December 3, 2013 - Ed Stone

  • 12/03/2013

Pop Francis turns vigilante, the FDA targets trans fat, the McRib is scrutinized, a tech firm invents an office robot, and Ed Stone discusses the Voyager missions.

TONIGHT, A MCDONALD'S

CORPORATE SECRET COMES TO LIGHT,

WE HAVE ALL BEEN EATING A LITTLE

BIT OF GRIMACE.

THEN A NEW WAY TO INCREASE

WORKPLACE PRODUCTIVITY, GET

READY FOR APPLE'S NEW

I-CATHETER.

AND MY GUEST ED STONE IS A NASA

SCIENTIST WHO OVER SAW THE

VOYAGER SPACE MISSIONS, WELL IN

MY STUDIO EVERYONE CAN HEAR ME

SCREAM.

>> NORTH KOREAN KIM JONG UN

REPORTEDLY FIRED HIS OWN UNCLE,

NO WORD YET WHETHER HE FIRED HIM

INTO A MOUNTAIN OR THE SEA.

THIS IS THE COLBERT REPORT.

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE

REPORT.

THANK YOU.

>> STEPHEN! STEPHEN! STEPHEN!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> YEAH, I I'M ANGRY TOO.

>> AS AMERICA'S MOST FAMOUS

CATHOLIC, FOLKS, YOU KNOW I HAVE

TRIED TO CUT THE "NEW POPE" OVER

HERE SOME SLACK.

I WASN'T THRILLED WHEN HE WASHED

THE FEET OF MUSLIM CRIMINALS,

KISSED THE UNINSURED AND GOT ALL

MISTY ABOUT THE LOW-INCOME

MOOCHERS OUT THERE.

>> THEY PUT LESS IN THE

COLLECTION PLATE EACH WEEK BUT

THEY WANT THE SAME AMOUNT OF

HEAVEN? HUH-UH.

READ YOUR FINE PRINT. THE MEEK

SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH WHEN I

AM DONE WITH IT.

>> BUT, FOLKS, THIS WEEK THERE

WAS NEWS OUT OF THE HOLY SEE

THAT HAS ME HOLY SEETHING.

>> THE POPE MAY HAVE A SECRET

LIFE, RUMORS HE SNEAKS OUT OF

THE VATICAN AT NIGHT MIGHT BE

TRUE. THE POPE DRESSES IN

REGULAR PRIEST CLOTHES AND GOES

INTO ROME AND MINISTERS TO THE

HOMELESS, THE POPE CONSIDERED

HIMSELF --

>> OH, MY GOD!

>> HE IS A VIGILANTE I HAVE CAR.

>> VICAR, COMING TO THE HELP OF

THOSE IN NEED .. HE IS A BAT

POPE! HOLY, HOLY FATHER!

>> IT ALL MAKES SO MUCH SENSE

NOW, HE IS JUST LIKE BRUCE

WAYNE.

HE IS A WEALTHY BACHELOR WHO

LIVES ALONE IN A GIANT MANSION,

AND BRUCE WAYNE HAS THE

BATMOBILE, WHILE FRANCIS HAS THE

POPEMOBILE.

NOT ONLY THAT, BATMAN TALKS TO

MORGAN FREEMAN, AND THE POPE

TALKS TO GOD, WHO IS ALSO MORGAN

FREEMAN.

>> AND -- AND --

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Stephen: JUST LIKE THE BAT

SUIT, THE POPE SUIT HAS NIPPLES.

>> FOLKS, I ENJOY FOOD.

THIS IS THOUGHT FOR FOOD.

>> WE LIVE WHERE BIG GOVERNMENT

FOOD POLICE, THEY SPEND ALL OF

THEIR TIME COUNTING THE RAT

TURDS IN MY TORTILLA WHILE THE

RABBIT IS STILL OUT ON THE

STREET TURNING TRIX FOR KIDS!

>> IT IS DISGUSTING.

>> WELL NOW THE NANCE ANY STATE

BUZZ KILLERS OF THE FDA WANTS TO

TAKE AWAY ANOTHER FOODSTUFF

BECAUSE IT CONTAINS NEITHER FOOD

OR STUFF.

>> YOU GO TO RESTAURANTS THE FDA

PLANS TO BAN TRANS FAT FROM THE

FOOD I HAVE.

>> IT IS A INGREDIENT IN A LOT

OF OUR FAVORITE FOODS.

>> MICROWAVE POPCORN, COOKIES,

CAKES, FROZEN PIZZA, AND MUCH

MORE.

>> THE ONLY PERSON WHO STANDS UP

FOR TRANCE FATS, IF IT IS SO BAD

FOR YOU, WHY ARE THEY IN FOOD

AND I SUSPECT THE ANSWER IS THEY

ARE DELICIOUS.

>> WELL THAT MAY SOUND LIKES AN

IDIOTIC THING TO SAY BUT LET ME

BE THE ONLY PERSON STANDING UP

FOR TUCKER CARLSON, IF HE SAYS

STU, IF HE IS SO STUPID, WHY IS

HE ON FOX NEWS?

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> FOLKS, HE IS NOT THE ONLY

PERSON STANDING UP FOR TRANS

FATS.

>> THEY ARE COMING AFTER YOUR

DOUGHNUTS, THEY ARE COMING AFTER

THE TRANS FAT IN YOUR DOUGHNUTS.

>> YES, THEY ARE COMING AFTER

OUR DOUGHNUTS, FOR PETE'S SAKES

THEY HAVE ALREADY TAKEN AWAY THE

HOLES AND WHY? ON THE FLIMSY

EXCUSE THAT TRANCE FATS ARE

PROVEN TO CAUSE HEART DISEASE

THE NUMBER ONE KILLER OF ADULTS

IN AMERICA, OF THE ADULTS IN

AMERICA SO OBVIOUSLY THEY ARE

SAFE FOR CHILDREN.

>> FOLKS, YOU CAN HAVE MY TRANCE

FATS, YOU CAN HAVE MY TRANCE

FATS WHEN YOU SCRAPE THEM OUT OF

MY COLD DEAD HEART, OF COURSE WE

WON'T NOTICE IT IS GONE JUST

BECAUSE TRANCE FATS DON'T HAVE

ANY PARTICULAR TASTE.

NO PARTICULAR TASTE? THAT IS

AMERICA'S FAVORITE FLAVOR.

>> YOU TRY LONG JOHN SILVER'S

BREADED! STRIPS, THE CLOSEST I

CAN GET IS STRIP.

>> THE BEST ARGUMENT AGAINST THE

GOVERNMENT'S ATTACK ON OUR

GENTLEMAN DEZERO CRISCO VALUES

COMES FROM THE HERITAGE

FOUNDATION IN A RECENT ARTICLE

ENTITLED FDA'S PROPOSED TRANS

FAT BAN AN ATTACK ON FREEDOM.

THEY WRITE, QUOTE, A PERSON

DOESN'T EAT A CORN CHIP WITH

TRANS FAT AND THEN DIE, THE DOSE

MAKES THE POISON, EVEN IF THEY

EAT SO MUCH TRANS FAT THEY IN

FACT DO HAVE GREATER HEALTH

RISKS THIS IS THEIR PERSONAL AND

INFORMED CHOICE.

YES, THOSE WHO EAT TRANCE FATS

ARE MAKING AN INFORMED CHOICE.

JUST ASK THE AVERAGE JOE FILLING

HIS CART WITH FROZEN CINNAMON

BUNS HE WILL TELL YOU HE HAS A

HANKERING FOR ADDING A HYDROGEN

AT FAMILIAR TO A FATTY ACID

REDUCING THE NUMBER OF DOUBLE

BONDS TO THE MAKES A MALLEABLE

MIXTURE OF FAT THAT CANNOT BE

METABOLIZING CAUSING DAMAGE TO

THE TISSUES.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] AT LEAST

THAT IS WHAT I THINK HE IS

SAYING.

HIS MOUTH WAS FUDDLE OF UNCHEWED

BUN.

>> I HOPE THE NATIONAL HERITAGE

GETS IT RIGHT IF YOU DON'T DROP

DEAD AFTER EATING A CHIP IT

SHOULDN'T BE REGULATED LIKE IF

YOU DON'T IMMEDIATELY DIE FROM

INGEST AGO SMALL AMOUNT OF

FIBERGLASS IT IS TIME TO PUT IT

IN ALL OF OUR SNACKS.

>> I MEAN, THEY ALREADY SPRINKLE

IT ON HOSTESS SNOWBALLS.

>> NEXT UP, FOLKS I HAVE BEEN A

FAN OF MCDONALD'S, THEY ARE THE

KING OF BURGERS, WELL, FOLKS, I

AM EXCITED BECAUSE RECENTLY WE

GOT A BEHIND THE LOOK SCENES OF

ONE OF MCDONALD'S TREASURED MEAT

WITCHES.

>> THEY SAY IGNORANCE IS BLISS,

RIGHT, JOE.

>> AND THAT MAY APPLY TO THE

MCDONALD'S MCRIB SANDWICH.

A PHOTO OF, WAS TAKEN BY A

MCDONALD'S EMPLOYEE OF A --

>> OH, GOLL, SWEET JESUS.

IT WENT VIRAL.

>> IS THERE NO SHAME?

>> MCDONALD'S SAYS THE PATTY IS

FORMED IN THE SHAPE OF

TRADITIONAL RIBS, THEY FLASH

FREEZE THE MEAT BEFORE SENDING

IT OUT TO THE RESTAURANTS.

THAT IS GROSS.

>> Stephen: OR MAYBE YOU ARE

THE ONE THAT IS GROSS, MIKA,

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH A

MCRIB JUST BECAUSE IT APPEARS TO

BE MADE OUT OF SICKLY ET.

>> I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A FIRM

BELIEVER THAT THE BEST FOOD

RAISES MORE QUESTIONS THAN IT

ANSWERS.

IF ANYTHING, THIS PHOTO MAKES ME

WANT THIS THING EVEN MORE.

BECAUSE IT ONLY ADDS TO THE

GREAT AMERICAN MYSTERY THAT IS

THE MCRIB.

THE ELUSIVE MCRIB HAS APPEARED

AND DISAPPEARED ON MCMENUS WITH

LITTLE WARNING LIKE A MEAT

BRIGADOON.

MCRIB HUNTERS NEVER KNOW WHAT

BRIBS BRINGS IT OUT OF HIDING,

IS IT A SURPLUS OF

SLAUGHTERHOUSE FLOOR SCRAPINGS,

AND ITS CONTENTS HAVE ALWAYS

BEEN CLOAKED IN MYSTERY, THE

MCDONALD'S SITE LISTS 70

INGREDIENTS NONE OF WHICH ARE

RIB, THOUGH IT DOES INCLUDE

AZO-DICARBON-AMIDE, A FLOUR

BLEACHING AGENT USED IN YOGA

MATS.

>> SO EVEN A MCRIB TECHNICALLY

COUNTS AS EXERCISE.

[ APPLAUSE ] AND THIS PHOTO

MIGHT JUST EXPLAIN MCDONALD'S

NEW SLOGAN, THINK WITH YOUR

MOUTH.

BECAUSE IF YOU THINK WITH YOUR

BRAIN, I AM NOT SURE IF YOU

WOULD EAT IT.

WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.

NATION, YOU KNOW I LIKE TO STAY

ON THE CUTTING EDGE OF

TECHNOLOGY, EVERY TIME THEY

ANNOUNCE A NEW TECH DEVICE I AM

THE FIRST ONE TO RECEIVE A ALERT

ON MY BEEPER.

THAT IS TELLING ME RIGHT NOW TO

CHECK THE OLD FAX MACHINE.

>> WHAT'S THAT? I GET 1,000

FREE AOL MINUTES? I CAN FINALLY

FINISH DOWN LOWING THAT PICTURE

OF TERI HATCHER! FORCE.

>> FOLKS, THAT IS WHY I WAS SO

EXCITED TO LEARN ABOUT AN

AMAZING NEW PRODUCT FROM DOUBLE

ROBOTICS.

>> WHEN YOU NEED TO BE IN THE

OFFICE BUT CAN'T BE THERE, HOW

ABOUT HAVING A ROBOT STAND IN

YOUR PLACE? THAT'S THE IDEA

WITH DOUBLE, DOUBLE IS THE IPAD

CAMERA AS YOUR REMOTE EYE,

DOUBLE IS WHAT BUSINESSES WHO

WANT TO HAVE A PHYSICAL PRESENCE

IN THE OFFICE.

>> IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ACTUALLY

RIGHT HERE!

>> THAT'S RIGHT.

A MOBILE ROBOT THAT GIVES

TELECOMMUTERS A LIFE LIKE

PRESENCE AT THE OFFICE, AS LONG

AS THAT OFFICE DOES NOT INCLUDE

STAIRS.

>> NOW, SURE, BEFORE THE DOUBLE

CAME ALONG YOU COULD SKYPE WITH

YOUR COWORKERS, BUT THAT ROBS

YOU OF THE MOST FUN PART OF THE

WORKDAY THE VALUABLE TIME YOU

SPEND WALKING FROM ROOM TO ROOM.

>> EVEN OFFICE AFFAIRS ARE

EASIER WITH A DOUBLE, NOW YOU

CAN STAY AT HOME WHILE STILL

GETTING IT ON WITH YOUR

ASSISTANT VANESSA IN THE BROOM

CLOSET OR SKYPING JANET FROM

ACCOUNTS AND MAKING A THREE-WAY.

BUT DON'T FORGET TO USE SURGE

PROTECTION.

THE ONLY PROBLEM I SEE -- YES,

PEOPLE LOVE JANICE.

PEOPLE LOVE JANET.

THE ONLY PROBLEM I SEE WITH THE

DOUBLE IS THAT THAT IF EVERYBODY

STARTS TELECOMMUTING TO THE

OFFICE THERE WILL BE NO ONE LEFT

TO PICK UP ALL THE OVERTURNED

ROBOTS.

IF YOU'RE AS COMMITTED TO

PRODUCTIVITY AS I AM, YOU'LL

BRING THE DOUBLE WITH YOU TO

WORK, FIRST OF ALL YOU CAN USE

THE CAR POOL LANE, AND BEST OF

ALL THE DOUBLE SAVES MONEY BY

ELIMINATING EXPENSIVE STAFF LIKE

BY UNPAID INTERN, JAY THE

INTERN, SPEAKING OF WHICH I CAN

GO FOR A NICE WARM CUP OF

COFFEE.

JAY, GET ON OUT HERE.

COME ON, JAY.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]. YES,

STEPHEN?

>> DON'T TALK TO ME, JAY.

TALK TO ME.

HERE WE GO.

ALL RIGHT.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Stephen: JAY, COME ON, TALK

TO ME.

THERE YOU GO.

STOP.

THERE.

STOP THERE.

THERE YOU GO.

THERE YOU GO.

THERE YOU GO.

THERE YOU GO.

THERE WE ARE.

JAY, I HAVE SOMETHING VERY

IMPORTANT TO TELL YOU.

>> YES?

>> Stephen: TALK TO THE STICK!

>> OKAY.

>> Stephen: YOU'RE FIRED.

>> BUT WHO WILL BRING YOU YOUR

COFFEE?

>> Stephen: GIVE IT TO THE

STICK! THANK YOU.

NOW, ADIOS, YOU PARASITE, COME

ON, GET OUT OF HERE.

>> OKAY.

NOW THAT THAT UGLY BUSINESS IS

OVER, TIME TO ENJOY MY PIPING

HOT CUP OF JOE.

ALL RIGHT.

LET'S DO THIS THING.

HERE WE GO.

YEP.

THERE WE GO.

DOWN AND IN.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Stephen: JAY! JAY? WE

WILL BE RIGHT BACK.

JAY, ARE YOU THERE?

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

MY GUEST TONIGHT, GOOD NEWS.

THE PROSTATE IS PERFECTLY

NORMAL.

PLEASE WELCOME ED STONE.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THANKS

SO MUCH FOR COMING ON.

MR. STONE, DR. STONE, JUST ED?

>> ED IS FINE.

>> ALL RIGHT, ED.

LISTEN, YOU WERE -- YOU ARE

PROFESSOR AT CAL TECH AND YOU

WERE FORMER DIRECTOR OF THE NASA

JET PROPULSION LABORATORY.

NOW, EXPLAIN WHY GPL IS SO

IMPORTANT, WHY IS THAT SO

IMPORTANT?

>> GPL IS DESIGNS SPACECRAFT

THAT GO TO THE PLANETS AND ALSO

OES EARTH OBSERVATIONS AND

ASTROPHYSICS AND WELL.

>> Stephen: AND YOU ARE THE

GUYS CONTROLLING IT ONCE IT GETS

ON THE PLANET OR GETS AROUND THE

PLANET OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

>> THAT'S RIGHT.

>> Stephen: AND ASTRONAUTS

THEY GET ALL THE TICKER TAPE

PARADES AND I LOVE THEM AND I

WANT TO BE ONE, BUT YOU GUYS ARE

THE GUYS WHO ARE HUMPING IT DAY

AND NIGHT, YEAR AFTER YEAR TO

LEARN THINGS ABOUT OUR SOLAR

NEIGHBORHOOD, RIGHT?

>> THAT'S RIGHT.

>> Stephen: DO YOU EVER GET

ANGRY AT THOSE GUYS?

>> NO, WE ARE HAVING TOO MUCH

FUN.

>> Stephen: HOW DID YOU GET

INTO DOING THIS?

>> ACTUALLY, I WAS A GRADUATE

STUDENT IN THE, WHEN THE

SPACE-AGE BEGAN SO I WAS THERE

AT THE BEGINNING AND I HAVE BEEN

DOING THESE THINGS NOW FOR OVER

50 YEARS.

>> Stephen: NOW, WE HAVE A

LITTLE, A VIDEO RIGHT HERE, THIS

IS THE VOYAGER SPACECRAFT BEING

LAUNCHED, WHAT YEAR ARE WE

TALKING ABOUT HERE?

>> WE LAUNCHED TWO SPACECRAFT IN

1977 AND THAT WAS A VERY SPECIAL

YEAR, ONCE EVERY 176 YEARS YOU

CAN LAUNCH A SPACECRAFT THAT CAN

FLY BY ALL FOUR OF THE GIANT

OUTER PLANETS, JUPITER, SATURN,

URANUS AND NEPTUNE, 1977 SO

THAT'S WHAT WE DID.

>> Stephen: THE MOON IS IN THE

SEVENTH HOUSE AND MARS IS

ALIGNED --

>> THAT'S RIGHT.

>> Stephen: THE DAWNING OF THE

AGE OF AQUARIUS.

>> YES, YES.

>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT.

SO THOSE VOYAGER'S ORIGINAL

MISSION?

>> ITS ORIGINAL MISSION WAS

ACTUALLY A MISSION TO SATURN

BECAUSE IN THAT TIME SPACECRAFT

DIDN'T LAST LONG SO A FOUR-YEAR

MISSION, EVERYTHING AFTER THAT

WAS SORT OF A BONUS SO AFTER WE

FINISHED SATURN WE WENT ON TO

URANUS AND AFTER THAT WE WENT TO

NEPTUNE AND NOW WE ARE FINALLY

REACHED INTERSTELLAR SPACE.

>> Stephen: SOME OF THE PHOTOS

IT WAS ABLE TO BRING BACK, TELL

ME WE ARE TALKING ABOUT 1980,

81?

>> THAT IS 1979 WHEN WE FLEW BY

JUPITER AND THE GREAT RED SPOT,

ALL OF THE STORMS YOU CAN SEE IN

THE JOVIAL ATMOSPHERE.

>> Stephen: THE FIRST CLOSE-UP

SHOT WE EVER GOT.

>> THAT'S RIGHT.

>> Stephen: AND LET'S CYCLE

THROUGH THESE.

>> AND THEN SATURN, 1980 AND

1981 WITH THE WONDERFUL RING

SYSTEM AND LOOKING AT IT ITS

SATELLITES AND ONE OF THE MOONS

CALLED TITAN WHICH HAS AN

ATMOSPHERE LIKE EARTH'S.

>> Stephen: NOW, JIM, ONE OF

THE THINGS I REALLY LIKE, A

GREAT SHOT OF THE RINGS IS THAT

WE WERE THE FIRST ONES, WE WERE

THE FIRST ONES ON EARTH, THE

FIRST COUNTRY TO DO THIS THING,

RIGHT?

>> RIGHT.

>> Stephen: WE KIND OF LICKED

EVERY PLANET, ALL RIGHT? IT IS

LIKE LICKING THE DOUGHNUTS ON A

TRAY, WE OWN THEM NOW, RIGHT?

>> WE OWN THEM. THE SOLAR

SEASONAL IS KIND OF AMERICA'S

ISN'T IT?

>> YOU GOT IT, THAT'S RIGHT.

>> Stephen: SO HOW MANY YEARS

NOW HAS IT BEEN UP THERE?

>> 36 YEARS.

>> Stephen: 36 YEARS?

>> 36 YEARS.

>> FOUR-YEAR MISSION, 36 YEARS?

>> YES.

WE TOOK IT STEP-BY-STEP.

THIS IS HUMANITY'S LONGEST,

GREATEST JOURNEY ADVENTURE.

>> Stephen: NOW SOMETHING

SHALL NOT WE RECENTLY FOUND OUT

ON AUGUST 20 GET OF 2012 THE

DATA HAS BEEN CRUNCHED OVER THE

LAST YEAR AND YOU SCFERD

SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED ON

AUGUST 5TH, 2012.

>> THE SUN CREATES A HUGE BUBBLE

AROUND ITSELF, THE ATMOSPHERE

EXPANDS OUTWARD AT A MILLION

MILES PER HOUR AND WE FINALLY

LEFT THE BUBBLE ON AUGUST 25TH

OF LAST YEAR AND NOW THERE IS,

WE ARE IN SPACE BETWEEN THE

STARS.

>> Stephen: SO HUMANITY IS IN

INTERSTELLAR SPACE NOW.

>> HUMANITY IS IN INTERSTELLAR

SPACE FOR THE FIRST TIME.

>> Stephen: HOW DID YOU KNOW.

>> BECAUSE WE MEASURED WHAT WAS

OUT THERE AND MEASURED IT WAS

DIFFERENT THAN WE HAD BEEN

SEEING FOR THE FIRTH 30, FOR THE

FIRST 35 YEARS.

>> WHAT IS OUT THERE? BECAUSE

AS FAR AS I KNOW NOTHING IS OUT

THERE.

>> WELL, ALMOST NOTHING.

THERE ARE SOME ATOMS, SOME IONS

OUT THERE THAT HAVE COME FROM

THE EXPLOSION OF OTHER MASSIVE

STARS, SUPER NOVAS AND THAT

FILLS THE SPACE BETWEEN STARS.

>> SO NOW WE ARE OUT OF THE

SOLAR SYSTEM.

>> YES, WHILE WE ARE OUT OF THE

BUBBLE WE STILL AREN'T BEYOND

THE COME METS, THE COME METS ARE

PART OF THE SOLAR SYSTEM AS WELL

AND ARE IN INTERSTELLAR SPACE

WHERE VOYAGER IS NOW.

>> Stephen: THE SO THE FACT

THAT HUMAN AT THIS IS OUTSIDE OF

THE BUBBLE, WE LEFT OUR

NEIGHBORHOOD, IS THAT

SIGNIFICANT? IT SOUNDS I

BELIEVE PRESS RECEIVE.

HOW COME THERE AREN'T, AGAIN,

PARADES BECAUSE THIS IS

SIGNIFICANT LIKE COLUMBUS

DISCOVERING AMERICA? ARE WE

GOING TO GET OFF A DAY OFF AND A

MATTRESS SALE?

>> WE SHOULD.

>> Stephen: WE SHOULD.

>> WE SHOULD, RIGHT.

IT REALLY IS A FIRST STEP FOR

OUR HUMAN JOURNEY BEYOND EARTH

AND BEYOND THE PLANETS AND INTO

STELLAR SPACE AND THESE TWO

SPACECRAFT NOW WILL BE IN ORBIT

AROUND THE SUN OF OUR GALAXY FOR

BILLIONS OF YEARS.

>> Stephen: REALLY?

>> YES.

>>

>> Stephen: WHAT ARE THEY

RUNNING ON BY THE WAY.

>> NATURAL DECAY ZERO, IT IS A

VERY LONG LIVED POWER SOURCE AND

RUN FOR PROBABLY ABOUT ANOTHER

TEN YEARS.

>> Stephen: SO IT WILL BE DEAD

BY 20 --

>> 20-20 FIVE.

>> Stephen: TO 25 AND AFTER

THATS IS A FLYING JUNK HEAP?

>> IT IS OUR FLYING AMBASSADOR.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Stephen: WHAT IS A SILENT

AMBASSADOR.

>> IT CARRIES A MESSAGE FROM

EARTH SAYING THIS IS THE PLACE

THAT SENT THIS OBJECT, SO THAT

--

>> Stephen: IS THAT WHAT THIS

IS?

>> THAT IS WHAT THAT IS.

BEHIND THAT COVER, THAT'S A

COVER TO PROTECT THE RECORD THAT

IS BEHIND IT.

AN OLD-FASHIONED 16 AND

TWO-THIRDS DOUBLE SIDED

LONG-PLAYING RECORD WHICH IS

CARRIES A PICTURE, LIKE AN

IMAGE, A STORY OF THE EARTH,.

>> Stephen: SO WE ARE HOPING

THAT THE ALIENS ARE HIPSTERS WHO

ENJOY VINYL?

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Stephen: WELL,

CONGRATULATIONS.

>> THANK YOU.

>> Stephen: TO YOU AND TO

EVERYONE AT GPL, HUMANITY IS NOW

IN INTERSTELLAR SPACE.

ED STONE.

WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Stephen: LADIES AND

GENTLEMEN, NASA WE BESTOW A

MAJOR HONOR OF ED STONE.

PLEASE WELCOME GALACTIC

COMMANDER STEPHEN TIBERIUS

COLBERT!

>> Stephen: LOOK AT ME.

I'M SANDRA BULLOCK!

>> ALL RIGHT.

THAT'S ENOUGH.

THAT'S ENOUGH.

THAT'S IT.

OKAY.

MR. STONE, ED, PLEASE RISE.

PLEASE RISE.

>> IT IS NOW MY HONOR TO PRESENT

NASA'S DISTINGUISHED PUBLIC

SERVICE MEDAL TO EDWARD C. STONE

FOR A LIFETIME OF EXTRAORDINARY

SCIENTIFIC ACHIEVEMENT AND

OUTSTANDING LEADERSHIP OF SPACE

SCIENCE MISSIONS, AND FOR HIS

EXEMPLARY SHARING OF THE

EXCITING RESULTS WITH THE

PUBLIC.

ED.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Stephen: A GRATEFUL NATION

ANKS YOU.TH

>> THANK YOU.

>> Stephen: ED STONE,

EVERYBODY.

GOOD NIGHT! GOOD NIGHT, MOON.