That's a napkindispenser, sir.

This is the universaltranslator.

Whatever.

Now, Admiral, in exchangefor your promise

not to attack us,we will grant you

exclusive fishing rightsin Supernova Scotia.

(translated gutturalalien language plays)

(replies in gutturalalien language)

Well, okay.

Excellent.

We'll meet aboardmy ship in one month

to sign the Treatyof Table Seven.

(alien languagetranslation plays)

Table Seven?

Now, watch, Kif,as I score a diplomatic coop

by congratulating the Admiralin his native tongue.

Last time you tried that,

the Mexican restaurantdeclared war on us.

I beg you,just use the translator.

Kif, just trust me for once.

(speaks alien language)

I'd like to spank your sisterwith a slice of bologna.

(chuckles) Oops.

Mmm, good barium shots.

Expensive, though.We can put it on

the corporate card,as long as we discuss business.

So, uh, yesterday, huh?

That business happened, right?

Somebody?

I'll just pay for it.

Well, we shouldget going.

You guys seewhere my mom went?

I don't knowwhere most of her is,

but her tongue'sin Zapp's mouth.

BOTH:Mmm...

Whoo! Nasty.

(clock beeps)

(engines whine)

BOTH:Mmm...

(gasps)

Mom, are you okay?

Did Zapp takeadvantage of you?

Show me where he touched youon this dried-apple doll.

Oh, don't be silly.

Zapp's a perfect gentleman.

And so handsome.

Did you know he wearsa velour man-skirt?

(groans) Mom, I hateto break it to you,

but Zapp's a jerk.

The truth is...

I once slept with him...a few times.

I know.

He showed methe commemorative painting.

What?!Look, sweetie,I get it.

You're jealous because Zapplikes me now and not you.

But don't worry,this isn't a competition.

Although he did sayI'm a better kisser.

I am not jealous.

Also, yech!