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Extended - Thursday, October 16, 2014 - Uncensored

  • 10/16/2014
  • Views: 19,179

Scott Aukerman, Jon Daly and Brett Gelman learn about the habits of a mysterious parrot, #RuinTechnology and list unlikely mobster names in this extended, uncensored episode. (32:58)

RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNETHEADLINES, IT'S RAPID REFRESH.

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)THIS AMAZING VIDEO APPEARED ON

YOUTUBE EARLIER THIS WEEK, ANDALREADY HAS A HALF A MILLION

VIEWS.

IT ANSWERS THE QUESTION, "WHATIF EUROPE WAS A SONG?"

(MAN SINGING UPBEAT SONG INFOREIGN LANGUAGE)

LOOK.

(LAUGHTER)THEN, ALL OF A SUDDEN, THIS

AMAZING THING HAPPENED.

(SINGING UPBEAT SONG IN FOREIGNLANGUAGE)

(LAUGHTER)NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.

>> YOU WISH.

>> HARDWICK: IF YOU HAPPENED TOMISS THAT, LET'S FLIP THAT BACK

AND WATCH IT IN SLOW MOTION, ALLRIGHT?

♪ DOOM, DO... "OH, I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT!

OH, THEY SAW ME.

OH, FUCK THIS SHIT.

YEAH, WHATEVER."

(LAUGHTER)"OR NOT.

WHATEVER.

I WASN'T HAVING A GOOD TIME."

(APPLAUSE)BUT I ACTUALLY WANT TO GO BACK

TO ONE MORE THING JUST REALLY,REALLY, REALLY QUICK.

IF YOU TAKE A LOOK AT THE SIGNIN THE OLD WESTY SALOON BACK

HERE, THIS-THIS SAYS, UH, "DEGOUDEN SNOR", WHICH IS DANISH

FOR "THE GOLDEN MUSTACHE".

SO, THERE IS SOME WEIRD TAVERNCALLED "THE GOLDEN MUSTACHE".

WHAT KIND OF BUSINESS DO YOUTHINK THE GOLDEN MUSTACHE

ACTUALLY IS, SCOTT AUKERMAN?

>> I THINK IT'S LIKE A BAR THATTOM SELLECK GOES TO GET PEED ON.

(LAUGHTER AND GROANING)(APPLAUSE)

>> HARDWICK: THAT'S A VERYSPECIFIC...

>> YEAH. IT'S THE ONE PLACE INTHE WORLD...

>> HARDWICK: YEAH.

>> ...THAT HE CAN DO IT.

>> HARDWICK: AND HE WOULDTOTALLY GET PISSED ON BY

HIGGINS.

(LAUGHTER)>> I HOPE SO. THEY WOULD JUST

DO IT TO EACH OTHER.

>> HARDWICK: "STAND STILLMAGNUM, STAND STILL!"

>> "I-I HAVE ONE, YOU HAVE ONE."

>> HARDWICK: POINTS. POINTS TOSCOTT AUKERMAN.

BRETT GELMAN.

>> I THINK IT'S A, UH, A SAFEHAVEN FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE

INTERESTED IN WATER SPORTS BUTNOT YET QUITE READY TO TAKE THE

GOLDEN SHOWER PLUNGE.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)>> HARDWICK: OKAY.

RIGHT. THEY'RE JUST... FEELINGIT OUT.

>> IT'S, LIKE, TRY IT OUT.

>> HARDWICK: UH, ALL RIGHT,NEXT.

DAILYBREEZE.COM HAS AN ARTICLETHAT'S BEEN MAKING THE ROUNDS ON

FACEBOOK ABOUT A TALKING AFRICANGRAY PARROT NAMED NIGEL WHO

MYSTERIOUSLY VANISHED FOUR YEARSAGO.

WELL, THEN NIGEL RETURNED HOMETO HIS OWNER IN CALIFORNIA, BUT

THE OWNER IS REPORTING THATSOMETHING'S NOT QUITE RIGHT

ABOUT NIGEL SINCE HE CAME BACKFROM SABBATICAL.

ACCORDING TO THE ARTICLE, WHAT'SDIFFERENT ABOUT THIS...

MOTHERFUCKING PARROT?

(LAUGHTER)>> LANGUAGE!

>> HARDWICK: A...

(LAUGHTER, WHOOPING, APPLAUSE)SCOTT AUKERMAN.

>> I THINK IT'S GOT TO BE...

B, ALTHOUGH, GOSH, I WISH THATHE WAS HANGING OUT IN A STRIP

CLUB FOR FOUR YEARS.

>> HARDWICK: LET'S FIND OUT.

THE CORRECT ANSWER IS...

B! HE ONLY SPEAKS ESPAÑOL!

(APPLAUSE, WHOOPING)THIS IS MUY MYSTERIOSO, BUT FOR

BONUS POINTS, WHERE DO YOU THINKNIGEL HAS BEEN THESE LAST QUATRO

AÑOS? JON?

>> CHRIS, HE'S BEEN HANGING OUTWITH A BUNCH OF GODDAMN

CRACKERS!

(GROANING, LAUGHTER, WHOOPING)>> I GET THAT.

I UNDERSTAND THAT.

>> OH, YEAH! THANK YOU.

>> HARDWICK: HUNDRED SHAMEPOINTS TO JON DALY.

BRETT GELMAN?

>> UH, I THINK HE'S BEEN IN APLACE ONLY HIS NIGHTMARES CAN

EXPLAIN, AND, UH, I KNOW HISOWNERS, AND THEY SAID BEFORE HE

LEFT HE WAS INTERESTED IN WATERSPORTS, BUT...

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE, WHOOPING)>> HARDWICK: SO YOU THINK HE

WENT TO THE GOLDEN MUSTACHE?

>> SINCE HE'S RETURNED HE'S WAYINTO IT, AND IT'S NOT SO MUCH

SEXUALLY AS IT'S, LIKE, THE ONLYTHING THAT CAN ASSUAGE HIS

CRIPPLING ANXIETY WHENEVERANYBODY SAYS HIS NAME.

>> HARDWICK: THIS IS, UH, THATWAS QUITE A TALE, BRETT.

THAT WAS REALLY...

(APPLAUSE, WHOOPING)>> I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT THIS

WAS A MONOLOGUE COMPETITION.

I DIDN'T... I DIDN'T PREPARE MYSHAKESPEARIAN SONNETS.

>> AND BY THE WAY, WHO IN THEAUDIENCE WANTS TO PISS ON BRETT?

(WHOOPING, APPLAUSE)WELL, THEY WANT TO.

>> LOOK, GUYS, I... I'M GOOD ATREMEMBERING SHIT. SUE ME.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: POINTS TO BRETT

GELMAN.

ALL RIGHT, NEXT ONE.

HEY, GUYS, YOU KNOW HOWSOMETIMES YOU TRY TO GET IT IN

THERE AND IT'S JUST TOO TIGHT'CAUSE YOU'RE SO BIG?

LIKE THIS?

WELL... THAT'S, UH...

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE, WHOOPING)

JUST STAY CALM AND DO SOMETHINGTO TAKE CARE OF HER.

BIG, SQUARE TRUCK STUCK IN ASMALL, ROUND TUNNEL.

WHAT DID YOU GUYS THINK I WASTALKING ABOUT?

(LAUGHTER)UH... THERE'S A GOOD BACKSTORY

ON THIS, WHICH IS THAT, UH, IFYOU READ THE CAPTION.

(WHOOPING, APPLAUSE)WELL, I GUESS IT'S ALL DOWNHILL

FOR THAT PERSON NOW.

THEY WERE WAITING TWO DECADESFOR A TRUCK TO GET STUCK IN A

TUNNEL?

WE JUST WITNESSED THE HIGH POINTOF THIS GUY'S LIFE.

SO, COMEDIANS, PLEASE GIVE MEANOTHER THING THIS SAD

INDIVIDUAL'S BEEN WAITING FORFOR MORE THAN 20 YEARS.

SCOTT AUKERMAN.

>> THE OPENING OF A SUPERCUTS SOI CAN FINALLY GET THIS GUM OUT

OF MY HAIR!

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, POINTS.

JON.

WAIT, YOU SAID "GUM," RIGHT?

(GROANING, LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)>> OH! THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT

AUKERMAN...

>> CHRIS!

>> HARDWICK: WHAT?

>> HOW DARE YOU!

>> HARDWICK: BRETT GELMAN.

>> FOR HIS FRIEND NIGEL TORETURN...

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE, WHOOPING)...OPEN UP HIS PERFECT BEAK AND

SELFLESSLY GUZZLE HIS DEHYDRATEDPISS DREAM.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: SO YOU'RE JUST

CONNECTING EVERYTHING THAT'SHAPPENED IN THE LAST...

>> I'M TRYING TO TELL A STORYTONIGHT.

>> BY THE END OF THE SHOW, IT'SGONNA BE, LIKE, FIVE PARAGRAPHS

LONG AND ALL INTERCONNECTED.

>> AND I'LL BE DRESSED LIKE ABIRD.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, POINTS

TO BRETT GELMAN.

IT'S TIME FOR OUR HASHTAG WARS.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)APPLE DROPPED THE IPAD AIR

TODAY, AND BECAUSE WE'RE ALLFUCKIN' LEMMINGS WE'LL PROBABLY

BUY IT, BUT THERE'S A LOT OFCRAPPY TECHNOLOGY OUT THERE THAT

NO ONE WANTS, SO LET'S FIND OUTWHAT THOSE PRODUCTS ARE WITH

TONIGHT'S HASHTAG:RUINTECHNOLOGY.

RUINTECHNOLOGY. THE, UH...

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)...EXAMPLES MIGHT BE SWEATY

PALMPILOTS OR... IBS TRACKING.

UH, I'M GONNA PUT 60 SECONDS ONTHE CLOCK, AND GO!

YES, SCOTT AUKERMAN.

>> MEATS BY DRE.

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

BRETT.

>> MICROSOFT PENIS.

(LAUGHTER)(WHOOPING, APPLAUSE)

>> HARDWICK: POINTS. SCOTT.

>> THREE WAYS.

IT JUST GIVES YOU DIRECTIONS TOA THREE-WAY.

>> HARDWICK: OH, YEAH, PERFECT.

POINTS.

THAT'S NOT RUINING ANYTHING.

BRETT.

>> MACBOOK PRO JOE PISCOPO.

>> HARDWICK: OH, MY GOD!

>> WHAT?

>> HARDWICK: A JOE PISCOPOREFERENCE?

POINTS.

>> WAIT... SO GOOD.

>> HARDWICK: UH, JON DALY.

>> HUMAN FLESHLIGHT.

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

(LAUGHTER)SCOTT AUKERMAN.

>> I WATCH YOU PEE.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH.

YOU'RE PLAYING THE GAME NOW,RIGHT?

>> NO, I'M JUST TELLING YOU.

I WATCH YOU PEE.

>> HARDWICK: YOU WANT TO GO TOTHE GOLDEN MUSTACHE?

OKAY, GOOD. POINTS.

BRETT GELMAN.

>> YAHOO SERIOUS XM RADIO.

>> HARDWICK: OH, MY GOD.

A PISCOPO REFERENCE AND A YAHOOSERIOUS REFERENCE?

JON.

>> THE NEW APPLE PALTROW.

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

BRETT GELMAN.

>> WHAM-AZON BAM-AZON, THANKYOU, MA'AM-AZON.

(LAUGHTER, WHOOPING, APPLAUSE)>> HARDWICK: GODDAMN IT, BRETT

GELMAN.

POINTS.

IT IS TIME TO PLAY...

THE BLUNDER YEARS!

THE BLUNDER YEARS.

(APPLAUSE, WHOOPING)(LIKE JOE COCKER): ♪ WHAT WOULD

YOU DO IF I SANG OUT A TUNE... ♪LAST WEEK I ASKED YOU GUYS TO

TWEET US YOUR MOST EMBARRASSINGSCHOOL PHOTOS USING THE HASHTAG:

MIDNIGHTSCHOOLPICKS, AND, GOODLORD, DID YOU ANSWER THE CALL!

NOW, SINCE IT'S THROWBACKTHURSDAY, WE CALLED THROUGH THE

BEST ENTRIES AFTER A FEWSLEEPLESS NIGHTS AND MADE A TINY

LITTLE GAME OUT OF THEM.

BUT BEFORE WE BEGIN, I'LL JUST,UH, GIVE YOU A LITTLE TASTE--

UH, THIS IS MY SIXTH GRADEPICTURE.

AW...

(LAUGHTER)LOOK AT THAT.

LOOK AT THAT LITTLE GUY.

COME ON.

(APPLAUSE)THIS LITTLE GUY WAS PRESIDENT OF

THE CHESS CLUB IN THAT PICTURE.

>> YOU LOOK LIKE JIM INACCOUNTING.

>> HARDWICK: I LOOK LIKE APROFESSIONAL KID.

>> CHRIS, CHRIS.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH?

>> DO YOU MISS THAT GUY?

>> HARDWICK: NO. I HAD, LIKE,TWO FRIENDS, LIKE...

>> WELL, I JUST WAS WONDERING.

>> HARDWICK: I WAS SOCIALLYOSTRACIZED BECAUSE I WAS IN

CHESS CLUB AND I LIKED COMPUTERSAND... VIDEO GAMES.

(AUDIENCE AW'ING)>> SO WAS EVERYBODY.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH. AND SOMEDAY IWOULD GROW UP TO USE THAT TO GET

PITY FUCKS.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)(WHOOPING)

I'M GONNA SHOW YOU GUYS ANEMBARRASSING SCHOOL PHOTO

TWEETED TO US FROM ONE OF OURLOYAL VIEWERS, AND FOR 250

POINTS, I WANT YOU TO TELL MEWHAT THEIR SCHOOL SUPERLATIVE

WAS.

LIKE, YOU KNOW, BEST THIS, MOSTTHAT.

ALL RIGHT, FIRST ONE-- @JONATHANGAVE US THIS ONE.

(GROANING, LAUGHTER)(BELL DINGS)

SCOTT.

IT ALMO...

IT-IT LOOKS LIKE...

LOOKS LIKE THE PHOTOGRAPHER WASLIKE...

>> "OKAY, LOOK TO THE SIDE, NOTAT ME."

>> LOOK, LIKE, LEAN.

AND... YOU'RE UGLY AS SHIT.

>> SURPRISE!

>> HARDWICK: POINTS TO GELLMAN.

AUKERMAN.

>> MOST LIKELY TO BITE OFF HISCAPTOR'S PENIS.

>> HARDWICK: IT ACTUALLY LOOKSLIKE HE WAS SMILING AND THE

PHOTOGRAPHER JUST STARTEDSHITTING, AND HE WAS LIKE, "AAH!

WHAT'S HAPPENING?">> I'LL SIT, TOO.

>> HARDWICK: JON DALY.

>> MOST LIKELY TO MAKE THISNOISE: "AAH!"

>> HARDWICK: POINTS, YEAH,POINTS.

BY THE WAY...

BY THE WAY, IN HIS AVATAR, HE'SMAKING THE SAME GODDAMN FACE.

SAME GODDAMN FACE.

BRETT GELLMAN.

>> MOST LIKELY TO WAIT 24 YEARSFOR A U-HAUL TRUCK TO GET STUCK

UNDER A BRIDGE.

>> HARDWICK: BRAVO, POINTS.

MORE POINTS TO BRETT GELLMAN.

AT... NEXT, @GRAHAMMOSIMANN.

AT G...

WELL, I GUESS IT MAKES SENSETHAT HE NOW WORKS FOR 98.1 THE

BRIDGE.

(BELL DINGS)YES, BRETT?

>> MOST LIKELY TO BE CALLED"MA'AM" FROM BEHIND, AS IN...

AS IN, "MA'AM, PLEASE STOPPLAYING THAT SAXOPHONE."

>> HARDWICK: RIGHT.

WAIT A MINUTE, YOU'RE WEARING AFUCKING SADE SHIRT-- YOU DON'T

WANT HIM TO PLAY "SMOOTHOPERATOR" ON THAT?

>> I MEAN BY MEAN KIDS, NOT BYME, I'D BE LIKE, "YEAH, MAN,

LET'S GO HANG OUT AND GO FUCKOUR MOMS."

>> HARDWICK: GOOD POINT.

POINTS.

JON DALY.

>> HE'S THE MOST LIKELY TO TAKEA SHIT IN A URINAL.

>> HARDWICK: OKAY, POINTS.

AUKERMAN?

>> UM...

>> HARDWICK: I THINK THAT'SCALLED...

>> LIKE HE THOUGHT... LIKE HETHOUGHT THAT WAS THE RIGHT THING

TO DO.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,YEAH.

>> KENNY G-IEST.

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

FOR SURE.

NEXT ONE IS FROM USER@BECAUSEIMJEWISH.

OH...

OH, NO.

AGAIN-- HAS NOT CHANGED THATMUCH AT ALL.

VERY STRIKING SIMILARITIES.

(BELL DINGS)SCOTT.

>> UH, MOST LIKELY TO GROW UP TOSTALK CHRIS HARDWICK.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH.

THAT'S FINE.

>> VERY PLAUSIBLE.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS, POINTS.

NEXT ONE, @BREWSKI4BROSKI.

YEAH.

IT SAYS, "FIRST DAY OF SCHOOLOUR PARENTS DRESSED US UP LIKE

EASTERN EUROPEAN IMMIGRANTS."

(BELL DINGS)SCOTT.

>> MOST LIKELY TO BE ETHNICALLYCLEANSED.

>> HARDWICK: UH... WELL...

RULES DICTATE THAT THEY REACTEDWELL; I MUST GIVE YOU POINTS FOR

THAT.

JON DALY.

>> MOST LIKELY TO RUN A SLEEPERCELL OUT OF A DELI.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

MR. GELLMAN.

>> MOST LIKELY TO BE VOTED"SEXIEST SIBLINGS" BY THEIR

PARENTS.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

LAST ONE, @ALISSATINBIX.

UH...

(BELL DINGS)AN EXPLOSION OF COLOR.

JON DALY.

>> MOST LIKELY TO TRY AND SMOKEA CIGARETTE OUT OF HER VAGINA.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH.

ACTUALLY...

>> AND BECOME... EVENTUALLYBECOME VERY GOOD AT IT.

>> HARDWICK: I THINK SHE MIGHTBE DOING IT IN THAT PICTURE

RIGHT THERE.

>> I THINK SO, TOO.

THAT'S THE FACE YOU MAKE.

>> HARDWICK: IT'S OUT OF FRAME.

UH, SCOTT AUKERMAN.

>> MOST LIKELY TO POSE FOR ATINA YOTHERS FROM FAMILY TIES

WAX MUSEUM STATUE.

>> HARDWICK: WOW, SO SPECIFIC,BUT YES, POINTS.

UH, IT'S TIME FOR OUR NEXT GAME,#FML OR #YOLO: INSTAGRAM

EDITION.

>> THIS IS THE INSTAGRAMEDITION?

>> HARDWICK: THIS IS THEINSTAGRAM EDITION, SCOTT,

SOMETIMES WE JUST DO IT WITHWORDS, THIS TIME WE'RE DOING IT

WITH PICTURES.

>> GREAT.

>> HARDWICK: UH, WHICH, THEY SAYA PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND

WORDS, BUT ON SOCIAL MEDIA, YOUJUST NEED ONE HASHTAG.

I'M GONNA SHOW YOU AN IMAGE FROMINSTAGRAM.

FOR 250 POINTS, YOU GUESSWHETHER IT WAS HASHTAGGED #FML--

"FUCK MY LIFE"-- OR #YOLO-- "YOUONLY LIVE ONCE."

ALL RIGHT, FIRST UP, HOW ABOUTTHIS UNAUTHORIZED SCI-FI MASHUP?

(BELL DINGS)SCOTT.

>> I THINK JUST FOR THE CRACKEDIPHONE CASE, FUCK MY LIFE.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT.

THE CORRECT ANSWER IS...

FUCK MY LIFE.

WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU BEDRESSED LIKE BUZZ LIGHTYEAR

HOLDING UP A VULCAN SALUTE?

FUCK YOU, MAN.

>> WHAT WAS HE THINKING?

>> LOOK AT THE GUY'S USER NAME,THOUGH.

>> HARDWICK: CHADWICK.

IT'S NOT ME, IT'S NOT ME.

>> "CHR" HARDWICK.

>> HARDWICK: NO, IT'S NOT ME.

THAT IS NOT ME, I WOULD NEVER DOTHAT, I WOULD NEVER VULCAN

SALUTE DRESSED AS BUZZLIGHTYEAR.

I WOULD NOT... I WOULD PROBABLYNOT DO THAT.

I WOULD LIKELY DO THAT.

I-I DID THAT, ONCE.

UH...

I WAS THINKING...

YOU COULD PISS OFF SO MANY NERDSGOING, "TO INFINITY AND BEYOND."

UH...

NEXT ONE-- WHAT ABOUT THISAUTOMOTIVE GRAFFITI?

WHAT ABOUT THIS AUTOMOTIVEGRAFFITI?

(BELL DINGS)NOW, THE CAR IS TAGGED "YOLO"

BUT WHO KNOWS?

BRETT.

>> THAT'S A TOUGH ONE.

>> YOLO.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT.

THE CORRECT ANSWER IS...

FUCK MY LIFE.

WHY?

>> TRICK QUESTION.

>> WHOA.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT.

NEXT ONE-- HOW ABOUT THIS BALLERBREAKFAST CEREAL?

(BELL DINGS)I MEAN, COME ON.

SCOTT.

>> THAT IS A MOTHER GRABBINGYOLO IF I'VE EVER SEEN ONE

>> HARDWICK: IT'S GOT TO BE AYOLO.

LET'S FIND OUT.

FML?

>> OH!

>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINKANYMORE.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH.

AND ALSO, HE HASHTAGGED IT"CINNAMON TOAST CRUNCH IS THE

BEST."

>> YEAH, WHY AREN'T WE PLAYINGTHAT GAME?

>> HARDWICK: I DON'T KNOW.

>> WHAT EVEN IS THE INTERNET?

>> HARDWICK: I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T GET IT.

>> HE'S REALLY... I THINK HE WASSTARTING TO HAVE A MOMENT OF

CLARITY ABOUT HIS ALCOHOLISM ANDTHEN DENIED IT AGAIN.

BY FOCUSING ON HOW GREAT THECEREAL WAS.

>> HARDWICK: UH...

NEXT ONE-- HOW ABOUT THIS WALLETFULL OF PASTA?

THIS...

(BELL DINGS)>> I... I COULDN'T EVEN TELL

WHAT THAT WAS-- I HAD TROUBLEPROCESSING WHAT THAT PICTURE IS.

>> HARDWICK: I'M A LITTLE SHORTTHIS MONTH, DO YOU HAVE SOME

CAPELLINI I COULD BORROW?

BRETT GELLMAN.

>> YOLO.

>> HARDWICK: IT'S GOT TO BEYOLO, RIGHT?

LET'S FIND OUT.

FUCK MY LIFE.

Y-YES, HE...

HASHTAGGED IT "REAL FOODSTAMPS."

IF YOU'RE THAT HUNGRY, STOPPUTTING PASTA IN YOUR WALLET.

ALL RIGHT.

>> OH, GOD.

>> HARDWICK: LAST ONE.

>> IS THAT... IS THAT CARROTTOP'S?

>> HARDWICK: THAT WAS NOT CARROTTOP'S.

>> WALLET OF SPAGHETTI.

>> HARDWICK: LAST ONE-- THISBUNNY GETTING THE FINGER.

THIS...

(BELL DINGS)THAT IS...

EXACTLY WHAT THAT DESERVES.

(HIGH-PITCHED): HEY, COME ON,WHAT DID I DO?

JON.

>> THAT'S YOLO.

>> HARDWICK: LET'S FIND OUT.

YOLO!

>> OH, YEAH!

>> I THINK...

I THINK WE'RE MISSING THE REALHEADLINE, WHICH IS "SKETCHERS IS

HAVING A SALE!">> HARDWICK: OH...

LAME MOBSTERS.

LAME MOBSTERS.

SO...

TOMORROW-- OR TODAY, IF YOU WANTTO BE TECHNICAL ABOUT IT-- IS

THE ANNIVERSARY OF AL CAPONE'STAX EVASION CONVICTION.

SO IN HONOR OF THIS, I WOULDLIKE YOU TO NAME AS MANY LAME

MOBSTERS AS YOU CAN.

I'M GONNA PUT 60 SECONDS ON THECLOCK.

AND GO, SEE.

(BELL DINGS)JON DALY.

>> CHEF BOBBY "SPAGHETTIOS"BOYARDEE.

>> HARDWICK: OKAY. POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)GELMAN.

>> FRANCIS "THE WINEMAKER" FORDCOPPOLA.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)POINTS. SCOTT AUKERMAN.

>> DONNY "GAY FOR PAY" ALFREDO.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)BRETT.

>> NIGEL "THE BIRD" THE BIRD.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)>> HARDWICK: I'M SO ANGRY THAT

I'M ABOUT TO GIVE YOU POINTS FORTHAT.

(BELL DINGS)DALY.

>> JIMMY THE BITCH.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH. POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)BRETT.

>> JOE "MACBOOK PRO" PISCOPO.

>> HARDWICK: STOP REFERENCINGJOE PISCOPO ON THE SHOW!

POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)DALY.

>> TONY MASTURBACCIONI.

(BUZZER SOUNDS)>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

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