Neutopia

  • Season 6, Ep 620
  • 06/23/2011

The crew members encounter a bizarre alien with the power to change their sexual characteristics.

Greetings, soft ones.

Who among you is your leader?

MEN: He is.WOMEN: She is.

Curious.

You are a diarchic society?

Um... maybe.

Whatever we are,I'm the leader of it.

Leader? Fat man, youcouldn't even run a bath.

Well, you sure can runsomething-- your mouth!

(all bickering indistinctly)

Silence.

Even a young pebble could see

your race is dividedbased on the configuration

of your 23rd chromosome.

What?You mean along gender lines?

Gender?

Yeahs.You knows guyses, galses,

in that order. Ows.

I am not familiarwith this concept of gender.

My species has only a singlegender, known as neuchacho.

Interesting. Come on, men.Let's kill him.

(men murmuring in agreement)

(men groaning)

Your genders differin many ways.

But, as with all thingsthat are different,

chocolate and vanilla,

Mac and PC,

one is always clearly better.

Chocolate, Mac, men.The end.

Well, I've got nothing to do forthe next eight million years.

Therefore, I will administera series of tests

to determinethe superior gender.

Test number one:who can drink the most sulfur?

(croaking gasps)

Test inconclusive.Test number two:

Who can drink the most arsenic?

Just ask us somedamn questions.

Very well. Which is larger,

an Italian size four oran American Apparel medium?

How many calories arein a small green tea yogurt?

Name any 12of the Desperate Housewives.

How was your day?

(women cheering)

Test complete.What is the score?

Uh... men five, women less.

Hey. He's lying.Obviously.

That was a testto see who could lie better.

The men win that round.

(men cheering)

In your face,decumbent urinators.

(bickering indistinctly)

So far, I have learned nothing.

But that's probablyas much my fault as yours.

How industrious.

Do you mind if wesleep with you?

I have no opinion.

Well, good night.

(snoring)

HERMES:Everyone got alongso well today.

Yes, this place is likea neutered utopia.

A neutopia.

I enjoy humor whereno one gets hurt.

Your companionshipis inoffensive, Hermes.

Likewise.

Really, what are wemissing out on by nothaving sex right now?

Well...

Give us back our genitals!

Is that you, Borax Kid?

I've got your 50 bucks.

Oh, it's you.

Why do you wantyour genders?

You seem happierwithout them.

Being human isn't justabout being happy.

It's about loving,and fighting,

and that rasta mcnastywe were doing last night.

We want that back.

Very well.

Perhaps it is Iwho have learned a lesson--

or something.

BENDER:Now what?

I have decided, after littlethought, to return your genders.

(yelling)

(groans)

Not cool, bro!

Our genders areall reversed.

Now I got a whatchacallitinstead of a kajigger,

you stupid whatchacallit!

(angry yelling)

Okay, stop yelling at me.

It was an innocent mistake.

Allow me to rectify it.

I got your distress call andcame as quickly as I wanted to.

No need to thank me.

What's yourproblem, homes?

Now we'll be stucklike this forever!

Chill out, dude.

Well, hello fromthe neck down.

(girlish giggle)

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