In this episode, Miss USA almost loses her crown for drinking. Too bad -- she would've made a great St. Pauli girl. Then, I go to Harvard. I tried to live in the basement of the library, but it's packed with surprisingly intelligent homeless people. Plus, I sit down with new age guru Deepak Chopra -- I've got a mantra for him: you're nailed. Six days left to get your Christmas shopping done, America. 15 1/2, 34 -- this is The Colbert Report.