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The Bucket of Truth

  • 08/19/1998
  • Views: 8,513

The Upright Citizens Brigade's Bucket of Truth unleashes chaos in suburbia; Cassie befriends the Unibomber while her parents debate having a "hot chicks" room. (22:00)

STOP, STOP !

I HAVE A SPECIAL DELIVERYFOR SOMEONE SPECIAL.

OH, COOL MAN, IT'S PROBABLY MY NEW SKULL BONG

WITH BUILT-IN POLICE SCANNER.

THERE'S A BOMB IN THAT BOX !

ARRRRHHH !

OH GREAT, I GOT BONGWATER ALL OVER MY HOOD

AND YOU RUINED MY BOMB !

OH, GREAT.

ARRRHHHH !

NICE WORK, QUARTERBACK.

I GUESS DRUGS ARE OKAY AFTER ALL.

I WAS JUST BEING ALL HIGH, THAT'S ALL.

WE WON CAPTAIN LUNATIC.

THAT'S LU-NATIC,HALF-PINT !

HEY, YOU STILL SEEM SO SAD.

IS THERE SOMETHING I CAN DO TO CHEER YOU UP ?

SURE, CASSIE...

YOU CAN DANCE FOR ME.

DANCE FOR ME LIKE MY WIFE USED TO.

YOU'RE MESSED UP, MAN.

( disco music begins )

♪ indistinct lyrics mumbled ♪

( gunshot )

( Cassie )OW !

( screaming )

OH, YOU BASTARD !

YOU DIDN'T EVEN LET HERFINISH HER ROUTINE !

ALL RIGHT, I'LL LOOK IN YOUR DAMN BUCKET !

DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW THAT !

( ringing doorbell )

HI, I'M CASSIE MCMADDSEN AND I'M SELLING COOKIES.

WELL, I JUSTRAN OUT OF COOKIES.

MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME.

CAN I GET YOU SOME JUICE ?

I'LL HAVE SOME SPRITE WITH SOME SUGAR IN IT.

( man )THERE'S SOMETHING !

YOU KNOW, CASSIE, I WAS JUST THINKING TO MYSELF,

"WHAT IF THERE WERE MOUNTAINSMADE OUT OF ICE CREAM",

WOULDN'T THAT BE A WONDERFUL PLACE TO LIVE ?

YEAH, AND THEN THE MOUNTAINS WOULD MELT

AND WE'D HAVE ICE CREAM RIVERS.

OH, YOU'RE SCRUMPTIOUS.

"THE SINGLE OVERIDING GOAL

"MUST BE THE ELIMINATION OF MODERN TECHNOLOGY

"AND THAT NO OTHER GOAL CAN COMPETE WITH THIS ONE.

SINCERELY, THE UNABOMBER."

I THINK IT'S TOO WORDY.

I THOUGHT THEY CAUGHT THE UNABOMBER.

OH PLEASE, THAT BEARDED FREAK ?

LIKE I'D LIVE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WOODS

WHERE'S THOSE NODISCOS AROUND.

SO YOU'RE THE REAL UNABOMBER ?

WELL...

AWESOME !

I LIKE YOUR NAME.

LAST WEEK, WE HAD TONAME OUR TROOP

AND I WANT TO CALL US"THE HONEY BEES"

'CAUSE BEES ARE EXCELLENT WORKERS

PLUS THEY COMMAND RESPECT.

BUT KRISTEN WANTED TO CALL US "CHARLIE'S ANGELS".

BOO !

I KNOW, IT'S SO 70'S.

BUT SINCE HER MOM WAS THE TROOP LEADER,

WE HAD TO COMPROMISE AND CALL OURSELVES"THE HONEY ANGELS".

OH, CASSIE, YOU SHOULD GET RID OF HER.

YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO STICK UP FOR YOURSELF

BECAUSE NOBODY ELSEIS GOING TO.

ESPECIALLY DURING DODGE BALL.

CASSIE, YOU ARE SUCH A GO-GETTER,

THAT I'M GONNA ORDERSIX BOXES OF COOKIES FROM YOU,

IF FACT, LET'S MAKE IT SEVEN,

AND WE'LL SPLIT ONE RIGHT NOW.

AWESOME !

♪ ARE YOU SEEING WHAT I'M SEEING ? ♪

♪ OR DO YOU JUST PRETEND TO CARE ? ♪

♪ DO YOU LIVE WITHIN A MEMORY ♪

♪ OR ARE YOU REALLY THERE ? ♪

♪ MOMENTS AGO WE THOUGHTWE'RE STRANGERS. ♪

♪ NOW IT SEEMS WE'REBEST OF FRIENDS. ♪

♪ TALKING AND LAUGHING AND CARRYING ON ♪

♪ LIKE IT'S NEVER GONNA END. ♪

♪ WHAT'S SHE SEEING ?WHAT'S HE HIDING ? ♪

♪ I NEVER FELT THIS WAY BEFORE. ♪

♪ ARE YOU THINKING WHAT I'M THINKING ? ♪

♪ THAT SOMEONE WHO REALLY LIKES ME ♪

♪ JUST WALKED RIGHT IN THROUGH MY FRONT DOOR. ♪♪

AND ONCE, I MADE A RACE CAR OUT OF

AN EMPTY SPOOL OF THREAD AND POPSICLE STICKS.

ONCE I MADE A BOMB OUT OFVINEGAR, BAKING SODA,

AND ADIGITAL WATCH.

ONCE A I MADE A HAND PUPPET OUT OF

AN OLD SOCK AND MACARONIES.

ONCE I BLEW OFF A MAN'S HAND !

OH, CASSIE...

THE SUN'S OUT.

WE MUST HAVE DANCED AND PLAYED ALL NIGHT.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GO HOME.

YOUR PARENTS ARE GONNA WORRY ABOUT YOU.

WHAT IF YOU COME MEET MY PARENTS ?

WE'RE BUYING A NEW HOUSE

AND THERE ARE A LOT OF ROOMS TO PLAY IN.

OH, CASSIE, I'M SORRY BUT

BEING AN INTERNATIONALTERRORIST,

I MUST REMAINANONYMOUS AND UNDERGROUND.

I UNDERSTAND.

TAG, YOU'RE IT !

HEY, COME BACK HERE YOULITTLE BOOGER-BEAR !

COME BACK HERE YOU LITTLE SILLY-BILLY !

I'M GONNA GET YOU.

NO, YOU'RE NOT !

THE WINDOW YOU CAN SEE

YOUR BACKYARD IS FILLED WITH WEEPING WILLOWS.

TIGER WILL LOVE THAT.

WE OWN A STANDARD POODLE.

OH, WONDERFUL.

AND IF YOU LOOK ACROSS THE STREET,

YOU CAN SEE YOUR NEIGHBORS,THE WACKERMANS,

THEY LIVE IN THAT SMALLER HOME.

TIGER WON'T LIKE THAT.

NO, HE HATES POOR PEOPLE.

WONDERFUL.

YOU LOOK INTO THE LAUNDRY ROOM,

IT HAS EIGHT HIGH-SPEED DRYERS.

( man whistles )

THIS IS THE HOT CHICKS ROOM.

( dance music playing )

BREAKFAST PATIO'S OVER THIS WAY.

EXCUSE ME, WHAT WAS THAT ROOM, AGAIN ?

OH, THIS IS THE HOT CHICKS ROOM.

( yelling over music )IT'S FILLED WITH ASSORTED HOT CHICKS

WHO PARTY IN HERE24-HOURS-A-DAY.

YOU'D BE INTERESTED IN THE KITCHEN.

OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT ?

WE'RE NOT GONNA NEED A SEXY CHICKS ROOM.

ACTUALLY, IT'S A HOT CHICKS ROOM.

WELL, WHATEVER IT IS,

WE DON'T WANT IT.

SHARNA, YOU SAID THE SAMETHING ABOUT THE MICROWAVE

AND WE USE THAT DERN THING ALL THE TIME.

HOT CHICKS' ROOM, HUH ?

YES, THE PREVIOUS OWNERINSTALLED IT IN THE EARLY 80'S

AND I'LL BE HONEST WITH YOU,

A LOT OF THE CHICKS ARE NOT THAT HOT ANYMORE,

BUT THEY AREREPLACEABLE.

WE HAVEA CHILD.

HONEY, I DON'T WANT CASSIE

WANDERING IN THE HOT CHICKS' ROOM,UNSUPERVISED.

AND SPEAKING OF CASSIE,WHERE'D SHE RUN OFF TO ?

I'M GETTING REALLY WORRIED.

YEAH, YEAH... WHAT ARE THE DIMENSIONS

OF THAT HOTCHICKS' ROOM ?

HONEY !

WELL, IT'S HARD TO TELL THE ROOM'S SIZE

WITH ALL THE MIRRORS INVOLVED.

BUT I CAN PROMISE YOU

IT FITS A WHOLE LOT OF HOT CHICKS.

HONEY, I'M JUST GONNA GO CHECK FOR OUTLETS.

( music playing )

HI, YEAH !

SO...YOU HAVE CHILDREN ?

YEAH, WE HAVE A DAUGHTER, CASSIE.

AND SHE SHOULD BE BACK BY NOW.

WONDERFUL, MY PARENTS HAD CHILDREN AS WELL.

I'M GONNA SEE IF YOUR HUSBAND'S FOUND AN OUTLET YET.

( music playing )

HEYYYYY !

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