Religion in Reno

  • Season 2, Ep 5
  • 07/07/2004

The Reverend Gigg LeCarp, Reno's favorite televangelist, saves the deputies in their very own jail.

MAN, I LOVE GRAFFITIING.

YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN.

[ SIREN BLARES ]

HAVING FUN?

YEP.YEP.

I GUESS THAT'S BECAUSE

NEITHER OF YOU HAS EVER HAD TOTOSS ANYONE'S SALAD.

EXCUSE ME?

GRAFFITIING IS ILLEGAL,

AND IT'S A SUREFIRE WAYTO GET YOURSELF IN JAIL.

AND TRUST ME,WHEN YOU GET TO JAIL,

YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO TOSSSOME OF THE BIGGER GUYS' SALAD.

BUT I DON'T EVEN KNOWWHAT TOSSING SALADS IS.

SOME FOLKS SAYIT'S WORSE THAN RAPE.

SOME FOLK SAY BETTER.

KEEP UP THE GRAFFITIING,AND YOU'RE GONNA FIND OUT.

WHATEVER IT IS,IT DOESN'T SOUND FUN.

SO PLAY IT SAFE,

AND IF YOUR FRIENDS ASK YOUTO DO GRAFFITIING WITH THEM,

TELL THEM, "NO, THANKS.I DON'T LIKE SALAD."

I'M DEPUTYRAINEESHA WILLIAMS.

KEEPIN' IT REAL.

REAL SAFE.

IF YOU'RE JUST JOINING US,AGAIN,

THIS IS THE CELLTHAT I MYSELF FOUND GOD,

OR SHALL I SAY GOD FOUND ME.

I BAPTIZED MYSELF

RIGHT IN THAT VERY, UH,STAINLESS-STEEL TOILET.

SOMEONE IN HERE NEEDS ME.

SOMEONE IN HERE NEEDSMY SAVING.

GUIDE ME NOW.

YES. YES.

Y-- NO. NO.

YES. YES!

WHY, IT'S YOU!

OFFICER GARCIA!

HALLELUJAH.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

HE NEEDS SAVING.

HE DOESN'T THINK HE DOES,BUT HE DOES.

DOESN'T OFFICER GARCIANEED SAVING?

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

GARCIA...

GARCIA, I WANT YOUTO STAND HERE.

NOW, LISTEN TO ME, GARCIA.HE'S LOST!

HE'S LOST.THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HE IS.

YOU ARE LOST.

AND EVIL!AND EVIL!

THE CHOIR'S TELLING YOU.WHAT IS HE?

HE'S A LOSER.THAT'S NOT TRUE.

EVIL AND A LOSER.WELL, YOU KNOW IT IS.

I MEAN,YOU'VE GOT TO BE HONEST.

WHAT DON'T YOU LIKEABOUT GARCIA?

HE'S A MEXICAN.

YOU'RE A MEXICAN, YOU'RE EVIL,AND YOU'RE A LOSER.

I WANT YOU TO KNOW THATNO MATTER WHAT EVER HAPPENS,

I LOVE YOUAND GOD LOVES YOU.

♪ GONNA LAY DOWNMY BURDEN ♪

I LOOK INTO YOUR EYES,

AND I KNOW THAT YOU AREA GENTLE MAN INSIDE.

♪ DOWN BY THE RIVERSIDE

I WANT YOU TO RELAX,BECAUSE I'M GOING TO SAVE YOU.

YOU'RE NOT AN EVIL MAN.YOU'RE NOT A SAD MAN.

YOU'RE NOT A STUPID MAN,AND YOU'RE NOT UGLY.

I LOVE YOU, AND I LOVE YOUWITH ALL YOUR SINS.

JUST WASH THE SINS AWAY,BECAUSE YOU ARE LOVED.

YOU ARE LOVED, AND I'M GOING TOSAVE YOU RIGHT NOW.

LOOK AT MY HANDAND FEEL MY ENERGY.

GET READY TO TOUCH MY HAND NOW.YOU'RE GONNA BE SAVED!

YOU'RE GONNA BE SAVED NOW!YOU'RE GONNA MEET GOD RIGHT NOW!

SAVING!I'M SAVING!

I'M SAVING!I'M SAVING!

I'M SAVING!DANCE WITH ME.

[ Voice breaking ]I'M NOT GONNA CRY.

I'M NOT GONNA CRY.

YOU'RE FULL OF LOVE NOW.

EVERYBODY, UH, REMEMBERSHOW THE REVEREND LaCARPE

FROM CHANNEL 38's"HALF HOUR OF POWER"

WANTED TO COME BY THE STATION?

YES.

HE'S HERE.

JONES IS GIVING HIMA TOUR RIGHT NOW,

SO, UH, BEST BEHAVIOR.

AND, UH, NO SWEARING.

NO SWEARING?

MAYBE?WHILE THE REVEREND'S HERE?

GOOD IDEA.

GET IT OUT NOW.

HOW ABOUT GET IT OUT NOW?

[BLEEP]

[BLEEP]

[BLEEP]

GOOD.

BALLS.

REVEREND LaCARPE IS AMAZING.

THAT MAN IS THE CLOSEST THING

YOU'RE EVER GOING TO GET TOJESUS ON THIS SIDE OF HEAVEN.

I WATCH REVEREND LaCARPE'S SHOWEVERY WEEK.

I LOVE THAT BOY.

UH, NEXT TO THAT WEIRD,KIND OF INDIAN-LOOKING FELLOW

WITH THE NEHRU JACKET

WHO DANCES THE DEVILOUT OF PEOPLE ON THAT SHOW,

I THINK HE'S THE BESTTELEVANGELIST THERE IS.

YOU WATCH HIS SHOW?

I'D RATHER, UH, WATCH CATSEAT THEIR OWN [BLEEP]

UH, REVEREND LaCARPE,EVERYONE.

BLESS YOU ALL!BLESS EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU!

IT'S A JOY TO SEE YOU!

HAPPY -- HOW ARE YOU?WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

TRAVIS JUNIOR.

BLESS YOU, TRAVIS.COME HERE.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

CLEMENTINE?

CLEMENTINE.HELLO.

COME HERE, BABY.HOW ARE YOU DOING?

YOUR HIGHLIGHTS LOOKREALLY GOOD.

YOURS, TOO!

I'M TRUDY.HI, TRUDY.

I'M GONNA TALK TO YOUA LITTLE BIT IF YOU DON'T MIND.

THANKS FOR INVITING ME.

10 YEARS AGO...

I WAS A SINNER.

I SINNED, AND I WAS CAUGHT,AND I WAS INCARCERATED.

IN THIS VERY JAIL.

NO.YES.

EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T GETMY ONE PHONE CALL,

AND I DON'T KNOW WHY --

STILL TO THIS DAYI'M WONDERING THAT --

GOD CALLED ME.

AND I ANSWEREDBECAUSE I WAS HOME.

COME ON, NOW!HALLELUJAH.

HE TOLD ME HE WANTS ME TO BEHIS MESSENGER.

GO OUT AND BE HIS TOOL,

AND I VOWED RIGHT THENI WOULD GO OUT

AND BE THE BIGGEST TOOLI COULD BE FOR JESUS!

TOOL FOR JESUS.

TWO NIGHTS AGO,GOD SPOKE TO ME AGAIN.

AND HE SAID,"GIGG, BRING IT FULL CIRCLE."

HE SAID, "GIGG,TAKE IT BACK TO THE GENESIS.

"GO BACK TO WHERE IT ALL BEGANAND BROADCAST

"A SPECIAL 'HALF HOUR OF POWER'SHOW FROM THAT JAIL

"SO YOU CAN SAVE SOME SOULS

IN THE SAME CELLTHAT YOU WERE SAVED!"

[ LAUGHING ]

WHEN DID HE SAY TO DO IT?

HE SAIDAS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

YOU KNOW, I'M READY NOW.

HOW'S FRIDAY?

FRIDAY'S FINE.FRIDAY'S ABSOLUTELY FINE.

GOOD TO SEE YOU ALL.

A PLEASURE.PLEASURE TO MEET YOU.

GOD AND JESUS.AND BABY JESUS, TOO.

BLESS YOU BACK!

THANK YOU!BLESS YOU BACK.

THERE AIN'T NOBODYIN THAT CELL.

IT'S EMPTY.IT'S BEEN EMPTY FOR TWO DAYS.

WE'VE GOT TO ROUND UPSOME PERPS ASAP.

LADIES, YOU WANT TO BEIN CHARGE OF THAT?

UH, NOBODY WEIRD LOOKING.NOBODY SKEEVY.

NO GOITERS AND STABBERSOR ANYTHING.

RIGHT.NO SKEEVY GOITER STABBERS.

RIGHT.

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