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Bobby McFerrin vs. Michael Winslow

Jordan and Keegan debate who is blacker, and Bobby McFerrin duels Michael Winslow. (21:15)

SO GLAD WE COULD BRING THISPROJECT TO THIS NEIGHBORHOOD.

- IT'S SO RICHIN HISTORY.

- I GREW UP IN A NEIGHBORHOODLIKE THIS.

- OH, YEAH, I GREW UPIN A NEIGHBORHOOD

EXACTLY LIKE THIS.

- ALL RIGHT,WELCOME TO MAMA SUGARBACK'S.

Y'ALL READY TO ORDER?- YEAH.

CAN I HAVE A CHICKEN FRIED STEAKWITH GRAVY AND A COLA?

- OKAY.

- I WILL HAVE THE BAKED BEEFSHORT RIBS WITH COLLARD GREENS,

AND THROW DOWNSOME OF THAT CORNBREAD.

- ALL RIGHT, BABE.

- YOU KNOW WHAT?HOLD UP A SECOND.

I'M ALSO GONNA HAVESOME OF THEM

COLLARD GREENS AND CORNBREADAS WELL,

BUT HOOK A BROTHER UPWITH SOME OF THEM HOT LINKS.

- ALL RIGHT.- ALL RIGHT.

- [chuckles] YOU KNOW WHAT?WHY AM I TRYING TO FRONT?

SCRATCH ALL THAT.

GIVE ME SOME OKRAAND SOME FRIED RED SNAPPER.

AND GIRL, YOU KNOW I WANTSOME CHITLINS.

- ALL RIGHT NOW.

- Y'ALL GOT HAM HOCKS?

- OF COURSE.- WELL, THAT'S WHAT I WANT.

I WANT A PLATE OF HAM HOCKS,DEEP-FRIED, BLACKENED,

AND SERVED ON A BEDOF MUSTARD GREENS.

- PIG FEET.

I WANT SOME PIG FEETAND FOUR POUNDS OF GRITS.

AND OH, OH!AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE?

GIVE ME A LITTLE DIXIE CUPFULL OF LARD, ALL RIGHT?

- I JUST REMEMBERED WHAT I WANT.A BOWL OF MOSQUITOES.

NONE OF THEM TINY ONES EITHER,GIVE ME THEM BIG MOTHER[bleep]

YOU FINDDOWN AT THE SWAMPS.

- SISTER, COULD YOU PLEASEHOOK A BROTHER UP

WITH A RUSTY BUCKETFULL OF FISH HEADS

WRAPPED IN RAZOR WIRE?

- DONKEY TEETH.- DONKEY TEETH?

- STRAIGHT OUTA DONKEY'S MOUTH.

YOU KNOW WHAT? [bleep] IT.ANY ANIMAL TOOTH WILL DO.

I WANT YOU TO STICK ITIN SOME HONEY GLAZE,

FRY IT WITH FAT BACK,

AND SERVE ITIN AN OLD TIN COFFEE CAN.

- FORGET EVERYTHING I SAIDUP TO THIS POINT RIGHT NOW.

BRING ME SOME DANDELION GREENS,A COW HIP, AND A DOG FACE.

WRAP THAT WHOLE MESSIN AN OLD EBONY MAGAZINE,

AND SERVE IT TO MEIN A SHOEBOX.

- OKAY, I WANT A PLATTEROF STORK ANKLES,

AN OLD CELLAR DOOR,A POSSUM SPINE,

AND A HUMAN FOOT.

- YOU WANT A HUMAN FOOT?

- MM-HMM.

- I GOT JUST ONE QUESTIONFOR Y'ALL.

- YOU WANT GRAVYON THAT CELLAR DOOR?

- OH, DEFINITELY.

- OH, YEAH, YEAH.YOU GOTTA PUT GRAVY ON THAT.

- WHAT'S A CELLAR DOORWITHOUT GRAVY?

- IT'S NOT FOOD.

- MMM.

- IT'S REALLY--[chokes]

- UGH.

UGH, MAN I REALLY HAD TO GET OUTOF THE HOUSE.

- I WAS GLAD YOU CAME OUT.- I APPRECIATE IT FOR REAL.

- LOOK HERE,YOU CHECK THIS GIRL OUT, MAN.

SHE IS FINE.

- SHE AIGHT.- REALLY?

- HEY, MAN, I AM GOING TO GOTO THE BATHROOM.

- OKAY, MAN.SEE YOU IN A BIT.

- YOU KNOW WHAT?

I TOLD MYSELF THIS MORNINGI WASN'T GONNA FALL IN LOVE.

YOU WENT AND MADE ME BREAKMY ONLY RULE.

I'M GONNA TAKE THATRIGHT QUICK--

I AM GOING TO TAKE THAT.I'M GOING TO USE THAT.

OKAY.[chuckles]

- OH, HEY, WHAT'S UP, MAN?YOU JUST GOT HER NUMBER, HUH?

- YEAH, CHEYENNE.- OH, IS THAT HER NAME?

- YEAH, SHE WAS FLY-Y.

- THAT'S THE GIRLI WAS TALKING ABOUT.

- OH, SNAP. ARE YOU SERIOUS?- YEAH, DUDE.

- OH, I'M SORRY.- IT AIN'T NO THING, MAN.

FORGET IT.THERE'S PLENTY OF HOTTIES HERE.

- I JUST THOUGHT YOUWERE TALKING ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE.

- CHECK HER OUT.

[mouths words]

- I'M NOT A SPORTS MAN,BUT...

THINK ME AND YOUCOULD TOUCH DOWN LATER,

IF YOU KNOWWHAT I'M SAYING.

[chuckles] AM I BEING STUPID?BUT FOR REAL THOUGH.

JUST GIVE ME YOUR NUMBER,WHATEVER.

THANK YOU, GIRL.I'MA TAKE THAT FROM YOU.

- HOW DID YOU GETOVER HERE SO FAST?

- HUH?

- NOTHING.IT JUST SEEMED LIKE YOU--

- OH, DAMN.THAT REPORTER IS SMOKIN' HOT.

WHAT THE [bleep]?

[ominous music]

NO.

NO!

NO!

[chuckles madly]

HUH?YEAH.

NO.NO!

- HEY, BABY.- HOW ARE YOU--

ARE YOU DOING THAT?- HONEY, WHAT'S WRONG?

- OH, BABY, I LOVE YOU.

I'M SORRY.

I WAS OUT, I WAS LOOKINGAT OTHER WOMEN TONIGHT.

BUT YOU ARE ALL THERE IS.

ALL RIGHT,I LOVE YOU.

- WHEN SHE DOES TALK,LIKE, YOU'RE LISTENING.

, OH, MY GOD.LAST TIME, I WAS LIKE,

"WHO ARE YOU?YOU'RE BRILLIANT."

- I KNOW.- [gasps] OH, MY GOD!

- [gasps]OH, MY GOD.

both: OH, MY GOD!- AMY, LOOK AT THAT ONE!

- OH, MEGAN!- HE IS SO CUTE.

- THAT ISTHE CUTEST F-ING PUPPY

I'VE EVER SEENIN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

- OH, MY GOD,I'M JUST GONNA TAKE HIM,

AND I JUST WANNA BITEHIS LITTLE EARS OFF.

- I JUST WANNA TAKEHIS LITTLE LEGS,

AND I COULD SNACK ON 'EMLIKE CHICKEN DRUMETTES.

- YEAH, I JUST WANNA TAKEHIS FUZZY LITTLE PERFECT HEAD.

I WANNA PUT IT IN MY MOUTHAND SQUEEZE DOWN ON IT HARD

UNTIL I HAVE A PUPPY FACEDIAMOND IN MY MOUTH.

- MM, I FEEL LIKE I HAVETO WRAP HIS FACE IN A TOWEL

AND THEN BEAT ITWITH A TIRE IRON.

- I'M GOING TO BUY THAT DOG,I'M GOING DRIVE HIM TO THE VET,

AND I'M GOING TO HAVE HIMPUT DOWN IMMEDIATELY.

- [gasps]OH, MY GOD.

YOU WHAT I'M GONNA HAVE TO DO?- WHAT?

- I'M GONNA HAVE TO TAKETHAT SCRUFFY LITTLE NOSE...

- YES.- AND JUST KICK IT.

I JUST HAVE TO--- YES.

- I WOULD KICK ITUNTIL IT COMES UP ON MY SHOES

LIKE LITTLE PUPPYSNOUT SLIPPERS.

AND THEN I'M GONNA GOTO A PARTY AND EVERYONE'S LIKE,

"OH, MY GOD, WHERE'D YOUGET THOSE SLIPPERS?"

I'LL BE LIKE, "THESE AREMY FACE SLIPPERS

FROM MY ADORABLE,DUMB LITTLE PUPPY."

- THAT'S EXACTLY WHATI WAS GOING TO SAY!

- ESP!

- OH, MY GOD, I JUST WANNATAKE HIS HEAD.

I WANNA PEEL THE SKINOFF OF HIS SKULL.

- I KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOING.

- I WANNA JUST START THROWING ITUP LIKE PIZZA DOUGH.

UNTIL IT'S LONG, FLAT,AND ROUND.

I WANNA TAKE IT TO A PICNIC ANDTOSS IT AROUND LIKE A FRISBEE

AT A PUPPY-FACE-FRISBEEPICNIC!

- LET'S GET HIM!- YEAH!

- SO CUTE.- SO CUTE.

OH, MY GOD,IS IT ME,

OR IS IT LIKE TOTALLYMOSQUITO-Y OUT HERE?

- OH, MY GOD,REMEMBER THIS ONE?

HE WAS SO CUTE.- SO CUTE.

[scatting]

[scattered applause]

- AND NOW,LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

THE MAN YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR,MR. MICHAEL WINSLOW!

- GO GET 'EM, WINSLOW.[cheers and applause]

BRING THE NOISE!BRING THE NOISE.

ANOTHER SOLD-OUT NIGHTWITH THE KINGS OF MOUTH NOISE.

I TELL YOU THOUGH,

WE WOULDN'T HAVE THIS AUDIENCEWITHOUT WINSLOW.

LUCKY FOR YOU, HUH?

THOSE POLICE ACADEMY FANS.

LOOK AT ALL THE T-SHIRTS.

SIX SEQUELS.CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

EVERY SOUND EFFECTTHIS GUY MAKES

IS LIKE A LITTLE, TINY MONA LISA POPPING OUT OF HIS MOUTH.

HAVE YOU EVER HEARD HIM DO

THE WALKINGTHROUGH THE LEAVES

IN THE FALLWHILE EATING AN APPLE--

[applause]

- [takes a deep breath]

[grunts]

[imitates squishing]

[imitates wiping]

[imitates squishing]

[imitates wiping]

[imitates squishing, wiping]

[imitates drinking]

[gulp]

- [scatting]

- [imitates wiping]

- [imitates whirring]

- [imitates whip]

- [squeals]

[scatting]

WHEW!

[vocalizing dramatic music]

WHEW!

- SHING.

TING, TING, TING.- [continues vocalizing]

- TING, TING, TING.

- [vocalizing]

- SHING!- [vocalizing]

- SHING!

[clicking]- WHAP!

- [imitates wobbling]

PA-CHHH!

- [vocalizing]- CHH!

- [vocalizing]

[imitates swiping, gibbering]

- [imitates swiping]- [gibbering]

- [imitates swiping]

- [imitates gun clicking,gunshot]

[blows]

- [panting]

- [imitates heartbeat]

[imitating beeping]

- [scatting]

- [imitating beeping]

[imitates flat line]

[imitating sirens]

- ALL RIGHT, SO ONE OF THE WORSTPLACES TO BE A BLACK MAN...

- YES?

- IS AT A PARTY WHERE THERE'SONLY WHITE PEOPLE THERE.

- OH, YEAH.

IT'S JUST WAY TO MUCH PRESSURETO PROVIDE ALL OF THE FUN.

- YES!

OH, YOU CAN'T--- WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE.

- YOU CANNOT CROSSTHE DANCE FLOOR AT ALL.

IF I NEED A DRINKAT ONE OF THESE PARTIES,

I WILL GO AROUND THE PERIMETEROF THE PARTY.

'CAUSE YOU KNOWIF YOU GO THROUGH THIS,

YOU WILL HAVE A GROUPOF WHITE PEOPLE AROUND YOU

TALKING ABOUT, "GO, JORDAN!GO, JORDAN! GO, JORDAN!"

- THAT'S TRUE.

AND THAT USED TO HAPPEN TO ME

ALL THE TIMEWHEN I WAS IN SCHOOL.

I NEVER EVEN NOTICED UNTIL ONEOF MY FRIENDS--A WHITE FRIEND--

I WAS, LIKE, 40 MINUTES LATEFOR A PARTY ONE TIME.

AND I SHOW UP,I COME IN THE FRONT DOOR,

MY FRIEND'S LIKE,"OH, MY GOD,

THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE."

THERE WAS, LIKE, A GROUPOF WHITE PEOPLE SITTING AROUND

FOR 40 MINUTES WAITINGFOR THE BLACK GUY TO SHOW UP.