Too Much Tuna/Yogurt Water

  • Season 1, Ep 4
  • 02/06/2013

Liz and Liz plan an event for Cultured Yogurt Water, the Rich Dicks go shopping, and Gil and George prank a friend at a diner.

- EVERYONE KNOWS OUR TARGETAUDIENCE...

IS 18 TO 34-YEAR-OLD MALES.

BUT HOW DO WEHIT THAT TARGET?

- HOW?- HOW?

BY RELYING ON MARKET TESTING?

NO.

- [scoffs]NO.

- BY TRUSTING OUR GUT?NO.

WE NEED MORE.

LARS.

AND SOFOR THE PAST SIX MONTHS,

WE HAVE BEEN DEVELOPINGA PROTOTYPE

THAT COMBINES ALLOF OUR TARGET VIEWERS

INTO ONE COMPOSITE VIEWER.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,THE FUTURE OF TELEVISION.

[thudding]

A FULLY FUNCTIONAL18 TO 34-YEAR-OLD MALE.

- PIZZA.

- LET'S GIVE THEM A LITTLEDEMONSTRATION

OF HOW HE WORKS.

[TV turns on][upbeat music]

- [robot beeps][all applaud]

- HE LOVES IT.

[seductive music][moaning]

[robot beeps]

HE LIKES IT.

THAT'S A HIT.

- UH, GEORGE, IF I MAY?

I'VE BEEN WORKING ON A LITTLESHOW MYSELF

AND I GAVE IT TO LARS AND,WELL, I'M CURIOUS TO SEE

WHAT THE DEMO MONSTERTHINKS ABOUT IT.

I THINK HE'S GONNA LOVE IT.- OH.

IT'LL BE A TRUE TEST.

- FELL PRETTY GOODABOUT IT, GEORGE.

- I'M LIZ.[cameras snapping]

I'M AN AMAZING PERSONWITH AN AMAZING LIFE.

- AND I'M LIZ.I'M--

[gunfire]

[robot buzzes angrily]

- YOU KNOW WHAT, LET ME ACTUALLYGIVE HIM A DIFFERENT SKETCH.

[gun reloads]OH, GOD, NO!

[gunfire]- [guttural moaning]

[wet noises]

- YOU THINK HE'SBADLY HURT, LARS?

- [flatulence]

- [dings]

- [groans]

OH, MY GOD.- [yelps]

- LOUD.LOUD!

- OFF.

- SHUT UP, GOSLING,YOU BEAUTIFUL IDIOT.

- NICE SHOT, WENDELLS.

- I'M THE MICHAEL JORDANOF THROWING VICODIN EVERYWHERE.

- I'M SO HUNG OVER--SUELA,CONSUELA, SUELA!

- OH, YAYO.YAYO.

- WHY IS OUR LIFE SO [bleep]HARD, WENDY?

- SHUT UP!

- YOU KNOW, I'M JUST GONNA HAVEA LITTLE COFFEE.

[snorts and moans]

- I JUST GOTTA CHECKMY EMAIL REAL QUICK.

- OH, GOD. OH, GOD.[farts]

- OH, [bleep].OH--

[farts]- WHAT? WENDELLS, WHAT?

- [groans]OH, GOD.

- I'M GOING AS FASTAS I CAN, WENDELLS.

- OH, MY GOD, PLEASE HURRY.

I'VE GOTTA PUSH OUTA BIG GRAY COKE SNAKE.

- OH, MY GOD,I AM JUST SPRAYING

CHOCOLATE SHAVING CREAMRIGHT NOW.

- YEAH. NO DURR.

- WHERE ARE THE BABY WIPES?- I DON'T KNOW!

- FINE, I'LL JUST KEEP USINGTHESE CARPET SAMPLES,

BUT WE NEED TO GO TO ONEOF THOSE BIG BULK STORES

AND BUY, LIKE,A THOUSAND ROLLS OF TP

AND WE'LL NEVER HAVETO GO TO A STORE AGAIN.

- THOSE BIG BOX STORES ARERUINING AMERICA.

- WE DO IT ONCE,WE DO IT RIGHT.

WE'LL JUST GETSHNEEFED TO THE DOME

AND THEN WE'LL GO MAKE FUN OFFAT AMERICANS.

- OH, NICE.- YEAH.

- I'M GONNA GO IN THE HOT TUB.

[groaning and splattering]

- WENDY, THAT'S NOT THE BIDET.

- WHAT?

- THAT'S NOT THE HUGE BIDET.

- THANKS, MAUREEN.

both: OH...HELLO.

- HOW ARE YOU?I'M GEORGE ST. GEEGLAND.

- OH, CHARMED, I'M SURE.

I'M GIL FAIZON.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY?

- AND THIS IS OUR PRANK SHOW.

- AND THIS IS OUR PRANK SHOW, TOO MUCH TUNA.

- EVERY WEEK ON TOO MUCH TUNA, WE PRANK SOMEONE

BY GIVING THEMTOO MUCH TUNA FISH.

- WHICH IS A DELICIOUS FISH.

- PRANKS ARETHE HOT NEW THING.

FROM CANDID CAMERA TO BLOOPERSAND PRACTICING JOKES.

- TO ASHRAM KITCHEN'S PRANTH'D.

- THIS WEEK OUR GUESTIS OUR DEAR, DEAR FRIEND,

DR. JEFFREY GURIAN, D.D.S.

- JEFFREY GURIAN, YOU'VE LEDSUCH A FASCINATING LIFE.

DO TELL US ABOUT IT.

- WELL, YOU KNOW,I HAVE LED A FASCINATING LIFE.

I WAS BORN IN NEW YORK.

I, UH, I WRITE.I WRITE PROJECTS.

GURIAN NEWS NETWORK.- OH.

- GNN.- GNN.

- CAN I GET SHOT OF YOU TWO?- YEAH.

- YEAH? OKAY. COOL.

[snaps picture]

ONE MORE.- ONE WITH MY EYES CLOSED.

- YEAH.[snaps picture]

- YOU KNOW, JEFFREY, YOU'RE ONOUR PRANK SHOW,

TOO MUCH TUNA WHEREWE'RE GONNA DELIVER

TOO MUCH TUNA FISH TO YOU.- I MEAN, I--

- WELL LET'S JUST SEEWHAT HAPPENS.

OH, THAT'S WONDERFUL.THANK YOU.

- OKAY.YOU'RE PROBABLY THINKING...

- YOU'RE PROBABLY...- YOU'RE PROBABLY THINKING

THAT'S TOO MUCH TUNA.

- NO, I'M NOTTHINKING ANYTHING. NO.

I THINK IT'S GREAT.

- YOU TICKED OFF?

- NO, NOT AT ALL. IT'S--

- ARE YOU JUST HEATED AT US

FOR GIVING YOUTHIS MUCH TUNA?

- NOT AT ALL.- TOO MUCH.

- WE'VE HAD A LOT OF GUESTSON TOO MUCH TUNA.

- AND THIS IS JUSTTOO MUCH TUNA.

- THIS IS FABULOUS.

- LISTEN, THAT'S TOO MUCH TUNA

AND WE JUST PRANKED YOUBUT GOOD.

I MEAN, THERE'SA CAMERA RIGHT THERE.

- LOOK, OH Y--- YOU WANT ME TO LEAVE HERE?

- YOU'RE ON A PRANK SHOW.

THERE'S A CAMERA BEHIND YOU.

- I'M NOT LOOKING,I'M NOT LOOKING.

- THERE'S A CAMERA OVER THERE.

- I'M NOT EVEN LOOKING.- YOU'VE BEEN PRANKED.

YOU'RE SITTING HERE.

- HOW DO YOU FEEL?

- THE TUNA'S PERFECT.

- YOU'RE ONA PRANK SHOW CALLED

TOO MUCH TUNA, JEFF, WHETHERYOU LIKE IT OR NOT.

- NO, I'M NOT.

I'M AN AMAZING PERSONWITH AN AMAZING LIFE.

- AND I'M LIZ.

I'M A COLLEGE GRADUATEAND I EXPECT THE BEST.

I'M THE DRIVEN ONE.

- AND I'M TRYING TO HAVE A LIFE.

OUR PR FIRMIS CALLED PUBLIZITY.

- IT'S BASED OFF OUR NAMES.

SO THIS MORNING,WE HAVE MEETING WITH, LIKE,

A VERY DEMANDING NEW CLIENT.

THE CEO OF CULTURED YOGURT WATERAND LIZ BETTER WAKE UP.

YOGURT WATER? I LOVE IT.- WOW.

I THINK, LIKE, A LOT OF WOMENREALLY WANT TO DRINK SOMETHING

THAT'S, LIKE, MEDIUM-THICK.- TRY IT.

- I'M GONNA TRY IT,IF YOU DON'T MIND.

LIKE, I LIE IN MEETINGS A LOT,IT'S TRUE.

I LIKE THE IDEA OF JUST,LIKE SUCKING DOWN

ONE OF THESE LITTLE THINGS.

BUT, LIKE, IN THIS CASE,I REALLY DO HATE WATER.

LIKE, I HATE IT.

IT'S, LIKE, VERY EXCITING

TO BE TRYING A NEW BEVERAGE.[sniffs]

I LOVE IT.IT'S DELICIOUS.

- WELL, TH--THANK YOU.- I LIKE WATER,

BUT I WANT THAT SOUR TASTE THAT,LIKE, ONLY YOGURT CAN BRING.

SO WHAT CAN WE DO TO HELPPROMOTE YOUR PRODUCT?

UM, LET'S SEE.[snorts]

OH, I JUST HADAN AMAZING IDEA.

WHAT IF WE DID AN EVENT?

- LIZ!SORRY.

YOU ARE A GENIUS.- I LOVE YOU.

- I LOVE YOU, TOO.- YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND.

- YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND.- HERE'S WHAT I'M THINKING

WE SHOULD DO.

CULTURED WATER IS, LIKE,VERY CULTURED,

AND, LIKE, WHAT IS THEMOST CULTURED THING--

[snorts]OH, MY GOD. ENGLAND.

- OH, ENGLAND.- LONDON, ENGLAND.

- OH, MY GOD,I LOVE LONDON ENGLAND.

- SO IT'S, LIKE,A THEME PARTY ALL ABOUT

LONDON, ENGLANDAND CULTURED WATER.

AND THEN WE CAN HAVE,LIKE, ADELE PERFORM!

WE SHOULD HAVEADELE PERFORM!

- I THINK ADELE MIGHT BEA LITTLE EXPENSIVE.

- MM-HMM, MM-HMM.I COULD PERFORM THEN.

I COULD DO IT.

I COULD ACTUALLY JUST COMPLETETHE PERFORMANCE.

I COULD DO IT.I COULD PERFORM.

- RIGHT?- BUT--

- YOU DON'T PERFORM.- MM.

- LIZ IS, LIKE,CRAZY UNTALENTED,

AND I DON'T KNOWIF SHE CAN DELIVER.

SO I'M THINKING WHAT IF WE HADANYBODY ELSE PERFORM?

- MM, OR I COULD DO IT.

- OR YOU KNOW WHAT WE COULD DOIS WE COULD JUST HAVE, LIKE,

A MONKEY WITH DOWN SYNDROMESMASHING ON CYMBALS.

I THOUGHT THAT WAS, LIKE, A GOODPOSSIBILITY FOR SOMETHING TO DO.

- YOU KNOW WHAT, LIZ,I'M GONNA STOP YOU RIGHT THERE

BECAUSE I WOULD BESO NERVOUS FOR YOU

IF THAT TINY MONKEYWITH THE BRAIN PROBLEM

WERE TO JUMP UP AND JUST SCRATCHON SOMEONE'S FACE.

- IT'S, LIKE,THE CLIENT'S DECISION.

WHATEVER YOU THINKIS BEST IS FINE.

SO, LIKE, EITHERWE DO THE MONKEY

OR SOMETHING ELSEOR WE HAVE LIZ SING.

- RIGHT, AND, LIKE,WHATEVER YOU THINK IS FREE.

- WELL WHY DON'T WE TRY IT?

WHY DOESN'T LIZ HAVE A SONG--- GREAT. AMAZING.

- LET'S TRY IT.

[singing nasally]- ♪ I WOULD LOVE TO SING

♪ AT YOUR EVENT

- WOW.

- WELL THAT'S PROOF POSITIVERIGHT THERE THAT WE SHOULD

THINK OF A BUNCH OF OPTIONS.

COMING UP NEXT ON PUBLIZITY...

WHAT IS SHE DOING?

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