Thursday, October 24, 2013

  • 10/24/2013

The guest comedians market bizarre products on Etsy and come up with phrases to make Chris wince.

IT'S JUST NOW THERE IS A DICK

THRONE.

IT'S TIME FOR TONIGHT'S HASHTAG

WAR.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

LET'S KEEP IT GOING.

THANKS, GUYS.

THANKS FOR JOINING IN.

I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU GUYS A

HASHTAG.

BUZZ IN WITH AS MANY TWEET AS

YOU CAN.

FOR EACH CORRECT EXAMPLE YOU GET

250 POINTS.

TONIGHT'S HASHTAG IS BAD

SERIALS.

EXAMPLES MIGHT BE GROPE NUT.

OUR LUMPY CHARM.

OR DISHONOR ABLE DISCHARGED

CAPTAIN CRUNCH WITH

DINGLEBERRIES.

DEON.

>> CO-CO-PUFF-PUFF-PASS.

>> TOM?

>> CAPTAIN FELCT.

>> KYL?

>> OAT BLISTERS.

>> DEON.

>> FROSTER FLAKES.

>> KYLE?

>> HONEY BUNCHES OF RADISHES.

>> YOU BET.

POINT.

TOM?

>> APPLE JACK-OFFS.

( APPLAUSE )

>> POINT.

THAT'S PART OF A BALANCED BRK

FAST.

KYLE.

>> ROCKY DENNIS' CLUMPY MASH

MALLOW FACES.

THE MASK JOKE.

>> YEAH, I KNOW, I CAN'T-- OH,

CRAP.

I'LL GIVE YOU POINT.

TOM DEON.

>> EARLY MORNING KELLOGG.

>> AH, NO, THEY DIDN'T BACK YOU

UP ON THAT ONE.

ONE MORE, KYLE.

WELCOME BLACK TO "@MIDNIGHT."

IF YOU REMEMBER, BEFORE THE

BREAK, I SHOWED YOU SOME

UNFORGIVABLE PICTURES THAT AN

INDUSTRIAL ANPOSTED ON FACEBOOK

OF HER HORRIBLY RACIST 21st

BIRTHDAY PARTY.

SHE PROBABLY THOUGHT IT WOULD BE

POPULAR ON BLACK FAKEBOOK.

>> BLACK FAKEBOOK.

>> THANK YOU FOR LAUGHING AT

THAT.

>> HOW ABOUT THE DUDE IN THE

GOLD THAT JUST SHOWED UP IN THE

GOLD SHIRT.

>> THEY RAN OUT OF MAKEUP.

>> RAN OUT OF MAKEUP, BUT I'M

STILL RACIST OVER HERE.

I JUST WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW.

I ASKED YOU GUYS TO RESPOND TO

HER FACEBOOK EVENT AS AN INVITED

GUEST.

>> GREAT PARTY.

GOT SO DRUNK, I FLASHED MY

HAKUNA MA-TA-TAS.

>> KYLE?

>> I WROTE, "CAN'T WAIT GOING TO

BRING A BOAT LOAD OF FRIENDS."

I'LL SHOW MYSELF OUT.

I'LL SHOW MYSELF OUT.

( LAUGHTER )

>> REMEMBER TO DIRECT YOUR

TWEETS TO @KYLE KINANE.

THE VOICE OF CENTRAL COMTEE.

>> I DIDN'T THROW THE PARTY.

>> DOLE.

>> OH, WHITE PEOPLE.

>> I'M GOING TO BRING 30 REAL

>> IT'S TIME TO PLAY ESTY PITCH

MEN.

IN THE REALORLD RETAIL STORES

GO OUT OF BUSINESS WHEN THEY

CAN'T PAY RENT.

BUT ON ESTY YOU CAN SELL ALL

SORTS OF WEIRD CRAP AND KEEP

YOUR DOORS OPEN.

YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME A KILLER TAG

LINE TO HELP SELL IT, BECAUSE

THEY NEED.

LIKE THE FIRST ONE, MAGGOT

PONYTAIL HOLDER.

THAT'S A REAL THING.

ONLY $6.69.

>> MAGGOT A TRUE FLY GIRL'S

NIGHT OUT WITH THIS ACCESSORY.

COMES IN RED, PINK, OR

LARV-ENDER.

>> I AM A SUCKER FOR PUNS.

DID YOU TWO.

TWOF 50 POINTS, WELL DONE.

THIS NEXT ONE, KITTY BURGERS

PAINTING.

BY THE WAY, $250 FOR THIS.

TOM?

>> HOLD THE TITTIES, HOLD THE

LETTUCE, SPECIAL TITTIES DON'T

UPSET US.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT?

I KNOW YOU MADE YOURSELF CRINGE

A LITTLE BIT, BUT I'M GOING TO

GIVE YOU 250 POINTS FOR THAT.

THE AUDIENCE SEEMED TO BE ON

YOUR SIDE.

>> HITLER WAS A PAINTER, AND I'M

SURE THE GUY WHO PAINTED THIS

WASN'T THAT BAD.

>> IT WAS PAINTED BY TITLER.

SIX-FOOT TALL SHOE.

THERE IT IS, NEXT TO A HUMAN.

YES, KYLE.

>> YOU SHOULD SEE THE SIDE OF

HER DICK.

>> POINTS!

POINTS! THESE ESTY ITEMS ARE

FLYING OFF THE SHELF.

NEXT ONE, NEXT ONE.

THIS IS MY FAVORITE, CREEPY BABY

HEAD FASCINATOR HAIR CLIP.

DELIGHT YOUR FRIENDS.

DEON COLE.

>> WHITE PEOPLE ( BLEEP ).

( APPLAUSE )

LET'S NOT START THROWING STONES

AT ESTY.

>> IF YOU LIKE WHITE PEOPLE YOU

WILL LOVE THIS NEXT ONE.

A THREE-FACED POPCORN CLOWN.

BAM!

DEON.

>> MORE WHITE PEOPLE ( BLEEP ).

>> YES, MORE POINTS.

CHARACTERS AND GO IN THE BACK

AND DRINK SOME GIN.

>> RETIRED RESTLER THE IRON

SHEIK PRAISES AND ATTACKS PEOPLE

ON TWITTER.

I'LL GIVE YOU A CELEBRITY OR A

BRAND, IN WHICH CASE YOU SAY THE

REAL OR HE HATE THEM UPON THE

JARBONI.

HOCKEY.

>> JAB.

>> ABSOLUTELY CORRECT.

>> HE SAID HULK HOGAN ( BLEEP )

A MILEY CYRUS AND BOTH CAN

( BLEEP ) THE WRECKING BALL IN

THE ASS.

THAT IS A LOT OF HATE.

THAT IS A LOT OF HATE.

NEXT WORNG THE MOVIE WHITE

CHICKS, THE MOVIE WHITE CHICKS.

HOW DID HE FEEL ABOUT THAT?

DEON.

>> THE REAL.

>> HE LOVED IT.

WHITE CHICKS, BETTER MOVIE THAN

THE NOTEBOOK.

DIDN'T LIKE THE NOTEBOOK.

IT'S A SAD ENDING.

>> AND HE TWEETED THAT PRETTY

RECENTLY.

>> PRETTY RECENTLY, YEAH.

HE'S UP TO DATE.

>> HE MADE NOTE IT WAS A MOVIE

AND NOT JUST HE LIKED WHITE

CHICKS BETTER THAN WATCHING THE

NOTEBOOK.

KIND OF AN OLD MOVIE, AIN'T IT?

>> IT IS A LITTLE BIT.

HOW DOES HE FEEL ABOUT VINCENT

VAN GOGH?

KYLE.

>> JARBONI.

>> YES, JARBONI.

VAN GOGH, GO ( BLEEP ) YOURSELF.

( BLEEP ) AND YOU YOUR EAR.

>> I LIKE HIM.

( LAUGHTER )

>> STARRY NUTS.

>> HOW IS IT THE SHEIK FEEL

ABOUT MONDAYS?

TOM?

>> JARBONI.

>> JARBONI!

HE SAID BLOOECH YOU MONDAY.

YOU ARE DUMB PIES OF ( BLEEP ).

I HAVE BIG NEWS ON THISSED IT

AND I'D BE HAPPY AND SHARE WITH

YOU.

OTHERWISE, SUCK MY 10-INCH

( BLEEP ).

THAT IS ONE UNHAPPY GARFIELD.

NEXT ONE, JAY-Z.

DEON.

>> THE REAL.

>> THE REAL, YES.

JAY-Z, NOT THE GAY-Z, BUT.

IT'S THE HUG THE JAY-Z WITH A

THIS WILL BE THE GREAT EQUAL

IDESSER.

THIS IS CALLED CRINGE-WORTHY.

THIS IS A GAME I FOUND ON

REDDIT-- BY THE WAY, REDDIT IS

THE COSKICO OF THE INTERNET.

A BOX OF KANGAROOS ASKED, USING

THREE WORD HOW MUCH YOU CAN MAKE

ME CRINGE.

I LOVE THE GAME SO MUCH WE

DECIDED TO PUT IT ON THE SHOW.

I WILL GIVE YOU 60 SECONDS AND

YOU WILL HAVE THREE WORD TO MAKE

MOO CRINGE.

IF YOU DO, YOU GET 250 POINT.

60 SECONDS ON THE CLOCK AND GO.

DEON.

>> CRUSH THE HEAD.

>> KYLE?

>> CHILDREN'S EDIBLE UNDERWEAR.

>> YES, TOM.

DEON.

GLUE YOUR PEE-PEE HOLE.

>> THE CROWD DIDN'T GO FOR IT

BUT BAUD OF THE CULTURAL GUILTY

OF FACEBOOK, YOU GET 250 POINT

KYLE.

>> DISCREET ORPHAN RENTALS.

>> TOM?

>> EXWRAND MA'S ARBY SHIRT.

( LAUGHTER )

KYLE?

>> FOUND MEAT SANDWICH.

POINT, POINTS.

DEON?

>> MASTURBATING BRILLO GLOVE.

>> POINTS!

POINTS!

NO POINT.

NO WISHING WELL, KYLE.

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