Wednesday, April 27, 2016

  • 04/27/2016

"Veep" cast members Timothy Simons, Tony Hale and Reid Scott offer encouragement to Roman Reigns, create #RedneckTVShows and dive deep into the world of local attack ads.

Pro wrestler Roman Reigns--who sounds like a Pompeian

porn star-- is also wrestlingwith his pants past.

An old picture of him wearingthese wonderfully-hideous jeans

resurfaced on the Internet,

and of course,the Internet handled it

with the tact you might expect.

Uh, like this comment.

-"Lost custodyof your kids denim." -(laughter)

Or, "Y'all leave Roman

"Bud Light in a BottleDenim Pants" Reigns alone!"

Or, this is, uh...this is really mean, you guys.

Step off a little bit.I mean, everyone...

Everyone had a pairof those True Religion jeans

with the wide stitching in 2003,and some people hung onto them.

-(laughter)-What's the problem? -Yes, yes.

With the big bunsand the boot on the back.

It was fine.2003 was a good time.

-(applause and cheering)-Yeah.

All right, anyway, Roman'shaving a tough time lately,

so, comedians,let's cheer him up

and say something niceabout his stupid jeans.

-Tim Simons.-Uh, you can wear them anywhere.

-You can wear 'em to theSmash Mouth concert. -(laughter)

-To an Entourage fan convention.-(laughter)

Uh, you can wear themto the courthouse

when you have to registeras a sex offender.

-(laughing)-HARDWICK: Points. Oh.

-(applause and cheering)-Uh, Reid.

Those jeans really bring outyour unfurnished apartment.

-HALE: Yeah, they do.-(laughter)

-Points.-(applause and cheering) -Weird.

-Wait. -SCOTT:I just bought this house

-and these jeans.-(laughter)

And I'm sitting here waitingfor a delivery

-of furniture and more jeans.-(laughter)

-Tony. -My thing isif you feel good, wear 'em.

You just don't looklike you feel good.

-(laughter)-You look constipated.

HARDWICK: A little constipated.A little cons...

It's now timefor our #HashtagWars,

a celebrated pieceof our television show.

Tonight we havethe cast of Veep,

which is a (bleep) fantasticshow that you should watch.

Uh, it's a programabout Beltway insiders.

What about TV showsfor belt-less insiders?

I'm talkingabout rednecks, baby!

-Goddamn it!-(shouts, whooping)

-SCOTT: Oh, wow.-Yeah! That's right.

-He is proud of that gut.-He is proud...

He's proud of his gut.Shy about his tits, though.

-Yeah.-(laughter)

(applause)

Makes sense.

Hey. Hey, hey, hey!

Up here.

The only shows they goteither involve hand fishing

or paternity tests,so we're gonna brainstorm

some more shows tonightwith tonight's hashtag

#RedneckTVShows.Examples might be:

So You Think You Can Read,

-and...-(laughter)

Doctor Who's My Father?

I'm gonna put 60 secondson the clock, and begin.

-Tony. -Big Bang My Siblings.

-Points.-(laughter, applause)

-Tim. -Not My Good Morning America.

-(laughter)-Points.

-Reid. -The Unbathable Kimmy Schmidt.

-(laughter)-Points.

-Tim. -The Storage Wars of Northern Aggression.

-(laughter)-Points. Yes.

-Tony Hale. -Ron Paul's Drag Race.

-Points.-(laughter)

(applause)

HARDWICK:I would actually watch that.

(whooping, applause)

Reid.

SpongeBob NoPants.

-Yes, points.-(laughter)

-Tony. -Are You Smarter Than a Radish?

-Points.-(laughter)

-Tim. -Late Night with Meth Meyers.

-Points!-(laughter)

(whooping, applause)

Reid.

Dora the Deported.

-Yes, points. Points.-(laughter)

-Mean. That's mean.-Oh, that's mean.

Tim.

The Amazing Racist.

-Yes, points! Perfect!-(laughter)

Every election,eventually, you know,

the totally bonkers attack adsstart rolling out,

like this oneTed Cruz's campaign

unleashed on Donald Trump.

Look!I got the Trump action figure!

No way! It's huge!

-What does he do?-He pretends to be a Republican.

(kids laugh)

-(laughter, applause)-Whoa.

Huh? Sick burn.

Sick burn, bro.

There's no bettervote of confidence

than using eight-year-old boysto relay your political message.

Believe it or not,this is a high-budget attack ad

funded by a majorpresidential campaign.

Uh, when you getto the local levels,

candidates havea lot less ad money

and apparently a lot less shame.

So I'm gonna show youa bizarre local attack ad

that we found online,and for 250 points,

I want you to answer a questionabout it. First up...

Kay Daly takes aimagainst her opponent,

who she calls a RINO--a Republican in Name Only.

Let's watch.

And, you know, as a Republican,you can be a RINO...

RINO... RINO...

I'm Kay Daly,and this is my message.

I'm huntin' RINOs.

Care to join me?

(gunshot)

Okay.

Wow, that...

took a... took a sharp turn.

What else doesKay Daly hunt? Tim.

Bargains at Old Navy.

HALE:That's true.

Points.

Yes, she does.

Next up, an attack adagainst former

Texas state senator Danny Goeb.

("Let it Go" tune plays)♪ I'll try to lie ♪

♪ Why should they know?

♪ Danny Goeb, Danny Goeb

♪ I can't lie to you anymore ♪

I was wrong. I didn't thinkI could hate that song more.

Uh, what's anotherone of the candidates'

Goeb-to karaoke songs? Tim.

"Stay" by Lisa Goeb.

Points.

Uh, Reid.

"Wake Me UpBefore You Goeb Goeb".

-Yes, points.-HALE: That's good.

-Now-now I kind ofwant to hear that. -I know.

Uh, Tony.

Train's "50 Waysto Say Goeb-bye."

Yes, uh, yes, points.Points.

This attack on John Boehnerthat has the balls

to parody a Viagra commercial.

You make a great team.

It's been that waysince the day you left.

But your electile dysfunction?

It could be a questionof blood flow.

Sometimes when a politicianhas been in DC too long

it goes to his head.

Oh, wow.

I, uh...

I got to be honest--

I got to give 'em pointsfor "electile dysfunction".

Now, that's not bad.

That's something that someonewould say on this show.

I can't (bleep) on it.What's another disease

voters can get?What's another disease... Tim.

Congressional AIDS.

Wow.

-Points.-I regret it.

-Yeah.-I...

-Points, Tim Simons.-I don't know.

I regretted it...I regretted it immediately.

HALE:That's all right.

Reid.

Rand palsy.

-Yes, points.-Oh.