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T.M.I.

Cartman is furious when the school posts the kid's penis sizes on the bulletin board. He throws an absolute fit and once again finds himself in the principal's office. This time he gets sent to anger management therapy. (21:31)

[bell rings]

- AND SO THEN,AND SO THEN IT TURNS OUT

THE TERMINATOR SECRETLY HADA KID TEN YEARS AGO,

MEANING TERMINATOR COULD BEHIS OWN FATHER.

AND THEN SKELETOR GETS ANGRY

AND WANTS TO FIGHT HIM!

- NO, DUDE, THAT'S NOTTHE TRAILER FOR TERMINATOR 5.

THAT REALLY HAPPENED.

- SKELETOR'S REAL?

- NO, DUDE,THAT'S NOT SKELETOR.

THAT'S TERMINATOR'S WIFE.

- SKELETOR'S A LADY?

- GOD DAMN IT!

WHO THE FUCKWHO DO THEY THINK THEY ARE?

THIS IS THE LASTFUCKING STRAW!

I AM GOING TO FUCKINGKILL EVERYBODY!

- HEY, ERIC.

- I AM SO SICKOF THIS FUCKING SCHOOOOL!

- WHOA!

- THIS STUPID SCHOOLAND ITS STUPID PRINCIPAL

HAVE GONE TOO FAR THIS TIME!

- YOU GET IN TROUBLE AGAIN,CARTMAN?

- NO! I DIDN'T DOA DAMN THING.

NOTHING!

I TOLD YOU, THIS SCHOOLIS A DEN OF SNAKES!

YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE WHATTHEY DID THIS TIME, YOU GUYS.

- DUDE, WE'RE JUSTTRYING TO EAT.

- OH, YOU THINK I'MOVER REACTING AGAIN, HUH?

NO, NOT THIS TIME!

ARGH!

THE SCHOOL HAS GONE TOO FAR

AND IT AFFECTSEACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU!

YOU REMEMBER THE SCHOOL PHYSICALWE ALL TOOK LAST WEEK?

- YEAH.- WELL...

THE SCHOOL PUT THE SIZESOF ALL OUR PENISES

UP ON A BIG CHARTIN THE SCHOOL HALLWAY!

- NO, THEY DIDN'T.

- YEAH,THEY FUCKING DID, KYLE!

- DUDE, WHY WOULDTHE SCHOOL PUT UP

THE SIZES OF OUR WIENERS?

- BECAUSE THEY DON'TFUCKING CARE!

I'VE TOLD YOU THIS!

THEY DON'T GIVEA SHIT ABOUT THE STUDENTS

AND THEY LIVE TO MAKE USMISERABLE!

- THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.

- GO LOOK FOR YOURSELVES!

[boys muttering]

CAN YOU FUCKING BELIEVE IT?

- IS THAT REALLYALL OUR WIENER SIZES?

- YEAH, DUDE, LOOK AT IT!

IT SAYS RIGHT THERE.ERIC CARTMAN, 1.2 INCHES.

WHY WOULD THEY TELLEVERYBODY THAT?

THEY WANNA MEASURE MY WIENER?FINE!

BUT DON'T PUT ME ON BLAST!

- CRAIG TUCKER,2.4 INCHES.

YEAH, THAT'S ABOUT RIGHT.

- BUTTERS STOTCH, 2.2 INCHES.IS THAT GOOD?

- HOW BIG DO THEY SAYMINE IS?

[boys chattering]

- I TOLD YOU THE STUDENTSWOULD BE INTERESTED

IN HOW MUCH THEY GREWSINCE THEIR LAST PHYSICAL.

- YOU'RE RIGHT.

THEY REALLY SEEMINTO IT, MKAY.

- WAIT, IT SAYS MINE'SONLY 2.1 INCHES.

THAT DOESN'T SEEM RIGHT.

- NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!

MY DICK ISN'T1.2 INCHES EITHER.

IT ISN'T!

THIS IS ANOTHER CONSPIRACYBY THE SCHOOL FACULTY!

- A CONSPIRACY?

- THEY'RE TRYING TO STIR UPSOME BIG THING AGAIN!

GET ALL THE GIRLS ALLHEATED UP AND FREAKING OUT

OVER WHICH BOY HASTHE BIGGEST SCHLONG!

THIS HAS TO BE DEALT WITH!

- WELL, EVERYONE'SALREADY SEEN IT.

NOTHING WE CAN DOABOUT IT NOW.

- OH, THERE'S SOMETHINGWE CAN DO ABOUT IT, ALL RIGHT.

IF THEY'RE GONNAPUT US ON BLAST,

THEY ARE AT LEAST GONNAGET THE NUMBERS RIGHT.

WE ARE GOING TO RE-MEASURE!

YOU SEE, WITNESSES?

THAT'S .2 INCHES MORE

THAN WHAT THE SCHOOL SAID.

- ALL RIGHT.- NICE ONE, CLYDE.

ALL RIGHT, NEXT.

WHIP IT OUT, BUTTERS.

- OH, IT'S A LITTLECHILLY IN HERE.

- ALL RIGHT, BUTTERS,

LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOTGOING ON DOWN THERE.

- HEY, WAIT, THE COLDIS MAKIN' IT SHRINK SOME.

WHERE YOU GOIN',LITTLE FELLER?

- BUTTERS, I DON'T HAVE TIMEFOR THIS.

I CAN'T WAIT IF YOUR WIENERIS PULLIN' A SCARED TURTLE.

- HANG ON,HE'S COMIN' BACK OUT.

THERE HE IS!

WHO'S A LITTLE GUY?

- ALL RIGHT, BUTTERS,LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE 2 POINT--

WOW--2.4 INCHES.REALLY NICE, BUTTERS.

- I'M HUNG LIKE A HORSE!

- ALL RIGHT,THAT'S EVERYBODY!

LET'S GO POST THESE NUMBERS!

WHAT?

- DIDN'T YOU FORGETSOMETHING?

- WHAT, KYLE?

- YOU MEASURED EVERYONE'SWIENER EXCEPT FOR YOURS.

- I MEASURED MINETHIS MORNING.

SEE?IT'S RIGHT HERE AT THE TOP.

- 13.7 INCHES?

- YEAH, IT'S PRETTY GOOD.

- YOUR WIENERIS NOT 13 INCHES LONG!

- YOU MADE EVERYONE ELSE GETMEASURED WITH WITNESSES.

YOU HAVE TO TOO.

- WELL, WHAT ARE YOU GUYSGONNA DO?

USE A TAPE MEASURE AND MEASUREMY PENIS YOURSELVES?

ARE YOU HOMOS?

- YOU JUST DID THATTO EVERYBODY IN CLASS!

- OKAY, FINE, WHATEVER.GO AHEAD!

- YEAH, THAT'S GOOD.

A LITTLE HIGHERON CRAIG'S SIDE.

YEAH.

- ACTUAL BOYS' PENIS SIZES?- GROSS!

- YEAH, YOU SEE?

MY WIENER ISN'T 1.2 INCHES.IT'S 1.4!

- WHAT, RED?

YOU ALL FREAKIN' OUT'CAUSE MY WIENER IS SMALLER

THAN THE OTHER GUYS?

I DON'T CARE!

CLEARLY, I'M VERY HAPPYWITH THE SIZE OF MY WIENER,

OR ELSE WHY WOULD I HAVECALLED FOR A NEW MEASUREMENT

AND FOR THIS POSTERTO BE PUT UP AT ALL?

DON'T FORGETTHAT THIS WAS ALL MY IDEA!

- ERIC CARTMAN TOTHE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE.

IMMEDIATELY!

- OH, GOD DAMN IT!

- YOU'RE DARN RIGHT, ERIC.- FOR WHAT?

- WHY DID YOU MEASURE ALLTHE BOY STUDENTS' PENIS SIZES

AND PUT THE RESULTSON THE SCHOOL BULLETIN BOARD?

- WHY DID YOU MEASUREOUR PENIS SIZES

AND PUT THE RESULTSON THE SCHOOL BULLETIN BOARD?

- WHAT?

- I DON'T CAREIF OBAMA IS PRESIDENT!

YOU DON'T GO AROUND PUTTINGLITTLE BOYS ON BLAST,

TELLING THE WHOLE WORLDTHE LENGTHS OF THEIR DICKS!

- WAIT.

ARE YOU TALKINGABOUT THE NUMBERS

WE PUBLISHED TUESDAYFROM THE PHYSICALS?

- YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT!1.2 INCHES.

I'LL HAVE YOU KNOWTHAT MY PENIS

IS A RESPECTABLE 1.4 INCHES!

MAYBE IT'S STILL THE SMALLESTIN THE SCHOOL,

BUT IT'S .2 INCHES BIGGERTHAN YOU SAID!

- THE NUMBERS WE PUT UPWERE HEIGHT DIFFERENTIALS!

- WHAT?

- WE THOUGHTIT WOULD BE FUN TO PUT UP

HOW MUCH EACH STUDENTHAS GROWN IN HEIGHT

SINCE THEIR PHYSICALLAST YEAR.

YOU GREW 1.2 INCHES.

- THOSE WEREN'TOUR DICK SIZES?

- WHY WOULD WE PUBLISHTHE LENGTH

OF OUR STUDENTS'PRIVATE PARTS?

- I DON'T KNOW!WHY WOULD YOU?

- WE DIDN'T!

- AW, CRAP!

YOU MEAN EVERYONE KNOWSMY WIENER IS SMALLER

THAN EVERYONE ELSE'SBECAUSE OF ME?

- THIS IS EXACTLYTHE KIND OF THING

WE ARE ALWAYS TALKINGABOUT, ERIC.

YOU GET ANGRY ABOUT SOMETHING,YOU DON'T THINK,

AND YOU CAUSE BAD THINGSTO HAPPEN.

THIS TIME, YOU'VE DONE ITTO YOURSELF.

- OH, GOD.

WHY COULDN'T I HAVE JUST TAKENA MINUTE TO THINK ABOUT IT?

- BECAUSE YOU HAVEAN ANGER PROBLEM, ERIC.

- FUCK YOU!NO, I DON'T!

ARE WE DEALING WITH MAYBEA LITTLE BIPOLARISM,

SOME RAGE ADDICTION.

IT COULD BE A LOT OF THINGS.

- MY LITTLE SUNSHINE HASA TEMPER SOMETIMES,

BUT HE'S NOT ALL BAD.

- LET'S TRYA LITTLE EXPERIMENT.

I WANT TO SEEWHAT KIND OF THINGS

TRIGGER YOU, ERIC, OKAY?

HOW DO YOU THINKYOU WOULD REACT

IF I SAID SOME NEGATIVETHINGS ABOUT YOU?

- HONESTLY,I WOULDN'T REALLY CARE.

- WHAT IF I WERE TO TELL YOUTHAT I THINK YOU'RE FAT?

I THINKYOU'RE A FAT LITTLE BOY.

I THINK YOU'RE WAY TOO FATFOR YOUR AGE.

DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEELANY ANGER?

HUH, FATTY?JELLY BELLY?

YOU GOT JELLY IN YOUR BELLY,YOU LITTLE FAT FUCK?

YOU GET A LITTLEFLASH OF ANGER

WHEN SOMEONE TELLS YOUYOU GOT TITS

LIKE A 40-YEAR-OLD WOMAN,FAT BOY?

HUH? YOU LIKE THAT,SHITTY TITTY JELLY BELLY?

[gruff voice]OH, YEAH, HE'S A BIG BOY!

GET THAT FATTY SOME MUD FLAPSFOR HIS ASS!

BIG OL' JIGGLY FATTY BUTT!

- [coughs]

- HUH.

WELL, I JUST DON'T SEE IT,MS. CARTMAN.

YOUR SON DOESN'T SEEM TO BETRIGGERED BY ANGER AT ALL.

IN FACT, I'D SAYHE'S ONE OF THE MORE

EVEN-TEMPERED CHILDRENI'VE EVER SEEN.

- SORRY, DOCTOR.YOUR WIFE'S ON THE PHONE.

SAYS IT'S AN EMERGENCY.- EXCUSE ME.

CAROL, WHAT--

WHOA, CALM DOWN, HONEY.WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WEB CHAT WITH--

WHAT 14-YEAR-OLD GIRL?CAROL, I WOULD NEV--

NO, I DON'T HAVEA CRIMINAL RECORD!

WHO IS MITCH CONNER?

THERE CAN'T BE AN OFFICIALPOLICE REPORT, HONEY.

THERE'S NO--NO, CAROL, PUT DOWN THE GUN!

SWEETIE, COME ON,PUT DOWN THE--

[gunshot over phone line]

CAROL?CAROL!

- I'M NOT FAT.I'M BIG BONED.

WE'VE CALLED YOU INBECAUSE WE'VE HAD

A LITTLE INCIDENTAT THE SCHOOL.

THE FOURTH GRADE BOYSMEASURED THEIR PENISES

AND POSTED RESULTSIN THE SCHOOL HALLWAY.

- OH, DEAR.

- NOW, WE REALIZE THIS ISSUECAN HAVE A TROUBLING EFFECT

THAT CAN GET BLOWNOUT OF PROPORTION.

- DID THEY MEASURE FROMTHE BASE OR FROM THE BALLS?

- HOW DOES THE SCHOOLLET THINGS LIKE THIS HAPPEN?

- NOW, NOW, BOYS' FASCINATIONWITH THEIR GENITALIA

IS A NATURAL THING.

WE SIMPLY NEED TO FIND A WAYTO HELP THE STUDENTS

UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY'VE DONE.

- I'M A SCIENTIST.

I THINK IT'S BESTI HANDLE THIS.

- HELLO, STUDENTS.MY NAME IS DOCTOR MARSH,

AND I'M GONNA TALK TO YOUA LITTLE BIT

ABOUT WHAT HAPPENEDAT THE SCHOOL YESTERDAY.

HOW DO A MAN AND WOMANMAKE A BABY?

ANYBODY?

A MAN AND A WOMAN, WHAT DOTHEY DO TO MAKE A BABY?

HOW ABOUT THE LITTLE GIRLIN THE BROWN COAT.

YEAH, YOU.- THEY HAVE SEX?

- GOOD!

THE MAN PUTS HIS PENIS, OKAY,

INTO THE WOMAN'S VA-GINA.

OKAY, NOW SOMETIMES,

A MAN CAN FEEL LIKEHOW LONG HIS PENIS IS

IS ACTUALLY IMPORTANT.

BUT IS IT?

WHEN YOU BOYS MEASUREDYOUR PENIS LENGTH,

THE TRUTH IS,IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER.

WHAT DOES MATTER IS...

LENGTH TIMES DIAMETER

PLUS WEIGHT OVER GIRTH

DIVIDED BY ANGLEOF THE TIP SQUARED.

OKAY?

WHEN WE ARE TALKINGABOUT PENIS SIZE,

WE CAN'T JUST USEA TAPE MEASURE.

WE NEED A SCALEAND A PROTRACTOR AS WELL.

LET'S LOOK AT ITON THE GRAPH HERE.

FOLLOW ALONG WITH MEON YOUR STUDY SHEETS, KIDS.

- I WANT TO CONGRATULATEALL OF YOU

FOR MAKING THE EFFORT TO COMETO ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASS.

- WE DIDN'T MAKE ANY EFFORT.WE DIDN'T HAVE A CHOICE!

- YEAH, THIS IS BULLSHIT!

- TOGETHER, WE ARE GOING TOLEARN WHAT MAKES US ANGRY,

OKAY, AND HOW TO BETTERDEAL WITH IT

SO WE DON'T GET OUR OURSELVESINTO TROUBLE ANYMORE.

- SO LAME.

WHY DOESN'T EVERYONEJUST DIE?

- [heavy accent] LOOK, IFA SOMEBODY ORDER THE CITY BEEF,

AND A COMPLAINBECAUSE THEY SAY

THEY ORDERED THE CITY SHRIMP,

IT'S NOT A MY FAULTHE GETS A CITY CHICKEN

POURED ALL OVERHIS FUCKING HEAD!

- WE HAVE GOOD REASONTO BE ANGRY!

THIS COUNTRYIS GOING TO SHIT!

WE HAVE EXACTLY TWELVE DAYSBEFORE THE OIL IS GONE,

AND OUR PRESIDENTIS A SOCIALIST

WHO WASN'T EVEN BORNIN AMERICA!

- RIGHT. SEE,WHAT WE ALL NEED TO DO

IS CHANNEL OUR VARIOUSREASONS FOR ANGER

AND LEARN TO CONTROL IT.

- MAN, THIS SHIT ISWHACK, MAH.

I JUST SEENALL THIS SHIT FRONTIN', MAH.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND,IT'S LIKE MY POPS

AIN'T NO FUCKING GOOD, MAH.

BITCH BE COMING,I BE TAPPIN' THAT SHIT, MAH.

- WHY THE FUCKAM I HERE?

- WELL, ERIC,BECAUSE I KNOW YOU WANT

TO CONTROL YOUR ANGERAND BECOME A BETTER PERSON.

- YOU SAYING I GOT PROBLEMSLIKE THESE FUCKING PEOPLE?

- NO, NO!I'M NOT SAYING THAT AT ALL.

PLEASE, I'M JUST SAYINGHOW AMAZING YOU ARE

FOR WANTING TO LESSENSOME OF YOUR MORE

LESS AWESOME ATTRIBUTES.

- OH, THAT'S COOL.

- AND SO,BY DIVIDING THE WEIGHT

BY THE ANGLE, OR THE--WHAT DO WE CALL IT AGAIN?

THE YAW.THE YAW OF THE SHAFT.

WHAT WE FINALLY GET ISTHE ADJUSTED PENIS SIZE,

OR T.M.I.

ANY QUESTIONS SO FAR?

YES, LITTLE GIRL OVER THERE.

- WHAT'S A PENIS?

- AH, GOOD QUESTION.

UH, THE PENIS, IS THE THINGWE'RE TALKING ABOUT

THAT BOYS HAVETHAT WE'RE MEASURING.

OKAY, ANY OTHER QUESTIONS?

OKAY, SO THEN LET'S MOVE ONTO THE EXAMPLE

ON YOUR STUDY SHEET.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

COULD YOU READ THE FIRSTEXAMPLE FOR THE CLASS?

EXAMPLE ONE, YOUNG LADY,

PLEASE READ THE PROBLEMOUT LOUD.

- "EXAMPLE ONE:

RANDY HAS A PENIS THAT IS4.4 INCHES IN LENGTH."

- 4.4 INCHES.

- "ITS ANGLE IS 32 DEGREES.

"ITS FLACCID GIRTHIS ONE INCH IN DIAMETER.

HIS BALLS ARE 7 CENTIMETERSFROM THE BASE."

- SEVEN CENTIMETERS.

- "RANDY NOTESTHAT THE DRIFT OF HIS PENIS

"IS 4 CENTIMETERSTO PENIS RIGHT,

AND ITS DEAD WEIGHTIS .5 KILOGRAMS."

- GREAT, AND SO,DIVIDE BY THE 17,

CARRY THE ONE,AND WE CAN SEE THAT

RANDY'S ADJUSTED PENIS SIZE,OR T.M.I,

IS...6.3 INCHES.

DO WE GOT THAT?

RANDY'S LENGTHIS 4.4 INCHES,

BUT HIS ADJUSTED LENGTHIS 6.3.

SO HOW DOES OUR EXAMPLEPERSON "RANDY"

COMPARE TO OTHERSON THE T.M.I. SCALE?

BY REFERRING AGAINTO THE T.M.I. CHART,

WE SEE THAT A T.M.I. OF 6.3

IS .8 INCHES MORETHAN THE NATIONAL AVERAGE.

IS GET TO THE ROOTOF ALL YOUR ANGER.

DANIEL, COULD YOUSTAND UP, PLEASE?

WHAT MAKES YOUTHE ANGRIEST, DANIEL?

- STUPID ASSBLIND LIBERALS!

- OKAY, GREAT.

CHASE, COULD YOU STAND UPAND PRETEND TO BE

A STUPID ASS BLIND LIBERAL.

AND WHAT MAKES YOUANGRIEST, CHASE?

- SCRAWNY ASS SISSIES!

- OKAY, DANIEL ISA SCRAWNY ASS SISSY.

HE JUST CUT IN FRONT OF YOUIN LINE AT THE BANK.

GO!- HEY!

WHAT, YOU THINK,I GOT A SMALL DICK, HUH?

- I DON'T HAVE A SMALL PENIS!

MY WIFE THINKS MY PENISIS PERFECTLY FINE!

- OKAY.

UH, WHY DON'T WE DOSOME ROLE PLAYING NOW

WITH WAYNE D, WHO GETSANGRIEST AT HIS MOM?

GRETCHEN, COULD YOU PLAYWAYNE D'S MOM FOR US.

- YO, BITCH!YOU THINK YOU BAD.

JUST 'CAUSE YOU A MOMDON'T MEAN I CAN'T

PUT A CAP IN YOUR ASS,BITCH, MAH!

- I MAY BE FEMALEON THE OUTSIDE,

BUT I STILL HAVEA BIGGER PENIS THAN YOU!

- I DON'T HAVE A SMALL PENIS.DON'T SAY THAT!

IT ISN'T TRUE!IT ISN'T TRUE!

- THAT'S ENOUGH!

I'M SICK OF EVERYONETALKING ABOUT PENIS SIZE!

- YEAH, IT DOESN'T MATTER!IT DOESN'T MATTER!

- DOES EVERYONE HERE

HAVE AN ISSUEWITH THEIR PENIS SIZE?

- NO.- NOPE.

- NOT ME.- NAH, MAH SHIT BE PACKIN', MAH.

- MY PENIS IS13 INCHES LONG!

- HMM.

AND I'M AN ACTUAL DOCTOR

OF HUMAN SEXUALITYAND BEHAVIOR.

UNFORTUNATELY,YOU HAVE BEEN TAUGHT

SOME VERY WRONG IDEASIN THE PAST COUPLE OF DAYS

AND I AM HERETO SET THINGS STRAIGHT.

- THANK GOD.

- I WANT YOU TO TRYAND FORGET

THESE WILD THEORIESAND UNDERSTAND

THAT ALL THAT'S IMPORTANT

WHEN IT COMES TO A MANAND A WOMAN MAKING LOVE

IS ACTUALLY...LENGTH TIMES GIRTH

OVER ANGLE OF THE SHAFT

DIVIDED BY MASS OVER WIDTH.

- [speaking foreign language]

- UGH!UNH!

[both grunting]

- WE ALL WANT TO WELCOMEOUR NEW MEMBER, RANDY.

SAY HI TO EVERYONE, RANDY.

- OH, SUCK IT,ALL OF YOU!

- NOW, WE'VE ALL BEENTRYING TO CHANNEL OUR ANGER

IN MORE CONSTRUCTIVE WAYS,RANDY.

WHY DON'T YOU SHAREWHAT'S BOTHERING YOU?

- YOU DON'T JUST GO AROUNDCHANGING MATH.

WHO THE HELL IS THISCHICK SURGEON GENERAL

APPOINTED BY OBAMA?

- GOD DAMN RIGHT!

SOCIALIST FASCISTS!

- POWER TO THE PEOPLE!BURN IT DOWN!

BURN IT DOWN!

- MR. MARSH, THIS ISWHAT WE'RE HERE

TO TRY AND WORK ON, OKAY.

- NO, DUDE, FUCK YOU!WE'RE BURNIN' THIS SHIT!

- IF YOU TAKE A MINUTETO THINK ABOUT YOUR ANGER AND--

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!

- YEAH!- YEAH, DUDE!

- MAH, THAT SHIT BE BURNIN'AND SHIT, MAH!

- UNH!

- YEAH!

[all shouting]

- WELCOME TO FEDEX.HOW CAN I HELP YOU TODAY?

- YES, I'VE GOT SOME BIRTHDAYPRESENTS I NEED SHIPPED.

- ALL RIGHTY, LET'S SEEWHAT KIND OF--

[glass shatters]- BURN IT DOWN!

- BURN IT DOWN, DUDE![people screaming]

- HUH! HUH!- AAH!

- OH, NO!

- LET'S SEEHOW THE AMERICAN GOVERNMENT

LIKES IT WHEN WE SHUT DOWNTHEIR FEDERAL EXPRESS!

- TOM, I'M STANDING OUTSIDETHE FEDEX

IN FAIRPLAY, COLORADO

WHERE A RADICALPOLITICAL GROUP

HAS TAKENSEVERAL PEOPLE HOSTAGE.

THEY CALL THEMSELVESTHE PISSED OFF AND ANGRY PARTY,

AND THEY ALLOWED ME TOSPEAK WITH THEM MOMENTS AGO.

- THIS IS A CALLTO ALL ANGRY PEOPLE!

WE'VE HAD ENOUGH!

WE'RE GONNA HIT THE GOVERNMENTWHERE IT HURTS,

RIGHT IN THE FEDERAL EXPRESS!

- WHAT EXACTLYARE YOU ANGRY ABOUT?

- WE'RE ANGRY ABOUTTHIS STUPID, LIBERAL GOVERNMENT

AND FASCIST LIES,MEDIA CONTROL, AND--

- AND JEWS!- YEAH, AND JEWS!

AND ALL THE STUFFTHAT THE GOVERNMENT'S DOING!

- YOU'VE GOTA LOT OF PEOPLE SCARED.

WHAT ARE YOUR DEMANDS?

- WELL, FIRST OF ALL,

WE WANT THAT SURGEON GENERALTO STEP DOWN!

- YEAH!- AND WE WANT--

- AND WE WANNA SEE OBAMA'SREAL BIRTH CERTIFICATE!

- YEAH, WE WANNA SEE OBAMA'SREAL BIRTH CERTIFICATE!

AND, UM--

- AND MY MOM GOTTASTOP TRIPPIN', MAH.

BITCH BE TRIPPIN'ALL THE TIME, MAH!

- YEAH, WE WANT OUR MOMSTO STOP TRIPPIN, MAN,

'CAUSE THEM BITCHESBE TRIPPIN ALL THE TIME!

AND I THINK THAT--UH, IS THAT IT?

- NO, AND FUCK KYLE!

- OH, YEAH AND FUCK KYLE!

SURGEON GENERAL'SRESIGNATION,

OBAMA'S REALBIRTH CERTIFICATE,

MOMS TO STOP TRIPPIN,AND FUCK KYLE.

YOU GOT THAT?

OR ELSE WE'RE GONNA BRINGTHE FEDERAL EXPRESS

TO A GRINDING HALT!

- DOES IT BOTHER YOUTHAT THE FEDERAL EXPRESS

IS NOT AFFILIATED AT ALLWITH THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT?

- NO.NO, THAT DOESN'T MATTER.

- FUCK, REALLY?

- BUTTERS,WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- HOMEWORK!I JUST DON'T GET IT!

THAT IS THE FOURTH TIMEI'VE CALCULATED,

AND IT'S BELOW AVERAGE!

I THOUGHT I WAS HUNG,BUT ACCORDING TO MY T.M.I.,

I HAVE A MICROPENIS!

- YOUR T.M.I.?

- I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.

I'M STARTIN'--I'M STARTIN' TO FEEL ANGRY!

ARGH!

- BUTTERS,PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON!

- OH, WHAT'S THE POINT, MOM?

WHAT'S THE POINT OF LIFEANYWAYS?

ALL YOU DO IS YELL AT ME!

AND THE GOVERNMENT,IT'S JUST LEAD BY FASCISTS!

AND EVERYONE'SA JUSTIN BEIBER WANNABE!

I WANNA GOAND DRIVE A HUMMER.

THAT'S WHAT I WANNA DO!

I WANNA DRIVE A CARTHAT GOES "VRAM VRAM VRAM!"

- BUTTERS, WHAT DOESDRIVING A CAR

HAVE TO DO WITH YOUR PENISBEING SMALL?

[engine revving]

- HEY, EVERYONEWHO'S PISSED OFF AND ANGRY

IS RALLYINGTO TAKE DOWN AMERICA!

JOIN THE FIGHT!

- WE'RE GONNA TAKE DOWNTHE FEDERAL EXPRESSES,

THE AMERICAN APPARELS,

AND THE AMERICANFURNITURE WAREHOUSE!

- WE ARE FED UPAND WE'VE HAD ENOUGH!

12 MORE FEDEXSHAVE BEEN TAKEN OVER.

THE PISSED OFF AND ANGRY PARTYIS GAINING MORE SUPPORT.

- THEY'VE SHUT DOWNAMERICAN AIRLINES

AND AMERICAN APPARELSALL OVER THE COUNTRY.

WE HAVE TO ASK YOUTO STEP DOWN.

- ARE YOU SERIOUSLY SAYING

WE'RE GOING TO GIVE INTO THEIR DEMANDS?

- THEY ARE ALL REALLY ANGRY.

WE HAVE TO MAKE THEM STOP.

IS THE TEAM STANDING BY TO FUCKTHAT LITTLE BOY KYLE?

- TEAM IS STANDING BY, SIR.

- EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME!LET ME THROUGH!

- WHO IS THIS?

- SURGEON GENERAL, I BELIEVEI KNOW WHY THIS IS HAPPENING.

I HAVE FOUNDA DIRECT CORRELATION

BETWEEN ANGER AND T.M.I.

ANGER EQUALSLENGTH TIMES WIDTH

OVER MASS SQUAREDMINUS ANGLE OF THE SHAFT

PLUS YAW.

LOOK, WE ALL GET ANGRY,

BUT WHEN SOMEONE ISCONSISTENTLY ANGRY,

OR ALWAYS FINDINGNEW REASONS TO BE ANGRY,

IT MEANS THEY HAVE A VERY,VERY, VERY, VERY SMALL DICK.

- YOUR THEORY IS FINE,DOCTOR,

BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER.

THE T.M.I. EQUATIONIS TRUE SOLID SCIENCE

WHICH CANNOT BE CHANGED.

THERE'S NOTHINGWE CAN DO ABOUT IT.

- ISN'T THERE?

ISN'T...THERE?

LET'S START KILLINGTHESE SONS A BITCHES!

- NO, PLEASE!

- YEAH, DUDE, THEY AREN'TGONNA GIVE US WHAT WE WANT.

- YO, LET'S CAPTHESE BITCHES, MAH.

LET'S CAP AND LEAVE 'EM INTHE BACK OF THE BUILDIN', MAH.

- HEY, COME OVER HERE!LOOK!

- WE INTERRUPT THIS NEWSCASTFOR AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE

FROM THE SURGEON GENERAL.

- FELLOW AMERICANS,

AS YOU ALL KNOW,THE T.M.I. SCALE

WAS IMPLEMENTED LONG AGO

TO ASSURE THAT EACHAND EVERY AMERICAN

COULD ACCURATELY MEASURETHEIR JUNK.

THE ESTABLISHED EQUATIONIS 100 PERCENT ACCURATE.

- ARGH!- SHH!

- HOWEVER, DUE TO RECENTLYCOLLECTED DATA,

WE ARE MAKING ONE CHANGE.

THE NATIONAL AVERAGEFOR PENIS LENGTH

IS NOW OFFICIALLY MOVED,

FROM 6 INCHES TO 1.5 INCHES.

ANYONE WITH A T.M.I.OF OVER 1.5 INCHES

IS CONSIDERED ABOVE AVERAGE.

- ♪ THE WINDS OF CHANGEARE BLOWIN' ♪

♪ THERE'S EXCITEMENTIN THE AIR ♪

♪ CAN YOU FEEL IT?

♪ IT'S ELECTRIC AND MAGICAL

♪ THE HAPPY TRAIN'SON TRACK ♪

♪ BECAUSE AMERICA IS BACK

♪ YEAH!

♪ WOO HOO!COME ON! ♪

- WAIT, WHAT?

[all cheering]

- ♪ AMERICA IS BACK

♪ AMERICA IS BACK

- WAIT!ACCORDING TO THAT SCALE,

I STILL HAVEA SMALL WIENER!

- ♪ AMERICA IS BACK

- I'M STILL FUCKING ANGRY!

- ♪ BACK AND WE'RE BACKAND WE'RE BACK ♪

♪ WE'RE SO BACK,WE'RE SO BACK ♪

♪ BACK BACK BACKBACK BACK ♪

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