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Miss National Park

Brickleberry... (19:47)

- WHOO!THAT WAS GOOD, BABY.

I BET YOU AIN'T MADE A FACE LIKETHAT SINCE YOUR LAST STROKE.

- DON'T LIGHT THAT.

I'M ON OXYGEN--

- CONGRATULATIONS, DENZEL.

THIS IS YOUR FOURTHSEX-RELATED INJURY THIS MONTH.

- WHAT CAN I SAY, DOC?

SLEEPING WITH OLD LADIESIS DANGEROUS.

WHOA!

WAH!HEY!

OH, SHIT!

- AH!HEY!

OW!HELP ME!

HEY!

OW!OW!

AH!TEEFERS! TEEFERS!

- DENZEL, YOUR UNNATURALATTRACTION TO ELDERLY WOMEN

IS A CONDITION CALLEDGERONTOPHILIA,

AND IT IS OFTEN FATAL.

- FATAL?I'LL KILL FOR PUSSY,

BUT I AIN'T GONNA DIE FOR IT.

- LUCKILY,THIS CONDITION CAN BE CURED

BY A SIMPLEOUTPATIENT PROCEDURE.

- REALLY?OKAY, LET'S DO IT.

- LET'S GET YOU PREPPED.

- HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK--OW!

- AND NOW FOR THE TEST.

TAMMY!GLADYS!

COULD YOU COME IN HERE, PLEASE?

NOW, DENZEL,WHICH DO YOU PREFER?

NURSE?

OR HEARSE?

I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CURED,DENZEL.

HOW DO YOU FEEL?

- I WANNA BE A FIREMAN!

♪ [heroic music]

- ETHEL, I CAN'T BELIEVEYOU'RE GOING THROUGH WITH THIS.

PAGEANTS RUIN PEOPLE'S LIVES.

- WHY ARE YOU SO ANTI-PAGEANT?

WHAT DO YOU EVEN KNOWABOUT THEM?

- MORE THAN YOU THINK.

WHEN I WAS YOUNGER,

I WAS A WORLD CHAMPIONPAGEANT QUEEN.

- JUST REMEMBER, SWEETIE.

YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL AND TALENTED,BUT IF YOU LOSE,

JESUS WILL KILL GRANDMAAND SEND HER TO HELL.

- OKAY, MOMMY.

- OH, WAIT.YOU FORGOT YOUR ENERGY SNORT.

TIME FOR THE SKINNY BUCKET.

- ♪ OH, YANKEE DOODLEWENT TO TOWN ♪

♪ RIDING ON A PONY...

- BUT JUST ASI HIT MY HIGH NOTE,

I ALSO HIT PUBERTY.

- ♪ HE STUCK A FEATHERIN HIS HAT ♪

♪ AND CALLED IT...

[adult voice]♪ MACARONI

[crowd screams]- AH!

- DID I WIN?

- I HAD TO WALK HOME THAT DAY.

AND WHEN I GOT THERE,MY FAMILY HAD MOVED.

I NEVER FELT LOVED AGAIN.

I'M TELLING YOU, ETHEL.

PAGEANTS ARE EVIL.

- HMM.SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS

BECAUSE YOU CANNEVER WIN ONE AGAIN.

- I COULD STILL WINIF I WANTED TO.

- WIN WHAT,A PIE-EATING CONTEST?

A DOG SHOW?MOST BACNE?

BIGGEST SHADOW?WORLD'S SWEATIEST GUNT?

- I'LL SHOW YOU.

I'M GONNA ENTERTHE MISS NATIONAL PARK PAGEANT

AND BEAT YOUR SKINNY LITTLE ASS!

- WHAT'S GOING ON?CONNIE!

DON'T SPEAK TO THE TALENT.

- ACTUALLY, CONNIE HAS DECIDEDTO ENTER THE PAGEANT.

- GOOD IDEA, CONNIE.

ETHEL WILL LOOK EVEN PRETTIER

STANDING NEXT TOA RED-HEADED REFRIGERATOR.

- NO, I CAN WIN.

- WIN WHAT,A PIE-EATING CONTEST?

[laughs]

- I ALREADY DID THAT ONE.

- OH.

HOW ABOUT SWEATIEST GUNT?

- YEP.

- GODDAMN MALLOY.

HE'S SELLING THESE INSULTSTO EVERYBODY.

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