Crippleberry

  • Season 2, Ep 5
  • 10/01/2013

Connie becomes obsessed with a traveling carnival's freaky sideshow. Malloy brings about changes to the park's safety code after Steve gets hurt on the job.

FOR THE GREATEST SIDE SHOWON EARTH!

BE AMAZED BY THE ONE-HEADED,ONE-TAILED SNAKE!

[snake hissing]

BE ASTOUNDED

BY THE MYSTERIOUSHORNLESS UNICORN!

- THIS IS LAME.LET'S GO.

- WAIT, WHO ARE THEY?

- OH, DON'T LOOK AT THEM.

THEY'RE JUST A BUNCHOF CIRCUS FREAKS.

BUT BEHOLD...

A BIRD THAT HASTHE ABILITY...

TO SWIM!

[duck quacks]

- NO, REALLY,WHO ARE THEY?

- [chuckles]WELL, IF YOU INSIST

ON SEEING THE LAME STUFF,HERE'S DOG BOY,

OCTOPUS LADY,GIRAFFE GIRL, AND--

- WHOA, LET ME GUESS.

THAT'S DICK NOSE.

- UH, NO, MY NAME IS JERRY.

- AND MY NEWEST ADDITION,

THE CARPET-MUNCHINGVAGINASAURUS!

- HEY!CONNIE IS NOT A FREAK!

- LUCAS, LET METAKE YOUR PICTURE

WITH THE BIG, UGLY FREAK.

- [screams, cries]

- THAT'S NOT RIGHT!

- DON'T WORRY.

I TREAT EACHAND EVERY ONE OF THEM

LIKE MY OWN CHILDREN.

[electricity crackles]

DID I MENTIONI [bleep]ING HATE MY CHILDREN?

- THEY NEED HELP.

[growls]

COME ON, FOLLOW ME!

- OH, MY GOD,WHAT DID SHE DO?

THEY CAN'T SURVIVEIN A NON-CAGE ENVIRONMENT.

THEY'LL GO CRAZYON THE OUTSIDE!

WE'VE GOT TO GET THEM BACK!

- UH, NOT ME.

I DON'T ASSOCIATEWITH ANYTHING THAT UGLY.

- YEAH, UNLESSIT BUYS YOU TWO DRINKS.

THEN YOU'LL GIVE ITA TOOTHY B.J.

IN A PUBLIC BATHROOM.

- AAH![squelch]

- HI.[lock clicks]

I WANT THE TRUTH, STEVE,

'CAUSE I KNOWYOU'RE FAKING IT.

- NO, I'M NOT.I SWEAR TO GOD.

- YOU KNOW,WHEN I WAS IN THE JUNGLE,

I DID A FEW THINGSI WASN'T VERY PROUD OF.

TECHNICALLY, STEVEN,I'M A WAR CRIMINAL.

- GOTTA ROLL.

NO, WOODY,WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- YOU KNOW, THIS WAS BANNEDBY THE GENEVA CONVENTION.

COOTCHY-COOTCHY,WOOTCHY-COOTCHY.

[baby talk]

COOTCHY.

YOU'RE A TOUGHSON OF A BITCH, STEVE.

I WOULD'VE HAD ABU NAZIRCRYING BY NOW.

TIME FOR MY LAST OPTION.

- OH, MY GOD,WOODY, STOP.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- SCREW THIS COURT CASE.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA STEALANY MORE OF MY MONEY.

YOU GET UPOR YOU GO DOWN!

THREE...TWO...

TWO AND A HALF...

ONE! WALK!

- [screams]

- OOPSIE.

OKAY, STEVE!

NOW I BELIEVE YOU!

- [grunting]

[bones cracking]I'M STILL ALIVE.

I CAN'T BELIEVEI'M STILL ALI--WAIT.

WELL, I'LL BE DAMNED.

$2 OFF A SUBWAY FOOTLONG!

OH, IT'S EXPIRED.

WELL, AT LEASTI CAN WALK AGAIN.

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