Brody Stevens

  • Season 2, Ep 17
  • 01/05/2014

Brody Stevens breaks down the fourth wall, reveals the best way to get hits on YouTube and relives the day he spent filming "The Hangover."

I'm very good looking.

Uh, I've...

I've done a lot of modelingin Pakistan.

I am, uh...

currently on the coverof Camel Beat.

You're in good hands, guys.

You're in very good hands.

I'm professional.

I've been in this businessnow for six weeks.

I'm... doing things...

I was on Last Comic Standing, thank you.

(audience cheers)

Season four,

episode one.

Did great on that,

signed a televisiondevelopment deal

with the Al Jazeera network.

We're producing the firstEnglish-speaking sitcom

on the Telemundo channel.

Stay with me.

You hear a joke,give me a chuckle.

Help me out.

This is my life!

I flew in through Detroit...

to get here.

Nothing wrong with that.My mom's from Detroit.

Yes, Michigan. You got it.

Sleeping tonight in Palm Desertsurrounded by staff.

(laughter)

Stay with me.

Chuckle with me.I get it.

I'm very hairy.

(laughter)

Growing up, most kidsin my neighborhood

had Flintstone Vitamins.

Somehow I had Rogaine chewables.

(laughter)

Yes! I'm retiring that joke.

You got it.

Tonight I retire these jokes!

(cheering, whooping)

No more.

You remember mefrom Premium Blend in '99

at the 92nd Street Yin New York.

They chopped me up,they edited everything out,

but I'm back 13 years later.

13 years to get the perfect 30.

You got it, 13 going on 30.

Which was a movie with the girl

who's married to Ben Affleck!

Pull it around.You got it.

(cheering, whooping)The chick from Alias.

Things are going great.Stay with me.

Positive push.You got it.

I help you, you help me.

I scratch your back,you shave mine.

You're 42, you livewith your mother."

A lot of people say that.

That is not true!

I don't live with my mother.

I live with my sister...

in a condominiumowned by my mother.

(laughter)

Louder chuckle.Stay with me!

(cheering, applause)

I'm intense.I get B.O. in the shower.

(laughter)My goose bumpsturn into whiteheads.

I'm a good guy...My sister beat me up.

Don't think, like,it's all about me.

She beat me up.

She punched me.She kicked me.

She spit on me.She beat me with keys.

She threw a pan at me.

And you're saying, "Brody,what beatings hurt the most?"

The beatings with the keys.

(laughter)Yeah. Why, you ask?

Because my sister was a janitor.

(laughter)

That's a lot of keysto throw at your younger brother

for stealing your Menudo album.

Again, help me out over here.

I've done over 2,000television productions.

Stay with me.I get it.

I've got head shots, 11 by 17.

I stand out in a pile.

Booking things.You got it.

Giving back to my mom.That's right.

Got her a GPSnavigational system.

My sister and I went in

and got a GPSnavigational system for my mom.

Uh, we had the chipimplanted in her neck,

(laughter)so, uh...

Yes! You got it.

Arms crossed, negative.

Arms crossed, negative.I read energies.

My family's from New Mexico--pioneering Jewish people

of the Southwest.

Where do UFOs land?New Mexico!

I read it. I get it.

Guys, I wanted todrive here tonight

but I broke down...

(voice trembles):in my daddy's arms.

(laughter)

Why are you notlaughing at that?

That hurts me and my father!

I will talk to the crowd.

I will break downthe fourth wall.

I'm intense. Twice I chargedthe mound in T-ball.

(laughter)

I went right afterthat parent's fanny pack.

And why do they call ita fanny pack

if it hangs over your genitals?

It should be called a sack pack.

(laughter)That's a simple joke.You got it.

Go ahead and applaudon that one.

(cheering, whooping)

You're applauding a jokeI've been doing for 15 years!

In front of rehab groups.

Latino gang members.

And I'm connectingwith you. Yes!

(laughter)

You got it.

I am parched.

Does anybody here have anyfreshly squeezed Sunny Delight?

(laughter)

My lips are dry.

I have chapped herpes.

Yes! One-linerscoming out of nowhere.

Going off script, pushing,staying dry, taking Lamictal.

It's a mood stabilizer.

I live in the ten-dollarco-pay world.

I get it.

I'm looking at you people.

I hang out at Dunkin' Donuts.

Threw my cup at Starbucks.

Alright. So my call time to beon set is at 6:30 in themorning.

I show up at 4:00.

I beat Bradley Cooperto the set, I beat Ed Helms,

I beat the Asian guy,and I beat Zach.

And I do my own makeup.

I bring tinted Clearasiland a black Sharpie.

The scene is the police station.

They just got arrested.

They're handcuffed, and I got towalk into a room full of people

not unlike the Royale herein Boston.

The deck stacked against me.

Who is this guywith the perfect beard?

Who is this guywith the extreme temple lines?

(laughing):Who is this guy...?

(cheering and applause)

(shouts)

The scene is the police station.

I walk in.

Here we go.

Three, two, one, action.

"So after we taketheir mug shots,

"we bring 'em on down here,

"where they waitto be interviewed

"by the arresting officers.

"Trust me, kids, you don't wantto be sitting on these benches.

We call this place Loserville."

(cheering and applause)

Yes!

Number one R-rated comedy!

Until Ted knocked it off.

Shot here in Boston.

(cheering and applause)

Didn't put me in Hangover III.

Ted knocked it off.

I'm not in Hangover III. It's gonna be World War III.

I'm gonna go from WarnerBrothers to Bang Brothers.

I'm not a part ofthe Mile High Club--

that's having sexin the airplane.

I'm not a partof the Mile High Club. However,

one time I jerked offon a Ferris wheel.

L.A. County Fairduring the Sugar Ray concert.

If you want to applaud, you can.

If you like Sugar Ray, you can.

Guys, great news! I just got it.

I booked another movie!

(cheering and applause)

Uh, it's an adult video outin the San Fernando Valley.

I'm doing a solo sceneon a yoga mat.

I'm intense, I'm flexible,I take protein and fish oil.

Stay with me.

Whether you get it or not,

I'm a good guy.

I'm a good guy.I'm a great athlete.

I could throw a football70 yards.

You don't believe me?

Somebody here give mea moist Nerf. I'll do it.

Like a cat! Whoo!

5-hour Energy shot. Yes!

All nightwith a Red Bull chaser!

Pushing it.I want heart "palipitations."

Sweat is my friend.

Things are going well.I live in L.A.

I've got a great apartment:carpeted bedroom,

carpeted living room,carpeted balcony,

sub-Mediterranean parking.

I live above a Lebanesechicken restaurant.

I just boughta 1996 Toyota Avalon:

leather exterior,

cruise control in reverse,

bumping sound system,

listening to Bow Wowand Luda'ris.

Arms crossed: negative.

Arms crossed: negative.Hands in your crotch: negative.

Negative, negative, negative,negative, negative!

I'm positive energy. You got it.

Good things are happening to me.

I was on YouTube today.

19,000 hits today on YouTube.Thank you.

(cheering and applause)

Uh, I uploaded 20,000 videos.

So it works out in my favor.

Next year I'm gonna beon Armenian Idol Um...

I'm retiring these bits.

I work out.

I bench-pressed 250 poundstoday.

(cheering and applause)Thank you.

Thank you.

Uh, at Curves.

Her name was Sheila.She fell off the LifeCycle.

And I got her back up.

We hugged and had a smoothie.

Went to college, tookthe Scholastic Aptitude Test.

You get 300 pointsfor just signing your name.

I signed my name three timesand walked out.

And that's why I workedat Red Robin for two years.

Smart guy, went to college--Arizona State University!

(applause and cheering)

2.52 GPA.

Communications. Got it.

Very smart.

The Asian kids would cheatoff me.

I got back at them.I cheated off them.

Unfortunatelyit was in driver's ed, so, um...

(laughter)

Are you kidding me?!

I've done that jokein San Francisco.

I've done that jokein Vancouver.

I've done that joke in Bangkok,and I come here,

and you shut me down?

You don't do that.

I'll fight youout on Boylston Street.

(scattered applause)

You don't do that to me.

I'm blue collar Jewish.

I'm a good guy.

I download all my music legally.

But I stole my iPod, so, uh...

(laughter and applause)

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