Comedy Underground with Dave Attell
Season 1

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Joe DeRosa, Jermaine Fowler, Jay Oakerson

  • Season 1, Ep 1
  • 04/12/2014
  • Views: 0

Dave Attell hosts comedians Jermaine Fowler, Joe DeRosa and Jay Oakerson with a special appearance by the Roastmaster himself, Jeff Ross. (20:38)

I'm Dave Attell.

This is the underground.

Oh, man, this is gonnabe a good show, I can feel it.

Now, I gotta tellyou right away

that this isa uncensored show, okay?

No bleepity-blaps orbloopity-blops.

None of those robotcome noises here, all right?

Just good old fashionedfilthy humor.

So, let's see whatwe have here tonight.

Of course we've gotthese guys.

What's up--Are you guys a couple?

Good talkingto you-- Next.

(laughing)All right, anyway, wow.

Who are you, dude?

What'syour name, sir?

Zack.

Zack, you look like an inventorof something no one needed.

(laughing)

Will you bethe camera person?

Sure.Okay, cool.

It must be hard to do this andalso run Willy Wonka's

chocolate factory.

You got it?

with our first dirty joke ofthe night, are you guys ready?

(whooping)Okay.

Please welcome the roastmasterhimself, Jeff Ross.

Here he comes.

(cheering and applause)

Jeff, thanksfor coming.

(Jeff)Thank you, Dave.

I'm really gladyou're doing so well.

(laughing)

This is fantastic.

Such an honor beingin the room

that Anne Frankhid in from the Nazis.

(laughing)

Come on out,Anne, war's over.

(knocking)Turn it off.

This show is so low-budget,you give the camera

to some fuckingguy in the audience.

You can't afforda cameraman?

(laughing)

Can we just fuckingtickle this guy or something?

No, don't tickle him,he'll shit Skittles.

Jeff, it's always apleasure to have you here

and this is a dirty show,so we'd like you

to throw outthe first dirty, naughty joke.

Are you ready?Yeah, I'm ready.

Let's see if theaudience is--

You guysready to start it?

(cheering and applause)Okay.

Jeff Ross.

This is a joke that mynana Helen told me when I was...

Two years old.

What's the smelliestthing in the world?

What?(audience)What?

An anchovy'scunt.

Sweet,we're there!

Thank you, sir.

(applause)Jeff Ross.

favorite.

A great,great comic.

You might know him from his manyComedy Central appearances

and also he's a writerfor the Pete Holmes show.

Is that the iPhone 5?

It's the iPhonego fuck yourself.

You showbiz cunt.That's right.

No bleepstonight!

Please welcomeJoe DeRosa.

(cheering and applause)Joey!

Thanks, man--Dave Attell!

Dave Attell!

(clapping)

How are youall doing-- good?

(whooping)Good.

I like gettingfucked up, you know.

It's fun getting drunk.

Drugs, you everdo drugs?

(scattered whooping)

Drugs are great.

I don'tdo 'em anymore.

Every drug has its laststory, you know?

Like, I only didecstasy four times,

but the last time I did it

was the closest I ever came tohaving sex with a man, so...

That wasit for ecstasy.

(laughing)

Coke?

You ever donecoke?

(scattered, affirmative whoops)

I did ita few times.

Did I like it--No.

I fucking loved it!

It makesyou feel awesome.

Conversations that go onforever about nothing.

It's amazing.

You're standingin some kitchen.

(sniffing)"People didn't get'The Phantom Menace.'

I'll tell you thatright now."

(laughing)

Coke's the onlydrug that can make you go,

"I'm so fucked up, I'm gonnapuke, we drank too much,

I'm gonna puke..."(sniffing)

"Are we drinking or what?

What are we doing--What are we doing"

(laughing)

Our next actis from...

Hyattsville."Hay-at-ville?"

Hyattsville."Hyattville."

I got it,I got it.

You're gonna fuck it up,I know you're gonna fuck it up.

(Dave)I'm not--I'm good.

He's gonnafuck it up.

Hyattsville, Maryland.

Keep it goingfor Jermaine Fowler.

(cheering and applause)

Thanks, Dave.

I think I havebad karma.

I used to play prankson my friends a lot, right?

This is the worst prankI've ever done.

When I was 19, I was drivingback home from a show in D.C.,

right, and I was inthe passenger seat of this car

and my friend Will was drivingthe car, right?

And he's a comedian--He's also white.

So, the car stopsat a red light, right?

And I see a group of black dudesabout to cross the street,

so I was like, "Oh...

Oh, this isgonna be funny."

So I rolled the window downand I yelled out, "Hey!

Cross the streetfaster, you monkeys!"

And I ducked my head--I ducked my head.

(laughing)

Oh, it was--it was good.

It was perfect, man.

Will was like,"Oh, why you say that?

Why you say that, Jermaine?"

I'm like, "Shut up, I'm havinga good time, this is hilarious,

We having a good time."

So I thought the dudesalready walked away

and I picked my headback up, but they were still

in the middle ofthe street

and one of the dudeslooked at me like, "What?

Ew!"

'Cause it looked like I wassucking this racist dude's dick.

That's what itlooked like.

(laughing)And his--

And his eyes, he's like,this nigga's progressive.

(laughing)

What would you likeme to say?

Push my podcast,the Legion of Skanks.

Aw!

Oh, sorry--The camera fell asleep.

And he has his own podcast,the Legions of Skanks,

Pleasewelcome Jay Oakerson.

(cheering and applause)

Yeah.

Dave Attell,everyone, huh-- Wow.

What a night.

It's cold outside.

Winter's right around thecorner, that means what, ladies?

Time to grow yourbeavers back.

(laughing)

The winter woolbush season is upon us.

You say no.

Bald--You're all about bald?

Every girl shavesbald.

I'm gonna help youout a little bit, ladies.

Before you go shavingyour pussies bald,

that's whateverybody wants to do,

take a good look at yourpussy in the mirror.

Some of themshits need hair.

(laughing)Yeah.

Some faces need a beardand some pussies need hair.

My face needsa beard.

If I don't have a beard,I'm just face and neck.

I need a beard togive a sense of a jawline.

Some pussies needhair.

A gingerchick, redhead?

Needs a bush.

To cover her anatomy, literally,they're see-through people.

It's a confusing pussy.

You don't even know it's a pussyexcept there's just these

blue lightning strikesof veins running down

her fetus-like cooch skin.

You go to eatthat girl's pussy,

you can see her heart beatingright through her pussy.

Oh, shit.

You're all worked up.

Look at you.

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