Nathan For You
Season 1

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Haunted House/The Hunk

  • Season 1, Ep 5
  • 03/28/2013
  • Views: 0

Nathan tries to get a haunted house deemed "too scary" and overcomes his fear of the opposite sex by creating a fake reality show. (21:14)

- WHEN YOU LOOK AT ME,YOU PROBABLY SEE A GUY

WHO HAS IT ALL.

BUT REALLY, THERE'S A LARGEPART OF ME THAT'S IMMATURE

AND UNDER-DEVELOPED.

ESPECIALLY WHENIT COMES TO WOMEN.

EVERY GIRL I LIKED GROWING UPREJECTED ME.

AND BECAUSE OF THAT,I'VE GROWN INTO A MAN

WHO'S CHRONICALLYNERVOUS AROUND WOMEN.

I'M AN EMOTIONAL MIDGET.

NOW, IF SOMEONE CAME TO MEWITH THIS PROBLEM,

I'D SUGGEST IMMERSION THERAPY,WHERE YOU OVERWHELM YOURSELF

WITH YOUR FEAR IN ORDERTO OVERCOME IT.

SO TONIGHT,TO INSPIRE YOU,

I'M GOING TO ATTEMPT TO OVERCOMEMY FEAR OF THE OPPOSITE SEX

BY DATING NOT ONE,BUT TEN WOMEN AT THE SAME TIME.

WISH ME LUCK.

I NEEDED TO GET TEN WOMENTO AGREE TO DATE ME,

SO I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE EASYTO START WITH SOMEONE

I WORK WITH.

SO...

YOU KNOW HOW I'M DOINGTHE THING ON THE SHOW

WHERE I'M DATING, LIKE,TEN WOMEN AT THE SAME TIME?

- YEAH.

- ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIPRIGHT NOW?

- YES.- OKAY.

- UM...

- SO--SORRY, NEVER MIND.I WAS STUPID TO ASK.

IT DIDN'T WORK,AND I KNEW FROM EXPERIENCE

THAT WOMEN JUST WOULDN'TSTOP AND TALK TO ME

WITHOUT AN EXCUSE.

SO I FOUND ONE.

EXCUSE ME, WOULD YOULIKE TO TRY OUR NEW

BLUEBERRY-RASPBERRY SMOOTHIE?

COME ON, JUST ONE?

WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRYONE OF OUR NEW

RASPBERRY-BLUEBERRY SMOOTHIES?

UH, I'M JUSTKIDDING, ACTUALLY.

I DON'T WORK HERE.MY NAME'S NATHAN.

I'M JUST DOING THISAS A WAY TO BREAK THE ICE

AND SHOW MY PERSONALITY.

- OH.

- I'M JUST TRYINGTO MEET PEOPLE AND--

NO.

I'M JUST DRINKINGMY OWN SMOOTHIE

THAT I BOUGHT FROM HERE.

BUT I LIKE DRINKING MY SMOOTHIEOUT OF LITTLE CUPS ON A TRAY.

THAT'S HOW I LIKETO DRINK MY SMOOTHIE.

OKAY, WELL I THINK I'M ALLOWEDTO DRINK MY SMOOTHIE

WHEREVER I WANT.

- YOU NEED TO MOVE THIS.

- HEY!- YOU NEED TO MOVE THIS.

- YOU CANNOT TOUCH MY TRAY,THAT IS CRAZY.

THE SMOOTHIE THINGWAS TOO GIMMICKY ANYWAYS,

AND IT FELT THE SAME WAYWHEN I USED A CUTE DOG.

DO YOU LIKE MY DOG?- YEAH.

- SAY HI.- HI.

- BUT JUST WHENI WAS READY TO QUIT,

IT HIT ME.

I HAD A MAJOR GIRL MAGNETAT MY DISPOSAL

THAT I WAS TOTALLY IGNORING.

A TELEVISION CREW.

IT WAS A CRAZY IDEA,BUT MAYBE WOMEN WOULD DATE ME

JUST FOR THE OPPORTUNITYTO BE ON TV.

I HAD MY SOLUTION.

I WAS GOING TO CREATEA FAKE REALITY SHOW

IN WHICH TEN WOMEN WOULD VIEFOR THE HEART OF ONE MAN.

ME.

IT WOULD BE CALLED THE HUNK.

IT TOOK WEEKS TO PREPAREAS WE SORTED THROUGH

THE COUNTLESS SUBMISSIONSFROM WOMEN TO MY ONLINE AD.

OH, I LIKE HER.

BUT PRETTY SOON WE SELECTEDTHE TEN WOMEN I WOULD NEED,

HIRED A HOST,AND RENTED A MANSION.

NO ONE KNEW MY SHOWWAS FAKE, NOT EVEN THE HOST.

AND IT WASABOUT TO BEGIN.

- I'M ANTHONY NAPOLI.

TONIGHT, TEN WOMENWILL GATHER IN THIS HOUSE

TO VIE FOR THE HEARTOF ONE MAN.

WILL THEY FIND LOVE?WILL THEY FIND THEIR SOUL MATE?

I'M ANTHONY NAPOLI.THIS IS THE HUNK.

[romantic music]

- HI.- YOU READY, NATHAN?

- UH, YEAH.YEAH, I THINK SO.

- A LITTLE BIT NERVOUS?- UM, KINDA, YEAH.

- WELL, IT'S TIMETO MEET THE WOMEN.

- WHERE--WHATARE YOU GONNA DO?

- I'M GONNA STAND HERE,AND I'M GONNA INTRODUCE YOU

TO ALL THE WOMEN.

- COULD YOU MAYBE,UM, BE INSIDE FOR THAT?

- I'LL HAVE--

- JUST BECAUSE YOU'REVERY HANDSOME COMPARED TO ME.

- I UNDERSTAND THAT, NATHAN--- COULD YOU BE INSIDE?

- I'LL HAVE TO BE HERE.

- IF YOU'RE NEXT TO ME,

THEY'RE GONNALOVE YOU MORE THAN--

- NATHAN, YOU'RE THE HUNK,I'M THE HOST.

- WOMEN MUST LOVE YOU, RIGHT?- EH...

- YES?- I GUESS THEY DO.

- HOW MANY WOMENHAVE YOU SLEPT WITH?

- EH...

NOT THAT MANY.

- HAVE YOU EVER HAD A THREESOME?- I HAVE, YES.

- OKAY, SO--YEAH,GO INSIDE, PLEASE.

- WOULD YOU--YOU WOULDLIKE ME TO STEP INSIDE?

- YEAH. YOU CAN'TBE OUT HERE AT ALL.

- NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.- OKAY, CAN YOU GO INSIDE?

- SURE.- OKAY. THANK YOU.

I REALIZED TOO LATETHAT HIRING A HANDSOME HOST

WAS A BAD IDEA.

BUT EVEN WITH TONY IN THE HOUSE,WHEN THE WOMEN ARRIVED,

WHY THEY WERE HERE.

WE WERE BOTHGETTING WHAT WE WANTED.

I GOT TO WORK THROUGHMY NERVOUSNESS AROUND WOMEN--

SORRY, I'M KIND OF SHAKING.- DON'T BE NERVOUS.

[laughs] DON'T BE NERVOUS,THAT'S SO CUTE.

[laughs]

- AND THEYGOT TO BE ON TV.

- I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE EVERYONEINTRODUCED TO KANGEN WATER.

THIS WATER IS ONE OFTHE BEST WATERS OUT THERE.

IT HAS A PH OF 9.5.

- I'D NEVER BEENTHAT GOOD OF A FLIRT,

BUT I HAD THE OPPORTUNITYTO PRACTICE WITH SO MANY

BEAUTIFUL GIRLS.

YOU HAVE BEAUTIFUL EYESAND BEAUTIFUL LIPS,

AND LOVELY HAIR,AND YOUR STYLE IS...

WONDERFUL.

- OH...THANKS, NATE.

[awkward laugh]

- SO TELL ME YOURDEEPEST, DARKEST SECRET.

- MY DEEPEST,DARKEST SECRET IS...

I DON'T LIKE WEARING SOCKS.

- THAT'S GREAT.

BUT AS THE NIGHT PROGRESSED...

- OH, COOL.

- MAGIC.

MY FLIRTING SKILLSDRASTICALLY IMPROVED.

- DO YOU RIDE MOTORCYCLES?I MEAN--

- I DON'T RIDE A MOTORCYCLE,BUT I AM A BIT OF A BAD BOY.

BUT WHAT HAPPENED NEXTI WOULD HAVE NEVER EXPECTED.

- WELL, YEAH, I LIKE MY--- WOAH!

- OH, MY GOD.

- THAT'S WHY,WHEN OCTOBER SWINGS AROUND,

HAUNTED HOUSESARE BIG BUSINESS.

BRUCE STANTON IS THE OWNEROF REIGN OF TERROR,

AN ANNUAL HAUNTED HOUSEIN THOUSAND OAKS, CALIFORNIA.

- WE HAVE A PERFECT ENVIRONMENTTO SET YOU UP TO BE SCARED.

- BUT AFTER TAKINGA WALK-THROUGH

OF THE SUPPOSEDLYSCARY MANSION,

I CAME OUTLESS THAN IMPRESSED.

HI.

SO I TALKED TO BRUCEONE ON ONE ABOUT AN IDEA I HAD

TO HELP HIS BUSINESS.

WHAT IS THE BEST PRESSA HAUNTED HOUSE CAN GET?

- THAT IT'S SO SCARY,SOMEONE PEED THEIR PANTS.

- NO.

PEE IS ONE THING.

I WANT YOUR HAUNTED HOUSETO BE SO SCARY

THAT SOMEONE SUES YOUFOR BEING TOO SCARY.

- I DON'T KNOW THATWE WANT PEOPLE TO SUE US.

- IF THE REIGN OF TERRORWAS SUED FOR BEING TOO SCARY,

THAT NEWS WOULDATTRACT THRILL-SEEKERS

FROM AROUND THE WORLD.

THE PLAN, GET CUSTOMERS TO SUEBY MAKING THEM THINK

THAT THEY'REREALLY GOING TO DIE.

- NO, BECAUSE I THINKTHAT WILL BE GOING TOO FAR.

- WELL, YOUR CURRENT APPROACHCOULD GET PRESS TOO.

- YES.

- BY BEING THE WORLD'SLEAST SCARY HAUNTED HOUSE.

- UH, I DON'T THINK THAT'STHE APPROACH WE WANT, BUT--

- WELL, THAT'S THE APPROACHIT SEEMS LIKE

YOU'RE CURRENTLY TAKING.

- NO, WE ARE A SCARY--

- "REIGN OF TERROR.WHERE PUSSIES GO TO RELAX."

- OH, OKAY.

- OR, "REIGN OF TERROR,YOU'RE PROBABLY GOING TO DIE."

- YOU MEAN IN THE HAUNTED HOUSE,WE PAINT A PICTURE

THAT THEIR DEATH IS...IMMINENT.

- YES.- OKAY.

I EXPLAINED TO BRUCE THATWE NEEDED TO CONVINCE CUSTOMERS

THEY SOMEHOW CONTRACTEDA DISEASE THEY'RE LIKELY

TO DIE FROM.

BRUCE RELUCTANTLY AGREEDTO LET ME TRY IT OUT FOR A DAY.

AND AFTER A WEEK OF PREPARATION,MY ACTORS WERE READY.

IT WAS TIME FOR PEOPLE TO ENTERTHE WORLD'S SCARIEST

HAUNTED HOUSE.

WELL, THANKS FOR COMINGTO THE REIGN OF TERROR.

- OH, WE'RE EXCITED, MAN.- YOU'RE EXCITED?

- YEAH, MAN.

- I HAVE TO WARN YOUBEFORE YOU GO IN.

- OH, DANG.

- THIS HAUNTED HOUSEIS EXTREMELY SCARY.

- I LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT.- ARE YOU SURE?

- YEAH.

- ALL RIGHT, WELCOMETO THE REIGN OF TERROR.

- YOU FIRST.

[air hissing][shrieks]

- OOH...

- MOMMY.- HELLS....

- YOU'RE MY MOMMY.- [screams]

[both laugh]

[chainsaw buzzing]- [screams]

- [growls]- AAH!

- [roars]

- [evil laugh]

- [laughs]

- SORRY, ONE SEC.WHAT? WHO?

WHO? HER?- YEAH.

- SORRY, CAN YOUCOME WITH ME FOR A SEC?

SORRY, GUYS.

WERE YOU GUYS SCARED IN THERE?- YEAH.

- SO SORRY, DID SHETOUCH YOU BY ANY CHANCE?

OR WAS THERE A--

- UM, I THINK SHE PROBABLYTOUCHED MY NECK.

- MOMMY!- [screams]

[slow-motion laughter]

- LIKE, I USUALLYWEAR MY GLASSES

AND THIS TIME I DIDN'T,AND I OVERSHOT THE GRAB

AND I WAS SUPPOSEDTO NOT TOUCH YOU.

- WAIT, SORRY, JUST--- SORRY.

- CAN YOU GUYSWAIT IN HERE ONE SEC?

- YEAH.- SORRY, ONE SECOND.

- WHAT IS IT CALLED?- IT'S CALLED KLEIN'S DISEASE.

AND IT'S AN IMMUNITY--- KLEIN DISEASE?

- KLEIN'S DISEASE.- SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

- SHE HAS AN AUTO-IMMUNE THING.

SHE WORRIED WHENSHE TOUCHED YOU,

SHE TRANSMITTEDSOMETHING TO YOU.

- MM-HM.

- SO DON'T GET FREAKED OUTOR ANYTHING,

BUT I CALLED AN AMBULANCE.

PARAMEDICS ARE JUSTCOMING TO MAKE SURE.

THEY'LL LOOK AT YOU,IT'S JUST PRECAUTIONARY.

SO JUST HOLD TIGHT.THANK YOU SO MUCH.

- NO PROBLEM.

- I HOPE YOU HAD A GOOD TIMEIN THE HAUNTED HOUSE.

SORRY ABOUT THIS.- IT'S ALL GOOD.

- HEY, GUYS.- HEY.

- UH, JUST IN HERE.

- DO YOU HAVE ANY CUTSOR ANYTHING LIKE THAT?

- I DON'T THINK SO.I DON'T LOOK BACK THERE A LOT.

[laughter]

- OKAY, DO YOU MINDIF I JUST--

WE SHOULD DEFINITELYGET HER CHECKED OUT, IF THAT'S--

- YEAH.- "CHECKED OUT" IN WHAT WAY?

- LIKE, AT A HOSPITALWITH A DOCTOR FOR SURE,

FOR KLEIN'S.

[sirens wailing]

- TO MY KNOWLEDGE, IT'SA DISEASE THAT'S PRETTY SERIOUS.

BASICALLY, IF YOU'VE GOT A CUT,AND YOU'RE TOUCHED,

AND YOU HAVE ANY SORTOF OPEN WOUND OR ANYTHING THAT,

YOU KNOW, TOUCHED AN ORIFICE--YOUR EYE, YOUR MOUTH,

OR ANYTHING THAT'S OPENOR ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

- JEEZ.- YEAH.

IT CAN BE CONTRACTED, SO--

- IS THIS, LIKE, AIDS?IS IT, LIKE--WORSE?

- WELL, IT IS AN IMMUNEDEFICIENCY DISEASE.

- [sighs]

- YEAH?

OKAY.- WHAT'S THAT MEAN?

- HOW ARE WE DOING?

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