Thursday, February 27, 2014

  • 02/27/2014

Grace Helbig, Hannah Hart and Mamrie Hart, stars of the new film "Camp Takota," create new Oscar categories and learn how to give a proper cat massage.

RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNETHEADLINES, IT'S RAPID REFRESH!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Chris: THE ACADEMY AWARDS

ARE THE SUPER BOWL OFNARCISSIST, AND THIS HAS BEEN

BLOWN UP ON YOUTUBE, PLEASE GIVEME A LITTLE KNOWN OSCAR FACT.

>> THEY WERE ORIGINALLY NAMEDAFTER OSCAR MAYER AND ORIGINALLY

CALLED THE WEANERS.

WEANERS.

>> Chris: THAT IS SO AMAZING.

AND THE WIENER GOES TO -->> AND THE WIENER IS -- YES!

>> Chris: AND THE WIENER IS! OH, NICE. I WILL GIVE 100

POINTS FOR THAT GREAT MEMORY.

>> YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.

>> YOU DON'T LIKE WEANERS.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Chris: I WILL GIVE HANNA

100 POINTS FOR JUST NOT ENJOYINGWIENERS.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Chris: PART OF THE

INTERVIEW THAT ROBERTOPPENHEIMER GAVE AFTER THE

ATOMIC BOMB TEST IS PROMOTED TOA NEW APP BECAUSE THE INTERNET

HAS A SHORTER MEMORY THAN AGOLDFISH, IT WAS VERY EMOTIONAL

AND VERY DIFFICULT ON MR.OPPENHEIMER AND YOU WILL SEE

THAT IN THIS VIMEO.

CHECK THIS OUT.

>> PEOPLE LAUGHED, A FEW PEOPLECRIED.

MOST PEOPLE WERE SILENT.

>> Chris: IN IS ANADVERTISEMENT FOR AN APP THAT

PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT NOW,WHAT APP IS THIS PROMOTING? A,

PIZZA BOMB, A DRONE DELIVERYSERVICE FOR PIZZA!

>> YO, THESE MUSHROOM CLOUDS AREDELICIOUS!

>> FACILITY.

>>>> NUCLEAR WINTER, AND CREATES

SUBSONIC WHITE NOISE TO COVERTHE SOUND OF BOWEL MOVEMENTS.

>> C, BECAUSE I AM AN INVESTOR.

>> Chris: WELL, YOU MAY BE,BUT UNFORTUNATELY THE CORRECT

ANSWER IS B, 3 NDR, HELPS YOUFIND THREE SOMES.

>> YOU WISH, BUDDY.

>> HEY.

>> THOSE GIRLS ARE NOT(BLEEP)ING THAT BUY!

>> I'M SORRY.

>> HE IS THEIR FRIEND.

HE DOES A LOT OF FAVORS FOR THEMBUT THEY WON'T SLEEP WITH HIM.

>> Chris: COMEDIANS NOW THEWORLD OF THREE SOMES IS JUST A

SWIPE AWAY, GIVE US YOUR BESTPICKUP LINE.

>> HILBIG.

>> IT IS MUCH EASIER TO BLAMEYOUR SEX PROBLEMS ON SOMEONE

ELSE.

>> Chris: POINTS.

>> IT IS LIKE 80 PERCENT THREESOME, AND I GOT A DOG.

>> OH, BOY.

>> Chris: DO YOU HAVE A PICKUPLINE?

>> YEAH, I DO.

HERE IT COMES.

THAT WAS IT!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Chris: I AM GOING TO GO

AHEAD AND GIVE YOU POINTS FORHERE IT COMES.

>> YEAH.

>> Chris: POINTS FOR HERE ITCOMES!

>> REDHEADED HOTTIE SEEKSTWO MEN TO LEAVE HER UNSATISFIED

AND WATCH HOUSE HUNTERS WITH.

IT IS NOW TIME FOR TONIGHT'SHASH TAG WARS.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Chris: EVERYONE KNOWS ABOUT

OSCAR CATEGORIES LIKE BESTPICTURES, BEST SUPPORTING

ACTRESS BUT THERE IS SO MUCHMORE OF IT TO EXPLORE, THAT'S

WHY TONIGHT'S HASH TAG IS NEWOSCAR CATEGORIES, NEW OSCAR

CATEGORIES.

EXAMPLES MIGHT BE LEASTPRONOUNCEABLE NAME OR BEST MOVIE

YOU LIED ABOUT SEEING BECAUSEYOU WANTED TO SEEM INTELLIGENT

OR JENNIFER FLORENCE WOULD BEANOTHER ONE.

SO I AM GOING TO PUT 60-SECONDSON THE CLOCK AND GO.

GRACE.

>> BEST AUDIBLE FART IN A DRAMA.

>> Chris: IS THAT A SEX PARTOR REGULAR PART?

>> THE BEST WILL WIN.

>> Chris: POINTS! YES, HANNA.

>> BEST USE OF HASH TAG IN AMARKETING CAMPAIGN.

>> Chris: POINTS!

>> LEAST WANTED SHOT OF A NAKEDMALE BUTT.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Chris: DO YOU HAVE ANY

THOUGHTS ON THAT MIKE?

>> I MEAN, THEY RUN THE GAMUT.

>> Chris: I WILL GIVE YOUPOINTS FOR THAT.

GRACE.

>> BEST ACTOR WHOSE NAME RHYMESWITH SADLY POOPER, NO, NO.

>> Chris: HANNA.

>> BEST USE OF A CAMP MOTIF BYYOUTUBE STARS.

>> Chris: SELF-REFERENTIAL

>>>> Chris: I WILL GIVE YOU

POINTS FOR THAT.

YOU GUYS MADE A MOVIE.

>> LEAST OFFENSIVE THING SAIDTHAT PEOPLE WILL TAKE OFFENSE TO

THE NEXT DAY.

>> Chris: GRACE

>> BEST KEY GRIP TO CONVINCEBRUCE DERN TO ACCEPT MY FACEBOOK

REQUEST.

>> Chris: POINTS.

WHY WOULDN'T HE ACCEPT IT?

>> I DON'T KNOW.

I SENT HIM NUMEROUS DICK PICKS.

TWITTER MOVIE REVIEW MADLIBS!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Chris: IN CASE YOU FORGOT

FOR SOME REASON THE OSCARS ARESUNDAY, SO I AM GOING TO READ

YOU SOME VIEWS OF THE OSCARNOMINATED FILMS FROM AVERAGE

EVERY DAY TWEETERS LEAVING A FEWKEY PHRASES AND I WOULD LIKE YOU

TO FILL IN THE BLANKS WITHHILARITY "AMERICAN HUSTLE" WAS

GARBAGE WE DON'T HAVE TO LETTHIS HAPPEN.

THIS ISN'T BLANK.

>> CANADA.

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Chris: POINTS.

POINTS FOR CANADA.

THE ACTUAL ANSWER WAS -- NAZIGERMANY!

>> BIG DIP.

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT.

WATCHING CAPTAIN PHILLIPS, NOTFEELING VERY BLANK.

>> GRACE.

>> HAPPY ABOUT LETTING THATSOMALI PILOT GO DOWN ON ME LAST

NIGHT.

>> HASH TAG I COULD HAVE SWORNHE SAID HE WAS A SOMALI-A

PIRATE.

>> Chris: POINT, THE CORRECTANSWER IS NOT FEELING VERY

HORNY.

>> FOLLOW-UP QUESTION, WHATTOM HANKS MOVIE WOULD MAKE YOU

FEEL THE MOST HORNY.

>> FORREST GUMP.

>> Chris: IN THE BEGINNING OFWOLF OF WALL STREET IS HE BLANK

OR DOING A DRUG?

>> BEING WEAKENED AT BERNIE'D.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Chris: THE ACTUAL ANSWER

WAS DID HE LIKE BLANK OR DOING ADRUG.

SUCKING POOP.

BUT WITH A STRAW?

>> IT WAS LIKE A DRUG, I WOULDIMAGINE.

>> NO, NO.

THAT IS A GATEWAY DRUG IF I EVERHEARD OF ONE.

>> Chris: POINTS FOR HANNA!

GET THE MASSAGE!

>> GET THE MASSAGE!

>> Chris: THE FOLKS OVER ATEVERYTHINGISTERRIBLE.COM

COMPILED A GREAT VIDEO OF THISCAT LOVING LADIES GUIDES TO

GIVING A PROPER FELINE MASSAGE,HERE IS A TASTE.

>> PETTING IS JUST RANDOMLYPETTING.

MOST PEOPLE WILL GO MID BACK.

AH.

WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW IS CATSPATTING THIS, BECAUSE YOUR CAT

WANTS A MASSAGE.

>> WHY DID YOU STOP IT THERE?

>> Chris: COMEDIANS WE WILLSHOW YOU TWO POSSIBLE LINES OF

DIALOGUE FROM THIS CAT MASSEUSEAND YOU HAVE TO GUESS WHICH ONE

IS AN ACTUAL QUOTE FROM THEVIDEO.

ALL RIGHT? FIRST ONE, A WHISKERWATCH ALERT IS IN EFFECT HERE!

I AM SO MAD RIGHT NOW.

>> Chris: OR.

BRACE YOURSELF FOR A CAT-GORY4 PURRICANE!

>> I AM GOING CAT -- HURRICANE.

>> A WITH WHISKER CAT ALERT, AMAJOR WHISKER WATCH ALERT.

>> Chris: GUYS, GET IN THESHELTER, GET YOUR KIDS, GET YOUR

FAMILIES THERE IS A MAJOR WLISSCER WATCH ALERT COMING YOUR

WAY.

>> CAN WE GET A SIDE-BY-SIDE OFTHAT?

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Chris: NOT BAD.

EXCELLENT.

TAKE A REST STOP IN HER PLEASURECENTER.

OR SIMPLY START FROM THE BASE OFTHE RUMP RUBBING YOUR WAY OUT.

>> Chris: IS THIS CAT VIDEO ONRED TUBE? GRACE.

>> THE RUMP.

>> Chris: LET'S FIND OUT.

>> SIMPLY START FROM THE BASE OFTHE RUMP, RUBBING YOUR WAY OUT.

AND FOLLOW IT TO ITS NATURALCONCLUSION.

>> ALL RIGHT.

GO! NOW WE KNOW WHERE 50 SHADESOF GRAY STOLE THAT LINE FROM.

>> Chris: 100 POINTS FOR THAT.

>> THANK YOU.

DON'T WATCH THAT VIDEO!

LITERALLY MILLIONS OFVIDEOS ON YOUTUBE AND SOMETIMES

THE TITLES CAN BE A LITTLEMISLEADING SO COMEDIANS I WANT

TO GIVE YOU A YOUTUBE VIDEOTITLE YOU SHOULD NEVER WATCH

UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, ALLRIGHT? IF YOU IF GET A LAUGH

250 POINTS, 60-SECONDS ON THECLOCK.

GO HANNA.

>> DOES THIS LOOK INFECTED? OH,MAN.

>> Chris: POINTS! GRACE.

>> TWO GOLDEN GIRLS, ONE CUP.

>> Chris: POINTS! HANNA.

>> NAME THAT TOE FUNGUS.

>> Chris: POINTS.

>> HANNA HEARTS MY DRUNKKITCHEN FEATURING MAMERY HEART.

>> Chris: OH, MAN.

WHAT? WHAT?

>> IT IS AN IMPOSTER DUO.

>> Chris: NO POINTS, GRACEHELL BIG!

>> TOP 10 C SECTIONS OF 2,011.

>> Chris: POINTS.

>> EXTENDED VERSION OF THATSARAH MCLAUGHLIN COMMERCIAL.

>> Chris: POINTS.

>> DONNIE AND MARIE RECREATE THEOPENING SCENE TO WOLF OF WALL

STREET.

DONNIE & MARIE RECREATE.

>> Chris:.

>> IS THIS HUMAN MEAT?

[ BUZZER ][ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

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