February 24, 2014 - Darlene Love

  • 02/24/2014

A Dutch Olympics coach slams the U.S. speedskating team, protesters oust the Ukrainian president, and Darlene Love talks "20 Feet From Stardom."

>> Stephen: TONIGHT THEWINTER OLYMPICS IN SOCHI

HAVE ENDED, ALTHOUGH WITHNBC'S TAPE DELAY, THEY'RE

JUST BEGINNING.

THEN IS IT UKRAINE OR THEUKRAINE.

I'LL GET TO THE THE BOTTOMOF IT.

AND MY GUEST LEGENDARYSINGER DARLENE LOVE STARS IN

A DOCUMENTARY CALLED 20 FEETFROM STARDOM, TONIGHT SHE'LL

BE 16 FEET CLOSER.

MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL ISELIMINATING HOME PLATE

COLLISIONS.

APPARENTLY THEY VIOLATEBASEBALL'S LONG-STANDING BAN

ON ACTION. THIS IS THE COLBERTREPORT.

WELCOME TO THE REPORT O

EVERYBODY, GOOD TO YOU HAVEYOU WITH US.

>> STEPHEN, STEPHEN,STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

>> WELCOME TO THE REPORT,EVERYBODY.

FOLKS, IF YOU HAVE BEENWATCHING THE NEWS LIKE I HAVE

YOU KNOW THERE IS A BIGSTORY THIS WEEKEND.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, FOLKS.

FOLKS, THE WINTER OLYMPICSARE FINALLY OVER.

THEY'VE HANDED OUT ALL THEMETALS AND ALL THE WHIPPINGS.

AND THE ATHLETES ARE NOWLEAVING TOWN BEFORE VLADIMIR

PUTIN USES THE OLYMPIC FLAMETO BURN DOWN SOCHI FOR THE

INSURANCE MONEY.

UNFORTUNATELY, MY FRIENDS ONTHE U.S. SPEED SKATING TEAM

2014 HAS BEEN A ROCKY ROADOR AS THEY CALL IT, AN

UNZAMBONIED RINK.

THEY MEDALED IN ONLY ONEEVENT AND THE TEAM IS

COVERING THEIR ASSES BYBLAMING THE THING THAT

COVERED THEIR ASSES.

EVIDENTLY THE TEAM'S NEWSUIT FEATURED VENTS ON THE

BACK OF THE SUIT DESIGNED TOALLOW HEAT TO ESCAPE BUT

ALLOWED AIR TO ENTER ANDCREATE DRAG.

EVERYBODY KNOWS CLOTHINGALWAYS CREATES DRAG.

WHICH IS WHY TO GET BETTERMILEAGE I ALWAYS DRIVE IN

THE NUDE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: I PUT A LITTLE

TOWEL DOWN.

>> FOLKS, IT'S NOT ENOUGHTHAT WE LOST.

NOW THE NETHERLANDS COACHJILLERT, I'M GOING GO WITH

ENEMA-- , HAS ATTACKED OURSPEED SKATING TEAM ADDING

INSULT TO INJURY AND THENADDING [BLEEP] TO BOTH OF

THOSE.

JIM?

>> DO YOU THINK THAT THATWAS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY

THE AMERICANS DIDN'T DO WELL,THE SUIT.

>> YEAH, THE SUIT WAS ONE OFTHE REASONS BUT NOT BECAUSE

IT WAS BAD, BUT BECAUSE THEYBELIEVE IT IS BAD.

BECAUSE THE SKATING, YOUHAVE TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF

LIKE AMERICAN ALWAYS DO.

AMERICAN ALWAYS BELIEVE THATTHEY'RE RIGHT, ALWAYS

BELIEVE THAT THEY'RE THEBEST, YEAH.

THAT'S NOT TRUE.

YEAH, AND YOU LOOK AT THEREST OF THE WORLD.

THEY CAN STAY INSIDE, INYOUR OWN COUNTRY, YOU CAN

MAKE YOUR OWN GAME, LIKEAMERICAN FOOTBALL, YEAH.

DO IT YOUR OWN, AND THINKYOU'RE THE BEST OF THE

WORLD.

BUT NO WAY, WHEN YOU PLAYSOCCER, MAN, YOU'RE JUST NOT

HALF, WHEN YOU COME EVERYFOUR YEARS YOU COME TO

OLYMPIC STADIUM AND YOU WANTTO FIGHT THE REST OF THE

WORLD, THEN YOU KNOW YOURPLACE.

ZERO MEDALS, ZERO MAM, STAYIN YOUR COUNTRY, DO YOUR OWN

SPORT.

DON'T COMPETE WITH THE RESTOF THE WORLD.

AND DON'T ASK THE QUESTION,WHY YOU DIDN'T WIN MEDALS.

BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T.

>> Stephen: ACTUALLY, INFACT, WE DID HAVE ONE MEDAL,

RIGHT HERE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> USA, USA, USA!

USA!

USA!

>> STICK THAT IN YOURDIKE AND PLUG IT YOU KNOW

WHAT I DON'T REALLY SPEAK ALOT OF DUTCH BUT I LEARNED A

LITTLE FOR THE OCCASION.

[BLEEP] YOU.

I CERTAINLY HOPE I'MPRONOUNCING THAT CORRECTLY.

WHO CARES WHAT THE DUTCHTHINK ABOUT ANYTHING.

YOU PEOPLE CAN'T EVEN DECIDEON A NAME FOR YOUR DAMN

COUNTRY.

(LAUGHTER)WHICH IS IT, IS IT HOLLAND S

THE NETHERLANDS, THE LOWCOUNTRY, IS IT BELGIUM'S

CANADA?

WHO KNOWS, THAT IS WHY IJUST CALL IT WHAT IT, HITLER'S

LEFT TURN LANE.

I, I WILL BE AMSTERDAMMED IFI EVER LET ANYTHING REMOTELY

DUTCH INTO MY LIFE AGAIN.

NO, I'M DONE WITH IT, I'MDONE.

I'M TAKING THIS OFF.

(LAUGHTER)NO!

NO MORE!

YES, YES.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: YES, THEY'RE

COMFORTABLE AND THEY'RESTYLISH AND THEY'RE

PRACTICAL AND AVAILABLE TOANYONE WITH TWO LOGS AND A

CHISEL.

BUT NOT ON MY TOOTSIES, NOTANY MORE.

BUT I WILL ADMIT, I WILLADMIT ONE THING IN YOUR

FAVOR, YOU HAVE, YOU HAVEGIVEN THE WORLD SOME LOVELY

TULIPS.

(LAUGHTER)(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: AND I'LL GIVEYOU ONE HINT WHERE YOU CAN

PUT YOUR TWO LIPS.

NOW FOLKS I'VE ALWAYS SAIDREVENGE IS BEST SERVED COLD

ON RAZOR SHARP BLADES.

YOU CAN HELP OUR SPEEDSKATERS FIGHT BACK AGAINST

DUTCH ARROGANCE BY MAKING ADONATION TO COLBERT

NATION.COM, IN RETURN WILLYOU GET THIS BLADE IN THE

USA T-SHIRT.

IT'S SOFT.

IT'S STYLISH AND IT'S JUSTAS AERODYNAMIC AS TEAM USA'S

UNIFORMS.

REMEMBER, THAT'S BLADE INTHE USA, ALTHOUGH THERE IS

NO LABEL ON THIS SO IT ISPOSSIBLE THAT IT WAS BLADE INBLANGLADESH.

NOW NATION, UNLESS ARE YOULIVING UNDER A ROCK YOU

PROBABLY HEARD ABOUT THEMASSIVE UPRISING IN THE

UKRAINE.

AND IF YOU ARE LIVING UNDERA ROCK ARE YOU PROBABLY

OUSTED UKRAINIAN PRESIDENTVIKTOR YANUKOVYCH.

THE FOOFERAH ALL STARTEDAFTER YANUKOVYCH REJECTED A

DEAL WITH THE EU INFAVOR OF CLOSER TIES TO

RUSSIA BRINGING ANGRYPROTESTORS TO KIEV'S

INDEPENDENCE SQUARE.

AND FROM THERE, THINGS INUKRAINE GOT U-KRAY-KRAY.

JIM?

>> A COUNTRY IN TURMOILAFTER A WEEK OF DEADLY

PROTESTS, UKRAINE HAS BEENTHE SCENE OF HORRIBLE

VIOLENCE.

>> THE PROTESTORS SAY POLICEHAD SNIPERS FIRING AT THEM.

AND THAT 100 PEOPLE HAVEBEEN KILLED.

COULD RUSSIA SEND TROOPSINTO UKRAINE?

>> WHO'S IN CHARGE.

>> VIKTOR YANUKOVYCH ISNOWHERE TO BE FOUND.

>> IT IS NO LONGER CLEAR WHOIS ACTUALLY IN CONTROL OF

THAT COUNTRY.

>> FOLKS, THIS SORT OFINSTABILITY COMES AS NO

SURPRISE TO STUDENTS OF GEOPOLITICS SUCH AS MYSELF WHO

HAVE PLAYED RISK. POSSESSINGTHE UKRAINE WITHOUT

MASSIVE FORCE IS A FOOL'SERRAND.

TOO MANY BORDERS JUST PASSESBACK AND FORTH BETWEEN EAST

AND WEST, UNTIL JAMIE KNOCKSTHE BOARD OVER.

OH, SURE IT WAS AN ACCIDENT,JAMIE, JUST WHEN I WAS ABOUT

TO TRADE IN MY CARDS FOR 24MORE ARMIES.

OH [BLEEP] BUT NOW, NOWFOLKS, NO ONE KNOWS WHERE

YANUKOVYCH IS.

BUT PROTESTORS RAIDED HISPRESIDENTIAL COMPOUND TO

FIND A PRIVATE GOLF COURSE,A FLEET OF CLASSIC CARS, AND

A PRIVATE RESTAURANT SHAPEDLIKE A PIRATE SHIP.

(LAUGHTER)>> IT EVEN HAD A LITTLE

PLACE MAT FOR THE KIDS WHEREYOU LEAD THE COUNTRY'S

FINANCES INTO THEPRESIDENT'S POCKET.

FOLKS, I GOT TO SAY, THISKIND OF PRESIDENTIAL

OPULENCE INFURIATES ME ITMAKES THE WHITE HOUSE LOOK

LIKE A DUMP.

I WAS JUST THERE.

ALL IT HAS IS A BOWLINGALLEY AND A STUPID ORGANIC

GARDEN.

I WISH OUR STATE DINNERSTOOK PLACE IN ON A PIRATE

SHIP.

THEN I WOULDN'T HAVE BEENTHE ONLY ONE WHO SHOWED UP

WITH A PARROT.

(LAUGHTER)SPEAKING OF MAKING

AMERICA LOOK BAD, BARACKOBAMA, THIS MAN DOES NOT

UNDERSTAND WHAT IS AT STAKEHERE.

>> IT UNDERLINES THE TENSIONBETWEEN RUSSIA AND THE

UNITED STATES OF LATE.

THAT SOME BELIEVE HARKENSBACK TO THE COLD WAR.

>> THE PRESIDENT SAID THATTHIS HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH

THE COLD WAR.

>> IN THE EYES OF VLADIMIRPUTIN IT DOES.

HE WANTS TO RESTORE THERUSSIAN EMPIRE.

>> SAD TRUTH IS PUTINCONSIDERED BY MANY TO BE A

STRONGER LEADER THAN OBAMA.

>> OBAMA IS MORE OF APUBLICIST FOR US WEEKLY THAN

A PRESIDENT.

AND WHEN YOU PUT A COMMUNITYORGANIZER UP AGAINST AN

EX-KGB, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS.

>> Stephen: YES, I THINK ISPEAK FOR ALL FREEDOM LOVING

PEOPLE WHEN I SAY, WHY CAN'TWE BE RULED BY AN EX-KGB

OFFICER?

(LAUGHTER)>> Stephen: GOOD POINT,

GREG.

>> OBAMA IS LIKE A PUBLICISTFOR US WEEKLY.

EVEN WORSE, 73% OF READERSSAY PUTIN WORE IT BETTER.

I ASK YOU-- IS THIS THE MAN,IS THIS THE MAN WE WANT TO

LEAD AMERICA IN TO A NEWCOLD WAR? NOT LOOKING THAT HOT.

I JUST WISH RONALD REAGANWERE STILL ALIVE TO FIX THIS

MESS.

HERE TO TELL ME HOW TOREANIMATE REAGAN IS THE

EDITOR OF FOREIGN AFFAIRSMAGAZINE, GIDEON ROSE.

MR. ROSE, THANK YOU SO MUCHFOR BEING HERE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)THERE'S THE MAGAZINE,

FOREIGN AFFAIRS.

NOW, NOW GIDEON, HELP ME OUTHERE.

WE'VE GOT A BATTLE.

THE UKRAINE, SOME OF THEMWANT TO GO INTO THE EU, THE

EUROPEAN UNION AND SOME OFTHEM WANT TO STAY WITH

RUSSIA.

IF UKRAINE IS NOT IN EUROPERIGHT NOW WHAT CONTINENT IS

IT ON?

>> WELL, IT'S PART OFEURASIA BUT PART OF EASTERN

EUROPE AND THE FORMER SOVIETBLOC.

IT'S BASICALLY ROBIN TORUSSIA'S BATMAN.

AND THE CHALLENGE HERE, THECHALLENGE HERE IS TO TRY TO

ATTRACT IT TO THE WEST, TOGET IT TO FLIP SIDES.

>> SO THE REBELS IN THESTREETS WHAT ARE THEY

FIGHTING FOR.

>> THEY'RE FIGHTING FOR ABETTER FUTURE.

>> Stephen: THAT SOUNDS LEAKA POLITICAL SPEECH, WHAT

REALLY -->> COUNTRIES HAVE TO DEVELOP

OVER TIME.

AND UKRAINE BASICALLY AFTERTHE END OF THE SOVIET UNION

FACED TWO TRACKS, IT COULDSTAY AS A STAGNANT, CORRUPT,

AUTHORITARIAN COUNTRY TIEDTO RUSSIA OR IT COULD

ESSENTIALLY JOIN THE WEST.

IT COMMOD EARNIZE,LIBERALIZE, BECOME A

DEMOCRACY.

AT THE LAST MINUTE WHEN ITLOOKED LIKE IT WAS GOING TO

TRADE UP FROM AN ABUSIVERELATIONSHIP WITH ITS

BOYFRIEND FROM THE HOOD TO ANICE YUPPIE-- .

>> Stephen: YOU'RE NOTLOADING THESE CHOICES IN

ANYWAY WHATSOEVER.

>> IT'S ACTUALLY TRUTH.

WHEN IT LOOKED LIKE IT WOULDTRADE UP TO A BETTER

ENVIRONMENT, AT THE LASTMINUTE PUTIN OFFERED A

BRIBE.

>> Stephen: HOW MUCH.

>> $15 BILLION.

>> Stephen: THAT'S A LOT OFCASH.

>> THAT'S A LOT OF CASH.

AND THE PRESIDENT WHOHIMSELF WAS TIED TO THE OLD

ELITE AND EASTERN PART OFTHE COUNTRY, DECIDED TO BACK

OFF THE CHANGE AND GO-- .

>> Stephen: DO YOU KNOW HOWMANY PIRATE THEMED

RESTAURANTS YOU CAN BUY WITH$15 BILLION.

>> THE PROBLEM WAS THEWESTERN PARTS OF THE COUNTRY

AND THE YOUNGER PARTS OF THECOUNTRY AND MORE MODERN

LIBERAL PARTS OF THE COUNTRYBASICALLY KNEW THAT THEY HAD

NO FUTURE BEING RUSSIA'SVASSELL SO THEY TOOK TO THE

STREETS.

>> Stephen: IS AMERICATAKING SIDES IN THIS IN ANY

WAY?

IF THESE PEOPLE, THE REBELSWINNING NOW, RIGHT.

>> YES.

>> Stephen: WHY ISN'T OBAMASPIKING THE BALL AND CALLING

PUTIN AND SAYING YOU MIGHTHAVE WON THE MEDAL COUNT BUT

WE WON THE COUNTRY COUNT,BOITCH.

>> THAT IS A GOOD QUESTION.

AND THE ANSWER IS WE DON'TWANT RUSSIA TO INTERVENE

AND KICK OVER THE TABLE LIKETHE GAME OF RISK AND TAKE

UKRAINE BACK.

>> Stephen: COULD HE SEND INTROOPS.

>> YES.

>> Stephen: DOES UKRAINEHAVE ANY TROOPS OF THEIR OWN

WOULDTHEY FIGHT BACK.

>> YES.

BUT WE DON'T WANT THIS TOESCALATE OR RUSSIA TO CRACK

DOWN.

SO WE BASICALLY WANT TODISTRACT RUSSIA.

LOOK, YOU HAVE THE HIGHESTMEDAL COUNT.

OH, YOU DID REALLY WELL-- (LAUGHTER)

AND TALK ABOUT THE OLYMPICS.

>> Stephen: HERE'S A SHINYOBJECT, WE'LL JUST TAKE AN

ENTIRE COUNTRY AWAY FROM YOU.

>> BASICALLY.

>> Stephen: NOW THERE IS APOWER VACUUM.

>> THERE IS A POWER VACUUM.

THE OPPOSITION IS ALLTOGETHER T IS EASY TO A GROW

ON GETTING RID OF THE BADOLD REGIME AND MUCH HARDER

TO CREATE A STABLE COUNTRY INWHICH EVERYBODY COMPROMISES

AND MOVES FORWARD.

>> Stephen: BUT THEY NEED ASTRONG LEADER TO MOVE THE

COUNTRY FORWARD, DO YOU KNOWWHO IS ALWAYS GOOD AT A

MOMENT LIKE THAT?

VLADIMIR PUTIN.

(LAUGHTER)DO YOU THINK HE MIGHT

VOLUNTEER TO COME IN ANDHELP UKRAINE.

>> THE REASON-- WE DON'TWANT PUTIN GET INVOLVED

IN THIS.

SO WE ARE BASICALLY, WE WANTTO TRY TO INVOLVE HIM IN THE

DECISION SO THAT HE ALLOWITS UKRAINE TO GO.

WE ACTUALLY WANT TO NOT-- WEWANT A NONEXCLUSIVE

RELATIONSHIP WITH UKRAINE.

YOU CAN HAVE A RELATIONSHIPWITH HIM TOO.

>> Stephen: YOU'RE THE ONLYONE MAKING THIS INTO A

GIRLFRIEND BOYFRIENDRELATIONSHIP.

>> UKRAINE IS BASICALLYCHOOSING ITS FUTURE BETWEEN

TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENTCOURSE OF ACTION.

WE'RE TRYING TO BLUR THATCHOICE SO THE OLD BOYFRIEND

DOESN'T GET TOO UP SET WHENIT MAKES THE RIGHT CHOICE

TOWARDS US.

>> Stephen: WELL, THANK YOUSO MUCH, GIDEON ROSE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: GIDEON ROSE,

FOREIGN AFFAIRS MAGAZINE.

>> MY GUEST TONIGHT IS A

ROCK AND ROLL HALL OFFAMER WHO STARS IN THE

DOCUMENTARY 20 FEET TOSTARDOM.

IT'S ABOUT TIME SOMEBODY MADE

A MOVIE ABOUT RESTRAINING

ORDERS, PLEASE WELCOMEDARLENE LOVE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)HEY, DARLENE, GOOD TO SEE

YOU, HOW ARE YOU.

>> I'M WONDERFUL, HOW AREYOU.

>> Stephen: THE FIRST TIME ISAW YOU WAS THE MONTCLAIR

FILM FESTIVAL, FOR THISMOVIE, 20 FEET FROM STARDOM.

>> I TELL YOU.

>> Stephen: IT'S ADOCUMENTSARY, IT'S OSCAR

NOMINATED.

YOU'RE ONE OF THE STARS OFIT.

LET'S EXPLAIN IT TO PEOPLEHERE WHY.

YOU ARE AS I SAY A ROCK 'N'ROLL HALL OF FAMER, GAINED

PROMINENCE IN THE1960s FOR BACKUP ARTIST FOR

ELVIS PRESLEY, FRANK SINATRA,ARETHA FRANKLIN, THE BEACH

BOYS, SAM COOK, THE RIGHTOUSBROTHER, CHER, THE

MAMMAS AND PAPAS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: NOW THIS IS ALL

ABOUT THE LIVES, ALL OF THELIVES AS BACKUP SINGERS WHAT

IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEENTHE SKILLS IT TAKES TO BE A

BACKUP SINGER AND TO BE ALEAD SINGER.

>> YOU HAVE TO HAVE A GOODVOICE AND YOU HAVE TO BE

ABLE TO SING FIRST OF ALL.

>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, THATSEEMS TO GO FOR BOTH.

>> MOST LEAD SINGERS CAN'TSING BACKGROUND AND MOST

BACKGROUND SINGERS CAN'TSING LEADS.

YOU HAVE TO LEARN HOW TOBLEND AND MOST LEAD SINGERS

CAN'T BECAUSE THEY'RESTANDING OUT FRONT, REALLY

SINGING.

SO THEY CAN'T BLEND WITH USIN THE BACKGROUND.

>> Stephen: BACKGROUNDSINGERS HAVE TO LIKE SORT OF

SERVE THE NEEDS OF THE SONG.

>> HELP THEM OUT.

>> Stephen: HELP THEM OUT.

OKAY.

NOW DID YOU EVER SIT BACKTHERE AND GO I CAN SING

BETTER THAN THAT PERSON?

>> A LOT.

>> Stephen: WHO WAS YOURFAVORITE PERSON TO SING

BACKUP FOR.

>> SAM COOK.

>> Stephen: .

>> HE WAS SO SWEET, HE WASSO NICE.

HE JUST OOZED SEX.

>> Stephen: HE WAS APHYSICALLY ATTRACTIVE MAN.

>> YES.

HE WAS FABULOUS.

>> Stephen: UH-HUH.

>> BUT HE WAS SUCH A GREATSINGER.

HE KNEW WHAT WANTED TO DOYOU KNOW.

HE KNEW HOW TO COME OVER ANDEXCUSE MY PUN BUT PULL STUFF

OUT OF YOU.

>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE PUNBUT IT SOUNDS SEXY.

NOW WHO WAS THE ONE WHO SAIDHMMMM, I DON'T UNDERSTAND

WHAT THAT PERSON IS SINGING.

>> MY GOOD FRIEND SONNYBONO.

>> Stephen: REALLY, NICE GUYTHOUGH QUITE REASONS NICE

GUY, I USED TO TELL HIM ALLTHE TIME WHEN PHIL SPECTER

WHO WAS MY RECORD PRODUCERWOULD SAY

I WANT SONY IN THIS.

I SAID PHIL WE'RE NEVERGOING TO FINISH THIS RECORD IF

YOU DON'T MOVE SONNY.

SONY IS EITHER SINGING TOOLOUD OR ON THE WRONG KEY BUT

THAT IS THE WAY PHIL WAS, HEDIDN'T CARE.

A LOT OF PEOPLE LIKE THAT,IN OUR BUSINESS.

>> Stephen: PHIL SPECTERPRODUCED A SONG OF YOURS

HE A REBEL.

YOUR FIRST HIT REASONSRIGHT.

>> Stephen: AND THIS IS APROTO TYPICAL GIRL FALLING

FOR A BAD BOY BECAUSE HE'SKIND OF BAD.

>> RIGHT.

>> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU DOTO AMERICAN CULTURE. WHAT

DID YOU DO TO A GENERATIONOF GIRLS WHO WERE LOOKING

FOR BAD BOYS.

>> WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT, ITDOES HELP IF THEY KIND OF

BAD.

IT MAKES IT INTERESTING.

YOU NEVER GET BORED.

>> Stephen: DID YOU HAVE ANYBAD BOYS.

(LAUGHTER)(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> ONE OR TWO.

>> Stephen: ONE OR TWO.

>> OKAY.

>> Stephen: HOW MUCH ABOUTAFRICAN-AMERICAN, SOUL OR

BLUES MUSIC DID YOU LEARNFROM ELVIS PRESLEY?

(LAUGHTER)>> I WAS GETTING READY TO

ANSWER THAT BEFORE YOU SAIDELVIS PRESLEY.

>> Stephen: I'M SORRY, TOMJONES.

>> THAT'S EVEN WORSE.

>> Stephen: DARLENE, WOULDYOU PLEASE SING FRONT FOR US,

AND HAVE SOMEBODY ELSE BACKUP FOR YOU.

>> I WOULD LOVE TO.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH APERFORMANCE BY DARLENE LOVE

(CHEERS ACC APPLAUSE-DEMO>> Stephen: THAT'S IT FCC

THE REPORT, EVERYBODY-DEMO

BUT BCCORE WE GO, BEFORE W-DEMOGO, FCCKS, AMERICA LOST A

FUNNY MCC TODAY WITH TH-DEMOPASSING OF HCCOLD RAMIS, YOU

PROBABLY KCCW HIM AS-DEMOEGON FROM GHOSTBUSTERS

OR TCC GUY WHO IS NOT BIL-DEMOMURRAY FCCM STRIPES BUT

THROUGH TCC MOVIES HE WROT-DEMOOR DIRECTED HE MCCE YOUR

LIFE BCCTER AND YOU HAV-DEMOBEEN QUOTING HCC FILMS AND

THE TCCNGS HE WROTE FO-DEMOYEARS, ACCMAL HOUSE,

MEATBALLS, SCCIPES, CADD-DEMOSHACK, NATIONAL LCCPOON'S

VACATION, GCCUNDHOG DAY, AN-DEMOTHE HUMAN CCCTIPEDE.

VERY FCC PEOPLE SAW THAT ON-DEMOAS TCC COMEDY HE INTENDED.

NOW I'M NCC A COMEDIAN BU-DEMOIF I WCC, AS A YOUNG BOOKISH

MAN WCCH GLASSES LOOKING FO-DEMOA ROLE MCCEL, I MIGHT HAVE

PICKED HCCOLD RAMIS-DEMO

THANK YCC, HAROLD-DEMO

GOOD NCCHT-DEMO