I'm doing it. I'm living the dream!
I'm going to be a Jewish wife.You know?
And I am gonna takehis last name, okay?
And that's not becauseI'm traditional,
and I'm like, "I want youto know I belong to him."
No. No, no, no, no, no.
I'm taking his last namebecause when I do,
I will be: Naomi Beckerman.
That is the Jewiest!
I am, like, loving it!
I'm living for the first tenseconds of meeting someone,
you know, and them being, like,"You're... Mrs. Beckerman?"
And I'm like,
I'm owning it!
I am owning it!
I'm like,"Yes, I'm Mrs. Beckerman,
and yes, I made that Kugel."
You know?I'm gonna do it.
And Jewboo, though,he was like, he was like,
"Naomi, don't take my last namefor a bit!"
And I was like, "Um,you knew what this was, okay?"
I love it.I love it.
Okay? I watch so many of theseprocedurals, I am telling you,
guys, I'm a damn detectiveat this point.
I am-- I done clockedmy 10,000 hours.
And I know how to crack a case.
And I have to tell you,all these shows--
every single one of 'em--they all start the same way,
okay? It's abouta white woman in peril.
Every single time. And soI just want to take a moment,
while I have so manywhite women here,
I want to give you guysa little tidbit, okay? Okay?
This is some information
based off of yearsof watching procedurals, okay?
This is for all you Megans,Sarahs and Lindseys out there.
Are you ready,Megan, Sarah, Lindsey?
Are you ready?All right, sister.
Only one thing you got to doif you want to live,
okay, white women?
You got to stop with the jogging
at dawn and dusk!