March 1, 2016 - Frat Boy in North Korea & Football Hazards

  • 03/01/2016

North Korea detains an American college student, and Larry discusses the health risks of playing football with Malcolm Gladwell, Mike Yard and Rory Albanese.

Yes! Welcometo The Nightly Show! Man!

I'm Larry Wilmore. What a...

what a great crowdwe have tonight. What a...

what a... what a frisky crowdwe have today.

(chuckles)I love this crowd.

Hey, guys, best-selling authorand super genius

Malcolm Gladwelljoins us tonight on the panel.

-(cheering and applause)-I'm so excited.

(whoops)

So excited.I'm looking forward to this.

Oh, but, first, um,a story coming, uh,

straight out of Pyongyang.

Uh, not to be confusedwith Straight Outta Pyongyang,

the hit film about the rise and fall of N.K.W.A.,

North Koreans With Attitude.

By the way,also snubbed at the Oscars.

I know. It is sad.(chuckles)

Starting off with some sad news.Sorry, guys.

No, tonight's story is aboutthe North Korean government,

which recently captured one ofAmerica's most annoying exports,

a frat bro.

REPORTER: Otto Frederick Warmbier is

a University of Virginia student

now being detained by North Korea.

Ho-Hold on one second. Um...

Can I hear that name again?

Otto Frederick Warmbier.

Otto Frederick Warmbier?

Did this kid get arrestedin North Korea

and then just gave the cophis fake I.D.?

"Yes, sir, uh,we've got American student

"Otto Warmbier here.His-his birthday's 4/20.

"Um, and he lives on 69...

Weed Avenue?"

I mean, what's a college studenteven doing in North Korea?

He was on a private tourin North Korea.

It's a Chinese-basedtour company that advertises

and brags, "Come on our tours.We go to destinations

even your motherdoesn't want you to go to."

No, Cancun is a destination

your mother doesn't want youto go to.

North Korea is a destinationyou don't want you to go to.

Wh-What were you expecting,

some spring break spotfull of underage strip clubs?

Because North Korea's versionof Girls Gone Wild

is just middle-aged womeneating full rations

of oatmeal.

Yeah, that's right. It's sadnight, you guys. It's sad night.

Okay, so what'd he do wrong?

REPORTER: He's accused of trying to steal

a North Korean political banner from his hotel.

Okay. Listen up, frat boy.

Uh, this isn't like the timeyou stole Sig Ep's goat.

This is North Korea.

They're not knownfor their love of pranks.

Look, I get the desire to stealthings from hotel rooms.

I get pretty much everythingfrom hotels.

Even this suit! Look.

Huh?

Yeah.

"Do not steal." Right,like a brother's gonna steal it.

You know. Well, technically,in this case. All right.

But still, it's racist.All right, now...

By the way,go to The Nightly Show Web site

to seemy Howard Johnson underpants.

If you want to see 'em. Okay.

Sorry I disappointed you.

But hotel pranks don't playin North Korea.

North Korea is essentiallytaking what a lot of people

might interpret as a collegeprank, taking down a sign,

and they're turning itinto some sort

of alleged covert operation.

Alleged covert operation?

Man, if our government hada secret plan to steal a banner,

uh, they should have recruitedthat Nightly Show

audience member who stole a cardboard cutout of me

from our show last Thursday

and then snuck it onto the subway!

That's right.

Yeah. #FlatLarry!

Never forget!

(cheering and applause)

(chuckles)

(grunting)

I still don't understand that.

But could this UVA student

really bea secret government agent?

After all,he was in North Korea.

He goes to school in Virginia,not far from CIA headquarters.

And, again, his name isOtto Frederick Warmbier,

one of the top three

fakest-sounding names I've ever heard.

Hmm. I don't know, you guys.

I don't know. Maybe this student

is some sophisticatedundercover mastermind.

(laughter, groaning)

Okay, so maybe he isn't

some sophisticatedundercover mastermind.

Um...

you're gonna try to appealto Kim Jong-un about family?

This is a guy who hadhis own uncle shot to death.

You're crying to a dictator whoonly looks out for numero un.

North Korea isn't a playgroundfor college pranks!

Kim Jong-unisn't a fictional character

from a Seth Rogen movie.And-and Pyongyang

isn't some game you playwith Coors Light and Solo cups.

I'm sorry, guys, it's just toughfor me to have much sympathy

for this guyand his crocodile tears,

because he allegedly stole thisNorth Korean hotel banner as

an initiation prank for University of Virginia's

secretive Z Society.

Good Lord. This soundslike the worst hazing ever.

So you have to commitan international crime

to get into that clique?

What else ison that hazing list? Like,

butt-chug holy water from the Vatican?

Steal one of Putin's pubes?

Leave an upper decker in Robert Mugabe's bathroom?

Okay, that one went too far.I agree, I agree.

Look, frat bros, frat bros,

dudes, if your hazing includesinternational crimes,

you've gotto read the fine print

on your Americanfrat bro warranty.

It's all the way at the bottom,

so it's easy to miss,but it says,

"Frat bro privilege not validin totalitarian dystopias."

(laughter)

And, listen,Otto Von Crybaby, um,

if you're so anxiousto go to a country

with an unpredictablemegalomaniac in charge,

just wait a year,and you'll live in one.

-(audience groaning)-It's coming, you guys!

You know that (bleep) is coming.You know it's coming.

-(applause) -"Make Americagreat!" It's catchy.

Oh, God, I'm gonna cry.

Okay, to get a better senseof Otto,

let's talk with someof his fraternity brothers.

So please welcomePreston and Hawes.

-(applause and cheering)-Whoa! Ah!

We on TV! Turned up!Turned up! Turned up!

Oh. So-so, so, guys,is it upsetting

to see your frat brother beggingfor mercy in North Korea?

(laughing)

No, man. It's hilarious, man.

Warmbier's crying like he'swatching the Paul Walker tribute

at the end of Furious 7, my dude.

No, but that's a sick flick,brother. That's a sick flick.

-Seriously, man. -Yeah, truethat, true that. Paul, Paul.

-Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul.-Paul Walker. Paul Walker, yeah.

-(laughter) -Mm. Here's the...here's the truth, bro.

Like, I don't careif it's North Korea

or, like, West Korea,like, East Korea. Whatevs, man.

Warmbier wanted a sick banner

to decorate his dorm,so he took it.

-Theta Chi style, baby!-(whooping) -Hey, guys?

-Okay, first...-Theta! Theta!

-First of all, there's no WestKorea, okay? -What you said.

Now, how do you not seethat it's not okay

to steal stuff in North Korea?

Who said anythingabout stealing?

These are pranks, man!

It's an international incident!

-It's an international prank.-Exactly, man!

No, it's exactly right, man.

I pulled a sickinternational prank

when I studied abroad in Rome,man.

I dipped my ballsin the Trevi Fountain.

(whooping and yelling)

-Summer of '98, baby!-Throwback!

Summer of '98?How old are you?

38 years young, kemosabe.

-(laughter)-That's how I do, man.

I work at Credit Suissenormally, but, you know,

every now and then,I like to swing down,

have some brews with my bros,you know.

-Every day. Whatevs. Who cares?-Yeah. -WILMORE: Okay, look.

You're here a lot.You're here a lot.

Guys, guys, guys, please.

Guys, don't you findany of this behavior abhorrent?

Whoa, man,you sound pretty bro-judiced.

(laughter)

Bro-judiced?

Yeah, you know, racistagainst bros-- bro-judiced.

-That's not a thing. That isnot... -That is a thing.

-100% a thing. -Easily...-You just made that up.

It's a huge thing.

Look, okay, look, what do youthink's gonna happen to Otto?

Everyone in our frat's familygot mad connects in D.C.

-He'll be out. Don't worry abouthim, man. -No worries.

And if not, Kim Jong-un probablyjust cut him some slack.

-Un's one of us.-Yeah.

One of...? One of...one of you? How so?

He's a spoiled rich kidwhose dad set him up for life,

and he commits crimes and getsaway with them all the time.

-He's the ultimate frat bro.-Yeah, that's right, baby.

-(applause and cheering)-Turned up.

That's the first thingyou've said that's made sense.

-We'll be right back. Now...-(applause and cheering)

Welcome back.

Well, it's Super Tuesday, andvoters face a daily onslaught

of in-your-facepolitical advertising.

Though we might feel immuneto this messaging,

there is evidence to suggestthat we are, in fact, affected

by its more subtle directives,known as "priming."

The theory holds that mediastimulate related thoughts

in the minds of an audience.

For instance, one study showedthat a store

playing traditional French orGerman music can prime shoppers

to buy French or Germanproducts, which means

certain types of music beingplayed at polling places

can affect the way you vote.

It's kind of like whenI see a picture of Ted Cruz,

I just think of Grandpa Munster.

(laughter)

It's uncanny.It just... I can't...

(applause and cheering)

I can't get it out of my head.I can't.

Okay, with moreon this phenomenon

of music at the polling places,please welcome

Rico and Oda Bensimon.

-How you doing? -Hi, Larry.-(applause and cheering)

-Thank you. Thank you. -WILMORE:Welcome to the show, guys.

So tell me, so, uh,so, what is it you do exactly?

Oh, well, uh, we provide anon-invasive background Muzak

at your, uh...at your local polling station...

WILMORE:Uh-huh.

...to relax peopleto vote for whomever they want.

-It's a public servicewhen you think about it. -Yeah.

Oh, okay, so you guys...you guys aren't trying

to influence voting at all,then, right?

-Oh, gosh, no.-Oh, my God, no. -Oh, okay.

-Oh, my gosh, no, Larry.-Not at all. Not at all.

-Oh, great. -Oh, no, my gosh.-Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.

-Can I hear a little?-Oh, sure.

And if people out therewant to clap their hands

-and tap their toes.-Yeah.

-Why, that's as fineas a clementine. -Okay.

So this is what we wrote down

-for Super Tuesday, yes.-Super Tuesday, yes.

WILMORE:Great.

-♪ It's an amazing timeto vote ♪ -(rhythmic clapping)

♪ You got the right to choose

♪ It's an amazing time to vote

♪ As long as you votefor Cruz. ♪

-Yeah! -Uh, hold on.Guys, guys, hold on. Um...

-See, Larry, it's justsuper objective stuff. -Yeah.

-We're not picking sides here.Not picking a side. -Nope.

-Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh.-Guys, that was not objective.

-You just said, "Vote for Cruz."-Mm...

Uh, well, technically, we didn'tsay it, we more sang it.

-Yes. -(laughter)-So, yeah.

Okay, but it just seems wrongto sing "Vote for Cruz." I...

Okay, okay, well, then,how about this?

-Here's another one!Here's another one. -Yeah, yeah.

-Okay.-(strums upbeat melody)

♪ America is greatand we never lose ♪

♪ Never lose

♪ So if you don't want to die

-♪ You better vote for Cruz! -WILMORE: Okay, okay, stop.

-Yeah. -Guys, stop, stop.-(laughter)

Okay, so, as soonas you say "lose,"

I know you're gonnarhyme it with Cruz.

-Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.-That is so good. He's so good!

-Are you a songwriter, Larry?Oh, my gosh. -No! -(laughter)

(laughter)

-Songwriter. -You don't haveto be a songwriter to get that.

-He really is.-He's really good.

You guys sayyou're not priming...

that you're not influencing,

but it's exactlywhat you're trying to do.

-Wow. -Mm, are we hearingthe same song, Larry?

-Guh, guh, guh. -'Cause a lotof our lyrics are metaphorical.

-There's imagery. Mm-hmm.-Pictures, you know?

Yeah, but it's imagery oftelling people to vote for Cruz.

-Mmm. -Look,can you just give me a song

that doesn't tell meto vote for Cruz?

-Yeah, heh-heh, I think wecan do that, Larry. -O-O-Okay.

-Gosh. -WILMORE: Okay.-But I think you're making

-too much out of this.-I don't think so.

♪ Marco is the worst

♪ He is never first, never!

♪ If you vote for him,you'll be forever cursed ♪

-♪ Beelzebub! -Okay, guys, guys, stop.

That's a blatant slamon Marco Rubio.

-You can't do that inthe polling places. -Oh, ho-ho!

Who are you, Sir Quincy Jones?

-(laughter)-Uh, first of all,

-I don't think Quincy Jonesis a knight. -Mm...

Secondly, you guys keep lyingabout what you're doing.

-No. Never. -Never lying.We don't lie, Larry.

-Never tell a lie.-You guys...

you guys are obviouslyworking for Ted Cruz.

I mean, what do you haveto say for yourselves?

Well, I think what we haveto say is better said in song.

Three, two, one.

♪ Satan, Satan, Satan,can you hear me, Satan? ♪

♪ Satan, Satan,Satan, can you hear me, Satan? ♪

♪ I've got one hellof an ultimatum ♪

♪ Help Ted Cruzand I'm yours for the taking. ♪

(laughter)

You guys just offeredyour souls to Satan.

-Ted Cruz 2016!-Ted Cruz 2016!

-Oh, my God. No, no, no, no.-♪ Satan, Satan, Satan

♪ Can you hear me Satan?Satan, Satan, Satan ♪

-Everybody! -Everybody!-No, not everybody.

-♪ Can you hear me, Satan? -We'll be right back.

♪ Satan, Satan, Satan,can you hear me, Satan? ♪

-(cheering, applause) -♪ Satan,can you hear me, Satan? ♪

Welcome back.I'm here with my panel.

First up, Nightly Show contributor Mike Yard.

-(cheering, applause)-And Nightly Show contributor

-Rory Albanese. There he is.-(cheering, applause)

And he's a journalistfor The New Yorker

as well asthe best-selling author

of many books,including The Tipping Point,

Blink, and David and Goliath-- Malcolm Gladwell, everybody.

-Yeah!-(cheering, applause)

Yes. And for everyone at home,join our conversation

right now on Twitter@nightlyshow

using the hashtag #Tonightly.

Okay, Malcolm,I am so glad you're here.

You know I'm a huge fanof all your stuff.

-Nice of you to say that. -I've,like, read it over and over.

I throw the book at people."Read it! Read it!"

You know,all that kind of stuff.

But there are so many issueswe could talk to you about.

But we wanted to talk to youabout an issue

that you're passionate about,and that's football.

Which I had no idea you wereso passionate about football.

And there's been a lotof stories in the news lately

about, you know,how bad football is,

you know, the concussionsand injuries, NFL.

You've even mentionedbanning it, right?

So why are you so down

on America's favorite pastime,Canadian?

All right. Well, let me...I should start by saying

that I'm a hypocrite-- I...I still watch football, even...

-You're a fan.-I'm a huge fan,

even as I understandthat what I'm watching

-is really morally problematicin many ways. -Mm-hmm.

Um, and I feel more stronglyas I've thought about this,

more stronglyabout what's wrong

with college and high schoolfootball than with the pros.

It's one thingto have someone play a game

that runs a risk of bringingthem permanent damage while

they're making a couple ofmillion dollars a year, right?

It's another thing to do thaton the college level,

-where they'renot making anything. -Yeah.

Um, where they're essentiallyendangering their own health

to entertain alumni

-and drunken, uh, collegestudents. -(laughter, applause)

Do you feel college footballis a problem?

I mean, listen,you don't have to play football.

Okay? You play football'cause it's a choice.

I mean, who am I to tell peoplewhat to do with their lives?

I don't smoke crack, 'causeI know what it does to you.

-WILMORE: Mm-hmm.-Okay? If you don't want to get

your head cracked,don't play football.

I don't think everyone know...

Like, this ispretty new information.

-So I feel like it's notout there. -Oh, the injuries?

Yeah, the injuriesand the concussions,

and I feel likethe bigger problem

is people don't know about it.

So I feel like,the way we do with cigarettes,

we have to put warningson things.

Like a football helmetshould have a warning

that says like:This doesn't work.

You know what I mean?And then, that way

when they put it on, they'renot like, "Oh, I'll be fine."

YARD: Yeah, but I disagreethat it doesn't work, though.

You're not really gonna be fine.

I disagree thatit doesn't work, though.

Thousands of kidsplay football every day,

and yeah, people get hurt,but people get hurt driving.

We're not talkingabout banning that, right?

GLADWELL:Well, but you have to drive.

You don't have to play football.

Exactly, but it's a choice.

If you decide to play football,then you decide to play

knowing that there are risks.

All you got to do is watchpeople run into each other

to know thatit's not a good thing.

What we don't know, and whatwill really make a big impact,

um, on our decision,our feelings about football,

is when we discoverjust how dangerous it is.

So as you point out,we're only a couple years in

to understanding whatthis condition called CTE is.

We still don't know how manyplayers are afflicted with it,

how common it is.

If it's one percentof people who play football,

to my mind, that's a lot,but it's a very different matter

if it's ten percent, right?If you're playing a game

where you sayten percent of the players

are gonna havean awful, early death...

where they're, you know, wherethey're committing suicide,

where they're driving carsoff the road,

where they're lapsinginto early dementia

and, you know... then I havea very different feeling

-about the... about the game.-ALBANESE: If they put that into

the Monday Night Footba song,all of that stuff,

like, ♪ You readyfor some football? ♪

♪ And you're gonna getdementia... ♪

Like, that could help,you know what I mean? Like...

-I was... - ♪ You're gonnathrow up a lot. ♪

-YARD: We should write that.-And even on the Monday Night...

On Monday Night Football, there used to be,

as part of the logo...They would sing the song,

and the two helmets would comein and go... (imitates crashing)

And explode, yeah.-YARD: I'd be like, "Yeah!"

-I remember... -I know.-Oh, yeah, that's good.

-Two exploding helmets are good.-Why do you think people

really love football--is it for the violence of it

-or is it the gamesmanship?-Yeah. Same reason

I watch Transformers. It's fun, it's... it's exciting.

-You like seeing all thathitting. -I, listen, listen,

those guys train very hardto go on the field

and run into each other. I'm notgonna down them for that.

And they're getting paid.And you play high school

and college so that you canpossibly get paid.

You can't just come inand try out for an NFL team.

Let me ask the questionaround the table--

would you allow your childto play football?

-N-Never.-Never?

-Kidding me? No.-I wouldn't introduce him to it,

but if he found outabout it, go ahead.

GLADWELL:If he found... (laughs)

I'm not gonna cover and be like,"Here, take the helmet."

-No. I wouldn't... -I mean,I don't-I don't have a kid,

but if-if they... if they hadany athletic ability

coming out of... out of me,I'd be, like, just thrilled.

You know what I mean? I'd bethrilled... I'd be thrilled

at the prospect that my kidcould catch a ball.

-I think that would be exciting.-In the unlikely event.

I... So I don't know if I'dlet... let him or her play,

but I would just be so proudthat-that the hands closed.

What's interestingis how many NFL players

are now saying they wouldn't lettheir children play football.

-That's fascinating.-Top players.

-YARD: Because they're rich now.-My favorite thing about that

was Terry Bradshaw said that,and he has, like,

two 30-year-old daughters.Like, yeah. Like, what...

-What are you... what are youworried about, there? -Exactly.

I think you're clear.I think you're...

He's talking about the childrenhe's not aware of.

-Oh, his other secret kids.-Yes, exactly.

Uh, before I go, Malcolm,uh, since I have you here,

I just want to ask youa couple of, uh,

-questions about the election,if that's okay. -Oh. Yes.

I just want you to help meunderstand Donald Trump,

this phenomena of Trump.

And maybe using, uh, the-thewealth of your knowledge.

Uh, would you explain...do you think we're...

Like, we've had a blackpresident so long that America's

just at a tipping point?To...

Or-or do you think people justblinked and then he's up there

and they're like, "Whatthe (bleep) just happened?"

Or, uh, or do you thinkhe's some David or some Goliath

that just showed up?

Or... or maybe he's justan outlier out there.

I personally... I personallythink it's what the dog saw.

-That's what I... -That's right.

-Very good, very good.-ALBANESE: You got all of 'em.

-Got all of 'em.-Got 'em all. -YARD: Nailed it.

-I think that's all of 'em.-Your-your opinion...

-My opinion?-Yes.

Uh, Trump is what, uh,the psychologists call

the empathic bully.The best bullies

are people who are brilliantat reading your weaknesses

and exploiting them, right?

The bully picks on youin this very particular way

that makes you feel terrible

because the bullyhas looked inside your head

and understoodwhat your weaknesses are.

Trump is the empathic bully.

When he makes funof the other candidates,

it's not some bad crude insult,

it's actually an insult

that cuts to the quickof who they are.

He's very good at it,that's the thing.

We he calls Jeb... You know,when he called Jeb Bush

low energy-- that's exactly thething that nailed him, right?

-And I saw the other day...-And it crushed Jeb, too.

-That's the other thing.-And then I saw him...

a clip of himtalking about Marco Rubio

and he was just talking abouthow Marco Rubio sweats a lot.

Did you see this?

-And it was just like...-YARD: Yeah, I heard that.

And you were like,"Oh, my God, that's so true."

And I can't look at Marco Rubiothe same way.

ALBANESE:He literally ruins people.

He just moves throughand just lays waste

to everyone around him.

He has obviously spent10,000 hours being a bully.

-Ye...-He's perfected it, right?

All right, we'll be right backright after this.

That was great.

ANNOUNCER: If you live in New York City or are

planning to visit, grab tickets to The Nightly Show.

Thanks to my guests Mike Yard,

Rory Albanese and MalcolmGladwell. We went a little long

in our panel, but we put some ofit, uh, some of it on the Web.

So we gota little bonus content.

Uh, we're almost out of time,

but before we go I'm gonnaKeep It 100. Keep It 100.

Okay. Tonight's questionis from @naturalrobin.

Some of these names.They ask, "You have to cancel

-one show, The Nightly Show or Black-ish." What? -Oh.

No, now, I was a part of Black-ish. Some people don't...

I can't answer this question.It is an unanswerable question.

-Answer it. -I'm not-I'm notcanceling a brother's show.

-What are you talking about?-I am not canceling

-a brother's show. -Black-ish. You have to say Black-ish.

-No, no...-I'm not gonna cancel Black-ish.

-What about our jobs, Larry?-I just bought a house.

I'm not canceling... I'm notcanceling a brother's show.

I'm not doing it.Thanks for watching.

Don't forget to ask me your KeepIt 100 questions on Twitter.

Good Nightly, every...You're gonna have to throw tea.

-I'm not gonna do it.-♪ -(cheering applause)