Miami

  • Season 1, Ep 5
  • 10/30/2016

Kevin Hart becomes a Miami cop for a day, meets exercise partners on the beach and introduces stand-up from Plus Pierre, Cisco Duran, J.B. Ball and Pam Bruno.

- My question to you people,

is, "How do you spell law?"

It's K-E-V-I-N.

'Cause I am the law,

and I don't want to be mean,but if you leave me no choice,

then I will get angry.

I am King Kong.

Al Bundy ain't got nothingon me.

Hey, what's going on?

I'm just practicing the waythat I'm gonna talk

to potential peoplethat I'ma lock up.

Why?'Cause I'm a cop for the day.

Look, enough about me.

Let's talk about where I am.

I'm in Miami, baby,

and I am readyto do what I do best:

give the gift of laughter.

This is Hart of the City,

and I'm Kevin Hart,AKA the law.

I get to cracking heads all--oh, shit.

God damn it.

Props!

and see white people.

That is a sassy black girl'sjob, okay?

All right?

If her attitudeis not as salty as my fries,

I'm being robbed.

Okay?

It's supposed to sound like,

"Thank you for comingto McDonald's.

"We don't have number 5, 7,and 11, and 12.

What you want?"

[laughter and applause]

Uh, at the very same token,I, um,

I don't want negroesat my Starbucks.

There. No, okay?

When I go to Starbucks,

I want a Kirsten, a Phoebe,

a Chloe, a Seth,

a Brenden with an E.

Because Kirsten knows my order

from last damn time.

You walk in there,"Let me get...

a number--"

"Ah, ah, ah.

"Ah, ah, ah.

"I know what you want.

"You want a tall mocha frappe,with brown sugar,

"and no whipped cream,because you said, and I quote,

'Real negroes don't use cream.'"

[laughter and applause]

[hip-hop music]

- Haitian.- Yes, sir.

- [speaking French]- [speaking French]

- There it is.

I don't knowwhat comes after that.

I just know it's something--- Just some awkwardness.

- I like this group, man.

This is a very diversegroup of people--a mixture.

Do you feel likeMiami gives you

the tools to prepyour comedic talent?

- Yeah, yeah, man,it's just so diverse here.

Where, if you don't knowany given venue--

like, who you're gonna end uphaving to perform for--

it could be a completelyHispanic crowd.

It could be a completely blackcrowd, completely white crowd,

completely elderly crowd.

You, like--you don't knowwhat you're gonna get,

and you got to be preparedto handle all that.

- I love that.

Do you feel likeyou guys get good crowds?

Like, is it--- It's hit and miss.

- 20, 50 people?

- Me and Pam, we did a showfor, like, two people.

- It was--it was in a bar.

It was in Fort Lauderdale--around there--

and it was two people,and we still did the show.

- You know, sometimesthey're a better crowd.

It's weird.- Yeah, we had fun.

- I mean, I love ears.

I mean, me, personally?I don't--I don't mind.

- The only advantage,I feel, is if, like,

if I can make these ten peoplewho don't care about me,

who don't want to see me--

if you can pry their attention--when you do that,

you can do the bigger shows.- Yep.

- Yeah.- I feel like with some ease

and, definitelywith some humility--

'cause you rememberwhere you come from.

- I love that.- You understand?

- Let's talk aboutthis show tonight.

What do you guys feel likethis show means?

What does it mean to you?

What are you expectingto get out of this?

- People come down hereto shoot things.

They're looking for peoplewith Hispanic and, like,

six-packs--like, that's whatthey're casting for in Miami.

You understand what I'm saying?

- No wonder I get no roles.- I'm dark with no six-pack.

You understand?So, like, I'm gonna come out

and obviouslyput my best foot forward

because it's a platform.

- I think you all have a veryunique approach to your craft,

and you are steppingin the right direction.

Let's take advantage of tonight.

I'm looking forward to seeingyou guys perform

at the Miami Light Box.All right?

Thank you guys so much.- Appreciate it. Thank you.

- I appreciate it.

- Thank you, Kevin.- Thank you.

All right, I'ma eat my chicken.

I play pranks on skinny people.I think it's funny.

This is what I like to do.

Usually, when I get on a plane,

I like to be the last personon the airplane.

I like to get on the plane lastand call out the seat numbers

like it's Bingo to see whattheir reactions would be.

'Cause they get really excited,'cause the middle seat is empty.

The door's about to close.

They're making announcements.

One dude's lookingdown the aisle

high-fiving the guyat the window.

Like, "Dude, I think we're goodon this flight."

Then, all of a sudden,I walk in.

[laughter and applause]

"B-7," and they're like,"Oh, my God."

[laughter]

I'm a fat terrorist.I don't care.