Richard Belzer & Jonathan Katz

  • 02/24/1992

I'M LOOKING DOWN HERE.

OH, I JUST THOUGHT I FOUNDSOME PIGEON DROPPINGS

BUT HEY, AS LONG ASYOU HAVE YOUR HEALTH.

THIS IS A GREAT SET.

THIS IS FABULOUS.

I DON'T KNOW.

A TRANSVESTITE PUPPET SHOW.

I DON'T KNOW WHATWAS HERE BEFORE ME.

BUT I DON'T FEEL WELL.

EVEN THOUGHI LOVE THESE TWO GUYS

I MEAN, LOOK, COME ON.

I'M A HYPOCHONDRIAC.

BACKSTAGE, I DON'TSIGN AUTOGRAPHS.

I SIGNED A VALIUM FORSOME WOMAN BACKSTAGE.

BUT, NO.

I WAS A HYPOCHONDRIACFROM, LIKE, DAY ONE.

MY PARENTS TOLD ME THIS, ANYWAY.

WELL, I HAD RATTLESWITH ASPIRIN IN IT

WHICH WAS SORT OF A SAD THING.

AND THEN I WENTTO ELEMENTARY SCHOOL

AND I USED TO TAKE M&Ms,SERIOUSLY, ONE AT A TIME

WITH A GLASS OF WATER,WHICH WAS SORT OF EMBARRASSING.

THEN I WOULD,LIKE, NOT GO TO SCHOOL

BUT MY MOTHER WAS HIPBECAUSE SHE WAS A WACKO LIKE ME

AND SHE USED TO SEND MENOTES TO, LIKE, GYM:

"RICHARD CAN'T TUMBLE TODAY.

HE'S TOO DISTRAUGHT."

NOTES LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW.

BUT I WANT TO THANK

WHOEVER GAVE ME THEBOUQUET OF SUDAFED.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

BUT I AM VERY SICK.

I MEAN, YOU CAN TELL.

I SWEAT EVEN WHEN I'M HAPPY.

WHEN I MAKE LOVE, I SWEAT.

IF I'M IN A HAMMOCK, I SWEAT.

AT HOME, I HAVEA WALK-IN MEDICINE CHEST

WHICH I'M UNHAPPY ABOUT.

I HAD THIS THING ON MY NECKABOUT THREE DAYS AGO.

I SWEAR TO GOD, IT WASLIKE A BLUE, LIKE A RASH.

IT LOOKED LIKE A ZIT,COULD HAVE BEEN A FEZ.

I CALLED THE SKIN DOCTOR.

IT WENT AWAY OVERNIGHT.

I LOOKED IN THE MIRROR, I SWEAR,THE NEXT MORNING-- GONE.

STILL KEPT THE APPOINTMENT.

THIS IS A SIGNWHEN YOU'RE A WACKO.

STILL... IT WAS, LIKE, $50,WHATEVER THEY CHARGE IN L.A.

I DON'T KNOW, WHO KNOWS.

THE INSURANCE FORM,ALL THAT CRAP.

I ACTUALLY WENTTO THE SKIN DOCTOR.

I WAS FINE.

THE BLUE FEZ WAS GONE.

I WENT TO THE DOCTORTO SHOW HIM WHERE IT WAS

AND I MADE, LIKE

A LITTLE PENCIL DRAWINGAROUND WHERE IT WAS.

AND THEN BEFORE TONIGHT

I'M WITH THE A LIST,I'M EXCITED, YOU KNOW.

WE GET THE BEST COMICSIN THE COUNTRY

AND FOOLISHLY I WENT TO A DELIAND I HAD A CORNED BEEF SANDWICH

AND THEN I PUT MY FINGER INONE OF THESE PULSE MACHINES

AND THEY HAVE, LIKE, IF YOU'REZERO TO 60, YOU'RE A JOGGER

60 TO 90, YOU'RE OKAY

90 TO 100, YOU'RE...

IT DIDN'T EVEN FLASH A NUMBERWHEN I PUT MY FINGER IN.

IT FLASHED"FUNERAL ARRANGEMENTS."

IT WAS SORT OF EMBARRASSING.

BUT I'M TRYING TO TAKECARE OF MYSELF NOW.

BUT I DON'T LIKE GYMS.

I DON'T LIKE TO BE NAKEDIN FRONT OF OTHER MEN.

I JUST TRY TO, UH...

THAT STAIRMASTER,I KNOW IT'S GOOD FOR PEOPLE.

I USE THE STRESSMASTER.

I JUST CALL MY MOTHER,AND I DROP EIGHT TO TEN POUNDS

IN ABOUT AN HOUR,HOUR AND A HALF.

JUST SIT THERE AND I JUST SHVITZ THERE, ALL THE WEIGHT.

BUT I'VE TRIED TO RUN,BUT HERE'S THE DEAL.

WHEN YOU'RE A HYPOCHONDRIAC,IT'S HARD TO EXERCISE.

YOU'RE AFRAID YOU'REGOING TO DIE, QUITE FRANKLY.

I WAS IN NEW YORK LAST WEEK,CENTRAL PARK

AND THEY HAVE, LIKE,A LITTLE PATH FOR BIKES

AND I SEE THERE WAS, LIKE,AN OUTLINE OF A BICYCLE.

I HAD NO IDEA WHAT IT WAS

BECAUSE I'M SO OUT OF TOUCHWITH EXERCISE.

I WENT, "OH, MY GOD,ANOTHER SCHWINN MURDER."

COME OUT HERE, YOUNG MAN.

EARN YOUR MONEY.

DO YOU GET EXTRA MONEYIF YOU COME OUT HERE?

ALL RIGHT, NOW COUGH,TURN YOUR HEAD TO THE LEFT.

WELL, LOOK AT THIS.

LOOK, THE CURTAINFROM GONE WITH THE WIND.

NO, THERE IT IS.

SHE MADE A DRESS OUT OF IT.

HOW MANY PEOPLE SAW THAT MOVIE?

( scattered applause )

WHAT A SAFE, STUPID QUESTIONTHAT WAS.

AND THIS, OF COURSE,WE ALL KNOW WHAT THAT IS.

ANYWAY, SO, UH...

NO, BUT THE STAGE ISDESIGNED IN SUCH A WAY

SO IT'S NOT HAZARDOUSTO THE COMICS.

( laughter )

BUT IT'S A STAGE,IT'S LIKE THEATER.

THEATER IS SO FALSE.

NO, I MEAN, I'M FROM NEW YORK.

ANYBODY HERE FROM NEW YORK?

I NEED A RIDE BACK.

( somebody applauds )

I'M GOING BACK.

I LIVE HERE NOW.

I MOVED FROM NEW YORK TO L.A.

IT'S A RADICAL DIFFERENCE.

FIRST OF ALL,YOU HAVE TO ADJUST.

THE L.A.P.D. ARE TOTALLYDIFFERENT FROM THE N.Y.P.D.

WHEN I DRIVE IN L.A. NOW

I DRIVE WITH A VIDEO CAMERAON MY SHOULDER.

IN CASE I GET PULLED OVER.

"YES, OFFICER, WHAT IS IT?

"JUST LOOK RIGHT IN THE LENS.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH."

( cheering )

"OH, YOU WANTTO GIVE ME A TICKET?

"FINE, GIVE ME THE TICKET.

"JUST DON'T KICK MY ASSFOR NO REASON, OKAY?

THANK YOU VERY MUCH."

THE COPS IN NEW YORKARE TOTALLY DIFFERENT.

YOU COULD BE DRIVING WITHA BEER BETWEEN YOUR LEGS

SEAT BELT FLAPPING OUT THE DOOR

GO THROUGH FIVE RED LIGHTS60 MILES AN HOUR

A COP WILL GO, "GET MECOFFEE ON THE WAY BACK?"

THE OTHER DAY I GOTPULLED OVER IN BEVERLY HILLS.

I SAID, "WHAT IS IT, OFFICER?"

HE SAID,"YOUR LEFT SPEAKER'S OUT."

"YOU DON'T HAVE DOLBY?

ALL RIGHT, FACE DOWN, LET'S GO,SPREAD YOUR LEGS."

"YES, OFFICER."

AND I THINK EVOLUTIONTOOK A LEFT IN THE VALLEY

BECAUSE I WAS INTHE VALLEY THE OTHER DAY.

FOR THOSE IN THE REST OF AMERICA

THERE'S A PLACE CALLED"THE VALLEY" IN L.A.

WHERE THE SMOG IS WORSETHAN ANYWHERE ELSE

AND, LIKE, PEOPLE THEREARE, LIKE, REALLY DIFFERENT.

AND THE REASON I SAY THATEVOLUTION TOOK A LEFT THERE

IS BECAUSE THEIR SPINESAREN'T FULLY DEVELOPED

BECAUSE WHEN PEOPLEIN THE VALLEY TALK

THEY GO UP AND DOWN,THEY GO...

"OH, YOU'RE FROM NEW YORK?

"OH, WOW! OH...

AVOCADOES-- WOW!"

( laughter )

I SAID, "CAN YOU STAND STILL?

I'M GETTING MOTION SICKNESSOVER HERE."

WHEN I FIRST MOVED OUT HERE,THEY SAID, "YOU TALK TOO FAST."

I SAID, "YOU LISTENTOO SLOW, SPARKY.

WATCH 60 MINUTES, READ A BOOK,CATCH UP, OKAY?"

BECAUSE ALL THEEX-PRESIDENTS COME OUT HERE.

YOU GOT GERALD FORDIN PALM SPRINGS...

( imitating Reagan: )RONALD REAGAN IN BEL AIR.

"MOMMY, DO YOU HAVEMY DEPENDS ON YOU?

WE'RE GOING TO BE OUTFOR MORE THAN AN HOUR."

REAGAN WILL NOT GO AWAY.

HE'S LIKE A SCIENCE FICTIONCREATURE, REAGAN.

YOU KNOW,HE GOT ELECTED IN 1980.

THAT WASN'T SCARY ENOUGH.

THEN HE GOT SHOT,AND HE CAME BACK.

THEN THEY TOOK THREE FEET OUTOF HIS COLON, AND HE CAME BACK.

THEN THEY TOOK A PIECEOFF HIS NOSE, AND HE CAME BACK.

THEN THEY DRILLED A HOLEIN HIS HEAD, AND HE CAME BACK.

HE'S LIKE JASONFROM FRIDAY THE 13th.

( applause )

LOCK YOUR DOORS, IT'S REAGAN.

( in Reagan voice: )WELL...

( screaming )

AND I READ INTHAT BOOK BY NANCY--

THE BOOK ABOUT NANCY BY KELLEY.

KITTY KELLEY WROTEA BOOK ABOUT NANCY REAGAN.

IN THAT BOOK, SHE SAIDRONALD REAGAN SMOKED POT.

DOESN'T THAT EXPLAIN EVERYTHING?

( laughter )

( in Reagan voice: )WELL, YES, BUT NO.

( laughter )

I DON'T REMEMBER.

( laughter )

WHEN I WAS THERE,THEY WERE ALREADY GONE

AND WHEN I GOT BACK,THEY HAD JUST LEFT.

IS THERE ANY MORE POPCORN?

I'M KIND OF HUNGRY.

THAT REMINDS ME OFA CUTE STORY, THOUGH.

I WAS WITH ERROL FLYNN BACKSTAGEAT WARNER BROTHERS, AND, UH...

OH, YES-- OH, I THOUGHTYOU SAID OLIVER NORTH.

ERROL NORTH, OLIVER FLYNN.

NO, BUT I WAS THERE.

( in regular voice: )NO MORE QUESTIONS, YOUR HONOR.

OF A PRESIDENTIAL RACEIN THIS COUNTRY

OR SOME MIGHTCALL IT VAUDEVILLE.

( laughter )

IT'S GETTING OUT OF HAND,ISN'T IT?

GEORGE BUSH IS SCARED NOW.

HE'S LIKE: ( droning )

HE'S LIKE A BLACK & DECKERPOWER DRILL.

( droning )

AND, UH, BUSH HAD A GOODTIME IN JAPAN, DIDN'T HE?

YEAH, THAT WAS GOOD.

AMERICA STOOD TALL THAT DAY,DIDN'T WE?

( retching )

( laughter )

NOW, IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN--CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG--

I DON'T REMEMBER ANY OTHERPRESIDENT EVER LOSING IT

ON THE LAP OF ANOTHERWORLD LEADER, DID YOU?

I DON'T REMEMBER ROOSEVELTHEAVING ON CHURCHILL AT POTSDAM.

NO, I... WILSON NEVERPUKED ON THE CZAR.

THAT'S A FIRST,LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

BUT I'M UPSET WITH THE JAPANESE.

THEY KEEP SLAMMING US.

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.

WE INVENTED THE AUTOMOBILE,WE INVENTED THE TELEVISION.

WE INVENTED THE STUFF,BUT THEN JAPAN TAKES IT...

"OH, YOU MAKE TV,OH, GOOD INVENTION.

WE TAKE TV, MAKE IT BETTER,CHARGE YOU MORE."

( laughter )

"YOU MAKE AUTOMOBILE?

WE MAKE AUTOMOBILE BETTER,MAKE MORE MONEY."

WELL, WE'RE NOT GOINGTO INVENT STUFF ANYMORE

IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE LIKE THAT.

BUT MY NIGHTMARE IS THIS.

YOU SEE, NOW GERMANY ANDJAPAN ARE GETTING TOGETHER.

WAIT, DOES THAT SOUND FAMILIAR?

GERMANY AND JAPAN ARE GETTING...

ANYWAY, THEY'RE GETTING TOGETHER

AND THEY'RE GOINGTO BUILD A CAR TOGETHER.

THAT'S MITSUBISHI AND MERCEDES,THE TWO M's--

THE M&M OF THE AXIS POWERS.

THEY'RE GOING TO BUILDA CAR TOGETHER

AND WHAT SCARES ME IS THATTHEY'LL BUILD A GREAT CAR.

THEY'LL BUILD A CAR THATWILL COST A THOUSAND DOLLARS

GET A HUNDRED MILESTO THE GALLON.

THEY'LL PROBABLY CALL IT"THE GERPO," YOU KNOW?

AND AMERICANS WILL GO,"WOW, WHAT A GREAT CAR!"

LEE IACOCCA WILL FLIP OUT,COME ON TV AND SAY

"NOW WE HAVE AIR BAGSIN THE TRUNK."

IT'S TOO LATE, LEE.

WRITE YOURSELF ANOTHER $15MILLION CHECK, AND TAKE A WALK.

SO 200 MILLION AMERICANSWILL BUY THE GERPO

BECAUSE HEY,100 MILES TO THE GALLON

A THOUSAND BUCKS, LOOKS GREAT.

SO, LIKE, 200 MILLION AMERICANS,WE'RE DRIVING HOME FROM WORK

OR TO SCHOOL ORTO WHEREVER YOU'RE GOING

AND ALL OF A SUDDEN,LET'S SAY IN 1994

ALL THE DOORS AND WINDOWSWILL LOCK ON THESE GERPOS

BECAUSE THE GERMANS AND JAPANESEWILL HAVE BUILT IN TIME LOCKS

THAT WE DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT.

SO WE'LL ALL BELOCKED IN OUR CARS.

GERMANY AND JAPAN WILLINVADE THE UNITED STATES

WITH NO WEAPONS, AND THEY'LLJUST COME IN AND SAY:

( imitating German accent: )"GETTING WARM IN THERE, AMERICAN?"

( imitating Japanese accent: )"YOU LIKE THE INFINITY?

GOOD, BECAUSE YOU'RE GOINGTO BE THERE FOR INFINITY."

I DON'T NEED TO APOLOGIZE

AND YET, UH,I LIVE TO APOLOGIZE

BUT I SWEAR, I DESERVE TO.

WHEN I WAS 18, I COULDHAVE GONE TO WOODSTOCK.

I WAS IN JERSEY.

MY FRIENDS BEEPED A HORN,"COME ON, LET'S GO."

WOODSTOCK-- I COULDHAVE GONE TO WOODSTOCK.

AND I GO OUTSIDE, I GO,"YEAH, IT'S DRIZZLING.

"I DON'T KNOW, IS THEREGOING TO BE PARKING THERE?

I DON'T KNOW, IS THERE VALET?"

THEN I SAW THE MOVIE.

I WAS SO GLAD, NOW,AS A HYPOCHONDRIAC.

CAN YOU IMAGINE?

YOU KNOW, "WE HAVE ONETHROAT LOZENGER FOR 500,000.

LINE UP!"

PEOPLE MAKING LOVENEXT TO DONKEYS WITH TATTOOS

AND FORGET ABOUT IT.

BUT I, YOU KNOW,I JUST-- NOW I HANG OUT

I GO PHARMACY WINDOW SHOPPING,PRETTY MUCH

AND THEY MAKE ANNOUNCEMENTS:

"RICHARD LEWIS HASLEFT THE DRUGSTORE."

YOU KNOW, I'M NOTHAPPY ABOUT THAT

BUT, YOU KNOW,THOSE THINGS HAPPEN.

BUT MY FAMILY,THEY WERE HYPOCHONDRIACS.

THEY USED TO SENDOUT INVITATIONS.

MY MOTHER, I SWEAR TO GOD:

"YOU'RE INVITEDTO MY ROOT CANAL."

SO THAT'S HOWI LEARNED ALL THIS.

AT HOME NOW, I HAVECOUGH MEDICINE ON TAP.

IF YOU WANT TO COME OVERAFTER THE SHOW AND, UH...

THE BIGGEST PROBLEM I HAVEIS FROM MY GRANDPARENTS.

MY GRANDFATHER HAD--MAY HE REST IN PEACE--

HAD TYPE "A" BEHAVIOR

AND HE LIVED WITH US,WHICH WAS A THRILL.

HE'D COME DOWN AND HEWOULD LITERALLY, LIKE

HE WOULD TAKE, LIKE, THE CEREAL

AND EMPTY IT OUTON THE BREAKFAST TABLE.

"I'M TELLING YOU

THERE'S NOT 20% MORE RAISINSIN RAISIN BRAN!"

YOU KNOW, IT WAS, LIKE,SORT OF FRIGHTENING.

SO, THAT'S WHERE I'M AT.

SO NICE TO BE HERE

TO BE WORKING,TO BE BACK ON MY FEET.

I TOOK A COUPLE OF MONTHS OFF.

I HAD SURGERY THIS YEARFOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE

AND, UH, I WAS TERRIFIED.

NEVER BEEN HOSPITALIZED.

AND JUST BEFORE I WENT UNDER

I HEARD THE ONE THINGYOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR:

"WHERE'S MY LUCKY SCALPEL?"

( laughter )

BUT I'M FEELING GOOD, AND, UH...

HEY, ANYBODY WHO TELLS YOUTHAT LIFE IS BRIEF

HASN'T BEEN TO THE REGISTRYOF MOTOR VEHICLES RECENTLY.

4h HOURS TO GET THE LICENSE.

THEN I GO TO GETMY PICTURE TAKEN

AND YOU KNOW WHAT THEY'REDOING NOW TO CUT COSTS.

THEY'RE DOING GROUP PHOTOS.

AND, UH, YOU DON'T GETTO PICK THE OTHER GUYS.

BUT I'M GLAD I DID IT

BECAUSE AS LUCK WOULD HAVE IT,I GOT STOPPED TONIGHT.

I RAN A RED LIGHT, AND THECOP ASKED TO SEE MY LICENSE.

I SAID, "THAT'S ME, ALL THEWAY IN THE BACK ON THE RIGHT."

BUT, UM...

I TOOK A WRONG TURN,AND I SEE A SIGN THAT SAYS

"CAUTION, SMALLCHILDREN PLAYING"

SO I SLOW DOWN.

THEN IT OCCURS TO ME, I'MNOT AFRAID OF SMALL CHILDREN.

( laughter )

THAT'S A GOOD THING

BECAUSE I'M ABOUT TO BECOMEA DAD FOR THE SECOND TIME.

( applause )

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

THANKS.

AND MY WIFE, WHO TENDSTO BE OVERCAUTIOUS

HAD THE ULTRASOUND LAST WEEK,WHICH EVEN THE DOCTORS SAY

IS NOT NECESSARYWHEN YOU'RE ADOPTING.

STILL...

( laughter )

NO, WE SAW THE HEARTBEAT.

SO EXCITING, SO EXCITING.

AND THE TECHNOLOGY NOWIS SO SOPHISTICATED

THEY CAN ACTUALLY TELL YOUTHE BABY'S NAME.

THAT'S, UH...

( laughter )

AND WE'VE BEEN TRYING FOR YEARSTO HAVE ANOTHER KID.

WE WENT TO A FERTILITY CLINICIN NEW YORK ABOUT A YEAR AGO.

THE DOCTOR ASKED METO BRING IN A SAMPLE

WHICH I DID THE NEXT DAY

AND I HANDED ITTO HIS RECEPTIONIST.

AND IT WAS LIKEAN ANCIENT REFLEX.

I SAID, "I'LL CALL YOU."

( laughter )

MY, UH...

MY DAUGHTER, SHE CAN'TWAIT FOR THE BABY.

SHE'S NINE YEARS OLD, MY GIRL

ALTHOUGH IT SEEMS LIKE YESTERDAYTHAT SHE SPOKE HER FIRST WORDS.

MY WIFE AND I WEREHAVING BREAKFAST.

SHE WAS IN THE DENWATCHING MR. ROGERS.

FROM THREE ROOMS AWAY, WE HEAR,"I'M NOT YOUR G.DDAMN NEIGHBOR."

( laughter )

APPARENTLY, IT HAD BEENBUILDING UP, BUT, UH...

THAT'S A WONDERFUL AGE, NINE

ALTHOUGH SHE'S STARTING TO ASKTHOSE EMBARRASSING QUESTIONS

LIKE, "WHAT DOESA GUY LIKE YOU MAKE?"

( laughter )

SHE IS...

OH, SHE IS GREAT, THOUGH.

WE HAD OUR FIRSTSERIOUS TALK ABOUT DRUGS

AND I TRIED TO BEHONEST WITH HER.

I HAD THE TALK WITH HERI WISH I HAD HAD WITH MY DAD.

I HAD A DRUG PROBLEM AS A KID.

I HAD A COCAINE HABITWHEN I WAS 16 YEARS OLD--

SO BAD I WANTED TO GET CAUGHT,I PRAYED TO GET CAUGHT.

I FINALLY GOT MY WISH ONE NIGHT.

MY DAD CATCHES MEWITH A GRAM OF COCAINE

DUMPS IT ON THEDINING ROOM TABLE

RUBS MY NOSE IN IT.

( laughter )

I'M OKAY NOW, BUT THOSE WERETROUBLED TIMES, AND, UH...

AND I MADEA CLASSIC FREUDIAN SLIP.

I MEANT TO SAY, "CAN YOUPASS ME THE SALT, PLEASE?"

BUT IT COMES OUT, "YOU PUTZ,YOU RUINED MY CHILDHOOD."

( laughter )

HE'S, UH...

( applause )

I SHOULD BE MORE GENTLE.

HE'S 81 YEARS OLD

GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE SUITAT THE AGE OF 81

AND MY STEPMOTHER'S TRYING

TO GET CUSTODY OF MEAND MY OLDER SISTER.

( laughter )

IT'S GOING TO GET UGLY,I KNOW IT--

WEEKENDS WITH HER,AND THE WHOLE SHOT.

BUT I MENTIONED TO YOU,I'M MARRIED TEN YEARS

AND WE HAVE A GOOD MARRIAGE,BUT YOU GO THROUGH STAGES.

MY WIFE IS WAY BEYOND

THE FAKING-THE-HEADACHE STAGEOF OUR MARRIAGE.

SHE'S NOW INTO THE "I FIND YOUPHYSICALLY REPUGNANT" STAGE.

( laughter )

LATELY I THINK THATSHE'S BEEN FOOLING AROUND

BECAUSE OUR PARROT KEEPS SAYING:

"GIVE IT TO ME HARD AND FAST

BEFORE MY HUSBAND, JON KATZ,COMES HOME."

( laughter )

"OH, YEAH.

AND YES, I'D LOVE A CRACKER."

( laughter )

BUT NONETHELESS, TONIGHT ISOUR TENTH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY

AND IT'S THE FIRST ONEWE'RE SPENDING APART

AND I PROMISED I'D DOA SONG FOR HER TONIGHT.

IF YOU'LL INDULGE ME,FOR MY WIFE.

TEN YEARS TONIGHT.

THEY FLY BY, THE YEARS,DON'T THEY?

I LOVE YOU, HONEY.

♪ YOU GAVE ME LOVE LAST NIGHT

♪ AND THEN I REALIZEDTHAT ALL MY LIFE ♪

♪ THAT I'VE BEEN HIDING OUT

♪ HIDING OUT FROM LOVE...

Oh, my God, who is thatexquisite-looking creature

sitting there?

♪ IN YOUR KISSWAS CONTAINED... ♪

She wants me bad.

♪ IT'S TRUE,SO SWEET I FELT ASHAMED ♪

♪ TO THINK THAT ALL MY LIFE...

Oh, great, now she'sundressing me with her eyes.

Hey, what's so funny?

♪ I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU, OO-OO

♪ THERE'S NO OTHER WAYTHAT I CAN EXPLAIN... ♪

Hey, she knows I'm married.

It's her problem.

♪ I WOULD DO ANYTHING

♪ TO HEAR YOU SAYYOU FEEL THE SAME. ♪

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

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