[dramatic music playing]
Hermes: Planet Express Delivery Company roll call:
Captain Turanga Leela.
Delivery Boy First Class Philip J. Fry.
Assistant Manager of Sales, Bender Bending Rodriquez.
Cerveza, por favor.
Long-Term Intern Amy Wong.
Company Physician Dr. John A. Zoidberg.
Oh, I thought it was mine.
Bureaucrat grade 34 Hermes Conrad...
Is who I am.
And now I am proud to present
the owner and founderof Planet Express,
Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth.
You're all fired.
[all gasping]Sweet Bongo of the Congo!
In fact,you were fired two years ago.
That's when we were shut downby the delivery network.
Yes, I'm afraid the brainless drones who run the network
canceled our license.
We were canceled?
Oh, it's terrible,just terrible.
Well, clear out your desksand move along.
Good news, everyone!
Those asinine moronswho canceled us
were themselves firedfor incompetence.
[whooping and cheering]
And not just fired but beatenup too and pretty badly.
In fact, most of them diedfrom their injuries.
[nervous muttering,clearing throats]
And then they were ground upinto a fine pink powder.
Oh, it's gota million and one uses.
Ah, that soothes the fire.
So what does this mean for usand our many fans?
It means we're back on the air!
Yes, flying on the airin our mighty spaceship.
[whooping and cheering]
We're back, baby!
[all chanting]Go, go, go!
Lower, lawn mower!
What's the matter, robot,you got a rod up your spine?
Yes, I do.
That's how I'm built.
[cheering]Way to bend it!
You're the greatest,Bender!
we got ten-story officebuildings lower than that.
Let's see you beat it,Rasta man.
Let's make it interesting.
Fetch down one of them sabers.
That would go goodup my spine.
[steel drum versionof Sabre Dance playing]
The fat guy wins!
Go, Hermes! [cheering]
That's why they call me11-inch Conrad.
[all gasping]Scruffy:Oh, no.
[crashing, music stops]
Can you save Hermes,Dr. Goodensexy?
I told you my nameis Dr. Cahill.
Figures I'd get mangled whilethe blonde bimbo's on duty.
I'm a doctor, sir.
The mere fact that I'm blondeand have a breathy voice,
full sensual lips,and a steaming-hot body
doesn't make me a bimbo.
Tell me about it.
I think we've all learneda thing or two
about sexual stereotypes,
while my head's slowly dying
'cause I'm not in a jar yet,you bimbo!
Lars, got another jar job.
Oh, sorry, Doctor.
I was disinfectingCourtney Love--
What are you looking at?
Is it the eye?
Guilty as charged.
It's a nice-looking eye,and there's plenty of it.
Do I know you?
Hi. I'm Lars.
Nice to meet you.Nice to be met.
Pick up ladies on your own time,you shiny-headed goat.
Sir, you're justa little enraged
'cause you're dying.
Up and away.
Lars is soflirting with you.
He is so not.
He's just being polite.
Who does he think he is,being polite to you?
You want me to beat him up?
Stop beingso immature.
I'll show her who's immature.
Charles "D. Gowel"?
Never heard of you.
[in French accent]I freed Francefrom the Nazis and..
Fry: [in French accent]Hey, Leela.
I'm some French guy.
Rock thatFrenchman, baby!
Oh, my poor little love pirateof the Caribbean.
There, there, wife.
Everythingwill be all--
Okay, look, Hermes,we got to think of the boy.
He needs a daddy.
He has a daddy.
No, he got two half-daddies.
Will his body be all right?
Yes, but it maytake a few days.
Nuh-uh,not soon enough.
Come, Dwight, let's find youa handsome new father.
It's okay, Hermes.
We're all here for you.
Good news, everyone.
We've got a deliveryto the Nude Beach Planet.
So long, jerk.
male announcer: Futuramais brought to you
by Torgo'sExecutive Powder.
Only Torgo's packs the power
of five highly paidtelevision executives
into every canfor maximum odor absorption.
♪ When your toilet smellslike feces ♪
♪ From some disgusting species ♪
♪ Make it take a powderwith Torgo's ♪
Ah, it feels greatto be back at the wheel
after two long years.
Uh, that's notthe wheel.
Leela: It's nice out.
[waves gently splashing]
"You must beat least this naked"?
How much nakeder could you be?
Watch and learn.
[making silly sounds]
[waves gently splashing]
You know, it's funny.
Well, I'm goingin the water
to prune up a bitbefore I strut.
Who's with me?
I'm in.Okay, I'll go.
You guys go ahead.
I got to find the bartender
and deliver this boxof barstool softener.
Here's your package, sir.
Why are you talkingto my penis?
Oh, sorry.Sign here.
Mind if I use your pen?
Well, that's not a--
And initial here.
Thank you for usingPlanet Express.
Hey, Fry, I didn't know
you had a tattooof Bender on your ass.
You got a tattooof me?
Neat. It's like lookingin a smelly mirror.
So he's got a little ink.
Ah, sweet photons.
I don't know if you're wavesor particles,
but you go down smooth.
Sir, would you careto sign our petition?
Eh, I support and opposemany things
but not strongly enoughto pick up a pen.
That's just what the guys
who oppose the thingsyou support want you to do.
Down with those guys!
And, uh, we'll, uh,
need your email address.
Hmm. They say you shouldn'tgive out your email address.
Right. That's just whatthose same guys say.
I don't quite understandwhat this petition is about.
And, uh, youremail address.
You won't send me any spam,will you?
Oh, no, no, no, no.
You've got spam.
Spam, spam, junk.
[gasps]"Hi. How are you?"
Ooh, that must be from Kiffy.
Hi, how are you?
Low, low prices onerectile dysfunction remedies,
sleeping pills,old-person drugs,
Hmm. Well, I certainlydon't want to get depressed.
man: Please entercredit card number.
Is cash okay?
Get rich watching porn?
Huh. I find thatrather hard to believe.
"Warning! Perform virus scan?"
[blows raspberries] I'm waiting for porn over here.
Ooh, yeah, come on, baby.
[makes woozy noise]
His Majesty Prince AdisarakiO Zoidberg of Nigeria died.
When willthose antidepressants get here?
Wait, there's more.
Once I wiresome good-faith money
to an overseas bank account,
I'll inherit his kingdom, hiscanoe, and his plump young wife.
Hermes: You dumb stumps.
Don't you realizeyou're being scammed?
That is low, Hermes.
Just because you don't havea body,
you don't want anyone elseto be prince of Nigeria.
Well, try and stop mefrom wiring that money.
What's going on here?
According to my illegalkeylogging software,
you've all been giving outpersonal information
over the internet.
If Hermes were here,he'd fire you all.
I am here.
In his absence,
I'm calling a mandatorycompany security seminar.
To the mandatorium!
Now, it's not hard to spota phony internet come-on.
"Get rich quick x7q"?
"Lose w8 with space parasites"?
I've wonthe Spanish National Lottery?
No, it's a scam!
My goodness, I'm rich!
And to think I didn't even knowI had a ticket.
I just need to wire some collateral
to collect the winnings.
You're giving awaypersonal information.
I can afford to give awayanything I want.
I've wonthe Spanish National Lottery.
Stop!It's a scam!
Why won't anybodylisten to me?
And my mother's maiden nameand her bank account numbers
[dings]I'm rich. Rich.
That must bemy $400 now.
Or should I say Buenos dias?
Hi. We own your company now.
[oscillating tone] Hmm, guess I was wrong.
There was a robotstupid enough
to downloadthe obedience virus.
I sure was.
Make a hole, chumps.
Presentingour new masters.
Where shall I put theseauto-dialers, kind master?
Between the password crankand the spamjaculator.
We've got a whole planetto scam.
And bring mesome more Gummi Fungus.
We don't haveto stand here
and take abusefrom a gross nerd.
[Bender and Leela grunt]
Now get back to work,you turkeys!
Planet Expressis still in business.
We've got craploadsof "merchandise" to deliver.
Ship 'em out,Your Highness.
I feela little better.
sure scammed us, huh?
How can you just sit therekissing the aliens' buttflaps?
Don't you realize you aretotally under their control?
Of course I realize it.
Does that meanI can't enjoy it?
Boy, were we suckers.
It's handsome Larsand his fabulous jars.
Hello, everyonewho isn't Leela.
And a special helloto everyone else.
Shut your lockersand get to class.
How's my body doing?
Oh, I'm afraidit's behind schedule.
The museum got trickedinto giving all its funding
to something calledthe Scamming Sciences Institute.
It's a fake place.
No! That body's the cornerstoneof my marriage.
What's LeBarbara going to do?
She's gonna go backto her first husband.
I love that guy.
Hermes: Everybody loves Slim.
He's the only manto ever win Olympic gold medals
in both limbo and sex.
Well, maybe I should get going.
Yes, I'll show you out.
No, Leela willshow him out.
No, Leela willshow you out.
So, uh,your friend Fry seems nice.
Are you and he dating?Nope.
Good, because I wasmaybe thinking
of asking you outfor dinner.
I'll start maybe thinkingabout saying, "Sure, when?"
Let me maybe give itsome thought.
[both chuckle shyly]
Tomorrow at 8:00?Okay.
It's no fair.
I've loved Leela since theday I came to the future.
Did I show you the macaroniValentine I made for her?
Look at it again.
I know she thinksI'm immature,
but someday I won't be,
and deep down in my heart,I know we'll end up together.
It's all therein the macaroni.
Lars askedme out.
What are you doing,wonderful masters?
Sprunjing for information.
Hmm, there's something here.
I can sprunje it.
Robot, tear it open!
Goody, goody,goody, goody, goody.
[sniffs deeply,moans pleasurably]
What's that thingon your neck?
Checking outmy sprunjer, huh?
What does it do?
It's a special sense organour species possesses.
It engorgesin the presence of...
All I have is a gland
that gives off foul odorswhen I'm bored.
Hey, look, a safe!
That's my safe.
I call keep-offsies.
No callsies!Open it!
It's a gold mine:
tax forms,Social Security cards.
Combination hair, blood,and stool samples.
[all moaning pleasurably]
I don't get it.How can you say Lars
is more mature than me? Well...
for one thing, his checkbookdoesn't have The Hulk on it.
Who are you?
Philip J. Fry.
Social Securitynumber 0328-0810?
I've never detectedso much information before.
I think it may bea level 87 code.
Can it be?
I thought it wasonly a legend,
but the sprunjernever lies.
[grunting]It's in his pants.
What the hellare you talking about?
[all sniffing excitedly]
I'm science-ingas fast as I can.
What do you say, folks,hot or not?
You, Boogerbot, read the code,or I'll shoot this guy.
Who the hell is he?
I'm Scruffythe janitor.
Hang on, Scruffy.
"Zero, zero, one, one,zero, zero, zero,
"one, zero, zero, one, zero,zero, one, one, one, one, zero,
"one, zero, zero, zero, zero,one, one, zero, one, one, zero,
one, one, one,zero, zero, one, one."
A time sphere.
Naked brothers,we have sprunjed
upon the universal machinelanguage time code--
the key to time travel!
What's the secret of timetravel doing on Fry's ass?
It was boundto be somewhere.
Beyond this shimmeringportal lie
all the gloriesof history.
And we cansteal them.
We just go to thepast and take stuff
with oursuperior weapons.
Stop, you fools.
[gasps and shocked reactions]
Nibbler, y-you can talk?
I can do morethan talk.
I can pontificate.
You must not usethe Code of Codes.
With each and every use,
you risk tearingthe universe asunder.
The poodle-monkeymay be right.
The legend warns that the codeis powerful and dangerous.
We'd better use itonly three or four times,
But even a single usecould shatter the universe.
Got it.Two or three times.
I see I have no choice.
[Amy and Leela gasping]
And the pitch...
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Alas, our kitten-classattack ships
were no matchfor their mighty chairs.
The universe is doomed.
Can I pull upmy pants now?