Tuesday, March 3, 2015

  • 03/03/2015

Kevin Smith, Jessica Chobot and Matt Mira learn about a creepy new video game, list #TechTVShows and guess whether tweets were written by Marc Maron or Chris's mom.

RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNETHEADLINES IT'S RAPID REFRESH.

WHEN YOU THINK OF VIDEO GAMESDO COMPANIES LIKE SONY AND

MICROSOFT COME TO MIND?

BUT THERE'S SOME EXCITING ANDINNOVATIVE WORK GOING ON IN

INDIE GAMING THAT'S REALLY WORTHCHECKING OUT.

ONE SUCH TRAIL-BLAZING COMPANY,BONER MEN INC., RELEASED A

TEASER FOR A NEW GAME THAT'STAKING THE INTERNET BY STORM.

WHAT IS THIS UPCOMING BONER MENGAME?

A, SHOWER WITH YOUR DADSIMULATOR: A GAME ABOUT

SHOWERING WITH YOUR DAD.

B, PREGNANT AT PROM: FIND A SPOTTO DITCH YOUR NEWBORN

SO YOU CAN ENJOY THE BIG DANCE.

C, THE PURGE PURGE: IN ADYSTOPIAN FUTURE ONE NIGHT A

YEAR,ALL RULES ARE SET ASIDE SOPEOPLE CAN FREELY THROW UP ON

EACH OTHER.

WHAT IS REAL? MATT MIRA.

>> AS A BOY SCOUT IN MY YOUTH, IHAVE TO TELL YOU IT'S A.

>> Chris: LET'S FIND OUT.

[LAUGHING]

>> OH, NO.

>> Chris: YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE?

IN THE 8-BIT WORLD, ALL DICKSARE EQUAL.

FOR BONUS POINTS, AFTER YOUSHOWER WITH DAD, WHAT HAPPENS IN

THE NEXT LEVEL OF THE GAME?JESSICA.

>> KEEP SECRETS FROM YOUR MOM.

[LAUGHING]

>> AND THANK GOD FOR IT.

ALSO, AM I THE ONLY ONE THATNOTICES THAT THAT'S A TOM

SELLECK MUSTACHE ON YOUR SMALLCHILD?

>> Chris: YES.

THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW --

THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW --

>> AND YET HE'S HAVING A HARDTIME FIGURING OUT WHO HIS DAD

IS.

>> Chris: POINTS TO JESSICA.MATT?

>> YOU SPEND THE REST OF YOURADULT LIFE TRYING TO FORGET YOUR

DAD ISN'T CIRCUMCISED.

>> OH.

>> I HAD THAT.

DID YOU LIVE WITH THAT? I HAD ANUNCUT DAD.

>> I DID.

>> I WAS ALWAYS LIKE, WHY ISMINE DIFFERENT?

I DON'T KNOW, LUCKYI GUESS.

IT'S NOT TIME FOR THE HASHTAGWARS.

WELL, CSI, WHICH DOES NOT STANDFOR "CHAPPIE SCENE

INVESTIGATION," MATT MIRA -- HASGIVEN BIRTH TO GET ANOTHER

FRANCHISE WITH TOMORROW'S MUCHANTICIPATED PREMIERE.

SO IN HONOR OF THIS JUGGERNAUT,TONIGHT HASHTAG IS #TechTVShows.

EXAMPLES MIGHT BE MODEM FAMILY.

OR NYPD BLUE TOOTH.

OR BATCOIN.

I'M GONNA PUT 60 SECONDS ON THECLOCK AND START.

MATT MIRA.

>> UH, WE'RE ON COMEDY CENTRAL,SO BROAD CHAPPIE.

>> Chris: STOP IT! STOP PUTTING"CHAPPIE" IN EVERYTHING.

POINTS.

KEVIN.

>> WE'RE ON COMEDY CENTRAL, SOSNAPCH@MIDNIGHT.

>> Chris: YES, YES. PERFECT.

CHOBOT.

>> SEX AND THE GEO CITIES.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS.

OH, [BLEEP].

JESSICA.

>> UNSOLVED MYSTERY AT TO WHYTHE [BEEP] DOES THIS THING KEEP

CRASHING.

>> Chris: YES.

POINTS.

KEVIN SMITH.

>> I'M GOING COMEDIC AND SAYINGLAVERN AND SHIRLEY, YOU REALIZE

THAT WATCHING PEOPLE ON ACOMPUTER ON TV IS BORING.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS.

MATT MIRA.

>> ONE OF MY FAVORITE SHOWS,CHRIS, KEY AND CHAPP-EELE.

>> Chris: NO.

YOU JUST PUT THE EMPHASIS ON ADIFFERENT SYLLABAL.

IT'S STILL CHAPPY.

MATT MIRA.

>> I COULDN'T HELP BUT REMEMBEROUR LEAD IN.

>> Chris: IF THIS IS CHAPPIE,MIRA, I'M GONNA BE REALLY MAD.

>> IT'S OUR LEAD IN, IT'S AGREAT SHOW.

IF YOU'RE NOT WATCHING IT YOUSHOULD BE, IT'S CALLED THE

NIGHTLY SHOW WITH CHAPPYWILLMORE.

>> Chris: NO, IT'S NOT.

STOP ENCOURAGING HIM.

YOU'RE MAKING ME GIVE HIM POINTSFOR THIS BULL[BLEEP].

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT, NOW IT'STIME TO PLAY REACTION GIFS.

REACTION GIFS.

SOMETIMES YOU'RE ON THE INTERNETAND YOU'RE AT A LOSS FOR WORDS

AND THE BEST WAY TO EXPRESS YOURJOY, SADNESS, OR FRUSTRATION OF

IDENTIFYING THE COLOR OF AGODDAMN DRESS IS THROUGH A

REACTION GIF.

SO COMEDIANS, I'M GOING TO SHOWYOU A REACTION GIF AND FOR 250

POINTS, I WANT YOU TO COMPLETETHE SENTENCE.

OK, THAT'S MY REACTION WHEN ...

FIRST ONE.

HOW ABOUT THIS SUPER SATISFIEDDUDE, HUH.

MATT.

>> THAT'S MY REACTION WHEN IFINISH ALL OF THE BREADSTICKS.

>> Chris: POINTS. KEVIN.

>> THAT'S MY REACTION WHEN ICOMPLETE UNASSISTED

MASTURBATION.

>> Chris: POINTS.

NOW CAN YOU DO A HANDS-FREE?

>> YEAH.

I THINK REALLY HARD AND THEN --

>> Chris: WHAT ABOUT THESE TWOLAUGHING OFFICERS.

WHAT ABOUT THEM?

THESE ARE YOUR TWO BUDDIES HERE.

YOU'VE GOT THE CARD UP THERE.

YOU'RE GOT NUMBER ONE.

>> CHRIS, THAT'S MY REACTIONWHEN THEY ASK WOULD LIKE

UNLIMITED BREADSTICKS.

WHO ARE THEY KIDDING? OF COURSEI DO.

>> Chris: OKAY, POINTS. CHOBOT.

>> THAT'S MY REACTION WHENSOMEONE SAYS THEY GO TO A STAR

TREK CONVENTION AND THEN GOTLAID.

>> Chris: NO. THAT WOULD BEMATT.

I WILL GIVE YOU POINTS FOR THAT.

THAT'S MY REACTION WHEN MATTTELLS ME HE'S SEEING "CHAPPIE"

ALL WEEKEND.

NEXT ONE.

WHAT ABOUT THIS SILVER FOX.

WHAT ABOUT THIS SILVER FOX.

YES, KEVIN.

>> THAT WOULD BE MY REACTIONWHEN SOMEONE TELLS ME COMEDY

CENTRAL ROAST OF JUSTIN BIEBERDOES NOT NVOLVE FIRE.

>> Chris: POINTS.

ARE YOU SURE.

MATT MIRA.

>> IT'S MY REACTION WHEN THEWAITRESS ASKED AM I FINISHED

WITH THE BREADSTICKS.

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT, POINTS.

I LIKE THAT MATT MIRA'S@MIDNIGHT STRATEGY -- CHAPTER

ONE: CHAPPIE.

CHAPTER TWO: BREADSTICKS.

>> I LIKE IT! HE COMMITS.

>> Chris: NEXT ONE, HOW ABOUTTHIS MAN CHILD?

HOW ABOUT THIS MAN CHILD.

MATT MIRA.

>> THAT'S MY REACTION WHEN THEYTRY TO TELL ME WHAT ELSE IN ON

THE MENU BESIDES BREADSTICKS.

>> Chris: OKAY, POINTS.

AND GO [BLEEP] YOURSELF... WITHA BREADSTICK.

I HOPE YOU GET [BEEP] WITH ABREADSTICK BY CHAPPIE.

>> I JUST WANNA SAY, CHRIS, IHOPE YOU ALSO ACHIEVE YOUR

DREAMS.

>> Chris: HE'S RIGHT. HE'SRIGHT.

KEVIN.

>> THAT WAS MY REACTION BEFORETHE SHOW WHEN MATT WAS LIKE I'M

COMMITTING TO BREADSTICKS.

>> Chris: POINTS. POINTS.

SO GOOD.

IT'S TIME FOR OUR NEXT GAME,MARON OR SHARON, MARON OR

SHARON.

THIS GAME'S GONNA BE A GOODTIME, YOU GUYS.

THE TWITTER ACCOUNT OF MYFRIEND, COMEDIAN, FERAL CAT

HOARDER AND DEADWOOD FACIAL HAIRLIKER MARC MARON FEATURES HIS

ACERBIC TAKES ON RELATIONSHIPS,EMOTIONS, AND THE MINUTIA OF

EXISTENCE, BUT HIS TWEETS ALSOSOUND LIKE THEY COULD'VE

EMINATED FROM THE BRAIN OF MYMOTHER, SHARON HILLS.

THERE THEY ARE SIDE BY SIDE.

MARON IS OF COURSE @MARCMARON ONTWITTER, MY MOM IS @NERDISTMOM

ON TWITTER JUST IN CASE YOU WANTTO COMPARE AND CONTRAST.

AS IF YOU TWO OF THEM IN THATCLOSE OF PROXIMITY ISN'T

DISTURBING ENOUGH, LET'S FINDOUT WHAT IT WOULD LOOK LIKE IF

YOU COMBINE THEM.

I THINK IT WOULD LOOK LIKE THIS.

WTF MOM.

OH YEAH. I THINK SHE COULD DOIT.

COMEDIANS, I'M GONNA READ YOU ATWEET AND I WANT YOU TO TELL ME

IF IT'S FROM COMEDIAN MARCMARON -- JESUS CHRIST, HARDWICK,

YOU'RE NOT EVEN A COMEDIAN,WHAT THE [BEEP] ARE YOU DOING UP

THERE, MAN.

-- OR MY MOM SHARON.

YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT,SWEETIE.

FIRST ONE: TWO WEEKS ON TWITTERBEFORE GETTING TROLLED.

HA, HA. ME LIKEY. WHY? STUPIDITYAMUSES THE HELL OUT OF ME.

KEVIN.

>> THAT IS DEFINITELY YOURMOTHER.

>> Chris: THE CORRECT ANSWER ISIN FACT YES, MY MOM.

WHO WAS TROLLING MY MOM?

>> I KNOW.

'CAUSE I WAS TROLLING HER.

>> Chris: OH, OKAY. THAT'S ALLRIGHT.

NEXT ONE.

I CUT THE BOTTOMS OFF BUNCHES OFKALE I BUY AND PUT THEM IN WATER

TO FIRM THEM UP.

JUST ME?

CHOBOT.

>> I'M GONNA ALSO GO WITH YOURMOM ON THAT ONE.

>> Chris: NO IT'S MARON. IT'SMARC MARON.

>> WHAT?

>> Chris: MARK IS ACTUALLY --

>> IS THAT HIS PINTREST POST.

>> Chris: HE USES KALE FORDECORATION.

LAST ONE.

WHAT ABOUT THIS CAT PICTURE:GRACE KITTY IS FADING.

NIGHT, NIGHT ALL.

CHOBOT.

>> I'M GONNA SAY MARON AGAIN.

HE APPARENTLY LIKES FARRELLCATS.

>> Chris: THAT'S NOT A FERALCAT.

THAT'S MY MOM'S CAT GRACE KITTY.

THAT'S MY MOM.

MARON JUST LETS ANY OLD SLUTTYCAT INTO HIS HOUSE.

>> SORRY!

>> THEY BOTH HAVE THE IDENTICALSTONED FACE.

AS WE GO TO OUR NEXT GAME, FAKEFLORIDA FACTS.

FAKE FLORIDA FACTS.

NOW IT WAS ON THIS DAY IN 1845THAT FLORIDA WAS ADMITTED AS THE

27th STATE OF THE UNION.

MOST OF THOSE PEOPLE ALIVE THENSTILL LIVE IN FLORIDA.

THAT'S A TRUE FACT.

SO IN HONOR OF THE SUNSHINESTATE, I WOULD LIKE TO YOU GIVE

ME AS MANY FAKE FLORIDA FACTS ASYOU CAN.

LET'S PUT 60 SECONDS AND BEGIN!

KEVIN SMITH.

>> FLORIDA: HOME OF THE O.G.WALKING DEAD.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS.

CHOBOT.

>> LEADS THE NATION IN HIGHSCHOOL GRADUATIONS.

[LAUGHING]

>> Chris: POINTS.

MIRA.

>> MY PARENTS LIVE IN FLORIDA.

>> Chris: THAT'S ACTUALLY TRUE.

>> I'M SORRY I MISS READ WHAT WEWERE DOING.

>> Chris: OKAY, I'LL GIVEYOU POINTS ANYWAY.

MIRA.

>> OVER 6 MILLION PEOPLE A YEARCAMP IN FLORIDA.

>> Chris: OKAY.

THOSE ARE JUST REAL FLORIDAFACTS.

>> THAT'S A LOT OF CAMPERS.

>> Chris: KEVIN.

>> 50 SHADES OF CRAY.

>> AH, THAT'S GOOD.

>> Chris: POINTS. POINTS

CHOBOT.

>> THE STATE SEAL IS A METH HEADDIGGING A HOLE BECAUSE SATAN

TOLD HIM TOO.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS.

>> WELL, CHRIS. THERE'S ACTUALLYOVER 4000 MILES OF COASTLINE

IN THE SUNSHINE STATE.

>> Chris: MATT --

NOW, YOU HAVE --

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

YOU HAVE EFFECTIVELY TROLLEDHIS ENTIRE SHOW WITH YOUR

CHAPPIE BULL [BLEEP], AND YOURBREADSTICK MANIA AND REAL

FLORIDA FACTS.

WHAT THE [BEEP] MAN.

>> WHEN YOU SEE YOUR DADSHOWERING AT THAT AGE --

>> Chris: THAT'S FARE, POINTS.