Thursday, March 13, 2014

  • Season 1, Ep 01038
  • 03/13/2014

Nikki Glaser, Steve Agee and Kyle Kinane listen to Japanese teenagers sing heavy metal songs about chocolate, translate emoji sentences involving squid and list #AlcoHolidays.

>> RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNETHEADLINES, IT'S "RAPID REFRESH."

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )A PROFILE THIS WEEK, A THAI MAN

WHO WAS QUITE POSSIBLY THE MOSTAWESOME FACEBOOK PAGE EVER,

DEDICATED TO LOW-COST CAUSE PLAYUSING HOUSEHOLD ITEMS.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING OF THEFACEBOOK POSTS RECEIVED THE MOST

LIKES.

A., WOLVERINE.

B., HELLO KITTY.

>> OH, MY COD GOD.

( LAUGHTER )>> C., JAWS.

WHICH ONE OF THOSE.

NIKKI?

>> B., HELLO KITTY.

>> LET'S FIND OUT.

>> NO "N" THE WOLVERINES!

>> WOW.

FOR BONUS POINTS WHAT WAS THENAME OF THIS MANUFACTURE BASED

ON THE LOW-COST PLAY.

>> HUGH JACK ASS MAN.

>> X-MEN BORIGINS.

>> ALL RIGHT, I'LL GIVE YOU 100POINT.

THEY WERE ON THE FENCE BUT I'LLGIVE IT TO YOU.

KYLE.

>> I WOULD SAY X MEN, NO CLASS.

>> WELL DONE, POINTS!

NEXT, THIS ARTSY VIDEO CALLEDFIRST KISS OF 20 TOTAL STRANGERS

KISSING HAS WRAKD UP OVER 26MILLION VIEWS IN TWO DAYS.

THE ENTIRE INTERNET GOT ALLEMOTIONAL ABOUT THE TRUTH AND

BEAUTY THAT THIS VIDEO UNLOCKEDINSIDE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US.

WHO REMEMBERWHAT IT WAS THRIEKHAVE YOUR FIRST KISS AND THE

INTERNET REPLACED THAT WITHHATRED AND BILE WHEN IT WAS

REVEALED THE PEOPLE WERE ACTORSAND IT WAS AN AD FOR A CLOTHING

COMPANY.

>> WHAT!

>> BOO.

STEVEIN KYLE, I WILL GIVE YOU1,000 POINT IF YOU MAKE OUT

RIGHT NOW.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )HANG ON.

HANG ON.

>> HOW ABOUT $1,000.

>> NO, 1,000 POINT, WHICH ARELIKE DOLLARS IN THIS GAME.

>> WHY DON'T I GET THIS OFFER.

>> HANG ON.

LET'S SEE IF THEY DO IT.

LET ME GIVE YOU A LITTLE HELP.

♪ MAKE OUT!

MAKE OUT!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

>> YEAH!

YEAH!

YEAH!

YEAH!

DO IT!

DO IT!

DO IT!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )YES!

YES!

YES!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )YEAH, BROS, FIST BUMP IT OUT.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )YEAH, BROS, FIST BUMP IT OUT.

IT'S TIME FOR TONIGHT'S

#HASHTAGWARS.

( CHEERS )ST. PATRICK'S DAY IS ON MONDAY

AND IT'S THE ONLY HOLIDAYOFFICIALLY DEVOTED TO DRINKING.

I'M PRETTY SURE THAT'S ALL IT'SABOUT.

NO ONE ELSE HAS EXPLAINEDOTHERWISE IN ALL THE YEARS IT'S

BEEN HAPPENING.

THAT'S WHY TONIGHT'S HASHTAGWARS IS ALCAHOLIDAYS.

EXAMPLES MIGHT BE, NEW BEERSEVE.

OR BLITZMASS.

OR MARTINI LUTHER KING DAY.

I'M GOING TO PUT 60 SECONDS ONTHE CLOCK.

NIKKI.

>> MY MOTHER'S DAY.

>> POINT.

STEVE.

>> THE 5th OF JULY.

>> POINTS.

KYLE.

>> HURL HARBOR DAY.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

>> POINTS!

STEVE.

>> BILLY JOEL'S BIRTHDAY.

>> YES!

POINTS!

NIKKI.

>> COME ON THE BUS DAY.

LIKE COLUMBUS.

>> OH, YEAH, YEAH, POINTS.

KYLE.

>> BOXING A COP DAY, CANADA.

>> YES, I'LL GIVE THAT TO YOU,POINTS.

STEVE.

>> SLOSH-KASHANA.

POINT.

>> NIKKI.

>> MEMORIAL TO MY VIRGINITY DAY.

>> POINTS!

SOME DAY WHEN YOU THROUGHS TOYOUR HUSBAND, RIGHT.

>> SOME DAY.

>> STEVE.

>> JOHNNIE WALKER BLACKED FROM.

>> POINT!

KYLE.

>> I FORGOT TO WEAR A CONDOM, SOFATHER'S DAY?

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

>> POINTS TO KYLE.

SWEET EMOJI.

( APPLAUSE )EMOJI ARE THE PICTURE YOU SEND

TO YOUR FRIENDS HAVE A TEXTBECAUSE WORDS ARE HARD.

I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU A SERIESOF EMOJIS AND YOU TRANSLATE IT

INTO A SENTENCE.

IF IT'S FUNNY, POINTS.

IF NOT, NO POINTS.

LET US BEGIN.

WHAT'S THAT?

NIKKI?

>> I ( BLEEP ) THE LEAD SINGEROF TRAIN FOR A HAM SANDWICH.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

>> I HAVEN'T THOUGHT ABOUT THATBAND IN AGES.

>> WHY THE BROKEN HEART, THEN?

>> IS THAT MEAT VIRGINIA,M-E-A-T?

POINTS, NIKKI GLAZER.

NEXT ONE.

KYLE.

>> THIS ONE SAYS SPOOKY GOTLOCKED UP ON DRUG CHARGES.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

( CHEERS ).

>> POINTS!

STEVE?

>> BETTER CHILDED PROOF THEMEDICINE CABINET OR WE'RE GOING

TO HAVE ANOTHER DEAD KID.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

>> POINTS!

>> ANOTHER.

>> ANOTHER!

>> NEXT ONE.

WHAT'S THAT?

WHAT'S THAT TEXT, STEVE?

>> GIVE ME SOME CANDY AND I'LLSUCK YOU OFF LIKE A SQUID.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )OH, MY GOD, I HOPE WE CAN SHOW

THAT.

>> AND ALL THE INK.

>> 100 POINT TO NIKKI, 250POINTS FOR STEVE, 100 POINT TO

KYLE FOR THE ASSIST.

( LAUGHTER )I-- I GOT, LIKE, A LITTLE TURNED

ON.

LIKE THERE'S SOMETHING FETISHYABOUT THAT.

>> OH, MY GOD!

I MIGHT THROW UP!

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

>> NEXT ONE, ONE MORE.

( LAUGHTER )I GOT IT.

>> I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THIS ONE.

>> I LIKE IT!

>> YOU KNOW TSTILL TRAIN.

STILL THE BAND TRAIN.

KYLE?

>> IT'S EASY, IT'S POOHEARTSBEAT AS ONE.

>>>> WONDERTWIN POWERS DEFECATE.

TUMBLREALITY, GIF EDITION.

AND YOU ( BLEEP ) ONLINE TO SAYI'M PRONOUNCING GIF WRONG.

NO, YOU'RE WRONG!

IT'S GRAPHICS INTERCHANGEFORMAT.

I DON'T CARE WHAT THE GIFPROGRAMMER SAID.

IT'S GIF, NOT PEANUT BUTTER.

TUMBLR IS ONE OF MY FAVORITESITES TO GET LOST IN GIVES FOR

HOURS.

YOU HAVE TO BUZZ IN IT & TELL MEWHICH ONE IS REAL.

CAT OVERWHELMED BYs OWNCROTCH, OR JOE BIDEN FLASHES

HAND SIGN FOR THE SHOCKER.

NIKKI FLAIZER.

>> CAT OVERWHELMED BY HIS OWNCROTCH BECAUSE OF CATS.

>> LET'S FIND OUT.

WHAT!

( LAUGHTER )>> THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I

TRY THAT, TOO.

( APPLAUSE )>> NIKKI GLAZER GETS POINTS.

THE MOM FROM HONEYBOOBOO, BUTALL OF HER ORIFICES ARE MOUTHS.

OR-- THAT'S ALREADY A THING.

OR THE CAST OF DUCK DYNASTY BUTALL OF THEIR BEARDS ARE LO MEIN.

KYLE?

>> HONEY BOOBOO?

>> LET'S PREPARE TOOR HORRIFIEDIN EITHER DIRECTION.

>> OH!

>> REMEMBER WHEN US MAKING OUTWAS THE LEAST GROSS THING ON THE

SHOW.

>> POINTS!

HARSHTAG.

ONCE AGAIN, IT'S FULL OF HASHTAGS LIKE BFF FOREVER.

ARE THOSE HOW YOU REALLY FEEL ORP.R. FOR YOUR FOLLOWERS.

YOU HAVE 60 SECONDS TO COME UPAS MANY HONEST HASHTAGS YOU

THINK SHOULD BE ON PHOTOS.

STEVE.

>> BLEW A DOG ONCE.

>> POINTS?

POINTS.

KYLE.

>> I'M HOT BUT I SMELL LIKETRISCUITS.

>> POINTS.

NIKKI.

>> HERE'S ANOTHER PICTURE OF MYNIECE BECAUSE I'M BARREN.

>> POINTS!

STEVE.

>> NIKKI ( BLEEP ) TRAIN ONCE.

>> POINT!

POINTS!

>> HAM SANDWICH.

>> POINTS, POINTS, NIKKI!

KYLE.

>> ANOTHER SUNSET BECAUSE SHETOOK THE KIDS.

>> YEAH, POINT.

NIKKI.

>> I PEAKED IN FOURTH GRADE#THROWBACKTHURSDAY.

>> POINT.

STEVE.

>> KISSED KYLE.

>> I WILL GIVE YOU POINT FORTHAT.

YES.

NIKKI.

>> TELL ME I'M BEAUTIFUL BECAUSEMY PARENTS NEVER DID.

>> POINTS!

KYLE.

>> BISCUIT TITS.

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