Destination: Wedding

  • Season 1, Ep 8
  • 03/12/2014

Abbi, Ilana, Lincoln and two of their old friends resort to a variety of increasingly desperate methods of transportation in their attempt to get to a wedding in Connecticut.

Uh, Ilana, why is there no 2:10train to Bridgeport anywhere?

I don't know--I'm not a conductor.

Ilana, these areAmtrak tickets, dude.

It only runs outtaPenn Station.

Oh, gross.

Alright, let's go,come on.

I-I can't run.

I'm gonna sweatoff my concealer.

Holy (bleep)!

This place reallyis majestic.



It's been a whirlwind,right?

I know.

Both beenhaving fun.Yeah.

Talked aboutgetting that dog.Uh-huh.

But, um, PennStation-I can't.

It's disgusting.

It's kind of adeal-breaker for me.

Okay, I'm confused.

Maybe this is one of thoseromantic New York City stories

where you meet someone amazing,and then... tragedy happens.

And they're gone, andyou never see them again,

and you wonder what they didwith their whole life.

Good luck, kid.

(Morgan)Taxi's here.

Come on!

Okay, everybody in.

Abbi, sit by me.

(Abbi)I don't even knowwhat just happened.

(Morgan)Okay you sit in the middle, butI don't wanna sit next to Ilana.

(Ilana)Sure, sit onMorgan's boner.

(Abbi)Guys,I just got dumped.

Abbi, wait!



Oh, it's justnot meant to be.

So, it's $70a day to rent a car.

Totally doable.

Do you wannainsure the driver?


Do you want to insureagainst other cars?








Transition insurance for when Ipull the car around-- make sure

you get that lastone--I'm a terrible driver.


With all that,it comes to $125.


License and creditcard, please.


You're under 25.

That changesthings.

That'll be $1,100.

Oh... we're gonna needone moment, please.

Thank you so much.

All right,come 'ere, huddle up.

Okay, so, we both know that I'm25, but what Mary doesn't yet

know is that mylicense is expired.

We're gonna need to come up witha plan in the next 20 seconds

inside this huddle, 'causewhen I created the huddle,

I thought by thistime I'd have a plan.

I don't.

I'm gonna keep--Here's my license and the AMEX

should coverinsurance.

This isn't asugar daddy thing.

This is just an old, established"guy paying for his younger

friend he has sexwith" kind of thing,

so just get that right outof your mind, you know?

(woman)Well, you'reall set.

There's onlyone vehicle left.

It doesn't have AC,but it's really spacious.

We'll take it.

(brakes squeal)


Gotta love thattransitions insurance.

Okay, you're dancingagainst the truck right now.

You gotta dancewith it, girl.

God, thisis terrible.

I don't know.

It kinda feels goodon my back.

Yeah, I meanit's actually kinda fun.

Good save, Morgan.

Abbi, do you remember thatholiday party that we thought

that we ran out of cheeseballs,and then it turned out we had

more cheeseballsin the back?

Yeah,the cheeseballs.


I'm not gettin' married untileveryone can get married.

Why did you look at mewhen you said "everyone"?

What do you mean?

What doyou mean?

You gay, man.

Oh, yeah, I am.

I'm totallygay.

I got it now.

I gotwhat you mean.

Abbi, do you rememberthat time the chicken satays

were way underdone?

Do you remember?

I still laughabout it.

(laughing hysterically)

(Ilana)This bitchis unraveling.

(Abbi)I am wellaware.


What arewe laughing about?

I don't know.

God, I can't believe Willdidn't go to Penn Station.

What a little bitch.

It's the most vibrantplace in the city,

and they havereally good sushi.

You know what,I'm fine that he left.

He had a reallybig penis.

How big, how big,how big?

Like, thinkearth, like think earth.

Coke can,plantain big.

Oh, God!

What are those?


What do they do?

They loosenyour butthole.

Why you takin'it right now?

'Cause we're goingto a wedding.


Abbi, this keepshappening to you.

You're like a magnetfor elephant dongs

God, you know who hadthe really big dick?

My brother, Mitchell.

Hold on, Morgan,did you say something

about yourbrother's dick?

I didn't mean to say that.

Just forget it.

Delete, delete, delete,delete, delete, delete.