Wednesday, April 27, 2016

  • 04/27/2016

"Veep" cast members Timothy Simons, Tony Hale and Reid Scott offer encouragement to Roman Reigns, create #RedneckTVShows and dive deep into the world of local attack ads.

Pro wrestler Roman Reigns--who sounds like a Pompeian

porn star-- is also wrestlingwith his pants past.

An old picture of him wearingthese wonderfully-hideous jeans

resurfaced on the Internet,

and of course,the Internet handled it

with the tact you might expect.

Uh, like this comment.

-"Lost custodyof your kids denim." -(laughter)

Or, "Y'all leave Roman

"Bud Light in a BottleDenim Pants" Reigns alone!"

Or, this is, uh...this is really mean, you guys.

Step off a little bit.I mean, everyone...

Everyone had a pairof those True Religion jeans

with the wide stitching in 2003,and some people hung onto them.

-(laughter)-What's the problem? -Yes, yes.

With the big bunsand the boot on the back.

It was fine.2003 was a good time.

-(applause and cheering)-Yeah.

All right, anyway, Roman'shaving a tough time lately,

so, comedians,let's cheer him up

and say something niceabout his stupid jeans.

-Tim Simons.-Uh, you can wear them anywhere.

-You can wear 'em to theSmash Mouth concert. -(laughter)

-To an Entourage fan convention.-(laughter)

Uh, you can wear themto the courthouse

when you have to registeras a sex offender.

-(laughing)-HARDWICK: Points. Oh.

-(applause and cheering)-Uh, Reid.

Those jeans really bring outyour unfurnished apartment.

-HALE: Yeah, they do.-(laughter)

-Points.-(applause and cheering) -Weird.

-Wait. -SCOTT:I just bought this house

-and these jeans.-(laughter)

And I'm sitting here waitingfor a delivery

-of furniture and more jeans.-(laughter)

-Tony. -My thing isif you feel good, wear 'em.

You just don't looklike you feel good.

-(laughter)-You look constipated.

HARDWICK: A little constipated.A little cons...

It's now timefor our #HashtagWars,

a celebrated pieceof our television show.

Tonight we havethe cast of Veep,

which is a (bleep) fantasticshow that you should watch.

Uh, it's a programabout Beltway insiders.

What about TV showsfor belt-less insiders?

I'm talkingabout rednecks, baby!

-Goddamn it!-(shouts, whooping)

-SCOTT: Oh, wow.-Yeah! That's right.

-He is proud of that gut.-He is proud...

He's proud of his gut.Shy about his tits, though.



Makes sense.

Hey. Hey, hey, hey!

Up here.

The only shows they goteither involve hand fishing

or paternity tests,so we're gonna brainstorm

some more shows tonightwith tonight's hashtag

#RedneckTVShows.Examples might be:

So You Think You Can Read,


Doctor Who's My Father?

I'm gonna put 60 secondson the clock, and begin.

-Tony. -Big Bang My Siblings.

-Points.-(laughter, applause)

-Tim. -Not My Good Morning America.


-Reid. -The Unbathable Kimmy Schmidt.


-Tim. -The Storage Wars of Northern Aggression.

-(laughter)-Points. Yes.

-Tony Hale. -Ron Paul's Drag Race.



HARDWICK:I would actually watch that.

(whooping, applause)


SpongeBob NoPants.

-Yes, points.-(laughter)

-Tony. -Are You Smarter Than a Radish?


-Tim. -Late Night with Meth Meyers.


(whooping, applause)


Dora the Deported.

-Yes, points. Points.-(laughter)

-Mean. That's mean.-Oh, that's mean.


The Amazing Racist.

-Yes, points! Perfect!-(laughter)

Every election,eventually, you know,

the totally bonkers attack adsstart rolling out,

like this oneTed Cruz's campaign

unleashed on Donald Trump.

Look!I got the Trump action figure!

No way! It's huge!

-What does he do?-He pretends to be a Republican.

(kids laugh)

-(laughter, applause)-Whoa.

Huh? Sick burn.

Sick burn, bro.

There's no bettervote of confidence

than using eight-year-old boysto relay your political message.

Believe it or not,this is a high-budget attack ad

funded by a majorpresidential campaign.

Uh, when you getto the local levels,

candidates havea lot less ad money

and apparently a lot less shame.

So I'm gonna show youa bizarre local attack ad

that we found online,and for 250 points,

I want you to answer a questionabout it. First up...

Kay Daly takes aimagainst her opponent,

who she calls a RINO--a Republican in Name Only.

Let's watch.

And, you know, as a Republican,you can be a RINO...


I'm Kay Daly,and this is my message.

I'm huntin' RINOs.

Care to join me?



Wow, that...

took a... took a sharp turn.

What else doesKay Daly hunt? Tim.

Bargains at Old Navy.

HALE:That's true.


Yes, she does.

Next up, an attack adagainst former

Texas state senator Danny Goeb.

("Let it Go" tune plays)♪ I'll try to lie ♪

♪ Why should they know?

♪ Danny Goeb, Danny Goeb

♪ I can't lie to you anymore ♪

I was wrong. I didn't thinkI could hate that song more.

Uh, what's anotherone of the candidates'

Goeb-to karaoke songs? Tim.

"Stay" by Lisa Goeb.


Uh, Reid.

"Wake Me UpBefore You Goeb Goeb".

-Yes, points.-HALE: That's good.

-Now-now I kind ofwant to hear that. -I know.

Uh, Tony.

Train's "50 Waysto Say Goeb-bye."

Yes, uh, yes, points.Points.

This attack on John Boehnerthat has the balls

to parody a Viagra commercial.

You make a great team.

It's been that waysince the day you left.

But your electile dysfunction?

It could be a questionof blood flow.

Sometimes when a politicianhas been in DC too long

it goes to his head.

Oh, wow.

I, uh...

I got to be honest--

I got to give 'em pointsfor "electile dysfunction".

Now, that's not bad.

That's something that someonewould say on this show.

I can't (bleep) on it.What's another disease

voters can get?What's another disease... Tim.

Congressional AIDS.


-Points.-I regret it.


-Points, Tim Simons.-I don't know.

I regretted it...I regretted it immediately.

HALE:That's all right.


Rand palsy.

-Yes, points.-Oh.