June 21, 2016 - Adrienne C. Moore

  • 06/21/2016

Congress fails to tackle gun control, and Larry discusses a bill that would require women to register for the draft with Adrienne C. Moore, Rory Albanese and Robin Thede.

Welcome to The Nightly Show.

Man. I like it.

Very good. Very good.

Thank you very much.I am Larry Wilmore. Thank you.

Great show tonight. Oh,from Orange is the New Black,

Adrienne C. Moorejoins us tonight, you guys.

(cheering, applause)

Those...That is an amazing cast.

Lot of good acting in that.Okay, but first,

um, after the heartbreakingshooting in Orlando last week,

I had hope that somethingmight finally happen

when it comesto gun legislation.

And, yesterday, finally,

members fromboth sides of the aisle

joined handsand voted on legislation

in the hopesof securing a safer future

for our nation's children.

I'm just kidding. It's Congress,for Christ's sake.

It's Congress, you guys.

It...They ain't gonna do nothing.

Which means it's timefor our ongoing coverage

of the do-nothing Congresscontinuing to do nothing.

New gun control measuresappear unlikely after the senate

failed last nightto pass four separate bills.

Each fell shortof the 60 votes needed.

That's right. Faster than youcan say AR-15,

the senators, one by one,methodically shot down

all four bills last night.Though to be fair,

though to be fair to the NRA,it's the bill's own fault.

If they wanted to survive,

they should havearmed themselves.

Just saying. Just saying.

All right, so let's recapthe four gun control measures,

uh, that weredefeated last night.

REPORTER: There are two versions of a measure that would

make it harder to buy a gun for anybody

who just happens to be on

the federal terror watch list.

Right, this is commonly referredto as the "terror loophole,"

not to be confused with the,uh, ill-fated children's cereal,

Terror Loops.

Uh... It's, uh...

It's like a jihad in your mouth!

Y... Yee-haw!

Jihad in my mouth?That would be horrible.

Uh, okay, so Republicansrejected the Democratic bill

because they believedit deprived Americans

of their right to due process,and they have a point.

Innocent people show upon that list all the time.

And getting off of itcan be arduous,

more difficult than getting offPottery Barn's e-mail list.

Those (bleep)will hunt you down, man.

I know. But then Democratsrejected the GOP bill

because it wouldonly block sales

to a suspected terrorist

with proof that they'll blowsomething up in the future.

What?

I mean, how would thateven work?

Um, okay, so,it says on the form here

that you'rea terrorist and...

and you're planning onblowing something up?

Uh... uh, yes, that's correct.

Oh. Um...

are you planning on doing thatin the near future?

Um... I don't know,

next couple of days.

Oh.

I'm sorry, sir. I can'tsell you an assault rifle.

Aw! Don't I getany points for honesty?

All right, next timeI'm just blowing (bleep) up,

I'm not telling anybody.How about that?

Now, while I never expected,uh, one side to roll over,

I did honestly believe that thistime, the two sides

would do their level bestto find common ground,

because even in thisincreasingly polarized

political environment,there is one thing

Americans largely agree on.

REPORTER: The question was do you favor background checks

for gun buyers? All Americans overall, 89%, said yes.

And let's break that into Republicans.

92% of Republicans

favor background checks on gun buyers.

89%

of all Americans,

and they can't get it done?

They're kowtowing to the 11%.

Hey, guys, I foundthe one minority

Congress cares about.

Good lord.

(cheering, applause)

Now... by the way, by the way,

it'll come as no surprise

that there is plenty of blameto go around.

For us to get14 Republican senators

who are under the gun,

literally, with the NRA,

I think is un...

going to be a-a stretch.

Okay, that senatorwho looks like a Ken doll

that's been microwaved, um...

um, on medium for 30 seconds--

he is correct.

I'm sorry.

And the Democratsaren't without blame, either.

As The New York Times said this morning,

(reading)

So they forced something into itthat they knew

Republicans would hate,like every gun would have to be

checked by a black lesbianclimate scientist.

They wouldn'tlike that (bleep), man.

All right, so, to review:the GOP bills were too weak

and the Democratic bills wentdown because Republicans say

any attempt to regulate firearms

violates the second amendment.

Even though the amendment's

second and third words

are "well regulated."

"Well regulated" means

"well, regulate it".

Now, The Washington Post said that even before

the Senate vote, uh,the new gun measures would fail

because the NRA's base--those against gun control laws--

are "more passionateand politically organized

than the average voterswho support them."

They called this involvementphenomenon "an intensity gap."

Uh, by the way, Intensity Gap

is right next to Baby Gapin the mall.

Uh, if you're interested.Hey, guys,

it is the most intimidatingplace to buy khakis.

Let me tell you.

So, for more on thisintensity gap phenomena,

please welcome The Nightly Show's

-intensity expert, Mike Yard.-(cheering, applause)

Hi, Mike.

Larry, thank God

that we're talkingabout this, Larry.

I mean, we haveno time to waste, man.

Wow, Mike, uh, you seem prettyfired up about this issue.

I didn't know you were so...

Larry, I have a son, okay?You have a son and a daughter.

We cannot squanderanother second on this, man.

Mike, I appreciateyour feelings,

but I have to sayyou're being a little intense.

And you're not beingintense enough!

Th-This is the intensity gapright here, Larry.

This is it, me and you, okay?

I'm over here giving it my all,

and you're over thereall bland and (bleep),

talking about, "Come on, Mike,you're being a little intense."

Come on, man!

What are you,the black Drew Carey?

-I...-Bring it up!

Get in the game!

All right, but...But, wait, but Mike...

Mike, you're just yelling.I mean, come on, man.

Volume doesn'tequal effectiveness.

Uh, yes, it does.It absolutely does.

I'll show you. Here-- uh,what are you more passion...

what are you passionate about?

Um, I don't know.I mean, I love Star Wars.

Greedo shot first.

Oh, come on, man, no, no, no.Han shot first, man.

-Greedo shot first!-Greedo did not...

-Greedo... Greedo... -Greedodid not... Han shot first!

But it was Greedo's fault, man,'cause Greedo's

just sitting there...sitting there with a gun!

Who sits there with a gun, man?!

-Aah! That's making me...-Aah!

-See? See? See?-What?

And those peopleare make-believe, Larry.

-They didn't even get shotfor real! -Oh.

-Look how intense you got!-Oh, (bleep).

-There you go.-(laughter)

That's a phenomenal point.

We care more about Tatooinethan our own country!

What the hell are we going to doabout this intensity gap?

Well, thankfully, people arestarting to get vocal

about gun control, but the NRAhas had a head start, man.

They've been saying"From my cold, dead hands"

since the '70s, man!

That intensity gap is wideas hell, Larry!

-God, you're right, Mike.-Excuse me?

(loudly):Uh... You're right, Mike!

There we go.Bring up the intensity!

You're (bleep) right, Mike!

Okay, say it with me now.

(Bleep) the NRA.

(Bleeping)

-You did it, man!-Yay!

-You did it!-You did it, man!

-You closed it!-Yes.

-You closed the gap!-Yeah.

BOTH: Aah! Aah!

Intensity expert Mike Yard,everybody. We'll be right back.

-BOTH: Aah! Aah!-(applause and cheering)

Come on!

Aah!

Welcome back.

Okay, guys, thank you.

There's a crazy situationgoing on in Oakland right now,

and for once,it's not Raiders fans.

There is no acting police chiefin Oakland right now.

Instead, the departmentis under civilian control.

-(laughter, groaning)-Civilian control?

You really wantto do that, Oakland?

-Have you met civilians?-(laughter)

They're the whole reasonwe have police!

(laughter)

All right, so Oaklandfinds itself in this situation

after losing three chiefsin nine days,

all in the wakeof some shocking scandals.

WOMAN: Things first began to unravel in September

after an officer killed himself and left a suicide note

claiming several officers were having sex

with a teenage prostitute.

Um, sorry.

Um, the aftermath

of a sex prostitution-copsuicide

is when things started to unravel?

(laughter)

If 14 cops are having sex withthe same underage prostitute,

I really don't think yourdepartment is "raveled."

-(laughter)-Mm.

Well, maybe the bright side isthat we're talking about cops,

and there's no racism involved.

In additionto the sex abuse claims,

there's also a separateinvestigation

into racist text messagesthat were sent between officers.

Yes! I mean, what?!

(laughter)

Honestly, I mean,with all this going on,

it's no wonderthey keep losing police chiefs.

Now, for more, we turn toOakland's newest police chief,

Officer Bob Miller.

(cheers and applause)

Now, Officer Miller,with this sex scandal

and allegationsof racist text messages,

do you think you'll ever be ableto regain the community's trust?

Yes, Larry.Now that I'm in charge,

we're going to conductinternal investigations

to ensurethis never happens again.

Well, that's good,

but 14 officerswere allegedly involved,

so what exactly are you doing toroot out this culture of abuse?

That's a good question, Larry.

That's whyI've got all my officers

just watching porn all day.That's what they do.

(laughter)

Wait. Watching porn all day?

Now I know it's a littlecontroversial, but it works.

That way,when they're out in the field,

their guns will be loadedbut their tanks will be empty,

if you know what I mean.

-I'm talking about ejaculating.-Yeah, I know what you mean.

-(laughter)-I know.

I knew exactly what you meant.

And I don't knowwhy you had to say that.

How did you even get this job?

We were just askingthe same thing, Larry.

(laughter)

Wait a second.Um, who are you?

I'm the new, new police chief,Officer Johnson!

That's right.

Officer miller was just caughtwith a group

of teenage prostitutes,so he had to go.

Wait. Just now?

You mean in the middleof the interview?

-Yeah. Hey, man, things go downquick in Oakland. -(laughter)

Oh, you know, speaking of which,just a second.

I solemnly swear to blah,blah, blah, blah. And done!

(laughter)

And done? That's an oath?

Okay, okay, so now,

you're the new, new policechief, I guess.

Officer Johnson--is that right?

Uh, no, no, no. Uh,Officer Johnson's been gone

for at least... (sputtering)five seconds.

-(laughter)-I'm Officer Wilson,

the new, new, new police chief,

and I am here to stay.

Uh, what did Officer Johnson do?

What didn't she do?

More specifically, who didn't she do? Am I right?

Yeah. Up top. Yeah.

-Okay. Yeah.-That is not funny.

Maybe not, but the textI just sent you sure is.

-(phone chimes)-Oh. Okay.

-Um... Oh, upside down.-Yeah.

"How do you stopan Oakland police chief

from having sexwith teenaged girls?"

Ugh! I don't know.

(laughs)Neither do I! Yeah!

-(laughter)-And I resign.

-Dab. Awesome.-(laughter)

-You're dabbing out?-(applause and cheering)

Why did you just dab?

Wait. Now there's no Oaklandpolice chief at all.

Oh, actually,that's not true, Larry.

Police chief's right here.How you doing?

Wait. You're back?You were just fired, right?

Yeah, it's good news.I got off on a technicality.

They could not prove it was me,even though it totally was.

-(laughter) -Okay, now,you just admitted it, though.

Oh, damn it. Well, looks likeI got to resign.

-It's been a good run.Thank you. -Wait.

This was not helpful at all.

The Oakland police chiefs,everyone.

-(applause and cheering)-Yeah.

We'll be right back.

Welcome back.I'm here with my panel.

First up, Nightly Show contributor Rory Albanese.

(cheers and applause)

And Nightly Show contributorRobin Thede.

(cheers and applause)

And she stars in the Netflix hitshow Orange Is the New Black.

The new season is out now.Actress Adrienne C. Moore.

-(cheers and applause)-Hey. -WILMORE: Hello.

And for everyone at home,

join our conversationright now on Twitter

@NightlyShow using the hashtag#Tonightly.

Okay, so last week,the Senate approved a bill

that, for the first time,would require women turning 18

to sign up for SelectiveService, just like men do.

For anyone not clear on that,

it means sign upfor the draft, right?

-THEDE: Wow.-So, are we cool with that?

Should women be in the draft,or do you think

their participation in theservice should remain voluntary?

I think it should be remain...I think it should

-remain voluntary for everybody,men included. -WILMORE: Mm-hmm.

I mean, I'm...I'm a sort of love to love,

hate war kind of person, soI have my own conflicting ideas

-about war in the first place.-WILMORE: Mm-hmm.

But I think it should be, ifyou're gonna serve your country,

you should volunteer to do it.

-My brother was in the military.-Mm-hmm.

And he volunteered to do it, soI think it should stay at that.

-Uh-huh. -But I thinkif we are required to do it,

then women should be, as well.

-Yeah. -Yeah. -'Cause, I mean,we're all about equality

-and fighting for equality.-Right.

Well, and that's the thing,right? Like...

Okay, if you're gonnahave the draft,

and you're gonna make women haveto sign up for the draft,

then they better get paidas much as the male soldiers.

-(cheers and applause) -MOORE:Better have the same jobs.

-They better have the sameopportunities. -ALBANESE: Yeah.

-The same opportunities.-Mm-hmm. -You know?

Actually, you know, one time,I worked for the U.S. Army

once years ago,and I remember at that time,

the brigadier generalwas a female.

-And I was like...-THEDE: Wow.

-And she was a sister,so I was like, "Yeah!"

-WILMORE: Right. Yeah. -THEDE:Wow. -(cheers and applause)

-I was like, "Yes!"-Yeah.

You were like, "Go on, girl,get your lemonade."

-I was... ma'am.-See? See?

I mean,I don't think this country

at this point,could handle the reinstate...

-reinstated draft.-Yeah, if it happened.

I mean, I get jury duty,I have a panic attack.

-You know what I mean?Like, we're not gonna... -Right.

-People are not going to handlegetting drafted. -Uh-huh.

We're just past that mentalityin this country.

It's tough to go backto something like that.

-THEDE: Yeah.-You think so?

Do you think it makes adifference who the president is?

-Like, if...-MOORE: Oh, absolutely.

Like, if Hillary Clintonreinstated the draft,

-or Donald Trump reinstatedthe draft? -THEDE: Oh, God.

MOORE: If Hillary Clintonwas president, then...

People are like, "Donald Trump?No, Larry, don't say that!"

Right. I don't think I would...

I would, like, fake,like, a bad eye,

or, like, a psychotic episodeif Trump was president.

I'd be like,"I can't be in the Army!"

-Yeah.-I'm crazy!

The-the... the problem...the problem is

Trump's so crazy, he'd be like,"She's normal."

-You know what I mean?-I'd start tickin', like,

"Yeah, I want to be inthe military, I want to do it."

THEDE: Yeah, but Trump...Trump might make it sound

kind of sexy-- he'd be like,"It's the most luxurious

-Yeah, yeah.-draft ever!"

Yeah. Yeah.

You know what?Maybe I should do it.

-Yeah, yeah.-Sounds good.

Do you think, uh, do you thinkeveryone should be required

to serve a year in the militarythe way Israel does?

Do you think that should happenin our country?

Do you think...'Cause I feel people...

I'm not sayingwe should do that or not,

but it does feel like we're...we're more separated

from the experience ofthe military than ever before.

You know,and it could be because...

It sounds likeyou're saying we should do it.

Well, I think we're in a warthat is very divisive right now.

-Mm-hmm. -And so we havea complicated relationship

with the militaryand with serving.

Well, that's the thing--we're in, like, three wars,

-and no one talks about it,you know? -Yeah.

I think...Although, I will say...

-You feel disconnected. -Do youknow what we're fighting about?

Have we really clearedthat conversation yet?

Well, listen, that's a wholeother conversation, but...

'Cause if I'm gonna fight,I want to know

-what I'm fighting for.-Absolutely.

-(applause, cheering)-And it's, like... Yes.

-That's a very good point.-You know, I'm not, like,

don't get me wrong,I am that girlfriend

who will, like,tear off the earrings

and put the Vaseline on...if my girlfriend was in a fight,

I'd be like,"Yeah, I'm gonna get 'em!

-Yeah. -But just let me know whyI'm getting 'em for you."

But you're right.But it's a good point.

But it's the reasonwhy people were so...

they felt so patriotic when thedraft happened in World War II,

-'cause we were attacked,it was clear. -Right. -Mm-hmm.

But in Vietnam,the draft was more divisive.

-Right. -Mm-hmm.-'Cause people were like,

"Why the (bleep)are we going over there?"

Yeah, but I have to say, man,like, having...

-I went on a USO standup tourin Afghanistan, -Mm-hmm.

and I have to say, like,

our military'sreally incredible, man.

-Yes. Yes. Yes. -And it's,like, this volunteer...

-(cheering, applause)-this volunteer... Yeah.

-Volunteerism works.-Yes! 'Cause you get

-So it's like, in other words...-the cream of the crop.

This always strikes meas so odd.

It's, like, we-we... maybeit was Tom Brokaw who did it,

that labeledthe World War II generation

"The Greatest Generation," andit's, like, they were great...

Like, the Hitler thing-- A-plus.You know what I mean? For sure.

You know? But, like,a lot of the other things

they did were terrible.

-They were racists,they were misogynistic... -Yeah.

Like, they were"The Greatest Generation."

I don't believe you're (bleep)

-on The Greatest Generation.-Well, I'm not. I'm being...

-Hey, we keep it 100. I'mkeeping it a hundred. -Right.

No, you keep it 100,keep it 100.

Those dudes threw a lotof (bleep) in our rivers

-we're cleaning up. They did.And... -(cheering, applause)

Yeah. And it's, like,we've got this all...

we've got this all-volunteerfighting force now.

-Yes. -They're impressive,they're young, they're smart.

Everyone keeps worrying aboutthe future of this country.

Like, meet those kids.They're gonna come home.

-We're gonna be fine.-Well, if we take care of them.

That's the problem, iswe're not taking care of them.

You're right.That's our responsibility.

-(cheering, applause)-They're taking care of us.

-Yeah. -You know, I think,versus... in Israel,

they don't have enough people.You know, we have a country...

-It's a small country. Right.-It's a small country.

We have a massive country.I think what...

Maybe we couldjust have Rhode Island

-and have everybody inRhode Island... -Yeah, right.

Everybody in Rhode Islandshould go in the military.

Sorry, if you live inRhode Island you got to serve

-in the military.-No, I think versus having

a mandatory yearof military service,

everyone should have a mandatoryyear of customer service.

-Because then... Yes!-Customer service? -(laughter)

Yes. Hear me out. They wouldlearn how to treat people

and we wouldn't be at warso goddamn much.

-You know, people treateach other like crap. -Yes. Yes.

Yeah, I mean, it could be 'causeall the customer service jobs

-are in India, we don't knowthat skill. -That's right, sir.

-(audience groaning) -ButI do think there are great...

-Burn. India burn.-These people hate the truth.

I do think there's a lotof great things, though,

that the military offersin the instruction,

and the discipline and the focusand just the idea

-of, like, a yearin a little boot camp. -Yeah.

You know, I think my bodywould be snatched...

-Ah. -(whooping)-by the end of it.

-I would come home to, like,"Hey, Mom!" -Yeah. Right.

-WILMORE: Sure. -Snatched.-THEDE: I-I agree.

I think I would go.Like, if there was a draft--

and obviously,I'm between 18 and 25,

-so I would be drafted...-Mm-hmm. Yeah, I get it.

Um, I'm not surewhy they're laughing.

-(laughter) -If Obamasaid tomorrow, "Okay...

"we got to bump upthis fight against ISIS,

-Yeah. -"and I'm institutingthe draft right now.

-Robin, you're up."-Yes. I would go.

Really? 'Cause I'm windedlistening to you,

so I definitely wouldn't go.

Well, I told you what I wasgonna do, I'd start twitching.

-You know?-No, because you know what?

There's also, we fight warsin a different way now.

-ALBANESE: Like a video game.-Yeah, it's like a video game.

But there's also a lot.There's military intelligence,

there's languages,there's all sorts of things

that you can do. I mean,the people on the front lines,

people always go, "I'dbe sent to the front lines."

I'm like, "No. You knowwho's up there? Special Forces."

It's, like, the highly elite.My brother-in-law was a Marine

-for almost 20 years.-Mm-hmm.

Like, those guys are serious.Like, you know, they're not

just gonna send some scaredperson to the front line.

They're gonna...they're gonna...

-you know, hopefully.-But not you there.

Yeah, no, no, no, no.No, I'm...

She's gonna be that personin the room like,

"Vector seven, vector seven,go over five, go over five.

-And hit." -ALBANESE:I mean, for me, it's just...

I'd be the person, like,customizing uniforms and stuff.

I'd be like, "Is this a job?"

Not that one you were injust three minutes ago.

Oh. The picture you paint of waris so realistic, Robin.

-I know. -I thinkit would be good if we...

if more people hadan understanding

of what the militaryhas to go through,

-sacrifices they make.-But I feel like

a kid should have to go if...like, if you're part of, like,

the Duggars, like, if there'stoo many kids in your family.

-You know what I mean? Like...-Oh, just send one of them out?

-No, it's just like...-I like that.

You trying to burn,like, the Brady Bunch?

It should be like a calf.It should be, like,

your fourth kid and beyond'sgot to go.

You know? Like, it can't be...There's not enough resources

for all those Duggars,you know? You can't, like...

This is not Hunger Games. What are we talking about?

ALBANESE: You got to contribute.One of those Duggars

-needs to contribute. -WILMORE:I think it's a great idea.

We'll figure it all out.We'll be right back.

-MOORE: Hunger Game strategy.-(cheering, applause)

If you live in the New York City area

or are planning to visit, grab some free tickets

to The Nightly Show.

Welcome back.Thanks to my panelists,

Rory Albanese, Robin Thedeand Adrienne C. Moore.

We're almost about of time,but before we go,

I'm gonna keep it 100.Okay, tonight's question

is from a friend of the show,Paul Scheer.

So let's take a look.

Larry... if you had to havepenises for toes

or vaginas for ears,what would it be?

Keep it 100.

Hmm.

(laughter)

-That's a good (bleep) question.-Let's see, I don't know.

-Uh... uh...-Ew...!

Vaginas for ears! Of course!

Thanks for watching.Good Nightly, everyone.

I don't know.It's a tough question.

-♪ -(cheering, applause)

MAN: Ooh, sorry.