLASHED MYHAKUNA MA-TA-TAS.

>> KYLE?

>> I WROTE, "CAN'T WAIT GOING TOBRING A BOAT LOAD OF FRIENDS."

I'LL SHOW MYSELF OUT.

I'LL SHOW MYSELF OUT.

( LAUGHTER )>> REMEMBER TO DIRECT YOUR

TWEETS TO @KYLE KINANE.

THE VOICE OF CENTRAL COMTEE.

>> I DIDN'T THROW THE PARTY.

>> DOLE.

>> OH, WHITE PEOPLE.

>> I'M GOING TO BRING 30 REAL( BLEEP ).

IS THAT COOL?

>> IT'S TIME TO PLAY ESTY PITCHMEN.

IN THE REAL WORLD RETAIL STORESGO OUT OF BUSINESS WHEN THEY

CAN'T PAY RENT.

BUT ON ESTY YOU CAN SELL ALLSORTS OF WEIRD CRAP AND KEEP

YOUR DOORS OPEN.

YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME A KILLER TAGLINE TO HELP SELL IT, BECAUSE

THEY NEED.

LIKE THE FIRST ONE, MAGGOTPONYTAIL HOLDER.

THAT'S A REAL THING.

ONLY $6.69.

>> MAGGOT A TRUE FLY GIRL'SNIGHT OUT WITH THIS ACCESSORY.

COMES IN RED, PINK, ORLARV-ENDER.

>> I AM A SUCKER FOR PUNS.

DID YOU TWO.

TWOF 50 POINTS, WELL DONE.

THIS NEXT ONE, KITTY BURGERSPAINTING.

BY THE WAY, $250 FOR THIS.

TOM?

>> HOLD THE TITTIES, HOLD THELETTUCE, SPECIAL TITTIES DON'T

UPSET US.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT?

I KNOW YOU MADE YOURSELF CRINGEA LITTLE BIT, BUT I'M GOING TO

GIVE YOU 250 POINTS FOR THAT.

THE AUDIENCE SEEMED TO BE ONYOUR SIDE.

>> HITLER WAS A PAINTER, AND I'MSURE THE GUY WHO PAINTED THIS

WASN'T THAT BAD.

>> IT WAS PAINTED BY TITLER.

SIX-FOOT TALL SHOE.

THERE IT IS, NEXT TO A HUMAN.

YES, KYLE.

>> YOU SHOULD SEE THE SIDE OFHER DICK.

>> POINTS!

POINTS! THESE ESTY ITEMS AREFLYING OFF THE SHELF.

NEXT ONE, NEXT ONE.

THIS IS MY FAVORITE, CREEPY BABYHEAD FASCINATOR HAIR CLIP.

DELIGHT YOUR FRIENDS.

DEON COLE.

>> WHITE PEOPLE ( BLEEP ).

( APPLAUSE )LET'S NOT START THROWING STONES

AT ESTY.

>> IF YOU LIKE WHITE PEOPLE YOUWILL LOVE THIS NEXT ONE.

A THREE-FACED POPCORN CLOWN.

BAM!

DEON.

>> MORE WHITE PEOPLE ( BLEEP ).

>> YES, MORE POINTS.

250 POINTS.

>> RETIRED RESTLER THE IRONSHEIK PRAISES AND ATTACKS PEOPLE

ON TWITTER.

I'LL GIVE YOU A CELEBRITY OR ABRAND, IN WHICH CASE YOU SAY THE

REAL OR HE HATE THEM UPON THEJARBONI.

HOCKEY.

>> JAB.

>> ABSOLUTELY CORRECT.

>> HE SAID HULK HOGAN ( BLEEP )A MILEY CYRUS AND BOTH CAN

( BLEEP ) THE WRECKING BALL INTHE ASS.

THAT IS A LOT OF HATE.

THAT IS A LOT OF HATE.

NEXT WORNG THE MOVIE WHITECHICKS, THE MOVIE WHITE CHICKS.

HOW DID HE FEEL ABOUT THAT?

DEON.

>> THE REAL.

>> HE LOVED IT.

WHITE CHICKS, BETTER MOVIE THANTHE NOTEBOOK.

DIDN'T LIKE THE NOTEBOOK.

IT'S A SAD ENDING.

>> AND HE TWEETED THAT PRETTYRECENTLY.

>> PRETTY RECENTLY, YEAH.

HE'S UP TO DATE.

>> HE MADE NOTE IT WAS A MOVIEAND NOT JUST HE LIKED WHITE

CHICKS BETTER THAN WATCHING THENOTEBOOK.

KIND OF AN OLD MOVIE, AIN'T IT?

>> IT IS A LITTLE BIT.

HOW DOES HE FEEL ABOUT VINCENTVAN GOGH?

KYLE.

>> JARBONI.

>> YES, JARBONI.

VAN GOGH, GO ( BLEEP ) YOURSELF.

( BLEEP ) AND YOU YOUR EAR.

>> I LIKE HIM.

( LAUGHTER )>> STARRY NUTS.

>> HOW IS IT THE SHEIK FEELABOUT MONDAYS?

TOM?

>> JARBONI.

>> JARBONI!

HE SAID BLOOECH YOU MONDAY.

YOU ARE DUMB PIES OF ( BLEEP ).

I HAVE BIG NEWS ON THISSED ITAND I'D BE HAPPY AND SHARE WITH

YOU.

OTHERWISE, SUCK MY 10-INCH( BLEEP ).

THAT IS ONE UNHAPPY GARFIELD.

NEXT ONE, JAY-Z.

DEON.

>> THE REAL.

>> THE REAL, YES.

JAY-Z, NOT THE GAY-Z, BUT.

IT'S THE HUG THE JAY-Z WITH ABACKHAND IN THE PROCESS.

THIS IS CALLED CRINGE-WORTHY.

THIS IS A GAME I FOUND ONREDDIT-- BY THE WAY, REDDIT IS

THE COSKICO OF THE INTERNET.

A BOX OF KANGAROOS ASKED, USINGTHREE WORD HOW MUCH YOU CAN MAKE

ME CRINGE.

I LOVE THE GAME SO MUCH WEDECIDED TO PUT IT ON THE SHOW.

I WILL GIVE YOU 60 SECONDS ANDYOU WILL HAVE THREE WORD TO MAKE

MOO CRINGE.

IF YOU DO, YOU GET 250 POINT.

60 SECONDS ON THE CLOCK AND GO.

DEON.

>> CRUSH THE HEAD.

>> KYLE?

>> CHILDREN'S EDIBLE UNDERWEAR.

>> YES, TOM.

DEON.

GLUE YOUR PEE-PEE HOLE.

>> THE CROWD DIDN'T GO FOR ITBUT BAUD OF THE CULTURAL GUILTY

OF FACEBOOK, YOU GET 250 POINTKYLE.

>> DISCREET ORPHAN RENTALS.

>> TOM?

>> EXWRAND MA'S ARBY SHIRT.

( LAUGHTER )KYLE?

>> FOUND MEAT SANDWICH.

POINT, POINTS.

DEON?

>> MASTURBATING BRILLO GLOVE.

>> POINTS!

POINTS!

NO POINT.

NO WISHING WELL, KYLE.

>> EXPERIENCED PRISON MASSEUSE.

>> POINT TO THE END.

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