Clothing Store/Restaurant

  • Season 1, Ep 3
  • 03/14/2013

Nathan encourages a clothing store to allow shoplifting and turns a restaurant into the neighborhood toilet.

BUT SADLY, OUR OBSESSIONWITH CLOTHING OFTEN MEANS

THAT PEOPLE WILL GOAS FAR AS STEALING

JUST TO GET THEIR HANDSON THAT HOT NEW STYLE.

AND NO ONE KNOWS THIS BETTERTHAN GABRIELLE ROMERO,

MANAGER OF HARDWEAR CLOTHING

IN LARCHMONT VILLAGE,CALIFORNIA.

- OFTENTIMES WHEN SHOPLIFTING,THEY COME IN TEAMS,

USUALLY MORE THAN ONE PERSON,

USUALLY ABOUT THREE PEOPLE.

- IT'S THE REAL DARK SIDEOF RUNNING A CLOTHING STORE,

BUT OFTEN IN BUSINESS,A NEGATIVE LIKE THIS

CAN ACTUALLY BE TURNEDINTO A POSITIVE.

AND THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.

WHAT ARE SOME OF THE TRICKSPEOPLE DO

TO STEAL STUFF?

- UM, DEFINITELY, THEY C--THEY TRAVEL IN PACKS.

- SORRY, YOU WERE LOOKINGAT MY HAT.

- OH, IT'S OKAY.- OH, OKAY. IS IT--

IS IT OK--IS IT WEIRD, OR--

- NO. YOUR HAT?- I DON'T NORMALLY WEAR...

- NO, IT LOOKS GOOD.

- THIS TYPE OF HAT.- I LIKE IT.

- OH, IT'S OKAY.I DON'T HAVE TO WEAR IT.

- OKAY.- ALL RIGHT.

- BETTER?- SORRY, YEAH.

SO WHAT WERE YOU SAYINGABOUT SHOPLIFTING?

- I DON'T REMEMBER.IT HAPPENS.

- BUT MAYBE SHOPLIFTINGISN'T SUCH A BAD THING.

YOU SEE, IN FASHION,GOOD-LOOKING PEOPLE

ARE TRENDSETTERS.

SO RATHER THAN TRYING TO STOPALL SHOPLIFTERS,

HARDWEAR CAN BENEFITBY LETTING ATTRACTIVE THIEVES

GO FREE,

BECAUSE IF ATTRACTIVE PEOPLEWEAR IT,

THEIR LESS ATTRACTIVE FRIENDSWILL COME AND BUY IT.

- OH.

OKAY.

- WHAT--WHAT DO YOU THINK?

- SO WE JUST WAITFOR AN ATTRACTIVE PERSON

TO COME IN?

DO I HAVE TO THINKTHEY'RE ATTRACTIVE?

WHO'S THE JUDGE?

- WELL, THAT'S WHAT WEHAVE TO DECIDE.

- OKAY. OKAY.

- I NEEDED TO PROVE TO GABRIELLETHAT THIS WOULD WORK,

SO FIRST, I HAD HERAND HER STAFF

EACH COME UP WITH A LISTOF TRAITS

THAT THEY FIND ATTRACTIVE.

THEN LATER,I COMPILED ALL THE TRAITS

INTO A MASTER LIST.

NOW I NEEDED SOMEONETO ENFORCE IT,

SO I HIREDA SECURITY GUARD.

SIMON?- HI, GOOD TO MEET YOU.

- THANKS SO MUCH FOR COMING OUT.- OKAY.

- SO WE'RE DOINGTHIS THING HERE

WHERE WE'RE ALLOWING PEOPLETO SHOPLIFT ONE ITEM,

BUT ONLYIF THEY'RE ATTRACTIVE.

- OKAY.- SO THE STAFF AND I

CAME UP WITH A LISTOF, UH, SOME TRAITS

THAT QUALIFY A PERSONAS ATTRACTIVE.

- RIGHT.

- SO, BASICALLY,IF SOMEONE MEETS

ALL THESE TRAITS,

YOU KNOW,THEY'RE ALLOWED TO SHOPLIFT.

OTHERWISE,YOU HAVE TO STOP THEM.

- OKAY.- OKAY.

YOU KNOW, OBVIOUSLY,THINGS LIKE "BIG PENIS"

JUST APPLY TO MEN.

- RIGHT.

- WITH EVERYTHING IN PLACE,

WE WERE READY TO OPEN OUR DOORSTO CUSTOMERS.

[upbeat techno music]

THE NORMAL TRAFFICWAS COMING IN,

BUT I REALIZED THAT PEOPLEWERE MISSING THE SIGN OUT FRONT.

SO JUST TO BE SAFE,I WENT UP TO EACH PERSON

AND TOLD THEMABOUT THE PROMOTION.

WE'RE DOINGA SPECIAL PROMOTION TODAY

WHERE ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE AREALLOWED TO STEAL ONE ITEM.

TO SHOPLIFT ONE ITEM.

- YOU WORK HERE?

- I'M REPRESENTINGTHE BUSINESS.

- WHY WOULD YOU TELL METO STEAL SOMETHING?

- IT'S A SPECIAL PROMOTION.- OKAY.

- IT WAS WORKING GREAT,AS SEVERAL WOMEN

WERE SHOPLIFTING ITEMS.

- BUT ACCORDING TO SIMON,

THE FIRST FEW WOMENJUST DIDN'T MAKE THE CUT.

- SHE DIDN'T PAYFOR THE ITEM.

- IT WAS STRANGE BECAUSE THESEWOMEN WERE ATTRACTIVE,

BUT THEN I BEGAN TO SUSPECTTHAT OUR SECURITY GUARD

ONLY CAREDABOUT ONE THING.

- HAVE A GOOD DAY.- THANK YOU, YOU TOO.

- WHAT DID YOU THINKOF HER?

- SHE WAS, UH,SHE WAS RATHER PRETTY.

- WHAT DID YOU LIKEABOUT HER THE MOST?

- UH, HER FIGURE.

SHE HAD, YOU KNOW,A PRETTY--PRETTY GOOD BUILD.

- OH. DO YOU LIKE THAT?

- YES.

- WAIT, WHAT DO YOU LIKE?

- UM, YOU KNOW,THE WAY HER--

THE WAY HER B--HER CHEST WAS.

- IS THAT WHAT YOUWERE LOOKING AT THE MOST?

- UM, YEAH.AND ALSO SHE WAS--

HER F--HER FACEWAS SORT OF PRETTY,

BUT, YOU KNOW, NOT--NOT, LIKE, TOTALLY PRETTY.

- THE PART YOU LIKED WAS--- YEAH.

IT WAS--- YEAH.

- YEAH.

- BIG BOOBSWASN'T ON THE LIST.

AND CLEARLY, SIMON HADAN OBSESSION.

AND AFTER STOPPINGSEVERAL MORE ATTRACTIVE WOMEN

WITH MODEST CHESTS...

- YOU HAVE TO--YOU HAVE TO PAYFOR ALL YOUR ITEMS.

- OKAY.- I HAD TO INTERVENE.

LET'S SAY THERE'S NO LIST.YOU JUST SEE HER ON THE STREET.

WHAT DO YOU--WHAT DO YOU THINK OF HER?

- SHE IS SOMEWHAT PRETTY,

BUT SHE COULD BE PRETTIER.

- AND WHAT WOULD MAKE HERPRETTIER?

- UH, TO LET HER HAIR DOWNAND, YOU KNOW...

MAYBE SMI--- AND WHAT WAS THAT?

YOU DID THAT AFTER.TO LET HER HAIR DOWN AND WHAT?

"AND, YOU KNOW--"

I HAD TO TAKE SIMON ASIDE.

SO YOU'RE SAYINGDOUBLE "D" BREASTS

ARE ESSENTIAL FOR YOU?

- IT'S GOTTA BE--IT'S GOTTA BE SUBSTANTIAL.

- ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, WELL,STICK TO THE LIST THEN, FOR NOW.

- ALL RIGHT,I'LL STICK TO THE LIST.

- WHOOP.

FROM DOING THIS SHOW,

ONE OF THE MOST COMMON QUESTIONSI GET IS,

"HOW DO YOU COME UPWITH YOUR IDEAS?"

THE ANSWER IS SIMPLE--RESEARCH.

WHEN I WANT TO GET A SNEAK PEEKAT A BUSINESS,

I'LL OFTEN GO AHEAD OF TIMEIN DISGUISE.

THIS ALLOWS METO TAKE A QUICK LOOK

AT HOW THE PLACE IS RUN

AND HELPS ME COME UPWITH IDEAS.

BUT IF I WANT TO OBSERVEA BUSINESS

FOR A LONGER PERIOD OF TIMEWITHOUT AROUSING SUSPICION,

I'LL USE THE LIBRARIAN'S QUEST.

DESIGNED TO LOOK LIKEA BORING '80s ARCADE GAME,

THE BODY HAS BEENCOMPLETELY GUTTED OUT

AND REBUILT TO FIT A MANOF MY PROPORTIONS.

TO GET INSIDE THE BUSINESS,

I HAVE MY CREW SAYTHEY'RE A MOVING COMPANY

WHOSE TRUCK BROKE DOWN.

- HEY, DO YOU MIND

IF WE JUST KEEP THIS HEREFOR A FEW MINUTES?

OUR TRUCK BROKE DOWN.

- MORE OFTEN THAN NOT,STORE EMPLOYEES

WILL AGREE TO LET THEM LEAVETHE GAME,

ALLOWING METO SECRETLY OBSERVE

HOW THE BUSINESS IS RUNWHEN THEY THINK

NO ONE IS WATCHING.

BECAUSE I'M OFTEN IN THEREFOR LONG STRETCHES,

THE GAME'S POWER CORDIS CONVENIENTLY A STRAW,

WHICH ENABLES MY CREWTO DISCREETLY DROP OFF DRINKS

TO KEEP ME HYDRATED.

AND WITH AN EXORBITANT PRICEAND BORING MOVES,

I CAN ALSO FEEL SAFETHAT NO ONE WILL TRY TO PLAY IT.

THEN, WHEN I'VE SEEN ENOUGH,

MY CREW COMES BACKAND RETRIEVES ME.

- THANKS AGAIN.- OH, NO PROBLEM.

IN AN AREAWHERE BATHROOMS ARE SCARCE,

BILLY'S HAS AN OPPORTUNITYTO ATTRACT

A SLEW OF BATHROOM-GOERSTHAT CAN THEN BE CONVERTED

TO CUSTOMERS.

ONCE THEY USE THE BATHROOM,

THEN WE SELL THEMON EATING HERE.

- MM-HMM.

- YOU GUYS COULD BECOME

THE NEIGHBORHOOD TOILET.

- YEAH, I GUESSIT'S GOOD IDEA.

- AND WHERE BETTER TO MARKETTO THEM

THAN WHERE WE HAVE THEIRCOMPLETE, UNDIVIDED ATTENTION?

WE PUT TOGETHERA SHORT COMMERCIAL

FEATURING GLORIA,

AND ONCE IT WAS DONE,

I INSTALLEDMOTION-ACTIVATED MONITORS

IN EVERY BATHROOM STALLAND URINAL AT BILLY'S.

WITH THE AD IN PLACE,

IT WAS TIMETO START SPREADING THE WORD

THAT BILLY'S BATHROOMSWERE FOR EVERYONE.

THE WINDOW SIGNS WOULD WORKGREAT FOR PASSERS-BY,

BUT I ALSO WANTEDTO SPREAD AWARENESS

TO OTHER BUSINESSESIN THE AREA.

SO IF YOU HAVE ANY CUSTOMERSTHAT NEED TO USE THE BATHROOM,

YOU CAN SEND THEMTO BILLY'S DOWN THE BLOCK.

- OH, OKAY.

- NOW I WAS READYTO CONVINCE PEOPLE

WHO CAME FOR THE BATHROOM

TO STAY FOR THE FOOD.

HI, THERE.

ARE YOU HERETO USE THE BATHROOM?

OH, TO EAT? OKAY.- YEAH.

- ARE YOU HERETO USE THE BATHROOM?

HERE TO EAT.

THREE?- YES.

- FOR THE BATHROOMOR FOR A TABLE?

OKAY, UM, YEAH,SHE CAN HELP YOU.

AT FIRST, IT WAS LOOKINGLIKE MY SIGNS WEREN'T WORKING,

BUT THEN THE BATHROOM CROWDSTARTED TO ARRIVE.

HI.

FOR THE RESTROOM?- YEAH.

YES, IT'S RIGHT AT THE BACK.THANK YOU SO MUCH.

- OKAY.

- THEY WERE ABOUT TO SEEOUR COMMERCIAL,

AND I WANTED TO SHOW GLORIATHEIR REACTIONS.

SO IT'S NOT ENTIRELY LEGAL,

BUT WE SET UPA COUPLE HIDDEN CAMERAS

INSIDE THE BATHROOM.

I'LL JUST NEED TO GET PEOPLETO SIGN A RELEASE

CONSENTING TO THE USEOF THE FOOTAGE

ONCE THEY GET OUT,

WHICH I DON'T FORESEEBEING AN ISSUE.

- HELLO, HOW ARE YOU?

WELCOME TO BILLY'S.

PLEASE ENJOY THIS MESSAGE.

[upbeat rock music]- YOU MAY NOT BE A CUSTOMER,

BUT AT BILLY'S,YOU'RE STILL WELCOME

TO USE THE BATHROOM.

AND WHILE YOU'RE DOINGYOUR THING,

I'D LIKE TO TALK TO YOU A BITABOUT OUR THING--

MAKING DELICIOUS FOOD.

JUST LOOKAT THESE FINE DISHES.

YOU CAN ALMOST SMELLTHE QUALITY FOOD,

MADE FROM THE FINESTINGREDIENTS AVAILABLE,

LIKE OUR FAMOUSPASTRAMI SANDWICH,

FRESH COBB SALAD,

OR OUR RICH HOMEMADE CHILI.

MM-MM, LOOK AT THAT CHILI.

PEOPLE COMEFROM ALL OVER THE WORLD

TO EAT AT BILLY'S.

SO WHY NOT STICK AROUNDFOR A MINUTE?

YOU'LL BE GLAD YOU DID.

- BILLY'S DELI,YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD TOILET.

- NOW I NEEDED TO SEEIF THE COMMERCIAL

DID ITS JOB.

ARE YOU HUNGRY?

- UH, A LITTLE BIT.

- SO WE HAVE A FULL MENU.- YEAH.

- YOU CAN LOOK AT THAT.

ALSO, UH,WE NEED YOU TO SIGN, UH,

IF YOU WOULD,A-AN APPEARANCE RELEASE.

WE WERE FILMING YOUIN THE BATHROOM

WITH A HIDDEN CAMERA...- OH, REALLY?

- TO SHOWTHE CUSTOMER EXPERIENCE.

- WHICH PART OF MEWAS BEING FILMED?

- JUST YOUWATCHING THE VIDEO.

- OH, OKAY,BECAUSE I'M USING THE RESTROOM.

SO I'M WONDERINGWHAT PART OF IT--

- YEAH, YOUR PRIVATE PARTSWON'T BE SHOWN.

- OH, OKAY.

- YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD METHAT YOU GUYS

ARE GOING TO FILM.YOU DIDN'T.

NOW YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TODELETE THIS THING.

AND I DON'T CAREWHATEVER YOU WANT TO USE.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?

- THE IMPORTANT THING IS--I JUST WANT TO KNOW--

- THAT'S THE IMPORTANT THINGFOR ME.

- WHAT ARE YOU GONNA EATTODAY AT BILLY'S, BECAUSE--

- AND IT'S A--YOU'RE PLAYING

REALLY A DANGEROUS GAMERIGHT NOW.

- OKAY, I'M SORRY.

WE WERE FILMING YOU

WHILE YOU WERE USINGTHE BATHROOM.

- OH, OKAY.

- SO WE NEED TO, UH,GET YOU TO SIGN

THIS RELEASE SO WE CAN USETHE FOOTAGE

ON NATIONAL TELEVISION.

- OH.- IF THAT'S OKAY WITH YOU.

- SURE.- IS THAT OKAY?

- OKAY, YEAH, SURE.- OKAY, THANKS SO MUCH.

I MEAN, IT BASICALLY SAYSWE CAN DO ANYTHING WE WANT

WITH THE FOOTAGEAND USE IT FOR ANYTHING.

- OH, OKAY, RIGHT.- OKAY.

FOR THE MOST PART,

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