Scariest Movie Ever

  • Season 4, Ep 6
  • 10/29/2014

A detective confronts a serial killer in a funhouse, a blind man identifies a body, and a representative from the Make-A-Wish Foundation encounters an evil child.

- STUPID.

- SEE, I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND

HOW THAT'S EVENIN THE HORROR GENRE, DOG.

- RIGHT?

I MEAN, THAT'S THE LEASTSCARED I EVER BEEN, MAN.

IT'S LIKEA ROMANTIC COMEDY.

- IT'S LIKE A LULLABY, DOG.

- YEAH, FOR REALS THOUGH.- PSSH.

- OH, OH,WHERE YOU PARKED AT?

- OH, WHAT NOW?

- WHERE YOU PARKED AT, DOG?

- YEAH, I'M OVERTHAT WAY, BOY.

- OH,YOU ALL THE WAY DOWN THERE?

- YEAH.- WELL, I'M THIS WAY, DOG.

- OH, ALL RIGHT.ALL RIGHT, DOG.

- ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

[eerie music]

- YOU KNOW WHAT?- WHAT'S THAT, DOG?

- I'LL WALK YOUTO YOUR CAR, DOG.

- WORD, WORD, WORD, YEAH.- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

- THEN I'LL DRIVE YOUBACK TO YOUR CAR, DOG.

DUMBASS MOVIE, MAN.- NAH.

- A DEMON CAN POSSESSANY INANIMATE OBJECT?

THAT'S TOO GENERALTO BE SCARY.

- YO, MAN, IT'S LIKE,HOW YOU GONNA HAVE A DEMON

POSTING UP IN A TRASH CAN?

- I MEAN, YOU KNOW,IT'S DUMB.

- IT DON'T MAKE NO SENSE.- IT'S STUPID.

- IT DON'T MAKE NO SENSE.- YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

- IT'S STUPID.IT'S STUPID.

IT'S UNREALISTICIS WHAT IT IS.

- IT'S LIKE, I AIN'T GONNABE SCARED OF NO TRASH CAN.

[eerie musical flourish]

AND WHAT WAS THAT OTHER THINGTHEY HAD WITH THE,

UH, THE DEMON PUDDLE?

- OH, YEAH, YEAH.

THAT WAS THE MOST STUPID PARTRIGHT THERE.

A DEMON COULD PULL YOU INTO HELLIF YOU STEP IN A PUDDLE.

LIKE, WE SOME MORONS?

- I MEAN, HOW YOU GONNA SCARE

A COUPLE ADULTS WITH A PUDDLE?

- STUPID.- STUPID.

- STUPID.- STUPID.

- AND THE DEMON GOTTHEM HELLHOUNDS ROAMING AROUND

EVERYWHERE, BRINGING HUMANSTO THE DEMON ALIVE

TO BE SACRIFICED.

- COME ON, MAN.

[dog barking]

- THAT'S JUST STUPID!

- STUPID.- YEAH.

- YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE--IT'S LAZY STORYTELLING...

- YES, YES.- IS WHAT IT IS.

- IT'S A LOT OF THINGS,BUT SCARY IS NOT ONE OF THEM.

[eerie musical flourish]

- AND WHAT WASWITH ALL THEM

CREEPY KIDS AND THE WHISPERINGAND WHATNOT?

- OH, PLEASE.- I MEAN, COME ON, DOG.

- PLEASE, DUDE.- WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT?

- YOU JUST IDENTIFIED, LIKE,THE STUPIDEST PART OF THE MOVIE.

[both laugh]

THEM KIDS--THEM KIDS WAS TALKING ABOUT,

[breathily]"I WILL STEAL YOUR SOUL.

I WILL SUCK YOUR ESSENCE."[mumbling spookily]

- OKAY, YEAH,THAT'S STUPID RIGHT THERE.

YOU CAN STOP RIGHT NOW, MAN,IF YOU JUST WANTED TO--

PLEASE STOP!- YEAH.

- 'CAUSE IT'S STUPID.- IT WAS STUPID.

- IT WAS STUPID AS HELL.- IT WAS STUPID.

- IT WAS JUST STUPID. WHAT?- THIS YOUR CAR?

- THIS ME, DOG.- YEAH.

[both sniffing]

YEAH, I HOPETHERE'S NOT ONE OF THEM DEMONS

POSSESSING YOUR CAR.

[both laughing]

I'M JUST STEPPINGRIGHT NOW, FOR REAL.

- THAT'S STUPID.YOU BEING REAL STUPID.

- I'M BEING STUPID.

- THAT WAS THE STUPIDEST PART

OF THE MOVIE RIGHT THERE, DOG.

- I'M THE ONE BEINGSTUPID UP IN HERE.

- THAT WAS PRETTY STUPID.- [laughing]

- THAT WAS THE STUPIDEST PARTRIGHT THERE, MAN.

THAT PART WAS--THAT MOVIEWAS STUPID AS HELL, MAN.

- [laughing]STUPID.

STUPID.

- THAT WASTHE NOT-SCARIEST PART

OF THE MOVIE.

OH, MY GOD.IT WAS STUPID.

- LIKE A DEMON COULD POSSESS--

- I MEAN, IT'S SO STUPID.- THAT WAS SO STUPID.

- IT WAS PRETTY STUPID,THOUGH, DOG.

- OH, MY GOD,THAT WAS STUPID.

- IT WAS PRETTY STUPID.

YOU KNOW WHAT, MAN?

I'M--SHIT, I'M SORRY, DOG,

THAT YOU HAD TO WATCH THATDUMBASS NOT-SCARY MOVIE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

- MAN, YOU KNOW,THAT'S HOW IT GO.

THAT'S HOW IT GO.

[eerie musical flourish]

- HI, YOU MUST BE LIAM.

- HEY, BUDDY,HOW ARE YOU FEELING TODAY?

- [hoarsely]I'M FEELING FINE, DR. GUPTA.

JUST FINE.

- THIS IS MARION GLASS,

AND SHE'S FROMTHE MAKE A WISH FOUNDATION.

- MARION GLASS.

- HOW ARE YOUFEELING TODAY, LIAM?

- I'M FINE, MARION GLASS.- GOOD.

WELL, I HAVE SOME NEWSTHAT MIGHT MAKE YOU FEEL

A LITTLE BETTER, HUH?

WE AT THE MAKE A WISH FOUNDATIONMAKE DREAMS COME TRUE

FOR LITTLE BOYS AND LITTLE GIRLSWHO ARE VERY SICK JUST LIKE YOU.

- THERE ARE NO CHILDRENLIKE ME, MARION GLASS.

- OH, OF COURSE NOT.

YOU'RE ONE OF A KIND,BUT WE'RE GONNA MAKE ANY DREAM

COME TRUETHAT YOU COULD EVER HAVE, OKAY?

- ANYTHING?

- THAT'S RIGHT, BUDDY.THAT'S RIGHT.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY WITHYOUR FAVORITE BASKETBALL TEAM?

WHAT ABOUT BE SUPERMANFOR A DAY?

- I WISH TO DROWN A MAN.

[eerie music]

- WHAT?

- TO DROWN A MAN IN THE BATHTUB.

TO HOLD HIM DOWNWHILE THE LAST BREATH

ESCAPES HIS BODY,AND THEN BATHE IN THAT WATER,

ALL THE WHILE SINGING,

♪ LA-LA, LA-LA

♪ LA-LA, LA

- LIAM.

- YOU SAID ANYTHING.

- WELL, S-SURELY WE DON'T WANTTO HURT OTHER PEOPLE,

NOW, DO WE, KIDDO?

[both laugh uneasily]

ANYTHING ELSE?

FLY IN A HOT AIR BALLOONOR MEET A CELEBRITY?

- MY NEW WISH IS TO LEAN OVERTHE BODY OF A DYING MAN

AND PUT MY LIPS ON HIS,STEALING HIS LAST BREATH.

[inhales]

- LIAM.

- NO ONE WILL GET HURT.

- ABSOLUTELY NOT.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE YOU--

- I WISH TO TAKEALL THE PROSTHETIC LEGS

IN THE HOSPITALAND BIND THEM TOGETHER

WITH THE DRIED FLESHOF THE DEAD

INTO A WEBBED MASSIVE CREATURE,AND--

- LIAM!

I AM SO SORRY, MS. GLASS.- IT'S ALL RIGHT.

HE--HE DOESN'T KNOWWHAT HE'S SAYING.

- I WISH TO PEEIN YOUR MOUTH.

- WHAT?- BOTH OF YOU.

- MINE?

- ESPECIALLY YOU.- OH.

- I WISH TO PEEIN BOTH OF YOUR MOUTHS

AS I STAND OVER YOU.

I'LL NEED A GLASS OF WATERIN TEN MINUTES.

- ENOUGH,YOU LITTLE SHIT!

- DR. GUPTA!

- NO.

YOU ARE REPREHENSIBLE.

YOU ARE EVIL.

YOU ARE A DEVIL CHILD.

- [whimpering]

- DR. GUPTA,HE'S NOT A DEVIL CHILD.

HE'S JUST A CHILD.

YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS WORKINGIN A PEDIATRIC WARD.

- WHAT?- I'M GONNA REPORT YOU.

- [crying]

[door slams]

- ♪ SHAME ON YOU, GUPTA

♪ SHAME ON YOU, GUPTA

YOU REALLY UPSETMARION GLASS.

- THIS IS INSANE.

YOU'VE MADE ME QUESTIONEVERYTHING THAT I'VE EVER

BELIEVED ABOUT THEESSENTIAL GOODNESS OF CHILDREN.

- WISH GRANTED.

[flatlining]

- [gasps]- [giggles]

I AM DYING THOUGH.

[flatlining]