The Commonwealth Games

  • Season 3, Ep 8
  • 03/03/2015

"Show Us Your Songs" continues its journey through the Commonwealth, Don helps Murph through a crisis, and a police officer's body is modified with high-tech gear.

- HEY, WHERE YOUSE WANT METO PUT THESE BULLETS, POOKIE?

- OH, PUT 'EM NEXT TOTHEM HOLLOWED-OUT GRENADES.

WHOA, LOOK WHO'S HERE!both: HEY.

- I GOT SOMETHING TO PAWNYOUSE GUYS.

BROTHERLY LOVE.

[rock music]

- WHAT'S UP, MAN?HOW'S IT GOING?

- THINGS WERE DOING PRETTY GOOD

UNTIL I ENDED UPIN THIS [bleep] TOWN.

- [laughs]DON'T DIS IT TILL YOU MISS IT.

- I BET YOU $50THAT THE NEXT GUY

TO WALK INTOTHIS LOUSY ESTABLISHMENT'S

GONNA BE WEARINGA OFF-BRAND PENGUINS JERSEY.

- I CAN'T DO THAT AROUND DEB.

- MM-MM.- [chuckles]

- 75.

- [laughs]ALL RIGHT, DUDE.

I'M NOT GONNA TAKE IT.

- FRICK!I WOULD HAVE WON $50.

- YOU GETTING ANGRY.- CRAP!

- DUDE, WE'RE NEXTTO A CHURCH FULL OF NUNS.

MURPH COMES IN HEREWITH GUNS BLAZING

LIKE TOMMY CRUISEIN JACK REACHER.

I'M LIKE, "WHAT'S GOING ONIN YOUR NEBBY HEAD?"

- LOOKING TO GET OUT OFTHE HOUSE FOR A LITTLE AWHILE,

GET AWAY FROM MY HOME.

YOU GONNA SUE ME FOR LEAVINGMY HOUSE FOR A WEEKEND?

GO AHEAD.

- IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHTWITH YOU AND MURPH?

HE DON'T LOOK SO GOOD.

- THAT DIRT SHOWED UPKNOCKING FOR YOUSE?

DEB, ASK HIM WHAT HAPPENEDTO OUR SAVINGS.

HE'S GOT ME FEELING SO LOW,LIKE I'M TOM HANKS

WALKING AROUNDRITTENHOUSE SQUARE WITH AIDS.

- SO, MURPH, WHAT BRINGS YOUTO PITTSBURGH AGAIN?

- OH, I'M GOING OVERTO THAT P.A. PAWN SHOP

OWNER-OPERATOR CONFERENCEIN ERIE.

THOUGHT I'D STOP BYON THE WAY.

- I DON'T THINKTHE PAWN-FERENCE IS TILL AUGUST.

- I LEFT TERESA.

- THAT'S NOT WHAT TERESA SAYS.

- YOU TALKED TO HERON THE PHONE?

- SHE WAS PUTTING POPIN YOUR SECOND FRIDGE.

- I'M FOUR IRONS IN.YOU GOT TO CATCH UP.

- MAYBE YOU COULD HAVEA POP INSTEAD.

- I DON'T EVEN FEEL A THINGUNTIL MY SIXTH.

- WE NEED TO GET YOU SOME POPAT THE STORE,

AND YOU BETTER GET OUTON THE GRASS.

- DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT ME.I GOT A PLAN.

EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE JUST FINE.

I'M ANTHONY DOWNPOUR,

AND THIS IS THE CHANNEL SIXACTION WEATHER ACCU FORECAST

AND LOTTO DRAWING.

- I ALWAYS LIKE GETTINGMY NUMBERS FROM ANTHONY DOWNPOUR

'CAUSE I GET THE WEATHER TOO.

- SO TOMORROW WE CAN EXPECTA HIGH OF...

28.

AND OUR LOTTO NUMBER IS...

11.

ON THURSDAY,WE'LL SEE A HIGH OF 26.

AND FOR OUR BIG FIVELOTTO NUMBER...

- YEAH, MAYBE YOU'LL WIN.

THERE'S ONLY, LIKE, WHAT,

14 MILLION PEOPLEIN PENNSYLVANIA?

- THE ODDS AREN'T BAD.- YOUR CHANCES ARE REAL GOOD.

- AND OUR PICK FIVE NUMBER IS...

72.

I WISHIT WAS THE OTHER WAY AROUND,

'CAUSE THEN THE TEMPERATUREWOULD BE 72--

NICE.

AND THEN THE PICK FIVEWOULD BE 35,

WHICH DOESN'T AFFECT ANYTHING

EXCEPT CERTAIN PEOPLE'S NUMBERSTHAT THEY PICKED.

- FRICK! FRICK!CRAP.

- I'M SORRY, I FORGOTTO INTRODUCE THE WITNESS.

THIS IS JOANNE.WHAT ARE YOU, 5'10''?

PROBABLY LIKE 5'11''.

- I LOST EVERYTHING.

- DON'T TELL MEYOUSE LOST THE HOUSE.

- EVEN WORSE.

WHAT'S GOING ONWITH MY FACE HERE?

- IT'S--YOU GOT THREE RIVERS

COMING DOWN OUT OF YOUR EYES,BRO.

- I AIN'T EVER CRIED BEFORE.- LET IT OUT, MAN.

IT'S LIKE THE MONONGAHELAAND THE ALLEGHENY

FORMING ON YOUR UPPER LIPTO MAKE THE OHIO.

- NOW THE BOOKIESARE GONNA COME AFTER ME.

I GAVE THEM ALL MY MONEY.THEY STILL WANT MORE.

THAT'S WHY I HAD TO TAKEA GREYHOUND HERE.

- OOF.

BETTER TO CRAWL ON THE GROUND

THAN TAKING A GREYHOUND.

- WHAT DO WE KNOW?

- WE WERE ABOUT TO CATCHTHE DRUG DEALER,

BUT HE BLEW OFF THE RENDEZVOUSAT THE LAST SECOND.

- SOMEONE MUST HAVE TIPPED HIMOFF.

- YOU DON'T THINK THEY HAVESOMEONE ON THE INSIDE?

- GET ME HARD COPIESOF THE CAR PHONE CALL RECORDS.

- BUT THAT'LL TAKEFOUR TO FIVE BUSINESS DAYS.

- WELL,I'VE GOT JUST ONE QUESTION

FOR YOU, ROOKIE.

[electronics whirring]

DOES YOUR OFFICE...

HAVE THE INTERNET?

- HE WAS ONE OFTHE TOUGHEST SHERIFFS

IN ALL OF ALBUQUERQUE,NEW MEXICO,

UNTIL AN ENCOUNTERWITH A ROGUE YELLOW JACKET

THAT LEFT HIM STUNNEDAND ON THE GROUND.

- I'M ALLERGIC TO BEES.

- HIS LIFELESS BODYWAS REANIMATED...

- IT'S JUST A BEE STING.

- AND EQUIPPED WITH THE LATESTIN MODERN HARDWARE.

HE NOW USESHIS MICROCHIP-POWERED BRAIN

IN HIS RELENTLESS PURSUITOF DANGEROUS CRIMINALS.

IS HE A MAN?IS HE A MACHINE?

HE IS MANCHINE.

- HOW'S IT COMING ALONG?

- HOLD YOUR DINGOES, STEPHANIE.

I'M DOWNLOADING LITERALLYHUNDREDS OF KILOBYTES

OF INFORMATION.

[computer beeping]

- I COULD COME BACKWHEN IT'S CLOSER TO BEING READY.

- STAY.- OKAY.

- I JUST WANT TO MAKE IT CLEAR,WE NEED ACCESS TO THE PHONES.

IF WE DON'T CALL IN LUNCHBY NOON,

IT'LL NEVER BE READY.- WELL, I'M HUNGRY.

I'D LOVE A SAUSAGE SIZZLEOR SOMETHING.

BUT I DON'T KNOWIF HE EATS FOOD.

[modem beeping]

WELL.[clears throat]

- [indistinct high-pitchedrapping]

[electronic dance music]

[squeals]

- YUP.

YOU KNOW, I HATE YOUR ACT.

I HATE IT SO MUCHTHAT I WANT TO THROW UP.

AND WITH THE SHOCK STUFFWITH THE NELSON MANDELA THING,

DON'T PUT THE MODERN-DAY GANDHIIN YOUR SONG

IN A DISRESPECTFUL WAY, OKAY?

THAT'S WHAT YOU DON'T WANTTO DO.

- THIS IS OUR STYLE.

THIS IS HOW WE DO ITIN SOUTH AFRICA.

AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT,WE DON'T NEED YOU AROUND.

- I JUST THINK THAT MADIBAIS WORTHY OF OUR RESPECT

AND SHOULDN'T BE [bleep] UPONBY JUST HOOLIGANS.

- WELL, MAYBE THEY'RE DESERVINGOF YOUR RESPECT.

NOBODY LISTENS TO YOU.

NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR OPINION.

ARE YOU GUYS--WOULD YOU EVER WATCH THIS SHOW?

both: NO.

- GENE CREEMERS,YOU CAN TAKE THAT HAND AND...

[horn blares]AS POSSIBLE...

- PARDON?

- AND...[horn blares]

'CAUSE YOU CAN...[horn blares]

- DID YOU GET THAT?DID YOU GET THAT ON CAMERA?

YOU SEE THAT KID?HE'S GARBAGE.

HE'S TRASH.ALL RIGHT?

- THIS SHOW'S AMAZING.

- [laughs]PATHETIC.

YOU WIN.[laughs]

YOU'RE GOING TO LONDON.

[upbeat music]

[alarm blaring]

- HAS GENE CREEMERSLOST HIS MIND?

- BRYAN STORMED OFFSTAGE,AND I CAN'T SAY I BLAME HIM.

STOP PICKING ON BRYAN, OLD MAN.

- YOU DON'T KNOWWHO YOU'RE MESSING WITH.

- WE'RE HERE FOR YOU, BRYAN.

- ♪ I MISS YOU

♪ WHEN YOU'RE FAR AWAY

- ANY SHOUT-OUTS TO THE--ANYTHING IN THE COMMONWEALTH?