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Apartment Hunters

Abbi looks for a new place to live after walking in on Bevers masturbating, and Ilana tries to confront a cable company that has been inexplicably charging her for months. (21:13)

(man)Start it.

♪ Zombie on the track

♪ Started from the bottomnow we're here ♪

♪ Started from the bottomnow my whole team here ♪

♪ Started from the bottomnow we're here ♪

♪ Started from the bottomnow the whole team here ♪

♪ Started from the bottomnow we're here ♪

♪ Started from the bottomnow my whole team here ♪

♪ Started from the bottomnow we're here ♪

♪ Started from the bottomnow the whole team here ♪

♪ I done kept it realfrom the jump ♪

♪ Livin' at my mama's housewe'd argue every mornin' ♪

♪ I was tryin' to get iton my own ♪

♪ Workin' all nighttraffic on the way home ♪

♪ And my uncle callin' melike "Where you at? ♪

♪ I gave you the keystold you bring it right back" ♪

♪ I just think it's funnyhow it goes ♪

♪ Now I'm on the roadhalf a million for a show ♪

♪ Started from the bottomnow we're here ♪

♪ Started from the bottomnow my whole team here ♪

♪ Started from the bottomnow we're here ♪

♪ Started from the bottomnow the whole team here ♪

♪ Start, started from the bottomnow we're here ♪

♪ Started from the bottomnow the whole team here ♪

♪ Started from the bottomnow we're here... ♪

(woman)Ma'am... Ma'am... Ma'am...

Ma'am!

You didn't sign the backof the check.

Oh... I'm sorry.

Uh, you know,I wasn't sure

if there was a specialteller I should go to

for checks that arethis large?

Ooh, 8K, unh!

You know howshe got it, dude?

This bitch right heredrew this illustration,

and a sexy-assnew dating web site bought it

for $8,000!

"An alert from your bank"?

What?No.

This illustration.

Hey, came from her heart.

Great-- so do youwant this in cash?

No, I want itin my savings account.

For somebody who worksat the bank,

(silly voice)♪ I thought you'd be

♪ more responsiblewith money ♪

Ludacris.

I also have some businesswith the bank.

I'd like to cashthese nickels,

and I'll have themin quarters, please.

Thank you so much.

(computer voice) I heard "Oppertimer."

Op-er-a-tor. Oppenheimer.

Thank you so muchfor coming with me.

I can't live in this apartmentfor another second.

Human being! Huge feelings.

What's happening here?

I cancelled my cablenine months ago.

They are stillcharging me,

and I'm gettingan overdraft fee every day.

Did you returnyour cable box?

Yeah, you camewith me, remember?

That old lady spiton you in line.

Oh, right.That was...

Human being!

Human being.

Cumin braiding.Where is this broker?

Just, I wannamove out immediately.

Hi, girls.It's me, Pam.

HI...

Oh--Oh...

Hi.

Hi.Hi.

I'm Abbi.We spoke on the phone.

Don't shake my hand,it was just down my pants.

Let's find you your dreamapartment, shall we?

Yeah.Let's go here.

(Pam)Beautiful day.

Well, what do you think?

It's a hallway.

It is a beautiful

railroad-style apartmentin your budget.

Where's the bathroom?

Where isn't the bathroom?

Jeez, wear a catheter,go in the corner.

You can fita king size bed in here.

Yeah, if you fold it uplike a taco.

God, why am I soturned on right now?

Ew, Pam, this placeis horrible.

Let's just move on.

Look, don't bully me,all right-- I can't take it!

I was cyberbullied withinan inch of my life last night.

I make dollsout of human hair.

Who's thirsty?

I don't understandthis, Ilana.

It's like you havea thousand socks,

but no underwearin the underwears drawer.

You don't haveto tell me.

I don't know wheremy underwear goes.

That's why I'm alwaysgoing commando.

Oh, is this it?No.

That's my old dictaphonefrom high school.

Is a dick phone?Dic-ta-phone.

Oh, I was..."Hello? Hello, Dick."

(Ilana's voice on tape) Great idea number nine.

It's like Facebook, but just for photos.

(inhaling, exhalingdoing bong hit)

I guess it could be videos, too,

but mostly photos.

(dictaphone off)

Ilana, you inventedthe Instagram.

That's insane.

I bet I was high the lasttime I had my remote.

Like, for sure!Yeah, yeah.

Like, certainly.Certainly, yes.

Maybe if I get high againI'll remember where I put it.

Aren't you already high?

I-- I mean,like, more high.

Is "higher.""Highest."

Last year, Brooklyn.

My old apartmenton Flatbush.

Living room...couch.

Sex on the couch.

Bad sex.Really bad sex.

The worst sex.Dale!

Eww...

Dale.

Hmm.

No, this isthe wrong remote.

What must I do?

What do you wantfrom me?

Look, lady, this isthe wrong remote,

and this is the right remote.

Okay, you gotta getthe right remote.

I had to find out I mayor may not have herpes

to get this remote!

Can I speak toyour manager, please?

Oh, I am the manager.

I also do billing,installation programming,

and I composethe "on hold" music.

You composed this music?

Oh, no, no, this isthe "waiting room" music.

I compose that too.

I'm actually the onlyperson who works here.

Yikes.

Okay, what aremy options?

You can either mail ina check for $1,000,

or come in personand pay $5.

You're only the fifth personever to come in.

Oh...

Here.

I can payin quarters, right?

Oh, actually, no.Our system's down

and we only take nickels.

Sorry.

Oh, and you know what?I hate your music.

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