Crippleberry

  • 10/01/2013

Connie becomes obsessed with a carnival's freak show, and Malloy gets litigious following Steve's injury.

FOR THE GREATEST SIDE SHOWON EARTH!

BE AMAZED BY THE ONE-HEADED,ONE-TAILED SNAKE!

[snake hissing]

BE ASTOUNDED

BY THE MYSTERIOUSHORNLESS UNICORN!

- THIS IS LAME.LET'S GO.

- WAIT, WHO ARE THEY?

- OH, DON'T LOOK AT THEM.

THEY'RE JUST A BUNCHOF CIRCUS FREAKS.

BUT BEHOLD...

A BIRD THAT HASTHE ABILITY...

TO SWIM!

[duck quacks]

- NO, REALLY,WHO ARE THEY?

- [chuckles]WELL, IF YOU INSIST

ON SEEING THE LAME STUFF,HERE'S DOG BOY,

OCTOPUS LADY,GIRAFFE GIRL, AND--

- WHOA, LET ME GUESS.

THAT'S DICK NOSE.

- UH, NO, MY NAME IS JERRY.

- AND MY NEWEST ADDITION,

THE CARPET-MUNCHINGVAGINASAURUS!

- HEY!CONNIE IS NOT A FREAK!

- LUCAS, LET METAKE YOUR PICTURE

WITH THE BIG, UGLY FREAK.

- [screams, cries]

- THAT'S NOT RIGHT!

- DON'T WORRY.

I TREAT EACHAND EVERY ONE OF THEM

LIKE MY OWN CHILDREN.

[electricity crackles]

DID I MENTIONI [bleep]ING HATE MY CHILDREN?

- THEY NEED HELP.

[growls]

COME ON, FOLLOW ME!

- OH, MY GOD,WHAT DID SHE DO?

THEY CAN'T SURVIVEIN A NON-CAGE ENVIRONMENT.

THEY'LL GO CRAZYON THE OUTSIDE!

WE'VE GOT TO GET THEM BACK!

- UH, NOT ME.

I DON'T ASSOCIATEWITH ANYTHING THAT UGLY.

- YEAH, UNLESSIT BUYS YOU TWO DRINKS.

THEN YOU'LL GIVE ITA TOOTHY B.J.

IN A PUBLIC BATHROOM.

- AAH![squelch]

- HI.[lock clicks]

I WANT THE TRUTH, STEVE,

'CAUSE I KNOWYOU'RE FAKING IT.

- NO, I'M NOT.I SWEAR TO GOD.

- YOU KNOW,WHEN I WAS IN THE JUNGLE,

I DID A FEW THINGSI WASN'T VERY PROUD OF.

TECHNICALLY, STEVEN,I'M A WAR CRIMINAL.

- GOTTA ROLL.

NO, WOODY,WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- YOU KNOW, THIS WAS BANNEDBY THE GENEVA CONVENTION.

COOTCHY-COOTCHY,WOOTCHY-COOTCHY.

[baby talk]

COOTCHY.

YOU'RE A TOUGHSON OF A BITCH, STEVE.

I WOULD'VE HAD ABU NAZIRCRYING BY NOW.

TIME FOR MY LAST OPTION.

- OH, MY GOD,WOODY, STOP.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- SCREW THIS COURT CASE.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA STEALANY MORE OF MY MONEY.

YOU GET UPOR YOU GO DOWN!

THREE...TWO...

TWO AND A HALF...

ONE! WALK!

- [screams]

- OOPSIE.

OKAY, STEVE!

NOW I BELIEVE YOU!

- [grunting]

[bones cracking]I'M STILL ALIVE.

I CAN'T BELIEVEI'M STILL ALI--WAIT.

WELL, I'LL BE DAMNED.

$2 OFF A SUBWAY FOOTLONG!

OH, IT'S EXPIRED.

WELL, AT LEASTI CAN WALK AGAIN.

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