CC Presents: Lisa Landry

  • 02/01/2007

Y'ALL ARE GREAT. YOU SOUND LIKE A FUN CROWD.

I LIKE THAT.

AND THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL SPACE, ISN'T IT? I LIKE THAT.

YOU'RE REALLY THIN. I DON'T LIKE THAT.

I DON'T LIKE THAT. I GOT A MUFFIN TOP.

A MUFFIN TOP,THAT'S WHAT YOU CALL IT

WHEN YOUR FAT ROLLS OVER YOUR PANTS.

IT'S A MUFFIN TOP.

'CAUSE THIS IS AMERICA, I AIN'T GONNA DO A SIT UP, I'M GONNA CALL MY [BLEEP]

- SOMETHING CUTE. - [LAUGHTER]

- I GOT A BLUEBERRY CRUMBLE. - [LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

I WOULD LIKE TO BE THIN, BUT I LIKE FRIED FOOD BETTER.

I'M SOUTHERN, THAT'S ALL WE EAT.

WE WILL FRY UP GREASE AND SERVE IT TO Y'ALL WITH TARTER SAUCE.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

WE FRY VEGETABLES. WE DO.

OKRA, GREEN TOMATOES.

WE FRY CORN BREAD.WE CALL IT A HUSH PUPPY.

NOW WE'RERUNNING AROUND FRYING UPTURKEYS AND CANDY BARS.

IT DON'T STOP.

SOUTHERN PEOPLE DON'T EVEN AGE. WE JUST DROP DEAD.

[LAUGHTER]

SEE I COULD NEVER BE THIN LIKE YOU 'CAUSE THAT'S COUNTING CALORIES ALL DAY

THAT'S TWO THINGS I HATE MATH AND SELF-DEPRIVATION.

[LAUGHTER]

- I LIKE TO PARTY, YEAH.- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

OH, YEAH.

- I'M TRAILER PARK. - [LAUGHTER]

IF YOU CUT ME, I BLEED CRYSTAL METH AND KEVIN FEDERLINE.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I JUST HATE BEING TOLD WHAT TO EAT AND WHAT NOT TO EAT

AND WHAT TO DRINK AND WHAT NOT TO DRINK.

I FEEL LIKE IT'S MY MISSION IN LIFE TO JUST REJECT

ANY TYPE OF AUTHORITY, AS A MATTER OF FACT.

'CAUSE I'M FROM A SMALL TOWN, IT WAS ALL BOUNDARIES AND--

AND BOREDOM.

- I'M FROM HARVEY, LOUISIANA. - [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

NO. Y'ALL ARE NICEBUT YOU'RE NOT CLAPPINGFOR HARVEY, LOUISIANA.

THEY GOT BEAUTIFUL TOWN'S BUT HARVEY AIN'T ONE OF 'EM.

HARVEY'S A GREAT PLACE TO LIVE, IF YOU'RE DEAD.

THE PEOPLE ARE SWEET. BUT THERE'S NOTHING TO DO.

LIKE, ON A FRIDAY NIGHT,YOU CAN EITHER

GO TO THE DAIRY QUEENOR MAKE A BABY.

HALF MY COUSINS GOT KNOCKED UP 'CAUSE THEY WERE ON DIETS.

- [LAUGHTER] - NOTHIN' TO DO.

"OH MAN, HOW DID I LIVE HERE? THIS IS DEPRESSING."

AND THEN I REMEMBER I STARTEDDRINKING WHEN I WAS 12.

[LAUGHTER]

THAT IS SELF-DESTRUCTIVE. THAT'S NO WAY TO LIVE.

YOU'RE BAD WHEN YOU'RE SNEAKING OUT TO DRINK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.

- AND I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TITS YET. - [LAUGHTER]

MY HUSBAND'S LIKE, "YOU KNOW, YOU COULD TAKE BETTER CARE OF YOURSELF

"IF YOU WANT TO. YOU COULD LIKE GO FOR A JOG EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE."

- "NO. - [LAUGHTER]

- "JOGGING HURTS. - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

"YOUR FEET BLISTER AND YOU CAN'T BREATHE.

"AND I GOT A MUFFIN TOP BOUNCING ALL OVER THE PLACE.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS, WHISTLES AND APPLAUSE]

"IT'S UNSIGHTLY. BESIDES, I WATCH LAW AND ORDER,

"I KNOW WHAT HAPPENSTO THE JOGGER.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

"EVERYBODY KNOWS, SCENE ONE, JOGGER FINDS THE DEAD BODY,

OR, THE JOGGER IS THE DEAD BODY."

"YEAH, YOU KNOW WHY? 'CAUSE YOU'RE OUT JOGGING AND YOU GET MUGGED.

"NOW YOU CAN'T RUN'CAUSE YOU'RE TOO TIRED,'CAUSE YOU WERE JOGGING.

"YOU SHOULDA STAYED HOME AND SMOKED A JOINT

- AND WATCHED LAW AND ORDER." - [LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

I'M LIKE, "OH NO. [INHALES DEEPLY]

"JOGGING IS SO UNHEALTHY. [EXHALES]

- PASS ME THAT FRIED CANDY BAR." - [LAUGHTER]

SO THEN HE'S LIKE, "OKAY, YOU DON'T WANNA RUN AROUND OUTSIDE,

YOU COULD JUST JOIN A GYM." "I'M NOT GONNA JOIN A GYM.

A GYM IS JUST A P.E. CLASS THAT YOU PAY TO SKIP."

I HATED P.E. CLASS. I WAS A FAT KID IN SCHOOL.

THE LAST PLACE YOUWANNA BE IS P.E. CLASSWHEN YOU'RE THE FAT KID.

'CAUSE THE KIDS ALREADY WANNA KICK YOUR FAT ASS 'CAUSE YOU'RE WEIRD

AND YOU'RE FAT AND YOU SMELL LIKE CHEESE DANISH.

NOW I'M IN A LOCKER ROOM IN FRONT OF THEM.THAT'S AWKWARD.

WE HAD A COACH ALWAYSYELLING AT US, "COME ON,

"YOU GOT FIVE MINUTES TO DRESS IT OUT. HURRY IT UP, FIVE MINUTES-- FIVE MINUTES."

HE WASN'T EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE IN THERE WITH US.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

- THEY MADE ME DO GYMNASTICS. - [LAUGHTER]

I KNOW, AND YOUSHOULD'VE SEEN ME THEN,I WAS EVEN FATTER.

THEY HAD ME UP ON A BALANCE BEAM, BIG OLD CHUBBY THING.

HAVE YOU SEEN A BALANCE BEAM, SKINNY GIRL?

THEY'RE TWO INCHES WIDE. EACH OF MY LEGS WAS 55 INCHES.

[LAUGHTER]

I'M UP THERE WEEBLING AND WOBBLING ON THE BALANCE BEAM.

WEEBLING AND WOBBLING LIKE MEL GIBSON AT AN AA MEETING.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

I WAS TERRIFIED.

I WAS CONVINCED I WAS GONNA SLIP ON THE BEAM

AND JUST PUGH!--

PUGH!-- I WOULD RIP MYSELF PUGH!-- RIGHT UP THE MIDDLE.

I WOULD NEVER BE ABLE TO GIVE BIRTH.

"I'M SORRY, LISA CAN NEVER HAVE A BABY,

SHE JUST BROKE HER LADY BUSINESS IN GYM CLASS."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND THAT'S BULL ANYWAY. YOU SHOULDN'T PUT A FAT KID UP ON A BALANCE BEAM.

THAT'S WRONG.

THEY NEVER TOOK THE BLIND KIDS TO THE SHOOTING RANGE.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

HE'S LIKE, "YOU KNOW, WHAT YOU SHOULD DO,

"STOP DRINKING BEER ALL THE TIME, DRINK A GREEN TEA.

"IT'S CHOCK FULL OF ANTI-OXIDANTS. "IT SLIMS YOU OUT.

IT'S DELICIOUS."GREEN TEA IS DISGUSTING.

HAVE YOU EVER TRIED GREEN TEA?IT TASTES LIKE OLD LADY.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

- IT'S LIKE FOOT IN A CUP. - [LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

I TAKE ONE WHIFFI GOTTA CALL MY GRANDMA.

I'M LIKE, "HEY [SNIFFS], I MISS YOU."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

BUT IT'S MY FAULT. I MARRIED A MAN WHO ALWAYS THINKS HE KNOWS EVERYTHING.

'CAUSE I HAD TO MARRY SMART 'CAUSE I'M NOT VERY SMART.

I NEEDED THAT BALANCE. LIKE, I'M NOT JESSICA SIMPSON STUPID,

BUT BRITNEY COULD TAKE ME ON AN IQ TEST.

[LAUGHTER]

LIKE, WHEN YOU'RE WITH SOMEBODY SMARTER THAN YOU THEY ALWAYS GOTTA RUB IT

IN YOUR FACE. IT'S SO HARD, 'CAUSE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH,

BUT IT'S ANNOYING. HE'S LIKE,"LISA, YOU SHOULD JUST

"DO WHAT I TELL YOU TO DO. I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

"I'M THE ONE THAT HAS THE MBA FROM THE IVY LEAGUE SCHOOL

HA, HA, HA, HA." WHO GIVES A [BLEEP]?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

BIG DEAL, SO WHAT.

I GOT A DUI AT COMMUNITY COLLEGE.

HE ALWAYS LIKES TO READ. I'M SIMPLE. I'M A TV GIRL.

YOU GIVE ME A TELEVISION, BEER, DORITOS I COULD

SIT THERE FOR A WEEK. YOU KNOW SIMPLE.

HE'S ALWAYS READING, YOU KNOW. AND I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME

I WENT TO HIS APARTMENT,I WAS SO NERVOUS.

YOU KNOW HOW THAT IS, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT.

I GO WALKING IN. HE'S GOT ROWS AND ROWS OF BOOKS EVERYWHERE.

MAPS UP ON THE WALLS.

A WHOLE FOLDER OF MAGAZINE ARTICLE CLIPPINGS. I'M LIKE, "[BLEEP],

- I'M DATING A SERIAL KILLER." - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I SAID, "HEY, YOU WANNA WATCH SOME TV WITH ME TONIGHT?"

"I DON'T OWN A TELEVISION."

- [BLEEP]. - [LAUGHTER]

I'M GONNA END UP IN A BOX. - [LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

I SAID, "WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO TONIGHT

IF WE DON'T WATCH TV TOGETHER?""I THOUGHT I'D READ YOU POETRY."

OH, OKAY."

HE'S NOT A SERIAL KILLER. HE'S A PUSSY.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

BUT DON'T GET ME WRONG, A SENSITIVE MAN IS BEAUTIFUL.

WE ALL WANT A SENSITIVE MAN, BUT POETRY? UH-UH.

I NEVER WANT A MAN READING ME POETRY.

- WHAT IF IT'S A LONG POEM? - [LAUGHTER]

WHAT IF IT'S SO LONG I MISS THE BEGINNING OF CSI?

I LIKE THE TV ON AT ALL TIMESIT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD.

I'LL LEAVE IT ON, WHEN I'M EATING, WHEN SLEEPING.

WHEN I MAKE LOVE, I JUST TURN DOWN THE VOLUME

AND HAVE A LITTLE MOOD LIGHTING.

I DON'T NEED CANDLES. I GOT CABLE.

I'LL WATCH ANYTHING ON TV, I WILL, EXCEPT ONE THING.

THERE'S ONE THING I NEVER WATCH.I NEVER WATCH MAKEOVER SHOWS.

I USED TO. THEY'RE POPULAR. I'M HOME ALL DAY. TURN IT ON.

AND YOU THINK IT'S GONNA BE FUN.

'CAUSE THEY TAKE A SLOPPY GIRL AND MAKE HER SEXY

AND YOU ROOT FOR GIRL AND YOU'RE LIKE, "WOO,

GO SLOPPY GIRL, YOU CAN DO IT."

AND THEN, ONE DAY, I REALIZEDMAKEOVER SHOWS ARE MEAN

'CAUSE THAT GIRL GETTING THE MAKEOVER

- NEVER ASKED FOR THE MAKEOVER.- [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

- SHE DIDN'T.- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW SHE NEEDED A MAKEOVER.

SHE JUST SHOWED UP ONE DAY AT WORK, "HI EVERYBODY, I'M HERE."

- THEY'RE LIKE, "KIM. - [LAUGHTER]

"YOU LOOK LIKE [BLEEP].

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

"AS A MATTER OF FACT YOU LOOK SO BAD, "WE WROTE A LETTER ABOUT YOU.

[LAUGHTER]

"AND GUESS WHAT, THEY READ IT ON NATIONAL TV.

"BASICALLY WE BEGGED A TEAM OF INDUSTRY PROFESSIONALS TO COME FIX YOUR RATTY ASS

"'CAUSE WE LOVE YOU, KIM.

"YOU'RE OUR BEST FRIEND.

"BUT WE CAN'T LOOK AT YOU ANYMORE.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

YOU JUST HAVE A SEAT, THE GAY PEOPLE WILL BE HERE IN 15 MINUTES."

[LAUGHTER]

I LIKE A NICE GUY. THAT'S WHAT I LIKE.

I THINK THERE'S A LOTTA NICE GUYS OUT THERE.

I DON'T THINK WE TREAT THEM RIGHT.

WE SAY MEAN THINGSABOUT THEM. THINGS LIKE,NICE GUYS FINISH LAST.

THAT'S AN AWFUL THING TO SAY. IT'S NOT EVEN TRUE.

MY HUSBAND'S THENICEST GUY IN THE WORLD.

- HE ALWAYS FINISHES FIRST. - [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THAT'S WHAT WE DO. ARE YOU CATHOLIC?

IS THAT WHY YOU'RE GIGGLING? NO?

SHE'S LIKE, "DON'T CALL ME A SLUT, CHUCKLE BITCH."

CATHOLIC GIRLS HAVE THAT REPUTATION, LIKE WE'RE ALL EASY.

YOU KNOW WHY? EVERY TOWN'S GOT TWO CATHOLIC HIGH SCHOOLS.

THEY HAVE A GOOD, LADYLIKE SCHOOL.

THAT'S THE ALL GIRLS SCHOOL, WHERE ALL THE GOOD GIRLS GO.

AND THEN THEY HAVE THAT BAD, SLUTTY GIRLS SCHOOL,

WHERE ALL THE BAD SLUTTY GIRLS GO, YEAH.

I WENT TO ARCHBISHOP RANKS.

WE HAD 300 GIRLS IN MY HIGH SCHOOL.

WE HAD ONE VIRGIN, ONE. SHE WAS OUT ON THE FRONT LAWN.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

- SHE WAS OUR LADY OF LOST HOPE. - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I GOT TWO THINGS FROM CATHOLIC HIGH SCHOOL. YOU KNOW WHAT I GOT?

I GOT A DISCIPLINE FETISH AND ANOBSESSION FOR THE JEWISH BOYS.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

LOVE THE JEWISH BOYS. I CAN'T HELP MYSELF.

- I SEE A YARMULKE. I GET MOIST.- [LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

OOH!

THOSE BOYS ARE HOT.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE CONTINUES]

MY HUSBAND IS JEWISH.

I KNOW, A CATHOLIC AND A JEW. OUR KIDS ARE GONNA BE CASHJEWS.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

WE GOT MARRIED BY A RABBI, SO I HAVE A HEBREW NAME.

DO YOU HAVE A HEBREW NAME, SKINNY GIRL? NO? I DO-- HA!

[LAUGHTER]

IT'S A PRETTY NAME. IT'S NOT, LIKE, TRADITIONAL OR ANYTHING, BUT I LIKE IT.

- IT'S, ALANNOYA. - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

MY MOTHER-IN-LAWPICKED IT OUT.

I ALWAYS KNEW I WAS GONNA HAVE A JEWISH HUSBAND

'CAUSE OF MY VERY FIRST CRUSH. 'CAUSE IT'S 300 GIRLS,

ALL DAY LONG, THAT'S ALL I GET TO LOOK ATIN HIGH SCHOOL,

JUST ME AND A BUNCH OF GIRLS. ONLY ONE MAN IN MY LIFE,

THE GUY UP ON THE WALL. HE'S CUT.

HE'S GOT THAT ROCK STAR HAIR. HE'S ALL SENSITIVE

AND DEEP AND SPIRITUAL.HE'S SEXY. I'D NAIL HIM.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

I LIKE BEING CATHOLIC. IT'S A COOL RELIGION, COMPARATIVELY.

'CAUSE IT'S EASY, IT'S REAL LOW MAINTENANCE.

ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS SHOW UP ONCE A YEAR FOR MIDNIGHT MASS.

- WE'RE ALL DRINKING ANYWAY. - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

IT'S WAY HARDER TO BE JEWISH. THEY HAVE A LOT OF LAWS,

613 LAWS TO ABIDE BY.THAT'S WAY TOO MUCH WORK FOR ME.

I CAN BARELY HANDLE MY TEN COMMANDMENTS.

WELL, SOME A Y'ALL DON'T KNOW ANY JEWISH PEOPLE

'CAUSE YOU GREW UP IN SMALL TOWNS WHERE THEY DIDN'T HAVE ANY.

I GREW UP INSOUTHEASTERN LOUISIANA.

WE DIDN'T HAVE ANY JEWISH PEOPLE IN MY HOMETOWN.

WHEN I GOT ENGAGED,MY MOM'S LIKE, "I DON'TUNDERSTAND SOMETHING

"ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND TO BE, I'M A LITTLE CONFUSED.

NOW IS HE GONNA BECELEBRATING CHRISTMAS?"

"NO, JEWISH PEOPLE DON'T CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS."

"IS HE GONNA CELEBRATE EASTER?"

"NO, JEWISH PEOPLEDON'T CELEBRATE EASTER.AS A MATTER OF FACT,

THEY GET A LOT OF [BLEEP] FOR THAT DAY."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I JUST THINK THE WORLDWOULD BE A COOLER PLACE

IF WE ALL JUST UNDERSTOOD EACH OTHER.

LAUGHED A LITTLE BIT TOGETHER. IT'D BE REALLY KIND OF COOL.

I THINK IT'S PROBABLY HARD TO BE MUSLIM.

THEY GOTTA GET UP EVERYDAY AT 5:30 TO PRAY.

THAT'S WHY THEY'RE PISSED OFF, THEY'RE SLEEP DEPRIVED.

I GOT A PLAN FORPEACE IN THE MIDDLE EAST

AND IT DOESN'T INVOLVE ANY BLOODSHED.

ALL WE GOTTA DO IS GO OVER THERE AND TAKE AWAY

ALL THEIR ALARM CLOCKS.AND GIVE 'EM AMBIEN.

SLEEP ACHMED, SLEEP.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS, WHISTLES AND APPLAUSE]

THEY'RE LYING. THEY ARE.

PEOPLE TELL YOU WHAT YOU GOTTA DO

OR WHAT SUPPOSED TO BE FUN. LIKE, I'M MARRIED, RIGHT?

I THOUGHT IT WASGONNA BE A LOT MORE FUN

'CAUSE THAT'S HOW PEOPLE MADE IT SEEM.

DON'T GET ME WRONG, I LOVE MY HUSBAND,

BUT MARRIAGE ISN'T THAT MUCH FUN.

WHEN YOU GET ENGAGED THOUGH,

THEY TELL YOUIT'S GONNA BE EXCITING.

YOU'RE GONNA GET MARRIED.

IT'S GONNA BE ROMANTIC AND GREAT AND FUN.

IT'S GONNA BE LIKE THE MOVIE, TITANIC.

MARRIAGE IS LIKE THE MOVIE GROUNDHOG DAY.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

YOU WAKE UP. YOU LOOK OVER AT YOUR ALARM CLOCK-- PUGH!

YOU LOOK BACK AT YOUR MATE AND YOU THINK,

"OH MY GOD,NOT THIS [BLEEP] AGAIN."

- [WHIMPERING] - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

BUT IT'S NOT FUN. I KNOW, 'CAUSE I LIKE TO HAVE FUN.

THAT'S WHY I MARRIED MY HUSBAND.

'CAUSE HE'S ALL FOCUSED AND MATURE,

AND HE CAN KEEP ME FROM HAVING TOO MUCH FUN.

THAT'S WHY YOU GOTTA FIND A MATETHAT BALANCES YOU OUT.

LIKE HE'S ALL MATURE AND RESPONSIBLE AND OVERLY ANALYTICAL.

HE LOVES TO SOLVE PROBLEMS.

AND I'D LOVE TO HAVE SOMEBODY IN MY LIFE

THAT HOLDS MY HAIR BACK WHEN I PUKE.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

IT'S BALANCE.

HE'S ALWAYS FINDING SOLUTIONSFOR EVERY LITTLE THING.

LIKE, I CAN'T FIND MY KEYS. I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENS.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE THEY GO. BUT HE GOT ME A KEY BOWL.

"I GOT YOU A KEY BOWL SO YOU CANALWAYS FIND YOUR KEYS, LISA.

- "IT'S A KEY BOWL. - [LAUGHTER]

"YOU PUT YOUR KEYS IN THE KEY BOWL.

"IT'S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE. THE KEYS GO IN THE KEY BOWL.

KEYS IN THE KEY BOWL. KEYS IN THE KEY BOWL."

I CAN'T DO THIS. I KNOW IT SOUNDS IRRATIONAL BUT IT FEELS CORPORATE.

LIKE IT'S A BIG RULE I HAVE TO FOLLOW.

"PUT YOUR KEYS IN THE KEY BOWL."

SO NOW, I WAIT FOR HIM TO PUT HIS KEYS IN THE KEY BOWL

- AND I HIDE THE KEY BOWL. - [LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

AND I'M LIKE A 12 YEAR-OLD. I'M LIKE, "OH, YOU CAN'T FIND

"YOUR KEYS EITHER? [CHILDISH LAUGHTER]

- CHECK THE FREEZER." - [LAUGHTER]

BUT IT'S HARD NOT TO CHEAT. THERE'S A LOTTA HOT ASS

- ON MYSPACE.- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

BUT MY HUSBAND THE BRANIAC, HE ALWAYS HAS A SOLUTION.

HE'S LIKE, "YOU'RE REALLY BORED AND I'M REALLY BORED.

WE'RE GONNA SPICE UP OUR SEX LIFE.

I SAW A SHOW ON HBO. I HAVE A SOLUTION.

I'M GONNA GO OUT ANDBRING US HOME A HOOKER."

I TOLD HIM, "YOU ARE NOT BRINGING HOME A HOOKER. THAT IS INAPPROPRIATE."

THERE'S NO WAY I'M GONNA WATCH MY HUSBAND HAVE SEX

WITH ANOTHER WOMAN RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME

AND THEN SHE GETS PAID CASH FOR IT.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

UH-UH. AND THEN SHE GETS TO LEAVE?

I DON'T THINK SO, HOOKER. YOU'RE GONNA SIT DOWN

AND LISTEN TO HIM TALK FOR HALF AN HOUR.

THE KEYS GO IN THE KEY BOWL. PUT THE KEYS IN THE KEY BOWL.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

YOU'RE GONNA EARN THAT MONEY, HO.

Y'ALL BEEN A LOTTA FUN. THANKS FOR COMING TONIGHT.

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