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Extended - Thursday, March 26, 2015 - Uncensored

  • 03/26/2015
  • Views: 8,333

The Roast of Justin Bieber's Natasha Leggero, Sarah Tiana and Jeff Ross list TapouT slogans, dull crimes and "Furious 7" spoilers in this extended, uncensored episode. (30:18)

RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNETHEADLINES, IT'S RAPID REFRESH.

(CHEERING, WHOOPING)(CLEARS THROAT)

JUST ONE WEEK AFTER BEINGSUBJECTED TO THE ACID-TONGUE WIT

OF TONIGHT'S PANELISTS, JUSTINBIEBER MADE EVEN MORE NOISE ON

SOCIAL MEDIA BY GETTING A NEWPUPPY.

>> AW...

>> HARDWICK: GUYS, THIS ISJUSTIN BIEBER'S PUPPY ON HIS

INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT.

LOOK AT THAT PUPPY.

(SARAH AW-ING)LOOK AT THAT PUPPY BEING

CHOKE-FUCKED BY JUSTIN BIEBERRIGHT THERE.

(LAUGHTER)GIVEN THE OPTION, PETA PROBABLY

WOULD'VE RECOMMENDEDEUTHANIZATION.

(LAUGHTER)SINCE, UH, SINCE THIS PUPPY WAS

NOT PART OF YOUR ROAST MATERIAL,PLEASE GIVE ME THE JOKE YOU

WOULD TELL ABOUT THIS NEWDEVELOPMENT.

NATASHA LEGGERO.

>> UM... PINK CRAYON IS NOTONLY HIS FAN'S FAVORITE WRITING

INSTRUMENT, IT ALSO DESCRIBESTHE DOG'S DICK HE'LL BE SUCKING.

>> OH, MY GOD.

>> WHOA. GEEZ.

>> WELL, IT'S SUPPOSED TO BEROAST LEVEL, RIGHT?

>> HARDWICK: THAT-THAT IS ANEXPRESSION OF A DOG THAT'S

CONTEMPLATING SUICIDE.

(LAUGHTER)>> NATASHA, I WISH YOU WERE THAT

FUNNY ON THE FUCKING ROAST.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: I HEARD NATASHA

DESTROYED ON THE ROAST.

>> DESTROYED.

>> HARDWICK: DESTROYED.

>> DESTROYED.

>> SHE DID. SHE DID.

>> HARDWICK: UH...

>> YOU DID, TOO.

>> THANKS.

>> JUSTIN... MOST OF JUSTIN'SJOKES WERE AIMED AT JEFF,

THOUGH, NOW THAT I'M THINKINGABOUT IT.

>> HARDWICK: WELL, THEY SPENTTHE MOST TIME TOGETHER.

YOU GUYS HAD TO SHOOTALL THE PROMOS AND STUFF.

>> WE SHOT SOME PROMOS.

>> OH, MAYBE THAT'S WHY.

>> HARDWICK: WHAT'S HE LIKE JUSTHANGING OUT WITH?

>> HE LIKES A PINKIE IN HISTUSHIE.

(LAUGHTER)>> I'M OPENING UP HERE.

I'M OPENING UP HERE.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS FOR JEFFROSS FOR TELLING US THE TRUTH.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT, I'LL TELL YOUWHAT HE WAS.

>> HARDWICK: WHAT?

>> I DIDN'T REALLY CARE MUCHABOUT JUSTIN BIEBER AND THEN I

MET HIM AND WE DID THE ROAST ANDI SAW HOW WELL HE TOOK THE JOKES

AND HOW GREAT HIS SPEECH WAS ATTHE END.

KIND OF LIKE HIM NOW.

>> HARDWICK: YOU DO NOW?

OKAY, GOOD, GOOD.

WELL, HOPEFULLY THIS WORKED ANDPEOPLE ARE GOING...

THERE'S ROOM IN OUR HEARTS AGAINFOR JUSTIN BIEBER.

>> YEAH. WE NEED BIEBER TO GETMORE FANS SO THANK GOD...

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, YEAH.

>> ...JEFF WAS ON BOARD.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, BIEBERNEEDS...

>> OH, WAIT, WAIT, NO, DON'T GETME WRONG.

HIS MUSIC SUCKS.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, YEAH.

>> BUT I KIND OF LIKE THE GUY.

(WHISTLING, APPLAUSE)>> AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I

LIKE?

>> HARDWICK: IT'S JUST THAT NOWHE'LL GET THE HIPSTER CROWD AND

THE 40- TO 55-YEAR-OLD MALEDEMOGRAPHIC.

>> AND ALSO WHAT'S COOL ABOUTHIM IS HIS FANS ARE JUST REALLY

CHILL AND LAID BACK.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, THEY'RE SOCOOL.

>> YEAH.

>> HARDWICK: THEY'RE SO COOL.

SO MUCH BETTER THAN ONEDIRECTION FANS.

I MEAN, MAYBE, I DON'T KNOW.

I MEAN, MAYBE THEY COULD FIGHTABOUT IT ON THE INTERNET AND WE

COULD JUST WATCH.

>> START A RACE WAR.

>> HARDWICK: IT WOULD BE...

IT WOULD BE THE NEW RACE WAR.

OR MAYBE ONE DIRECTION FANS AREBETTER THAN JUSTIN BIEBER FANS.

(SARAH GASPS)MAYBE THEY'LL JUST HAVE TO

FIGURE IT OUT.

MAYBE THEY'LL JUST...

OH, THEY'RE ALL... THIS IS WAYPAST THEIR BEDTIME.

>> I KNOW.

>> HARDWICK: UH...

SARAH TIANA.

>> I WAS JUST HOPING THAT MAYBETHIS PUPPY CAN TEACH JUSTIN HOW

TO PEE STANDING UP.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

AND NOW, FOR YOUR EDIFICATION,WE'D LIKE TO PRESENT A BRIEF AND

WONDROUS INSTAGRAM HISTORY OFTHE MODERN DOUCHE BAG.

IN 2015, THE MOST PROMINENTPRACTITIONER OF THE DOUCHE ARTS

IS A FELLA LIKE SO.

THERE YOU GO.

(LAUGHTER)IRONIC FACIAL HAIR, PROBABLY

RIDES A UNICYCLE AND CONSTANTLYDRINKS SMALL-BATCH ARTISANAL

COFFEE WHICH MAKES HIMCONSTANTLY BLAST SMALL-BATCH

ARTISANAL FARTS.

(LAUGHTER)THEN, WAY BACK IN 2010, THE

DOUCHE DU JOUR WAS THISGENTLEMAN, CONSTANTLY POUNDING

ENERGY DRINKS, SPECULATING AS TOWHETHER OR NOT HIS BROS EVEN

LIFT, AND DRESSING EXCLUSIVELYIN TAPOUT, THE OFFICIAL

CLOTHING BRAND OF JACKEDASSHOLES. UH...

BUT GOOD NEWS, TAPOUT HASPARTNERED WITH WWE IN HOPES OF

MAKING A COMEBACK!

ALL RIGHT.

(WHOOPING)>> YEAH!

>> HARDWICK: SO, COMEDIANS,PLEASE GIVE ME A SLOGAN FOR THE

ALL-NEW TAPOUT CLOTHING. SARAH.

>> SHE CAN'T SAY NO IF HER MOUTHIS FULL!

>> HARDWICK: YEAH. ALL RIGHT.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)POINTS.

>> IS THAT TRUE?

>> HARDWICK: IS THAT TRUE!

>> APPARENTLY, YEAH.

(LAUGHTER)I LOST IN COURT OVER IT. YEAH.

>> HARDWICK: JEFF ROSS.

>> THEIR SLOGAN IS: TAPOUT, THEONLY CLOTHING BRAND NAMED AFTER

THE LOSING MOVE IN OUR SPORT.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

POINTS. I NEVER THOUGHT OF THATBEFORE.

>> BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, IT REMINDSME, LIKE... YOU'RE NEVER GONNA

SEE...

>> HARDWICK: FROM THE MAKERS OFUNCLE PANTS.

(LAUGHTER)>> YOU'RE NEVER GONNA SEE A

FOOTBALL PLAYER SIGN ANENDORSEMENT DEAL WITH FUMBLE

SPORTSWEAR.

>> HARDWICK: NO, NO.

YO, BRO, YOU WEARIN' TACKLE?

YEAH.

ALL RIGHT. FROM THE DEPTHS OFYOUTUBE COMES THIS STORY OF A

REGULAR GUY OUT FOR A DRIVE WHENFATE BROUGHT HIM TOGETHER WITH

WHICH ONE OF THESE UNLIKELYHITCHHIKING COMPANIONS.

A...

WHICH ONE OF THOSE?

>> OH, MY GOD, I HOPE IT'S AWASTED, SEXUALLY AROUSED...

>> HARDWICK: YOU HAVE TO BUZZ INBEFORE YOU START GUESSING

THINGS, SARAH.

(LAUGHTER)DIDN'T YOUR MOTHER TEACH YOU

ANYTHING ABOUT GAME SHOWS?

>> OH! SORRY! ALL OF A SUDDENCHRIS HAS "RULES."

>> HARDWICK: YES.

>> I HOPE IT'S A WASTED,SEXUALLY AROUSED NICK NOLTE.

>> HARDWICK: UM... IT'S NOTGONNA BE AS FUNNY AS THAT,

UNFORTUNATELY.

IT'S ACTUALLY THIS.

BUT STILL PRETTY RAD.

>> CHILL, THE OWL RIGHT NOW,MAN, WE BONDING.

(TALKING INDISTINCTLY, LAUGHS)GOT A OWL.

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)(LAUGHTER)

>> ARE WE SURE THAT WASN'T NICKNOLTE?

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: NO.

>> ARE WE SURE?

(APPLAUSE)>> HARDWICK: I THINK, UH...

I THINK HE'S JUST GETTING HISRAVENCLAW LETTER.

UH, ALL RIGHT, THIS WOULD MAKEFOR A PRETTY GREAT BUDDY COP

MOVIE.

ONE'S A MAN, ONE'S AN OWL, ANDTOGETHER THEY ARE PELLET-PROOF!

COMEDIANS, WHAT SHOULD THEIRBUDDY COP MOVIE BE TITLED?

NATASHA.

>> UM, BIG MOMMA'S HOUSE 4: OWLUP IN MY BUSINESS.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(APPLAUSE)>> BUT IT WON'T BE STARRING

MARTIN LAWRENCE.

>> IT'S NOT GONNA BE MARTINLAWRENCE? NO.

>> HE'S BUSY. HE'S BUSY.

>> HARDWICK: SARAH.

>> UH, STOP OR MY MOM WILL BARFUP A MOUSE SKELETON.

>> HARDWICK: YES. POINTS.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)POINTS.

MR. ROSS.

>> UH, THIS IS A BUDDY COPMOVIE: HOOTIE AND THE BLACKFISH.

>> HARDWICK: YES. POINTS.

JESUS CHRIST. OKAY, POINTS.

>> DON'T GO TO SEAWORLD!

IT'S NOW TIME FOR THE HASHTAGWARS.

(CHEERING, WHOOPING)JUST LIMBERING UP.

EVERYONE'S CRACKING THEIRKNUCKLES.

MONDAY, THE MUCH ANTICIPATEDTELEVISED SLAUGHTER OF JUSTIN

BIEBER.

WE'RE GONNA GIVE YOU A BUNCH OFFACTS ABOUT JUSTIN BIEBER THAT

MAY OR MAY NOT BE TRUE, SOTONIGHT'S HASHTAG, FULL OF FACTS

THAT ARE TOTALLY UP TO YOU,IS... (QUIET GASP)

BELIEBITORNOT.

(LAUGHTER)(WHOOPING, APPLAUSE)

ALL RIGHT?

EXAMPLES MIGHT BE-- HE WAS BORNVIA RYAN SEACREST'S SNEEZE.

(LAUGHTER)BELIEBITORNOT.

SWITCHED BODIES WITH A DOG.

OR... UNHINGES JAW TO SWALLOWAN ENTIRE PIG.

BELIEBITORNOT.

I'M GONNA PUT 60 SECONDS ON THECLOCK, AND BEGIN.

YES, NATASHA LEGGERO.

>> UH, BUTT-HOLE COVERED IN$3 MILLION OF SWAROVSKI CRYSTAL.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

JEFF.

>> HIS FAVORITE FOOD IS WHATEVERIS STUCK IN USHER'S TEETH.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)>> OH, MY GOD!

>> HARDWICK: WAIT A MINUTE.

WAIT A MINUTE.

SO HE EATS HIS OWN COME?

(SHOUTING, LAUGHTER)WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?

>> THAT'S GOOD.

I LIKE...

I LIKE THAT YOU'RE BRINGING OUTYOUR ROASTY VIBE FOR US TONIGHT.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, YEAH, YOUGUYS ARE BRINGING IT OUT.

I'M SORRY, USHER. I'M NICE.

POINTS TO JEFF.

UH... JEFF ROSS AGAIN.

>> UH, WE'RE ROASTING HIM AGAINNEXT YEAR.

>> HARDWICK: OKAY. POINTS.

UH, SARAH.

>> HE'S ACTUALLY NOT CANADIAN.

HE'S KENYAN, AND HE REFUSES TOSHOW HIS BIRTH CERTIFICATE.

>> HARDWICK: OKAY, POINTS,POINTS.

JEFF.

>> HE'S ACTUALLY 53 YEARS OLD.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH. POINTS.

NATASHA.

OH, SARAH. I'M SORRY. SARAH.

>> HE STILL HAS A HOTMAILACCOUNT.

>> HARDWICK: OKAY, POINTS.

JEFF.

(LAUGHTER)I KNOW, IT'S BULLSHIT.

>> MAYBE I SHOULDN'T SAY THIS,BUT HE BANGED NATASHA AT THE

AFTER-PARTY.

>> HARDWICK: WHAT?!

(AUDIENCE GROANING, SHOUTING)>> HE IS HOT. HE'S HOT.

>> HARDWICK: SHOULD I GIVE HIMPOINTS FOR THAT?

>> YEAH. WHY NOT?

>> HARDWICK: OKAY, POINTS.

NATASHA.

>> UM, HIS TESTICLES AREACTUALLY DISTENDED OVARIES.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(APPLAUSE, WHOOPING)YO, DAWG, I JUST COUGHED AND MY

PUSSY NUTS FELL OUT.

NOW IT'STIME TO PLAY LOST AND FOUND

FOOTAGE.

LOST AND FOUND FOOTAGE.

FOR THE PAST DECADE, THE FOUNDFOOTAGE FESTIVAL HAS BEEN

SHOWCASING TONS OF OLD, BIZARREVHS-BASED INSANITY CULLED FROM

OUR NATION'S FINEST GARAGESALES, THRIFT STORES AND

DUMPSTERS-- THEY'RE DOING THELORD'S WORK.

THE BEAUTIFUL WEIRDOS BEHIND ITALL-- JEFF HOSS, JOE PICKETT AND

NICK PRUEHER-- HAVE MADE SOME OFTHEIR ARCHIVES AVAILABLE ONLINE.

THEY'RE BASICALLY BRINGING THEINTERNET THE BEST STUFF FROM A

PRE-INTERNET WORLD.

SO I'M GONNA SHOW YOU A STILLFROM A TRULY WHACKADOO FOUND

FOOTAGE FESTIVAL GEM AND FOR 250POINTS YOU HAVE TO GUESS, UH,

WHAT THE VIDEO IS ACTUALLYABOUT, ALL RIGHT?

FIRST ONE: IS THIS AWESOMEOCTOGENARIAN ABOUT TO SCREECH A

PRAYER TO JESUS OR CRY WHILEGROOMING A CAT?

(BELL DINGS)UH, YES, SARAH.

>> PLEASE LET IT BE CRY WHILEGROOMING A CAT.

>> HARDWICK: LET'S FIND OUT.

>> (INDISTINCT SCREECHING)>> NO, NO, NO...

HER CAT IS DOWN THERE.

THERE'S...

THERE'S NO WAY SHE'S NOTTOUCHING IT.

SHE'S TOUCHING IT.

>> HARDWICK: DON'T FEEL BADABOUT HER, GUYS, SHE'S SUPER

DEAD BY NOW.

NEXT ONE: IS THIS FUN FELLA ANEXPERT IN HOSPITAL CLOWNING OR

VIGILANTE JUSTICE?

(BELL DINGS)>> OH.

>> HARDWICK: YES, SARAH.

>> WELL, I THINK IT'S HOSPITALCLOWNING.

>> HARDWICK: WHICH MAYBE HE USESAS A TOOL FOR VIGILANTE JUSTICE,

BUT LET'S FIND OUT.

>> OH, I'VE GOT TO BE WACKO.

ANOTHER THING YOU DON'T WANT TODO IS EVER TELL SOMEBODY THEY'RE

GONNA BE FEELING BETTER.

YOU DON'T KNOW THAT.

THAT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER, BUTIT DOESN'T NECESSARILY BE TRUE.

THAT PATIENT COULD BE TERMINALLYILL.

>> OH, MY GOD.

>> HARDWICK: YOU'RE NOT GONNAMAKE IT, TIMMY, IT'S NOT GOING

WELL.

>> WOW.

>> HARDWICK: I THINK IF THATAPPEARED, THE KIDS ARE LIKE,

"PULL OUT THE PLUG, PLEASE.

TAKE IT OUT."

IT'S HORRIFYING.

>> THAT'S DR. GETS-NO-SNATCHADAMS, RIGHT THERE.

THAT IS RIDICULOUS.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, 100POINTS FOR THAT.

NEXT ONE: IS THIS 80S BEAUTYEXPERT SELLING A BEAUTY MASK

THAT DELIVERS ELECTRIC SHOCKS ORSHOULDER PADS THAT YOUR MAN WILL

WANT TO SNIFF?

(BELL DINGS)NATASHA.

>> ONLY 'CAUSE I WANT TO SEE IT,PLEASE, SHOULDER PADS THAT YOUR

MAN WILL WANT TO SNIFF.

>> HARDWICK: UH, I DON'T THINKSO.

>> WHILE YOU CAN RELAX AND ENJOYREJUVENIQUE IN A VARIETY OF

SETTINGS, NEVER IMMERSE IT INWATER OR RINSE IT UNDER THE TAP.

DOING SO WILL DAMAGE THE SYSTEM.

>> NEVER IMMERSE IN WATER.

>> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT...

>> I JUST BOUGHT TWO OF THOSEFOR ME AND MY BOYFRIEND.

>> CHRIS, I'M JUST GONNA SAY IT.

I'M JUST GONNA SAY IT.

I'VE BEEN ON THIS SHOW A FEWTIMES-- IT'S GETTING WEIRDER.

>> HARDWICK: YES, I KNOW.

I KNOW.

BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RETALKING ABOUT, JEFF, IT'S SO

NATURAL, SEE, THE...

THIS IS THE LOOK THAT MOST WOMENIN HOLLYWOOD ARE TRYING TO

ACHIEVE ANYWAY.

I MEAN...

LAST ONE: IS THIS LADY GIVING ASEMINAR IN RAISING PUPPIES WITH

A LIBERAL USE OF THE WORD"BITCH" OR TENDING A GARDEN WITH

A LIBERAL USE OF THE WORD "HOE"?

(BELL DINGS)SARAH.

>> RAISING PUPPIES WITH ALIBERAL USE...

>> HARDWICK: LET'S FIND OUTTOGETHER.

>> MILKING HELPS AID THE BITCH.

WATCH YOUR BITCH.

WHAT IS NORMAL FOR YOUR BITCH?

>> THE BITCH SHOULD BE EXAMINEDTO MAKE SURE THAT ALL THE

NIPPLES ARE OKAY.

>> HARDWICK: I, UH...

>> WOW.

>> HARDWICK: I'M ALSO A HOSPITALCLOWN FOR PETS.

WE LOVED THIS VIDEO SO MUCH OVERAT NERDIST.COM THAT I HAD 'EM

MAKE A SPECIAL HIP-HOP REMIX,'CAUSE IT'S BEGGING FOR THAT.

JA... JACK, DROP THOSE NASTYBITCH BEATS!

>> SOMETIMES A BITCH WILL COMEEARLIER.

BI-BI-BITCH.

SOMETIMES A FEW DAYS LATE.

BITCH, BITCH.

>> MILK THE BITCH.

>> ♪ YEAH! >> MILKING HELPS AID THE BITCH.

AI-AID THE BITCH.

>> HARDWICK: ♪ YEAH!

IT'S TIME FOR OUR NEXT GAME,THUG LIFE RAP SHEET.

>> YEAH.

>> HARDWICK: YES.

THE INTERNET IS FULL OF BOLDSELFIE TAKERS WHO MAY NOT HAVE

BENTLEYS AND CRISTAL, BUT WHOSTILL TRY TO LIVE THAT THUG

LIFE, SO I'M GONNA SHOW YOU ASELFIE THAT TRIES TO PROJECT AN

AIR OF BALLERNESS, AND FOR 250POINTS YOU'RE GONNA GIVE US ONE

OF THE CRIMES YOU'D FIND ONTHEIR RAP SHEET, ALL RIGHT?

FIRST UP, THIS HARD-ASS.

(BELL DINGS)JEFF.

>> THIS GUY WAS ARRESTED FOR,UH, BREAKFASTING AND ENTERING.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

POINTS.

NATASHA.

>> UH, HE WAS ARRESTED FOR BEINGKEVIN SMITH'S FITNESS GOAL.

>> HARDWICK: JESUS CHRIST.

>> SORRY, KEVIN.

>> HARDWICK: I'M SORRY, KEVIN,THEY, LAUGHED, I GOT TO GIVE HER

POINTS, BUT I LOVE YOU.

>> QUESTION, QUESTION.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, JEFF.

>> WHEN YOU SAY "POINTS" ARE YOUTALKING ABOUT SARAH'S NIPPLES?

FREEZING IN HERE.

COLD.

>> HARDWICK: YOU KNOW...

AFTER 215 SHOWS, NO ONE'S ASKEDME THAT QUESTION, BUT I GUESS,

YEAH, I MEAN...

>> THEY POINT EAST AND WEST.

>> HARDWICK: NEXT ONE: HOW ABOUTTHIS PERSON, WHO COULDN'T COMMIT

TO ANY REAL TATTOOS?

JUST A TEMP TATTOO PERSON.

NATASHA LEGGERO.

>> HE WAS ARRESTED FOR CRYINGTOO LOUD AT A MORRISSEY CONCERT.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

>> BEST JOKE.

YOU GOT IT.

>> HARDWICK: JEFF.

>> HE WAS ARRESTED FOR MOLESTINGA TRAPPER KEEPER.

>> HARDWICK: YO, YOUR HONOR, DIDYOU SEE WHAT THE TRAPPER KEEPER

WAS WEARING?

IT WAS COVERED IN POWER RANGERSAND SHIT.

>> DAMN!

>> HARDWICK: POINTS TO JEFFROSS.

>> THANK YOU.

>> HARDWICK: UH, THIS NEXT ONE:THIS AGGRO ANCESTOR.

(BELL DINGS)SARAH.

>> SHE WAS ARRESTED FORSWITCHING SEATS WITH PRESIDENT

LINCOLN AT A THEATER.

>> HARDWICK: HEY, POINTS.

YEAH, POINTS.

♪ WOULD SHE GO DOWN ON ABE IN ATHEATER? ♪

NATASHA.

>> UM, SHE WAS ARRESTED FORTHROWING HARD CANDY AT HER

GRANDSON'S DICK.

>> OH!

>> HARDWICK: WAIT...

>> WERTHER'S ORIGINAL.

SHE LOOKS COOL.

>> SUCK ON THIS.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

JEFF ROSS.

>> SHE WAS ARRESTED FOR GIVINGHAND JOBS FOR A CHANCE TO BE ON

THE PRICE IS RIGHT!

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

>> COME ON DOWN.

>> COME ON DOWN.

>> HARDWICK: WAS THAT... IS THATHER BIDDING A DOLLAR?

ONE DOLLAR.

ONE DOLLAR.

NEXT ONE: THIS INCONTINENT G.

>> YEAH.

>> HARDWICK: OH, MY GOD.

(BELL DINGS)MONEY IN A DIAPER SHOULD NEVER

HAPPEN.

JEFF.

>> HE WAS ARRESTED FOR PUTTINGHIS MONEY WHERE HIS MOUTH IS.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

POINTS.

NATASHA.

>> UM, HE WAS ARRESTED FORMAKING THE WORST AUDITION TAPE

FOR THE MAGIC MIKE SEQUEL.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

POINTS.

AND FINALLY, GO AHEAD AND TAKEYOUR SHOTS AT THIS

UN-BELIEB-ABLE ARCHER.

OH, MAN.

(BELL DINGS)LOCKED AND LOADED, JEFF ROSS.

>> HE'S SHOOTING HIS NEW DOG.

>> I JUST LIKE THAT JOKE 'CAUSEIT MAKES THE PETA PEOPLE MAD AND

THE JUSTIN BIEBER FANS.

THAT'S, LIKE, A CROSS SECTION.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, POINTS TOJEFF ROSS.

UH, NATASHA.

>> UH, HE WAS ARRESTED FORBREAKING AND ENTERING BUTTHOLES.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

SARAH.

>> UH, ASSAULT WITH A GIRLYWEAPON.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

AS WE GO TO OUR NEXT GAME,2 FAST 2 SPOILERS.

NOTHING GETS THE INTERNETWHIPPED UP INTO A FRENZY MORE

THAN A NEW ENTRY INTO THEOSCAR-NEGLECTED FAST AND FURIOUS

FRANCHISE.

WITH FURIOUS 7 ON THE HORIZON,UH, I WANT YOU TO COME UP WITH

AS MANY FAKE SPOILERS AS YOUCAN, UH, AND YOU CAN'T SAY VIN

DIESEL ESCAPES A ROCKET BYDRIVING A SUPERCAR FROM ONE

SKYSCRAPER TO ANOTHER SKYSCRAPER'CAUSE THAT FUCKING HAPPENS!

ALL RIGHT. WATCH.

♪ >> OH...

WHAT?

(TIRES SCREECH)>> RATED PG-13.

>> HARDWICK: #FUCKPHYSICS.

THE ONLY THING THAT WOULD MAKETHAT MORE AWESOME IS IF VIN

DIESEL WAS SPINNING AROUND ONSIDEWINDING CIRCULAR SKATES.

I'M GONNA PUT 60 SECONDS ON THECLOCK.

AND BEGIN.

(BELL DINGS)JEFFREY ROSS.

>> UH, VIN DIESEL IN THIS ONEAND JASON STRATHAM HAVE A

MUMBLE-OFF.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT. POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)I THINK YOU MEAN JASON STATHAM,

BUT I'LL ACCEPT IT.

SARAH TIANA.

>> LUDACRIS AND TYRESE FINALLYKISS.

>> HARDWICK: OKAY, POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)JEFFREY ROSS.

>> LUDACRIS GETS OFFENDED.

>> HARDWICK: OKAY, POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)NATASHA.

>> UH, SPOILER ALERT, THE WHOLESCRIPT IS IN IAMBIC PENTAMETER.

>> HARDWICK: BRILLIANT. POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)NATASHA.

>> A GROUP OF ASIANS WONDER WHYTHEY'RE NO LONGER IN THIS MOVIE.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)GODDAMN IT. SARAH.

>> MERYL STREEP SINGS THE WHOLETIME.

>> HARDWICK: OKAY. POINTS.

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