March 26, 2015 - ISIS on Tatooine & Bacon Rage at McDonald's

  • 03/26/2015

Panelists Egypt Sherrod, Rory Albanese, Robert Reich and JB Smoove sit down with Larry to talk about Western recruits to ISIS and the abolition of fraternities.

>> Larry: TONIGHTLY, IT'S A

POTPOURRI SHOW, AND WE'RE NOTTALKING ABOUT THAT PILE OF GROSS

LEAVES YOUR GRANDMOTHER LEAVESON THE BACK OF THE TOILET.

I.S.I.S. HAS TAKEN OVER THEORIGINAL "STAR WARS" MOVIE SET.

HEY, IF THIS IS WHAT IT TAKES TOGET RID OF JAR JAR BINKS...

THEN SO BE IT.

A HOME DEPOT EMPLOYEE IS FIREDFOR HAVING AN I.S.I.S. LIP

TATTOO.

THANK GOD NOBODY AT COMEDYCENTRAL KNOWS ABOUT MY "I HEART

AL QAEDA" TRAMP STAMP.

IT'S A GRAB BAG OF CRAZY HEADLINES!

SO GET READY TO GET PUNCHED INTHE LAUGH POUCH.

THIS IS THE "THE NIGHTLY SHOW."

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)♪♪

>> Larry: ALL RIGHT!

THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

THANK YOU!

(AUDIENCE CHANTING LARRY)THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

WELCOME TO THE "THE NIGHTLYSHOW."

I GUESS I'M LARRY WILMORE. SOMUCH FUN BECAUSE

TONIGHT WE'RE DOING SOMETHINGSPECIAL.

WE'RE GOING ON BREAK NEXT WEEK,AND THERE ARE A TON OF STORIES

IN THE NEWS THAT WE'D LOVE TOCOVER AT LENGTH, BUT WE JUST

DON'T HAVE THE TIME.

SO WE'RE GONNA HIT 'EM AND QUIT'EM.

IT'S TIME FOR "STUFF THAT CAN'TFILL A WHOLE SHOW BUT WE WANTED

TO GET IN BEFORE WE GO ONBREAK."

♪♪(APPLAUSE)

LET'S DO THIS!

TOPIC RANDOMIZER, GIVE US OURFIRST STORY!

GO!

OH!

PEOPLE JOINING I.S.I.S.

YEAH, THIS IS CRAZY.

JUST TODAY, TWO NATIONALGUARDSMEN WERE CAUGHT TRYING TO

JOIN I.S.I.S.

THIS KEEPS GOING ON!

A FEW WEEKS AGO, THERE WAS A GUYIN THE AIR FORCE.

BUT THE ONE I REALLY CAN'T WRAPMY HEAD AROUND IS THIS.

>> TEENAGERSARE GOING OFF TO FIGHT WITH

I.S.I.S. YOUNG TEENAGE SCHOOLGIRLS JUST 15 YEARS OLD

>> Larry: FIFTEEN?!

SEE, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS IN THE21st CENTURY WHEN YOU'RE

TRYING TO PISS OFF YOUR PARENTSAND THERE ARE NO BLACK GUYS IN

TOWN TO SLEEP WITH.

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE)

I'M JUST SAYIN'...

MAYBE THIS MAKES SENSE.

I MEAN, ALL KIDS LIKE TO REBELAGAINST THEIR PARENTS.

I NEED TO GO TO SCOLDING DADCAM. HEY!

SIT YOUR BUTT DOWN THIS INSTANT!

NOW, I'VE HEARD FROM JUSTIN'SMOTHER THAT YOU JOINED THE

ISLAMIC STATE?

IS THAT TRUE?

PUT YOUR CELL PHONE DOWN ANDLOOK AT ME.

IS THIS TRUE?

WELL, I WENT THROUGH YOURUNDERWEAR DRAWER AND I FOUND

THIS!

>> A SCIMITAR?

>> Larry: IT'S NOT MINE.

IT'S NOT YOUR MOTHER'S.

WHERE DID YOU GET THIS?

YOU WERE TRYING TO START ANISLAMIC CALIPHATE, WEREN'T YOU?

WEREN'T YOU?

I'M GONNA LET YOUR MOTHER HANDLETHIS, BUT I'M NOT HAPPY.

AND I'M KEEPING THIS.

(APPLAUSE)>> Larry: THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

THANK YOU!

SCOLDING DAD, EVERYONE.

SCOLDING DAD.

OKAY, RANDOMIZER.

WHAT'S OUR NEXT TOPIC?

A LITTLE DELAY.

OH!

OH, MY GOD.

VERY INTERESTING.

>> A NEW REPORT FROM THE U.S.

GEOLOGICAL SURVEY SAYS GOLD ANDOTHER PRECIOUS METALS ARE

TURNING UP IN WASTE WATERPLANTS.

A CITY OF A MILLION PEOPLE, SAYTHE SIZE OF DALLAS, POTENTIALLY

FLUSHES $13 MILLION WORTH EACHYEAR.

FLUSHES $13 MILLION WORTH EACHYEAR.

>> Larry: I WILL SAY THATWHEN, AS A

SOCIETY, WE GET TO THE POINTTHAT OUR TOILETS ARE ON THE GOLD

STANDARD, IT SHOULDN'T BE ASURPRISE THAT THE REST OF THE

WORLD HATES US.

I GUESS THAT EXPLAINS WHERETRUMP GETS ALL THAT GOLD FOR HIS

HOTELS.

ALL RIGHT.

NEXT STORY.

RANDOMIZER, RANDOMIZE ME.

I.S.I.S. AGAIN?

BUT ALSO...

"STAR WARS."

LET'S ROLL IT.

>> THE DOME STRUCTURES OFTATTOOINE, HAD BECOME A TOURIST

DRAW AFTER THEY WERE USED AS THESET FOR LUKE SKYWALKER'S HOME

PLANET.

BUT THE TOWN HAS BECOMEINCREASINGLY UNSAFE.

IT'S NOW A BASE FOR I.S.I.S.

FIGHTERS.

>> Larry: HOLD UP.

I.S.I.S. HAS TAKEN OVERTATTOOINE?

OH, MY GOD, IT WASN'T STORMTROOPERS WHO KILLED UNCLE OWEN

AND AUNT BERU!

>> AUNT BERU!

>> Larry: YOU BASTARDS!

THAT WAS I.S.I.S.?

(BLEEP)!

NOW, LOOK.

I'M PROTECTIVE OF "STAR WARS,"SO I WANT TO SAY SOMETHING HERE.

I'M NOT GOING TO LET SOMEBEARDED MEGALOMANIAC IN I.S.I.S.

DESECRATE TATTOOINE.

THE ONLY BEARDED MEGALOMANIACWHO GETS TO RUIN THE MYTHOLOGY

OF THAT TWO-SUN PLANET IS THISGUY.

(LAUGHTER)>> Larry: THAT'S IT!

I'VE SAID THIS BEFORE, AND I'LLSAY IT ONE MORE TIME -- GREEDO

DID NOT SHOOT FIRST.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Larry: THANK YOU!

IT WAS HAN.

HAN SHOT FIRST.

I'M NOT GOING TO SAY THIS AGAIN.

ALL RIGHT, WE'VE GOT TIME FORMORE!

RANDOMIZER, DO IT!

>> Larry: OH, OKAY.

THIS IS GREAT.

THIS IS MY FAVORITE.

AN ABSOLUTELY TRUE STORY,OKAY.

A WOMAN WENT TO A McDONALD'SAND SHE WANTED A BACON

CHEESEBURGER.

THEY FORGOT THE BACON.

THEN THIS HAPPENED.

>> WHEN 29-YEAR-OLD SHANEKATORRES CALLED TO COMPLAIN SHE

WAS TOLD HER NEXT MEAL WOULD BEFREE, BUT SHE RETURNED TO THE

SAME McDONALD'S AND THEWORKERS AGAIN GOT THE ORDER

WRONG.

AFTER THAT, POLICE SAID TORRESFIRED A BULLET THROUGH THE

DRIVE-THROUGH WINDOW.

NO ONE WAS HIT AND TORRES WASARRESTED.

>> Larry: NOW, IN SHANEKA'SDEFENSE, THEY DID FORGET HER

BACON TWICE.

IN THE SAME DAY.

I'M NO LAWYER, BUT THAT MIGHTHOLD UP IN COURT.

WE THOUGHT THIS STORY WAS SOIMPORTANT THAT WE THOUGHT WE DID

RE-CREATE IT FOR YOU THROUGH THEMAJESTY OF...

"WE CAN'T BELIEVE THIS (BLEEP),SO WE HAVE TO ACT IT OUT

THEATER."

♪♪PLEASE WELCOME THE "WE CAN'T

BELIEVE THIS (BLEEP) PLAYERS."

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Larry: OKAY.

LET ME SET THE SCENE.

SHANEKA ROLLS THROUGH THEDRIVE-THROUGH EAGERLY

ANTICIPATING HER CHEESEBURGERWITH BACON.

>> SASHA: HERE'S YOUR ORDER,MA'AM.

>> HOLLY: OH, HELL, NO.

I ASKED FOR BACON.

THIS BURGER AIN'T GOT NO BACON.

>> MIKE: BABY, BABY, BABY, IT'SFINE.

YOU DON'T NEED ALL THAT PORKANYWAY.

>> HOLLY: NO, IT'S NOT.

NEXT TIME I COME UP IN HERE,I'MMA GET THAT BURGER FOR FREE,

WITH BACON.

>> Larry: AND THAT NEXT TIMETURNED OUT TO BE JUST A FEW

HOURS LATER.

>> HOLLY: I'M BACK FOR MYCHEESEBURGER WITH BACON!

>> SASHA: CERTAINLY.

HERE YOU GO!

>> HOLLY: OH, HELL, NO!

THIS BURGER AIN'T GOT NO BACONEITHER.

>> MIKE: BABY, IT'S NOT WORTHIT!

WE'VE GOT THAT BACON AT HOME!

>> HOLLY: I WANT THATMcDONALD'S BACON!

>> SASHA: I'M SORRY.

WE JUST RAN OUT OF BACON.

>> Larry: AND THEN SHANEKASAID, AND I QUOTE...

>> HOLLY: BITCH, YOU DON'T KNOWWHO YOU TALKIN' TO!

EXCUSE ME!

(SHOOTING...)POW! POW! POW! POW! POW!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Larry: I WANT TO POINT OUT,

NO ONE WAS HARMED IN THESHOOTING OF THIS McDONALD'S,

AND SHANEKA WAS ARRESTED.

THE "WE CAN'T BELIEVE THIS(BLEEP)" PLAYERS!

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)♪♪

>> Larry: WELCOME BACK TO THE"THE NIGHTLY SHOW"!

JOINING ME ON THE PANEL TONIGHT,AUTHOR OF "KEEP CALM, IT'S JUST

REAL ESTATE" AND THE HOST OFHGTV'S "PROPERTY VIRGINS," EGYPT

SHERROD.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)EXECUTIVE PRODUCER OF THE "THE

NIGHTLY SHOW," OUR VERY OWN RORYALBANESE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)PROFESSOR OF PUBLIC POLICY AT

U.C. BERKELEY AND FORMER U.S.

SECRETARY OF LABOR ROBERT REICH.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)AND HE'LL BE APPEARING AT THE

"GARDEN OF LAUGHS" BENEFIT INNEW YORK THIS SATURDAY, COMEDIAN

AND ACTOR JB SMOOVE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> YOU WANT TO SAY MORE STUFF.

>> Larry: HE'S GOT A LOT OFCREDITS.

AND THEY'RE NOT BOOING.

THEY'RE SAYING, SMOOVE, SMOOVE,SMOOVE!

>> BACKSTAGE, THEY SAID I'MPOSSIBLY THE MOST WELL-DRESSED

PERSON THEY'VE EVER HAD ON THESHOW.

>> Larry: THAT'S TRUE.

I THINK IT IS.

LET'S GET INTO IT,GUYS.

WE HAVE SO MANY INTERESTINGTOPICS TONIGHT, I DON'T KNOW

WHERE TO BEGIN.

SO I'M GOING TO LET THEPANELISTS DECIDE.

I HAVE A GRAB BAG WITH UNUSUALITEMS IN IT THAT COORDINATE WITH

TONIGHT'S TOPICS.

WHATEVER ITEM OUR PANELIST PULLSOUT WILL BE THE TOPIC WE ADDRESS

NEXT.

EGYPT, WE'LL GO WITH YOU FIRST.

LADIES FIRST.

>> WAIT A MINUTE, THIS IS ASETUP!

>> Larry: THAT IS BEER PONG SOWE'RE GONNA DO THE FRAT

QUESTION. YOU HEARD IN THE NEWS,SAE, THE RACIST FRAT --

>> KIND OF REDUNDANT, ISN'T IT?

>> Larry: WELL DONE! AND THERE'STHE GUYS AT PENN STATE

WITH NAKED PICTURES AND WILLFERRELL CAME

OUT AND SAID WE SHOULD GET RIDOF FRATS ALTOGETHER.

YOU'RE A BIG PARTYING FRAT GUY,ROBERT, WHAT DO YOU SAY?

>> I SAY FRATERNITIES AREELITISTS, EXCLUSIVE AND THERE IS

NO EDUCATIONAL FUNCTION.

GET RID OF THEM COMPLETELY.

>> Larry: GONE?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> IF YOU GET RID OF SORORITIES

AND FRATERNITIES, NO ONE GOES TOSCHOOL ANYMORE, QUITE HONEST.

THAT'S THE BEST PART OF COLLEGE,THE WHOLE EXPERIENCE.

YOU SHOULD'NT THROW OUT THEWHOLE BATCH OF APPLES BECAUSE OF

ONE BAD APPLE.

THE REALTY IS THERE ARE A LOT OFFRATERNITIES AND SORORITY THAT

ARE EXEMPLARY.

THEY DO GREAT COMMUNITY SERVICE,THROW GREAT PARTIES --

>> THAT'S NOT TRUE.

LET ME JUST SAY THAT FOR THELAST 40 YEARS THAT I HAVE BEEN

IN AND AROUND UNIVERSITIES,EVERY YEAR OR TWO THERE IS A

SCANDAL AND THERE'S AN APOLOGYAND THESE PRIVILEGED ELITE

PEOPLE COME OUT AND DO PRESSCONFERENCES AND THEY SAY NEVER,

NEVER AGAIN, AND THEY DO ITAGAIN!

>> Larry: IT'S A NEW BATCH OFDICKS COMING IN, THOUGH.

>> IT'S FRESH DICKS.

WHY AM I THE ONLY WOMAN ONTHE SET HERE!

>> HOLD ON A MINUTE.

I THINK YOU'RE BOTH RIGHT.

I DON'T THINK THEY DO AS MUCHGOOD AS EGYPT SAYS BUT I DON'T

THINK WE SHOULD BAN THEM.

BUT I DON'T THINK THEY DO A LOTOF GOOD.

BANNING STUFF IS A BAD PRACTICEJUST BECAUSE A COUPLE OF

PEOPLE -- IN OTHER WORDS, WEHAVE THE KKK IN AMERICA, WE

DON'T BAN THAT.

>> THOSE GUYS ARE BIGGER DICKS!

>> Larry: K.K.K. HAS A LOT OFGOOD PARTIES, TOO!

(LAUGHTER)>> LARRY, I'M GOING TO DISAGREE

WITH THAT.

AS A JEW, I DON'T GO TO THOSEPARTIES.

>> Larry: WERE YOU EVER IN AFRAT OR ANYTHING?

>> I CONSIDERED JOINING A FRATWHEN I GOT IN COLLEGE.

THEN I HUNG OUT WITH TEN GUYSAND WE HAD OUR OWN CREW

>> THAT'S CALLED A GANG.

WELL, WE DID OUR STUFFUNDERCOVER.

>> AGAIN...

BUT I WILL SAY YOU'RE GOINGTO HAVE BAD AND GOOD FRATS.

DID YOU SEE OLD SCHOOL? IDON'T THINK WE SHOULD BAN THEM.

JUST MAKE THEM MORE DIVERSE.

THAT WAY, IF THEY DO SOMETHINGRACIST, THE BLACK GUY GOES, WHAT

THE (BLEEP) YOU SAY?

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

(LAUGHTER)>> Larry: AFFIRMATIVE ACTION.

OH!

THAT'S I.S.I.S.

WE COVERED IN THE HEADLINE THEREIS AN ABSURD AMOUNT OF

WESTERNERS JOINING I.S.I.S.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT.

WE HAVE THE TEEN GIRLS AND ALL.

THIS WHY ARE PEOPLE TRYING TOJOIN I.S.I.S.?

WHAT'S GOING ON?

YES, ROBERT, I'M LOOKING AT YOU.

>> I THINK THERE ARE NOT THATMANY TRYING TO JOIN I.S.I.S.

YOU SAY ALL THESE EUROPEANS ANDAMERICANS.

OUT OF 600 MILLION EUROPEANS ANDAMERICANS YOU HAVE, WHAT, 400,

800 TRYING TO JOIN I.S.I.S.?

THIS IS NOT A BIG DEAL.

THE PRESS IS MAKING IT A BIGDEAL AND THE MORE WE TALK ABOUT

IT, THE MORE PEOPLE WILL GO.

(APPLAUSE)>> Larry: YOU DON'T THINK

I.S.I.S. IS A BIG DEAL?

>> NO, I.S.I.S. IS A BIG DEAL.

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT PEOPLE,EUROPEANS AND AMERICANS WHO

ARE GOING OVER -->> Larry: WHAT ABOUT ABOUT

SERVICEMEN?

WHAT ABOUT PEOPLE IN THEMILITARY?

I MEAN -->> HOW MANY?

HOW MANY?

>> Larry: IT DOESN'T MATTER!

IF YOU'RE IN THE MILITARY,WHAT'S MAKING YOU JOIN I.S.I.S.?

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT IS.

>> I ALSO DON'T UNDERSTAND HOWDO YOU KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO GET

INTO I.S.I.S.?

LIKE WHAT IF YOU TRAVEL AND HAVETO SNEAK THROUGH BORDERS AND

TAKE BOATS AND THEY GO, NO,WE'RE GOING TO BEHEAD YOU,

YOU'RE AN AMERICAN.

IT COULD BE THEY'RE LIKE A CATCHA PREDATOR, YOU KNOW WHAT I

MEAN?

(LAUGHTER)NO, YOU SHOW UP WITH, LIKE, A

SIX-PACK OF MIKE'S HARD LEMONADEAND GO, LET'S DO IT!

>> Larry: YOU WANT TO BE ATRAITOR?

I'LL SHOW YOU!

>> HONESTLY, I THINK IT WANTS ABIG MISUNDERSTANDING.

WE EVEN HEARD ABOUT THE COLLEGESTUDENTS WHO TRIED TO JOIN

I.S.I.S. AS WELL.

I THINK IT'S A MISUNDERSTANDING.

>> Larry: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I DON'T THINK THEY'RE TRYINGTO JOIN A TERRORIST GROUP.

I THINK THEY'RE LOOKING FOR THEATLANTA STRIPPER CALLED ISIS.

>> I HEARD ABOUT THIS YEARS AGOIN COLLEGE.

IS THIS THE LADY WHO PUTS ICE INHER MOUTH BEFORE SHE GIVES YOU A

BLOW JOB?

(LAUGHTER)COULD BE HER.

>> Larry: YOU THINK PEOPLETHINK THEY'RE GOING TO DO THAT?

THAT'S WHY THEY'RE LEAVING?

>> I TELL YOU THERE'S A GIRLNAME ISIS WHO PUTS ICE IN HER

MOUTH BEFORE SHE GIVES GUYS BLOWJOBS!

>> Larry: WERE YOU IN AFRATERNITY?

>> NO, I WASN'T IN A FRAT.

YOU SOUND LIKE A MAN WHOKNOWS FIRST-HAND.

>> I DO NOT.

YOU'RE KIND OF EXCITED!

YOU DON'T WANT TO GET WITH THISGIRL NAMED CRYSTAL BECAUSE

THAT'S JUST PAINFUL

>> Larry: WE'LL BE BACK TOTALK ABOUT MORE.

>> Larry: THANK YOU!

WELCOME BACK!

OKAY!

TIME FOR THE SEGMENT WE LIKE TOCALL "KEEP IT 100"!

100% REAL!

ALL THE KEEP IT 100S ARECONNECTED TO THE TOPICS IN THE

GRAB BAG.

J.B., YOU'RE WORKING ATMcDONALD'S, ALL RIGHT?

>> RIGHT.

>> Larry: AND SHANEKA DRIVESUP, ORDERS A BACON CHEESEBURGER.

YOU NOTICE THERE'S NO BACON ONTHAT CHEESEBURGER.

>> RIGHT.

>> Larry: NOW, YOU'RE A COMIC.

YOU LIKE FUNNY, OKAY?

DO YOU GIVE HER THE BURGER,KNOWING THERE'S NO BACON ON IT,

FOR THE LAUGHS?

BECAUSE YOU KNOW SOMETHING FUNNYIS ABOUT TO HAPPEN.

OR DO YOU DO THE RIGHT THING ASTHE McDONALD'S EMPLOYEE, PUT

THE BACON ON IT AND GIVE HER THECORRECT BURGER.

>> WHAT DO I DO?

I KNOW HER SMART ASS IS COMINGBACK.

TAKE OFF THE BUN, PUT THE BACONON BOTH SIDES LIKE THE BACON IS

THE BUN.

PUT THE MEAT IN THE MIDDLE ANDPUT IT IN A BOX AND GIVE IT TO

HER STUPID ASS.

YOU GOT THE BACON!

SHUT UP!

>> SOUNDS DELICIOUS.

THAT BUN IS STAYING WITH ME!

>> Larry: HE KEPT IT 100!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)THERE YOU GO.

OKAY.

ALL RIGHT.

WE'LL GO TO ROBERT ON THIS ONE.

THERE WAS A STORY WE DIDN'TSHOW.

ONE OF THE STORIES WAS OF THEPOPE RECENTLY LAMENTING ABOUT

HIS FAME AND HOW HE MISSES BEINGANONYMOUS AND HE CAN'T GO INTO A

PIZZA PLACE ANYMORE.

SO THE POPEMOBILE IS GOINGAROUND TOWN AND HERE'S WHAT

HAPPENS!

(SHOUTING PAPA)(LAUGHTER)

>> THE GUY GIVES THE POPE APIZZA!

IT WAS AWESOME!

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT HIS SECURITY.

I THINK HE DOESN'T WANT TO BEPOPE ANYMORE.

ROBERT, YOU'RE IN A MOB OFPEOPLE WAITING TO SEE THE POPE

AND YOU HAVE LOW BLOOD SUGAR.

THAT PIZZA IS PASSING AROUND.

YOU'RE 30 SECONDS FROM PASSINGOUT AROUND ACCORDING TO YOUR

CALCULATIONS.

THE POPE'S PIZZA IS COMINGAROUND, YOU COULD TAKE A SLICE

OF PIZZA.

IF YOU DO, YOU'RE GOING TO HELL,BUT IF YOU DON'T YOU COULD BE

KNOCKED OUT FROM LOW BLOODSUGAR.

WHAT DO YOU DO?

>> I TAKE THE PIZZA!

I'M NOT CATHOLIC!

>> Larry: YOU DO?

ABSOLUTELY!

>> Larry: GOT TO GIVE IT 100!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)RORY.

>> YEAH.

>> Larry: WE SAW THE GUY WHOGOT THE I.S.I.S. TATTOO ON THE

INSIDE OF HIS MOUTH.

YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND NAMEDISIS.

>> DOES SHE DO THE THING J.B.

TALKED ABOUT?

>> Larry: IT'S THE SAME.

OKAY.

(LAUGHTER)IF YOU GET THE I.S.I.S. TATTOO,

IT MEANS YOU'RE THE GREATESTCOMEDIAN OF ALL TIME, DO YOU GET

THE TATTOO?

>> '[BLEEP] YEAH!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)IF I CAN BE JB SMOOVE LEVEL

FAMOUS, I'LL TAKE THAT.

>> Larry: READY, EGYPT?

BRING IT ON.

>> Larry: YOU'RE SELLING AMANSION TO A VERY RICH FAMILY.

RIGHT BEFORE THEY SIGN THECLOSING PAPERS, YOU SEE A TOILET

OVERFLOWING WITH POOPED GOLD,OKAY?

(LAUGHTER)WE DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH POOP GOLD

THE HOUSEHOLDS.

IT COULD BE A SLOT MACHINE ORCOULD BE THE END OF THE GOLD.

DO YOU SABOTAGE THE SALE, GETLABELED THE WORST REAL ESTATE

AGENT, BUT MINE ALL THE POOPGOLD, OR DO THE RIGHT THING,

SELL THE HOUSE?

GOOD AGENT.

WHAT DO YOU DO?

>> SELL THE HOUSE AND OFFER THEM$10,000 TO RENT IT OUT FOR 30

DAYS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Larry: PRETTY GOOD!

I JUST HAVE TO SAY I FORGOT TOMENTION ONE LAST THING, IT'S

POOP FOOLS GOLD!

BAM!

BUT YOU GET ONE OF THESE!

THANKS FOR KEEPING IT 100!

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Larry: THAT'S ALL THE TIME

WE HAVE FOR TONIGHT.

I WANT TO THANK OUR PANELISTSJB SMOOVE, EGYPT SHERROD, ROBERT

REICH AND RORY ALBANESE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)BY THE WAY, THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN

THE BREAST FEEDING QUESTION --IT'S WRONG ON SO MANY LEVELS,

THAT'S ALL I'M GOING TO SAY.

THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE FORTONIGHT!

GOODNIGHTLY, EVERYONE!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)♪♪

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)♪♪

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)♪♪

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)♪♪

Captioning sponsored by COMEDY CENTRAL

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH

access.wgbh.org

POTPOURRI SHOW, AND WE'RE NOTTALKING ABOUT THAT PILE OF GROSS

>> Larry: WELCOME BACK TO THE"THE NIGHTLY SHOW"!