Wednesday, December 16, 2015

  • 12/16/2015

Justin Long, Mary Lynn Rajskub and Jon Daly give current events an 80s spin, list #OneLetterOffMovies and guess what's on the minds of weird-looking babies.

RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNETHEADLINES, IT'S RAPID REFRESH.

NOW GETTING BACK TO OUR DEBATECOVERAGE, THE NIGHT'S BEST

MOMENT CAME OFF STAGE WHEN AREPORTER ASKED USED BABY WIPE

DONALD TRUMP ABOUT ISIS ANDNATIONAL SECURITY.

WATCH.

>> I HATE IT, I HATE THE CONCEPTOF IT BUT WE'RE DEALING WITH

SOME VERY VERY BAD DUDES.

[LAUGHTER]GOD.

DID HE JUST REFER TO [BLEEP]ISIS AS JUST BAD DUDES?

IS HE [BLEEP] BART SIMPSON?

YOU KNOW THE LAST TIME ANYONEUSED THE PHRASE BAD DUDES WAS IN

NINTENDO GAME AND CLASSIC BADDUDES.

[LAUGHTER]THIS GUY LOOKS LIKE AN EIGHT BIT

DONALD TRUMP.

ALTHOUGH IN REAL LIFE NINJA ISNOT THE WORD HE USES.

THAT'S FINE.

DONALD TRUMP SEEMS TO BE STUCKIN THE 80'S.

WHAT'S ANOTHER TOTALLY 80'S WAYTO EXPLAIN THE MODERN POLITICAL

ISSUE?

♪ MAKING YOUR WAY IN THE WORLDTAKES EVERYTHING YOU GOT.

TAKING A BREAK FROM ALL YOURWORRIES.

SURE WOULD HELP A LOT.

WITH SYRIAN REFUGEES.

>> THERE WILL BE NO MOREABORTIONS FOR JESSIE'S GIRL.

[LAUGHTER]>> ♪ WHY CAN'T I REGULATE

THE UTERUS OF A GIRL LIKE THAT?

> DOC, DOC ARE YOU TELLING METHE WORTH IS WARMING BECAUSE OF

THE POLLUTION THAT HUMANSCREATED?

DOC, THAT'S HEAVY.

[APPLAUSE]>> IT'S TIME FOR TONIGHT'S

HASHTAGWARS.

IT'S A BIG WEEK FOR MOVIES WITHTHE FORCE AWAKENS OPENING MAKING

US ALL MORE EXCITED THAN AWOOKIE IN HEAT.

♪ YOU GUYS OKAY?

YOU NEED A MINUTE TO YOURSELF?

>> I DON'T KNOW.

I LIKE A SHAVED WOOKIE.

[LAUGHTER]>> I LIKE A REVERSED BRAZILIAN

WOOKIE.

I WOULD LIKE THE ENTIRE WOOKIETO BE BALD EXCEPT FOR A

SUPER HAIRY BUSH.

>> I WANT TO GIVE A SHOUTOUT. ONE OF OUR WRITERS

CHELSEA DAVIDSON WROTE THISSKETCH.

IT'S ON THE INTERNET, YOUSHOULD FIND IT.

THERE'S A WHOLE VIDEO.

THIS WEEK ESPECIALLY.

YOU REMEMBER HOW MUCH EVERYLITTLE DETAIL OF A FILM COUNTS.

EVEN THE SPELLING WHICH IS WHKTONIGHT'S HASHTAG IS ONE LETTER

OFF MOVIES, ONE LETTER OFFMOVIES.

EXAMPLES MIGHT BE STAR WART ORSHAVING PRIVATE RYAN OR

SCHLINDLER'S LINT.

I WANT TO PUT 60 SECONDS ON THECLOCK AND BEGIN.

JON.

>> FOOD FELLAS.

>> ARMAGEDDON'T.

>> QUEEF OF THE DAMNED.

>> JON DALY.

>> THE KING AND.

>> JUSTIN.

>> TYLER PERRY'S DIARRHEA OF AMAD BLACK WOMAN.

>> MARY LYNN.

>> TOO FAST, THREE FURIOUS.

>> HERPE FULLY LOADED.

KIND OF INTERESTING THAT LINDSAYLOHAN WAS IN THAT.

SO WAS I.

>> JON DALY.

>> SCHLINDLER'S LIT.

>> THE WHINING.

>> THE FOUR YEAR OLD VIRGIN.

[LAUGHTER]>> WHICH IS MOST FOUR YEAR OLDS.

>> THAT'S THE GAME.

JUSTIN.

>> FERRIS BUELLER'S GAY OFF.

NOW IT'S TIME TO PLAY THENEWBORN IDENTITY.

BABIES ARE CRAFTY LIKE ICE ISCOLD.

YOU NEVER KNOWWHAT'S GOING THROUGH THEIR

[BLEEP] HEAD.

WHEN THEY GO YOU THINK THEY'REGOING TO GA.

YOU THINK THEY'RE GOING TO SPITUP ON THEIR SHIRT, THEY [BLEEP]

UP THEIR BACK.

WE FOUND SOME SHALL WESAY HORRIBLE BABY PHOTOS ON THE

SCOUT'S CHEAT SHEET BLOG.

FOR 250 POINTS I WANT YOU TOTELL ME

WHAT EACH BABY IS THINKING.

HERE'S THE FIRST ONE.

ADORABLE.

HE LIED.

JUSTIN.

>> IT APPEARS AS THOUGH I'VE DEFICATED IN MY PANTS.

>> MARY LYNN.

>> AFGHANISTAN.

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUTAFGHANISTAN.

[LAUGHTER]JON DALY.

>> GO FOR THE BODY ROCK, YOU GOTTO KILL THE BODY.

[CROWD CHEERING]>> ALL RIGHT.

LOOK AT THESE TWO OBVIOUSLYHUMAN CHILDREN.

>> HA HA HA HA.

>> WHAT'S THIS COMEDY TROUPETHINKING ABOUT.

MARY LYNN.

>> OUR DAD IS DAVE COULIER. OURMOM IS A LEMUR.

>> JUSTIN.

>> WE WERE MADE IN JIM HENSON'SWORKSHOP.

>> JON DALY.

>> PSST. HEY, ME, THE BABY ONTHE LEFT.

GET ME AWAY FROM THISDEAD-EYED MONSTER.

>> I LIKE THE BABY REFERS TOITSELF AS THE BABY ON THE LEFT.

IN THE PICTURE, COME ON.

HE WOULD PROBABLY BE ON THERIGHT TO HIMSELF, I GET IT.

THIS KID PROBABLY GREW UP JUSTLIKE THIS.

>> HA HA HA HA.

>> MARY LYNN.

>> I'M NOT ALLERGIC TO PEANUTS,PEANUTS ARE ALLERGIC TO ME.

[LAUGHTER]>> JUSTIN.

>> YOUR MOVE, MR. BOND.

[APPLAUSE]>> THIS WEE WAIF RIGHT HERE.

JON.

>> WUZZUP?

>> HE'S GIVING ME THE CREEPS.

>> LAST ONE. THIS SAD PRINCEAND/OR PRINCESS.

>> HE BLOCKED ME ON INSTAGRAM.

>> IRL CRYING BABY EMOJI.

>> I MUST HAVE BEEN REALLYWASTED.

I MUST HAVE LEFT MY CREDIT CARDAT BENNIGAN'S.

>> JON DALY.

>> MY MOLLY HASN'T KICKED INYET.

BEFORE THE BREAK I SHOWED YOU

A SITE THAT PHOTOSHOPS OFTHE MAN BUNS ONTO

WORLD LEADERS.

AND I ASKED YOU TO GIVE ME ALINE FROM THE SPEECH OF THESE

HIPSTER DEUCHE HEADS OF STATE.

LET'S SEE WHO YOU CAME UP WITH.

JUSTIN YOU HAD BARACK OBAMA.

>> VLADIMIR PUTIN, I'M TALKINGTO YOU. MAYBE TAKE A YOGA CLASS.

PREFERABLY BRIKHAM. 'CAUSE YOUNEED TO CHILL.

>> YOU HAD GEORGE W. BUSH.

>> OKAY. I DID 9/11.

I'M PAINTING NOW SO DOES THATCANCEL IT OUT?

>> OKAY.

JON YOU HAD OUR FIRSTPRESIDENT GEORGE WASHINGTON.

>> YO, I'M ABOUT TO TAKE OUT MYWOOD TEETH AND PUFF ON THIS

WOOD SPLEEF.

THAT IS AN INCREDIBLEWASHINGTON.

WE GO TO OUR NEXT GAME BUZZSPEEDHOLIDAY EDITION.

[APPLAUSE]AS WE ALL KNOW BUZZFEED IS THE

PERFECT RESOURCE FOR AIMLESSLYCLICKING ON THINGS DURING WORK

HOURS, FINDING HOW MANY POKEMANYOU SLEPT WITH BASED ON YOUR

ZODIAC SIGN AND MOST OF ALLLISTS LIKE THIS ONE.

17 GLORIOUS BACON-WRAPPEDFOODS THAT WILL SEXUALLY AWAKEN

YOU.

AND THIS.

18 BOOBS THAT ARE ACTUALLYCHRISTMAS MIRACLES.

KUDOS BUZZFEED FOR THAT INSANELYBUZZFEED CHRISTMAS LIST.

BUT I THINK WE CAN DO BETTER. WECAN COME UP WITH SOME HOLIDAY

LISTS THAT ARE EVEN MORERIDICULOUS.

OR AT LEAST ONES WITH 18 MOREBOOBS.

I'LL PUT 60 SECONDS ON THECLOCK.

JON.

>>CHECK OUT THESE NINE MAIDS AMILKING NINE DUDES.

>> WE ASKED FIVE ELF ON THESHELFS ABOUT THIER JOBS AND THEY

ALL SAW PEOPLE MASTURBATING.

>> JUSTIN.

>> SIX REINDEER GAMES THAT WILLGIVE YOU BONERS.

>> MARY LYNN.

>> ONE TURDUCKEN THAT GAVE METHE [BLEEP].

>> SIX LAPS YOU SHOULDN'T SIT ONTHIS HOLIDAY SEASON.

>> NUMBER FOUR MAY SURPRISE YOU.

>> MARY LYNN.

>> NINE PILLS I TOOK TO DEALWITH THIS CHRISTMAS PARTY.

>> JON DALY.

>> EVERYONE KNOWS THE THREE WISEMEN.

HERE'S THREE WISE WOMEN WHO ARESHATTERING GLASS CEILING WHEN IT

COMES TO FOLLOWING THE STAR OFTHE CHRIST CHILD.

>> MARY LYNN.

>> THREE POSITIONS THAT WILLDRIVE YOUR ELF ON A SHELF WILD.

>> JON.

>> THREE OF SANTA'S REINDEERTHAT YOU DIDN'T KNOW WERE GAY.

>> NUMBER THREE MAY SURPRISEYOU.

>> I THINK IT'S DASHER.