High Art

  • 02/20/2013

Adam and Ders try to become rich inventors, while Blake joins a teenage art collective.

- HEY, BELIZE, WHAT'S UP?

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?THIS LOOKS COOL.

- AW, YOU KNOW,JUST TAGGING THIS YOGA STUDIO,

TEACHING 'EMTO STRETCH SOMETHING IMPORTANT--

THEIR MINDS.

- I THOUGHT YOU GUYSWERE GOING AFTER,

LIKE, BUSINESS DUDESAND BANKS AND STUFF.

- WE ALREADY FOUGHT THE BANKS.

OKAY, BUT THISSO-CALLED YOGA STUDIO

HAS TAKENAN ANCIENT INDIAN ART FORM

AND MUTATED ITINTO [bleep] JAZZERCISE

FOR RICH MOMSAND HOMOSEXUALS.

- I COULDN'T UNDERSTANDA WORD HE WAS SAYING.

- WHAT'S UP WITH YOU ANYWAY?YOU LOOK PAINED.

TALK TO ME.

- WELL, A COUPLE OF MY FRIENDSDITCHED ME TONIGHT

TO HANG OUT WITHTHIS BIG BOSS MAN, YOU KNOW.

GUY WAS ACTING LIKE THE SECONDCOMING OF MASTER P, YOU KNOW?

YOU HEARD ME?[laughs]

HE WAS A JERK.

LOOKS LIKE A CALIFORNIA RAISIN.

- DO YOU LIKE LIVINGIN THAT CAVE OF YOURS?

HOW ABOUT YOU COMEOUT OF THE CAVE INTO THE LIGHT?

- PREACH.

- AKA REALITY,AKA CONSCIOUSNESS.

- MM-HMM.

- YOU SHOULD COME HANGWITH US TONIGHT.

- YEAH, MAN.YOU SHOULD COME HANG WITH US.

- DID I SAY YOU COULD STOPPAINTING, BITCH?

- NO, SIR. I'M SORRY, SIR.I AM YOUR BITCH, SIR.

I AIN'T SEEN THESE NIZZLESSINCE COLLEGE.

WHAT'S GUCCI, MY NIZZLES?

- IT'S--OUR LIVES ARE SO GUCCI.- YEAH.

IT'S COOL. IT'S COOL.- PLEASURE TO SEE YOU.

- WHAT'S UP? LONG TIME,NO SMELL, FARTMAN.

- HA HA!YOU KNOW WHAT?

ACTUALLY, NOBODY CALLS MEFARTMAN ANYMORE.

MY NAME'S PATRICK.

BUT, MY NIZZLES,Y'ALL CAN CALL ME "TRICK."

- HEY, TRICK.- TRICK DADDY.

- HEY, BRO.

WHAT'S THAT BEHIND YOUR EAR?

- NOTHING.- WHOOP.

THAT'S TANFASTIC--MY SELF-TANNING CREAM.

all: WHOA!- HOW'D YOU DO THAT?

- COOL.THANK YOU.

- YEAH, YOU GOT IT.- APPRECIATE IT.

- DARE I SAYIT SMELLS TAN-AMAZING.

- ALL RIGHT, SO, UH,WHERE'S THE BAR?

- HA HA!SAME OLD BLAKE.

BAR'S RIGHT IN HERE.

BUT, ACTUALLY, THIS IS GONNA BEA LITTLE BIT OF A PROBLEM.

MOSTLY IT'S THE SHORTSAND THE TANK TOP,

AND ALSO THE HAIR,I WOULD SAY, IS AN ISSUE.

- OH, OF COURSE.I KNOW, MAN.

IT'S GOT A MIND OF ITS OWN.LOOK OUT! IT'S ATTACKING!

IT'S ATTACKING EVERYBODY!RUN! RUN!

- OKAY, CHILL.[chuckles] LOOK, I GET IT, MAN.

I'M PUNK ROCK TOO, DUDE.

I OWN EVERY GOOD CHARLOTTE CD.- SO DO I.

- YOU KNOW, BUT THIS PLACE HERE,THIS IS FOR GROWN-UPS.

SO IF YOU'RE GONNA COME IN,I'M GONNA NEED YOU TO BE GROWN,

MY NIZZLE.

- YEAH.UH, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M JUST GONNA CATCH YOU LATER,OKAY, FARTMAN?

HEY GUYS, GO ON INWITHOUT ME, OKAY?

GET A BLOW JOB FOR ME, A SHOT.

NOT THE ACTU--WELL, ACTUALLY,

JUST GET A BLOW JOBANY WAY YOU CAN.

- EXCUSE ME.WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!

- WHAT?- HEY, DUDE.

JUST GO TO THE CARAND PUT ON THE CLOTHES

THAT I BROUGHT FOR YOU.

- AND HARDEN YOUR HAIR,FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.

YOU LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT.- GUYS, I'M GOOD, ALL RIGHT?

AND THEN I THINKWE SOLD AN IDEA TO TRICK.

- YES, WE DID!

AND HE GAVE USA LITTLE DOGGIE BAG.

A LITTLE BA-BA-BA-BA...

- HEY, WHERE'STHE UNBURNABLE FLAG?

- RIGHT?- WE NEED IT.

TRICK SAYS IT'S, LIKE,A BIG, JUICY GRAPE.

- YEAH.- WAIT. YOU PITCHED MY IDEA?

- NO, WE PITCHED HIM OUR IDEA.

YOU MAY HAVE HADTHE INITIAL THOUGHT,

BUT WE FLESHED IT OUTAND MADE IT SEXY.

WE MADE IT HIP.WE MADE IT COOL.

WE MADE IT FUN.WE MADE IT DIFFERENT.

WE MADE IT BOUNCE.

- NOW WE'RE GONNA BE LORDS,LIVING IN CONDOS.

MONEY'S GONNA BEWORKING FOR US,

WE'RE NOT GONNABE WORKING FOR MONEY.

WHERE'S THE FLAG?- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

THAT FLAG IS FOR THE PEOPLE.IT'S NOT TO BE COMMERCIALIZED.

LOOK, I DON'T KNOWIF YOU GUYS CAN TELL,

BUT I'M KIND OFA HAIRY ARTIST, ALL RIGHT?

I'M NOT A BALD SELLOUT.

- OKAY, SO ARE THE SHOTS FIRED?AM I BALDING?

- NO.- IS THERE A SPOT?

- LOOK, THERE'S NO SPOT.- DO YOU SEE THE SPOT?

- BLAKE, WOULD YOUJUST STOP PLAYING

ASSASSIN'S CREED IIIFOR ONE SECOND

AND TELL USWHERE THE FLAG IS?

OR...

[razor buzzes]I'M GONNA CUT YOUR HAIR OFF.

- HEY, DON'T JOKE ABOUT THAT,ALL RIGHT?

- WE'RE NOT JOKING.

WE'RE BEING REAL RIGHT NOW.

- I WAS PLAYING--THAT'S IT.

I'M GOING IN MY ROOM.YOU GUYS ARE ACTING STUPID.

- NO, YOU'RE NOT.- YES, I AM!

[overlapping shouting]

[razor buzzing]

- THIS ISN'T YOU, DERS,ALL RIGHT?

IT'S THE COCAINE.

- IT DOESN'T HAVETO BE THIS WAY!

- NO! NO! COME ON, MAN!

I LOOK SO STUPID WITHOUT IT!

NO!- BYE-BYE, GOLDILOCKS!

[both laugh]- AH!

- TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF HIS HAIR!

[buzzing stops]- OR WHAT?

- I'M GONNA CROSSEVERY AUTOGRAPH OFF

OF YOUR PRIZED SWIM BALL, DERS,

STARTING WITH ALLISON SCHMITT.

- WHO'S ALLISON SCHMITT?WHAT?

- SHE WAS, LIKE, A HUGEOLYMPIC SWIMMER, THE LAST ONE.

I SAW THE ENTIRE WOMEN'S TEAMAT A PERKINS,

AND ALL I HAD WASA B-BALL FOR THEM TO SIGN.

- GUYS, SHUT UP!

OKAY, CROSS THAT OFF, KARL.

- WITH PLEASURE, SIR.

- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT!

DON'T DO IT, MAN, PLEASE.

- HE'S WITH US NOW.

- OW.- THANKS, BRO.

THANKS, SHAME,I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

- COME ON, GUYS.LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

- HE'S WITH US.- FINE!

WE CAN MAKEOUR OWN AMERICAN UNBURNABLE FLAG

THAT'S ALSO AN AMERICAN ONE.

- ALL RIGHT, THIS OUGHTTO MAKE IT FIREPROOF.

- MM-HMM.- GIVE HER A SHOT.

- OH, YEP.- ON OUR WAY TO MILLIONS, BUDDY.

[stove clicks]

- NOPE. WHY ISTHAT HAPPENING?

- IT DIDN'T WORK, DID IT?

- YEAH,SHOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED.

- WHY IS IT SO HARD?- BECAUSE I'M EXHAUSTED.

WE WERE OUT ALL NIGHT,

AND NOW THIS MORNINGMY BRAIN'S BROKEN.

- WELL, YOU KNOWWHAT HELPS WITH THAT?

- [snorts]

I GOT IT.

WE NEED BIGGER FLAGS.

- WHOO!

- OKAY, ALL WE GOT TO DO IS LACETHIS SUCKER WITH SOME BORAX.

WET, WET, WET...

- IT ISN'T GONNA BURN, MAN.- YOU AIN'T GONNA BURN.

- OKAY! ALL RIGHT!- WHOA!

[screaming]

[snorting]

OH!

- YEAH, BABY!YEAH, MAMA!

- OH, THAT'S NOT BURNING.

HERE WE GO.- IT REALLY CAUGHT.

- WOW!- JESUS!

[snorts]

[screams]

- YOU KNOW WHAT?- WHAT?

- WE'RE NOT THINKING GOOD.- I KNOW.

- RIGHT? YOU KNOWWHAT HELPS US THINK GOOD?

- NO.both: COCAINE, YEAH.

- OH!I FEEL SMARTER, DUDE.

- THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA.THAT WAS A SMART IDEA.

YOUR NOSE IS BLEEDING.- IS IT?

- IT'S COMING DOWN OUT OF THERE.- WOW.

YOURS IS TOO!- NO, IT ISN'T.

- OH, MY GOD, IT IS. IT IS.- YOURS IS BLEEDING.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?[screams]

- THIS MIGHT BETHE SPECIAL INGREDIENT--

A LITTLE BLOODOF THE PATRIOTS.

- ARE YOU KIDDING ME?- WHAT A SMART IDEA.

PATRIOTS BLOOD ON THIS.

- WHOA!- IT'S NOT GONNA BURN.

both:IT'S BURNING!

- IT'S BURNING MORE THAN EVER.- WHY ARE YOU BURNING?

- COME ON!

- WOW, OKAY, THAT DIDN'T WORK.

- THAT DID NOT WORK AT ALL.

WHAT'S UP?- HEY, BRO!

BLACK PEOPLE OF ALL SHAPES ANDAGES LOVE TO BE CALLED "BRO."

BECAUSE OUR THEME SONG IS"FUGGING" INCREDIBLE, OKAY?

LET'S PRACTICE.ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR...

both:♪ UNBURNABLE FLAG

♪ HATES FIRE,LOVES AMERICA ♪

♪ UNBURNABLE FLAG

♪ FIRE IS SO SCAREDOF THIS PARTICULAR FLAG ♪

♪ UNBURNABLE--

- HEY, NIZZLES BE TANNED.

- WE ARE, YES.- IT'S TAN-AMAZING.

TANFASTIC.SHOOT.

- HEY, Y'ALL READYTO DO THIS WANG?

- TOTALLY, TOTALLY READY.- YES, UH-HUH.

- UM, BUT THE THING ABOUTTHE PROTOTYPE FOR THE FLAG--

IT SO HAPPENSTHAT IT'S, UM...

- RIGHT HERE.

RIGHT HERE.

- [sighs]

PHASE ONE OF OPERATION CHAOSIS COMPLETE.

BLAKE'S INSIDEWITH THE KEROSENE FLAG.

IS THE PISS READY?

- YEAH.

- DAMN.- HA HA.

- YOU GUYS NEEDTO DRINK MORE WATER.

- WHY?TERIYAKI SAUCE RULES, BRAH.

- WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?

- NOTHING, SIR.I'M--I'M SO SORRY.

[dance music]

- ARF.

HOLD UP A SECOND.- ALL RIGHT.

- THAT'S MY BOY, ARMAND,RIGHT THERE.

HE'S GOT FOR-REAL CHEDDAR.

HE'S GONNA BE PERFECTFOR THIS, OKAY?

- COOL, COOL.THANKS, MAN.

[laughs]THIS IS GREAT.

BLAKE, YOU KNOW WE'RE SORRYABOUT THE OTHER NIGHT, RIGHT?

- I MEAN, WE RESPECTYOUR HAIR, TOTALLY.

- I LOVE IT. IT'S GOOD.IT'S A GOOD LOOK.

- IT WAS THE COCAINE TALKING.- TOTALLY, MAN.

AND I GET WHY YOU GUYSLIKE THIS PLACE, MAN.

THERE'S A LOT OF THINGSWITH BOOBS IN THIS PLACE.

- THANK YOU.- RIGHT?

- GUYS!

HEY, IT'S GO TIME, BRO-TIMES.

WE GOT SOME REAL SHARKSON THE LINE.

LET'S GO.- OKAY, COOL.

- UH, ACTUALLY, HEY, HEY, HEY.

UH, COULD YOU HOLD ON TO THIS?

I GOT TO GO USETHE BOYS' ROOM.

- UH...

- HEY.- GENTLEMEN, HI.

I'M ANDERS HOLMVIK.

- I'M, UH--I'M--I'M ADAM.- YOU'RE RUINING--

THIS IS ADAM DEMAMP,MY ESTEEMED COLLEAGUE.

- HEY, WHO HERE IS AMERICAN?

JUST ONE.

YOU GUYS ARE FROMA FOREIGN LAND?

THAT'S COOL.

DO THEY HAVE FLAGSIN YOUR COUNTRIES?

[cell phone buzzes]

- YEAH, YEAH, HELLO?

- IS STEP TWO COMPLETE?- UH, YES.

I AM LOOKING AT THE SWITCH NOW.

BUT, UM, ARE WE SUREWE WANT TO DO THIS?

- ARE WE SURE WE WANT TO HOLD UPA MIRROR TO SOCIETY

AND PISS ON THAT MIRROR?

I AM!- I KNOW. I KNOW.

IT'S JUST THAT, THAT URINE WAS,LIKE, SUNCHIP YELLOW, MAN.

AND SOME OF THESE PEOPLE IN HEREARE MY FRIENDS.

- THEY'RE NOTYOUR FRIENDS, OKAY?

THEY'RE SMALL-MINDEDCAVE DWELLERS

THAT NEED TO BE SLEDGEHAMMEREDIN THE FACE WITH REALITY.

DO IT, OR I WILL!- YES, SIR!

COME ON, BABY BOY.YOU GOT THIS.

- [beatboxing]- ♪ FIRE IS TYRANNY

♪ THE FLAG'S MADE OF FREEDOM

♪ YOU CAN'T BURN THE FREEDOM

♪ UNBURNABLE FLAG

YEAH, BOY.

MUSIC, THAT'S, LIKE, ANINTERNATIONAL LANGUAGE, RIGHT?

I FEEL LIKE WE CANALL GET ON BOARD WITH THAT.

- YOU GUYS GOTYOUR CARGO PANTS ON?

- UH, YEP, GOT THE PANTS ON.

LOOKING GOOD.

BUT WHAT EXACTLY IS THE PLAN?

- SEE THAT?

THE MAN DOESN'T WANT YOUTO HAVE THAT.

- SO WE'RE TAKING BACKWHAT'S OURS, MAN.

SALAD BELONGS TO PEOPLE,ALL PEOPLE.

- VERY GOOD, KARL.

VERY GOOD.

[whispering indistinctly]

- GRAB SOME.- GUYS, GO, GO, COME ON.

HEY, NOW, REMEMBER,NO POTATO SALAD THIS TIME.

IT'S NOT A POCKET FOOD.

- YEAH, COPY YOU.I GET IT.

- THOUSAND ISLAND,FILL IT UP.

- YEAH, YOU GOT IT, MAN.

SHAME, SHAME, SHAME, SHAME,WE GOT TO BOOGIE.

I THINK WE'RE CAUGHT, MAN.- OKAY, OKAY, WAIT.

JUST CALM DOWN, OKAY.

DON'T BE A GIRL.

- DO YOU KNOWIF THIS IS IMITATION CRAB?

OH!THAT WAS CLOSE, MAN.

COME ON, LET'S GO.

- HEY, STOP!

THEY GOT SALAD IN THEIR PANTS.

THEY'RE STEALING SALAD AGAIN.- [bleep].

all: GO, GO, GO!- COME ON, GUYS!

- UGH!- GET BACK HERE!

- OH!

OH, NO, NO!HE'S HURT!

I'VE NEVER SEENAN OLD DUDE CRY BEFORE.

- THAT TURD IS THE ENEMY!

LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!COME ON!

CAVE DWELLERS! - WE ARE THE 100%!

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