Into the Wild Green Yonder Pt. 2

  • Season 5, Ep 514
  • 08/30/2009

Leela is thrust into the role of unlikely activist after a construction project jeopardizes lives.

(sobbing)

Poor Bender left meone last voicemail

before the Robot Mafiaburied him

in the desert.

BENDER:Fry, old friend, before I die,

I just wanted to say...(beep)

uh, hang on,I'm getting another call.

Hello...(gunfire)

(Bender screaming)

Line up, people!

Everyone take a shoveland one-sixth of the planet.

We'll meet back herein 50 years,

our bodies brokenand our lives wasted.

And you say theseare free shovels?

(rumbling)

I'm back, baby!

Bender! I thoughtthe Robot Mafia killed you.

Nah, they just shot us

and buried us a few timesas a warning.

Bender was so brave.

He never stoppedmaking out with me

the whole time theywere shooting us.

I sure didn't.

I gotta get backto my husband, baby.

Will I see youtonight?

Uh, probably not.

It's a 14-footerwith a clown hazard.

What club yourecommend, Baggy?

As on every hole, Isuggest the putter.

Your golf club sureis classy, Mr. Wong.

Naked statue classy.

(cursing in Chinese)

It is very nice.

I just wish Amy and Ididn't have to wear

these sexist badgeson our melons.

We're lucky even to playas guests, Leela.

Dad's club hasa very strict

"no girls allowed" policy.

(ball clanks,Leo curses in Chinese)

That doesn'tseem fair.

It really is.

Everybody knows womendon't have the focus

to play miniature golf ata professional level.

But that's the bestshot of the day.

Is that my ball?

I think that my ball.

(cursing in Chinese)

Great putt, Dad.

Okay, we're done.

Mr. Wong, how do you keepthis place so green

in the middle of the desert?

Doesn't that waste a lotof water?

Nah, we got plenty water

pump directlyfrom Flamingo Lake.

(squawking)

Eh, they'll be fine.

LEO:Oh, yeah, I love miniature golf.

Love everything about it.

Except how damnminiature it is!

That's why I'm buildingthe universe's biggest

miniature golf course!

(mechanical whirring)

This the first tee.

Where's the hole?

On Pluto's moon, Hydra.

It's six billionmile, par two.

Tough shot,even for a man.

(groans)

(clicks)

(thunderous boom)

LEO:Around the sun...

Bank off Jupiter...

And right into the...

(cursing in Chinese)

I'll be right back.

Yah!

(grunting)

(cursing in Chinese)

(grunting)

It dropped in!

Put me down for a two!

Two.

Keep in mind,that just the first hole.

For full course, we gonnabulldoze this entire arm

of the Milky Way.

What?! You're gonnawipe out ten percent

of the galaxyfor a stupid golf course?

First of all,it 12 percent.

Second, yes,you betcha.

But you have no idea

what life-forms mightbe evolving out there!

That's exactly why I'mhiring an impartial scientist

to perform anenvironmental survey.

That him in themoney shower.

(giggling, whooping)

FRY: Delivery boy's log.

Having fallen asleep on what I thought was the toilet,

I awoke to find the environmental survey

in progress.

Status report,Science Officer?

Zilcho.

No sign of lifeor intelligence.

(cackling)

BENDER: Just like Fry on a date.

(laughs)Hey!

Okay, so we haven't foundany life yet.

I still don't see whyyou men can't be happy

with regular-sizedminiature golf.

Leela, evolution has programmedour fabulous male brains

to take anything anybody elsethinks is important

and make it bigger.

(slurping)

Have you seen my new301-inch TV?

ANNOUNCER:Hypnotoad is brought to you by

the MagnaPhallix 302-inch TV-- it's bigger!

Aw, hell!

(glass shattering)

(alarm blaring)

Captain, I'm detectinglife on the Spock-o-scope!

(gasps)

LEELA: It's amazing!

It's like a textbookon evolution!

Except in Kansas.

But isn't Mr. Wong buildingthe 18th hole here?

And the golfpants museum?

Indeed so.

This whole areawill be incinerated

when he implodes that sun thereinto a black hole.

That beautiful violet star?

Well, it's so youcan't keep your ball

at the endof the game.

Yo, that's messed up.

There won't beany imploding

once they read ourenvironmental review,

right, Professor?

Oh, twaddle-squat.

There's noscientific consensus

that life is important.

Yeah! Life, shmife!

FEMALE ELECTRONIC VOICE:Approved for demolition.

It's you and me, ponytail.

(ponytail cracks)

(trilling)

We're here,Mr. President.

(blubbering howl)

Let's play some mini golf.

Just give it a light tap, Agnew.

No, no, no, no,just a light...

(roars)

Now for a triple clam-dipwith a double...

(thwack)Ow!

(onlookers gasping)Ow!

(growls)

Tough luck, Agnew.

Looks like you and Wong owe mea Charleston Chew.

(laughs)

(both gasp)

ALL (chanting):Shut up and hear our wisdom!

Save the ecosystem!

Shut up and hear our wisdom!

What gives, Wong?

You said no chicks allowed!

(growls)

We are the GreeñoritaEcofeminist Collective,

and we will not let you...

(feedback whines)What was it again?

We will not let you implodethe violet dwarf star

at galactic coordinatesone-67-point-84,

negative 58-point-03,mark nine-48!

Already approved,you cackling hens!

So get out, or I'll have

Vice President Agnew'sheadless body throw you out!

I'd liketo see him try.

Me, too.

Should look funny.

Sic 'em, Agnew!

(roaring)

(yelling, screaming)

NIXON:Runaway golf cart!

Look out, Agnew!

(yelling)

(crunching, cracking)

Whoa!Aah!

(crackling)

LEELA:Is... Is he okay?

No pulse.

They killed the headlessremains of Agnew.

Arrest them!

All Feministas,she-vacuate the premises!

I mean fem-ises!

(Feministas panting)

(bones crackling)

NIXON:My fellow Earthicans,

these eco-crookswill face the maximum sentence.

For killing a headless torso,that's six weeks.

Well, this is embarrassing.

Here I've beenblabbing on for years

about killing all humans,

and who actually doessomething about it?

Some chick.

Leela's not a killer,and she's not some chick.

She's the chick I love!

And don't tell her I called hera chick, or she'll kill me.

(helicopter blades whirring)

(helicopter fades)

(feedback whines)Everyone stay absolutely quiet!

That thing's on!Turn it off!

(feedback squeals)Oh, sorry!

(switch clicks)How do youturn it off?

(squealing)There-- didthat do it?

No!Still on!Shut up!

Wait, here'sthe button here.

(alarm wailing)

Oops.

WOMAN:Quiet!

Hang on, now I got it.

(piercing feedback squeals)Let me give you a hand.

Shh!

Ugh! This is awful.

I never meant

for our protest tohave any effect!

Maybe we shouldjust surrender,

and serve our six weeksin jail.

Hey, yeah!

We could do each other'stoenails and make shivs!

(both giggling)

That's crazy!

We've done nothing wrongother than killing

and dismemberingthe vice president.

We need to make a choice,sisters!

We can either keep pesteringcriminals

like Leo Wongwith silly slogans.

Yeah!That sounds good!

Let's do that!

Actually, I meant that

to be the less preferablealternative.

We can either chantslogans, or...

we can take action.

What was the first choice again?

I chooseto save the environment

by sabotaging Leo Wong'sgolf course!

Who's with me?!

Could we still useour bullhorns?

Absolutely. Bullhorns area core principle of ecofeminism.

Then I'm in.

(cheering)

(through bullhorn):Shh!

♪ Uh, take that ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪♪ Beep, beep ♪

♪ Uh-huh, uh-huh, yeah ♪

♪ Izzy, Izzy, ahh,zizah, zizah, zizah ♪

♪ Girls be talkin'like they all rah, rah... ♪

Who's ready to kicksome sweaty man butt?

(cheeringand voicing assent)

I've got my pointyman-kicking shoes on.

Ooh, thoseare cute!

Aren't they?

I got themat Nine West.

Simmer down, warriors.

Full power to the vagyroscope!

(low, rumbling whirr)

LEO:Those dirty rings.

I've tried soaking 'em out,even blasting 'em out.

Are you sureabout this?

It'd be betterfor propaganda

if we weren't usingrefined sugar.

It's okay.

The potato we're shovingin the tailpipe is organic.

(engine sputtering)

(popping, hissingand sputtering)

I smell sabotage.

(sniffing)

Ooh, and potatoes!

(cheers and whooping)

Now, unfortunately,

the media's gonna put anegative spin on this,

like when wekilled that guy.

So to win public support,we'll need a lovable mascot.

(growling, snapping, snarling)

Ha-ha!

Squirm all you want,you nasty dumpling.

One less speciesfor the universe,

one more breakfast for...

LEELA:Zoidberg?!

(gasps)Leela.

Uh, me, savingthings the leech.

Not the eating of it.

Zoidberg, I'm very surprisedat you slightly.

(slurping)

Psst! Leela!

Shh! I'm a fugitive!

I know.

I miss you so much, Leela,

even more thanwhen you were here.

I miss you too, Fry.

And you probably thinkwhat I'm doing is wrong.

But it's somethingI really care about, and...

You don't haveto explain, Leela.

You're you.

That's all Ineed to know.

Good-bye, sweet goofbag.

(sighing):I'll miss her, too, buddy.

Dibs on her iPod!

Dibs on her...

Aww!

Hey, Fry!

Long time, man!

Hey, Hutch, what haveyou been up to?

Same old same old.

Searching the Dumpsters,

protecting my thoughtswith tinfoil, peeing myself.

So what brings you to Earth?

It's top secret

Hey, take off your helmet,and I'll think it to you.

(whispering):Okay. Here goes.

(whirr, clank)

(clanking thud)

(whirr, clank)

(groaning)

(soft grunting)

Where are you?

And me?

The Great Hall

of the Ancient Legionof Madfellows.

Welcome, bro!

ALL:Welcome, bro!

Sorry I bashed your head in,buddy, but I had to.

You see, the fateof the universe depends on you.

Yeah, I get that a lot.

The Grand Curatorwill tell you more.

Take me to him.

Hey, man.Hey.

So dig this, Fry.

Our commune's been monitoringthe universe's life energy

for, like,a really long time,

and we're grokkingsome super-weird junk.

Um, I don't meanto be rude,

but it's kind of hardto take you seriously

when you say junklike grok and junk.

What about commune?

Especially commune.

Come on, it's the fateof the universe.

Puff it up a little.

Like, you could say

your ancient orderis sensing deep upheaval

in the cosmiclife energy field.

(awed murmuring)

I think so.

Okay, I'll-I'll try.

So, like, a really, really long time ago...

Eons ago...?

Ah, cool.

(laughs)

Eons ago,

the life force we call "chi"permeated the universe.

(trilling)

The green chi generateda great upwelling

of life across the cosmos.

But then,for reasons unknown...

Ooh! Reasonsunknown.

Now that'sthe sort of hook

that grabs the attentionof me, the viewer.

For reasons unknown...

Nice.

...the chi began to recede,

and the diversityof life began to wither.

The life-forms we know todayare but a fraction of a fraction

of the magnificencethat once existed.

But a bunchof dudes, right?

They totally passedthis far-out knowledge

down through the ages.

GRAND CURATOR:Some with this knowledgewere called prophets.

Some, fruitcakes.

We, the Legion of Madfellows,are their heirs.

Hey, I'm on TV!

Well, that's the show.

Neat. What's itgot to do with me?

Aah, pooperdoodle!

I-I mean,pardon the omission.

You see,after untold eternities,

we have sensed a resurgencein the chi.

FRY:Hey, that's the violet dwarfstar that Leela wants to save!

Freakin' nailed it,corndog.

We believe this star heraldsa new green age.

And it is your destiny to beits shepherd and protector!

Me? Why?

'Cause you got, like,no delta brainwave, man.

The Dark Ones can't grooveoff your thoughts.

Silence, Hutch!

For now, let's justsay we have enemies,

enemies whocan read minds.

Except yours.

Cool! I can't waitto tell Leela!

No! If you tell anyone,

then their thoughtscould be read.

For the sake of those you love,you must keep this secret.

Do you foot-swear?

Uh... okay.

I footswear.Good.

Now, to save the comingof the green age,

you must stop... this man.

I know him. Leo Wong.

I work with his daughter.

Oh, good, that'll cutabout 15 minutes of explanation.

You must gainWong's confidence,

infiltrate his organization,

and prevent him fromdestroying the violet dwarf!

Looking for a job, eh?

Uh, yes, sir.

Nothing fancy.

I'm willingto start at the bottom

and infiltrate my way up.

Sorry, no openingsright now.

What I need is security guard

to keep nutcases out of my office.

I'm good atkeeping nutcases.

I said no way!

This idiot doesn't look like he could handle those Feministas.

I-I look like an idiot whocould handle those Feministas.

He'll have to do better than that.

I'll have to do betterthan that.

Hmm.

You and I thinka lot alike.

You really thinkyou can stand up

to those eco-freakos?

Sir, with me around,

they'll be the leastof your worries.

(mechanical whirring)

MAN:Stand by, men.

And manly aliens.

Prepare to test fireKing Kong hole.

(thunderous boom)

It workses.

Good job, men.

And manly aliens.

Construction of KingKong hole complete.

FRIEDA: Typical.

Always King Kong,never Queen Quong.

What are those, hooks?

Get outta heres,you hookers.

Helpses!

(all cheering)

(spray-paint hissing)

LEELA: You go, gorilla!

Our top story--

the string of eco-vandalism

that began with a harmlessvice-presidential killing

has spread across the galaxy.

Why do you always get toread the top story, Morbo?

Because viewers trusta deep male voice

and huge throbbingforehead veins!

(beating rhythmically)

Not all reaction to thecrime spree has been negative.

We spoke with several people

who view these courageousecofeminists as heroes.

I just wish therewas some way to...

(coughs) Excuse me.

(hacking)

Some way to showI support them.

Send them some smokesor something.

This just in.

Root Two News has receiveda video communiqué

from the ecofeminists'unknown hideout.

This is Subcommander L,with a message for Leo Wong.

Leo, you're a parasiteon the universe,

and parasitesmust be destroyed.

That's why we've adoptedthis parasite as our mascot.

(snarling)

I knowit's a little confusing.

The point is,even this vicious leech

has a right to exist,

and that's why a vicious leechlike Leo Wong

must be exterminated.

(cheering)

Again, confusing.

Feministas, unite!

In other news... oof!

Feministas, unite!

Feministas, unite!

NIXON:Incredible.

Absolutely incredible.

You're telling methis TiVo machine

can pause andrewind live TV?

These crazy broadsgonna ruin me, Nixon.

You gotta help me.

Send an army or something,something big that shoots.

Sir, I don't care if you are my biggest contributor.

Our armed forces do not serveyour private business interests.

Oh, sorry, I, uh...

(laughing)

I'm just yankingyour chain, Leo.

I'm on it like boringon Jerry Ford.

(military march playing)

Zapp Brannigan,purporting for duty.

For the love of God, Kif,

less piccolo, more fife.

(sighs)

Report, Brannigan?

Mr. President,I failed to identify

these curvaceous banditas,

despite hours of staringat their dossieres.

Yet I seem to havestroked myself upon good luck,

for a patriotof the highest order

has volunteeredto lead us to them.

(drumroll)

Hey-oh!

(playing dramatic fanfare)

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