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Bone Thugs-n-Homeless

Keegan and Jordan know why there are no more rap groups, a friend learns the game Fronthand Backhand and a pizza order goes beyond food. (21:13)

[Hail to the Chief plays]

- GOOD EVENING,MY FELLOW AMERICANS.

WITH ME AS ALWAYSIS MY ANGER TRANSLATOR, LUTHER.

- BOOM, MITT!

I SUNK YOUR BATTLESHIP,BITCH!

WHAT'S UP?

- TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE,I JUST WANT TO SAY

THE DEBATES ARE OVER,BUT NOW IS NOT A TIME

TO TALLY POINTS OR TO, UH,KEEP THE SCORE.

- 2-1, OBAMA.

GAME, SET, MATCH,TOUCHDOWN, HOMERUN, CHECKMATE.

CAN WE GET BACK TO WORK NOW?

- GOVERNOR ROMNEY,IN THE RECENT DEBATE,

I LAID OUT THE INCONSISTENCIESIN YOUR STATED BELIEFS.

- OKAY, GOVERNOR ROM--LISTEN.

I'M GONNA TELL YOU A LITTLE--

GOVERNOR ROMNEY,WHY YOU SMILING

WHILE YOU'RE GETTINGYOUR ASS KICKED?

ARE WE DEBATING,

OR ARE YOU TRYINGTO SELL ME A LEXUS?

- I DIRECTLY QUESTIONED YOUABOUT YOUR OPPOSITION

TO THE AUTO INDUSTRY BAILOUT.

- ON BEHALF OF ALL THE PEOPLEIN DETROIT

THAT WANT TO STAB YOU,I ASK AGAIN,

WHY ARE YOU SMILING?

- I ASKED YOU ABOUTYOUR STANCE ON SYRIA,

WHICH YOU CALLEDIRAN'S ROUTE TO THE SEA.

- HEY...DUMMY...LOOK!

IRAN IS ON THE SEA.

SYRIA'S TWO GOD DAMNCOUNTRIES THIS WAY.

BAM...WHICH IS A CITY IN IRAN.

- I EVEN REMINDED YOUTHAT HORSES AND BAYONETS

ARE NOT STRATEGICALLY VALIDIN MODERN WARFARE.

- SO LIKE I SAID, IT'S TIMETO WIPE THAT SMUG SMILE

OFF YOUR SWEATY, SWEATY,PASTY-ASS SWEATY FACE.

I MEAN, MITT,DO YOU NEED A TOWEL?

BECAUSE YOUR FACE ISSTRAIGHT UP RAINING.

- I SPOKE ABOUT BRINKSMANSHIPWITH IRAN,

AND YOU JUST SAIDYOU WANTED A PEACEFUL PLANET.

- I MEAN, WHO LETWAVY GRAVY UP IN HERE?

I'M SORRY, MITT.

IF YOU WANT TO BE THE FIRSTMORMON HIPPIE,

YOU'RE GONNA NEED TO GROWYOUR HAIR OUT, DOG.

[shrieking]AND QUIT SMILING!

[bleep]!THIS [bleep]...

- THERE WERE MANY TIMESWHERE YOU EVEN, UH,

INEXPLICABLY AGREED WITH ME.

- STOP AGREEING WITH ME!

ARE YOU TRYINGTO BODY SNATCH ME

AND BECOME MEFOR THE LAST TWO WEEKS

OF THE ELECTION?

I MEAN, WHAT'S--I'M SORRY, TIME OUT.

SIR, I'M, LIKE,LEGITIMATELY CONCERNED

THAT HE'S LIKE AN INSANE,RICH, CRAZY PERSON WHO--

- LUTHER...- WAIT, OKAY, YEAH.

- CALM DOWN NOW.- OKAY.

- I ASSURE YOU,GOVERNOR ROMNEY'S NOT INSANE.

- OKAY.- THANK.

- NO PROBLEM.- IN CONCLUSION...

I GREATLY APPRECIATED OUREXCHANGE ON FOREIGN POLICY.

- BUT WE ALL KNOW THE ONLYCOUNTRY THAT MATTERS...

IS OHIO.

- YOU SWEATY, SMILEY,

NEVER-GONNA-BE-PRESIDENTLOOKING MOTHER-[bleep].

- WHAT?- HEY...

LOOSING UP A LITTLE BITOVER HERE.

- AND IT'S JUST ABOUT[bleep] TIME.

[car horns honking]

all: ♪ BONE BONE BONE BONE

♪ BONE THUGS AND HOMELESS

♪ BONE BONE BONE

- ♪ SAID, BRAH,THAT'S WHAT WE GONNA DO ♪

- ♪ WHERE HAS EVERYBODY GONE

all: ♪ GONE GONE

- ♪ WHERE HAVEALL THE PEOPLE GONE ♪

- ♪ HOW DID WE GO BROKE

all: ♪ THINK OF ALLTHE LOST HOES ♪

- ♪ SOMEHOW WE MUST'VE TAKEN

all: ♪ A WRONG TURNAT CROSSROADS ♪

- ♪ MAYBE WE SHOULD CHANGEOUR FLOW ♪

all: ♪ BUT OUR FLOWIS TIGHT THOUGH ♪

- ♪ THE HARMONY THINGSEEMS OLD ♪

- ♪ SOMETHINGDON'T SMELL RIGHT, YO ♪

- ♪ WE SMELLING LIKE HELLAND NOT DOING TOO WELL ♪

♪ AND WE LIVE IN A SYSTEMWHERE NOBODY'S GIVING AWAY ♪

all: ♪ EVERY DAY, EVERY DAY

♪ POOP IN DIFFERENTALLEYWAYS ♪

- ♪ HOMELESS all: ♪ BONE

- ♪ HOMELESS BONE,HOMELESS BONE, YEAH ♪

all: ♪ WE PISS AND POOPIN DIFFERENT ALLEYWAYS ♪

- ♪ CAN SOMEBODY SPARESOME CHANGE ♪

all: ♪ WE SPENT ALL OUR MONEY

- ♪ CAN SOMEBODY--ANYBODY--SPARE SOME CHANGE ♪

all: ♪ LISTEN TO OUR TUMMIES

[stomachs growling rhythmically]

- ♪ HEY, MAN,I MISS MY UNCLE CHARLES, Y'ALL ♪

♪ HE HAD SOME GALL,HAVING A BALL ♪

♪ BROTHER CAN'T EVENRETURN MY CALLS ♪

♪ BONE - ♪ BONE

- ♪ BONE, YEAH

all: ♪ BONE THUGSAND HOMELESS BONE ♪

♪ BONE THUGS AND HOMELESS BONE

♪ BONE THUGSAND HOMELESS BONE ♪

- ♪ WE'RE SO HUNGRY...WE'LL EAT A BONE ♪

- SO YOU CAN SAYAS MUCH AS YOU WANT.

- BUT YOU CAN'T SAYTHE NAME OF THE CELEBRITY

OR ANY PART OF THEIR NAME,GOT IT?

- YEAH.- YEAH, WE GOT IT.

- WE GOT IT.- YOU ARE SO GONNA LOSE.

- BABY, YOU ARE GOING DOWN.

- WHY DON'T YOU START THE TIMERAND BE AMAZED?

- AND...GO.

- OKAY, THIS GUY--"E" EQUALS MC SQUARED.

- ALBERT EINSTEIN.- YES, THAT IS CORRECT.

- WHAT?EASY. HELLO?

- OKAY, THIS IS THE TERMINATOR.

- ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER!- YEAH!

OKAY, WE GOT--WE GOT--

TALKING ABOUT, UH..."ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?"

- ROBERT DE NIRO!- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!

ALL RIGHT.ALL RIGHT.

THIS PERSON PRETEND TO BESTRAIGHT BUT HE'S REALLY GAY.

- ME!

[timer ticking]

- UH, UH--HE IS, UH--[clears throat]

EXCUSE ME.HE'S LIVING LA VIDA LOCA.

- ME.

- IT'S--- NO.

- OKAY.- HE'S A, UM...

LATIN POP STAR.

- I'M NOT A LATIN POP STAR.

- NO, YOU ARE NOT.

IT'S NOT YOU.

"HE BANGS, HE BANGS."

- OH, RICKY MARTIN.

- THAT IS CORRECT.

- I WROTE THAT ONE TOO.

[ding]

[ding]

- TYRELL ABOUT TO COMEOUT HERE RIGHT NOW.

- 'SUP, LADIES?- WATCH THIS, WATCH THIS.

YO, TYRELL.

- YO, WHAT UP, LAWRENCE?

- HEY, MAN, YOU WANNA PLAYFRONT HAND, BACK HAND?

- I DON'T KNOW THAT GAME, MAN.- IT'S EASY, DOG.

ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS SAY"FRONT HAND" OR "BACK HAND."

- AIGHT, FRONT HAND.- UGH!

[all laughing]

BAM! I GOT YOU, SUCKA!

- OH, OKAY.OKAY.

I SEE HOW IT IS NOW.

- COME ON, MAN.

COME ON, YOU KNOWTHAT [bleep] WAS FUNNY.

- BACK HAND.- HUH?

- IT'S STILL MY MOVE, RIGHT?I CHOOSE BACK HAND THIS TIME.

- REALLY?

- BACK HAND, [bleep]!

- UH--

all: OH![laughter]

- GOD DAMN!

- LOOK, TY, I'M SORRY.

BUT I AIN'T SORRY,KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

I MEAN, YOU ASKED FOR IT.

I MEAN,YOU LITERALLY ASKED FOR IT.

- FRONT HAND!

- WHAT? NO.WHY YOU WANNA HIT--

- I...GOT IT!I FIGURED IT OUT.

FRONT HAND!

NO, BACK HAND!BACK HAND!

- NO, LOOK, LOOK.

DUDE, HEY, IF YOU WANT METO SLAP YOU ACROSS THE FACE

BACK HAND, I'LL DO IT, OKAY?

DON'T THINK I WON'T DO IT.

BUT YOU KNOW THATI'M [bleep] WITH YOU, RIGHT?

I MEAN, THERE AIN'T NO GAMECALLED "FRONT HAND, BACK HAND."

- OH!- RIGHT. YEAH, YEAH.

- OH, DOG!

YEAH, I GET IT.I GET IT.

ALL RIGHT,ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

AS SOON AS I GET GOODAT FRONT HAND, BACK HAND,

YOU WANNA STOP PLAYING.

- PLAY WHAT, MAN?

I MADE IT UP SO I COULDSMACK YOU IN THE FACE.

- I'M ABOUT TO SMACK YOUIN THE FACE

AS SOON AS IT'S MY TURN.BACK HAND!

- THERE AIN'T NO TURNS,[bleep],

'CAUSE IT AIN'T NO GAME.

- YOU AIN'T GOT NO GAME,[bleep].

BACK HAND!

AGHH!

FRONT HAND.

- LOOK, I DON'T KNOWIF YOU'RE [bleep] WITH ME

AT THIS POINT OR WHAT...

BUT I DON'T WANNA...SMACK A [bleep] NO MORE.

- [exaggerated laughter]WHERE YOU GOING THEN?

OKAY, FORFEIT.

FORFEIT, [bleep], I WIN!I WIN FRONT HAND, BACK HAND!

OKAY.ME AND YOU.

[bleep], ME AND YOU.ME AND YOU.

HMM?BACK HAND.

AH!

[phone ringing]

- HELLO? THANKS FOR CALLINGMARIO'S PIZZA.

THIS IS CARLOS SPEAKING.

- HELLO.

WE WOULD LIKE A LARGE PIE

WITH PEPPERONI, PINEAPPLE,AND CHEESY CRUST.

- LARGE PEPPERONIWITH PINEAPPLE AND CHEESY CRUST.

- WE WOULD ALSO LIKEA LARGE PIE

WITH BACON, PINEAPPLE,

AND...CHEESY CRUST.

- LARGE BACON, PINEAPPLE,WITH CHEESY CRUST. OKAY.

IS THAT GONNA COMPLETEYOUR ORDER, SIR?

- YOU KNOW WHAT?LET ME GAUGE THE ROOM.

UH, GUYS, ARE WE GONNA WANTANOTHER PIZZA?

LET ME JUST--WHO'S HUNGRY?SHOW OF HANDS.

LET ME SEE 'EM.

ONE, TWO, THREE.KEEP 'EM UP.

FOUR, FIVE, SIX.

- AH, HAVING A PARTY.[chuckling]

- YUP.PRETTY BIG ONE TOO.

COME ON, GUYS,KEEP 'EM UP.

HUGO, SUMMER?HANDS? FOOD?

YOU KNOW WHAT,LET'S PLAY IT SAFE.

LET'S GET ANOTHER PIEWITH HAM, PINEAPPLE.

- ALL RIGHT, HAM--

OH, ARE YOU GUYS GONNA NEEDCHEESY CRUST ON THE THIRD?

- GOOD QUESTION.I'LL GAUGE THE ROOM.

HEY, GUYS, DO WE WANTCHEESY CRUST ON THE THIRD?

OKAY, YEESH.

THAT IS A RESOUNDING YES

FOR CHEESY CRUSTON THE THIRD.

CLAIRE SAYS YOU READ HER MIND.

- CLAIRE, HUH?I LIKE THAT NAME.

- IT'S A GOOD ONE.

OH, ALSO, MY BOY ANDY OVER HEREIS SAYING

YOU HAVE SOMETHINGCALLED CHICKEN POPPERS.

- IS SHE CUTE?

- UH, WHO'S THAT AND WHAT NOW?

- CLAIRE.- OH.

HER BODY'S LIKE A FOUR.ANYWAY, WE WOULD ALSO--

- WELL, H-HOW DO YOU MEAN?

- HA, LET'S JUST SAYSHE'S KIND OF A BIG GIRL.

- THAT'S ALL GOOD.

THAT'S ALL SUPERFICIAL, MAN.I LIKE CLAIRE FOR WHAT'S INSIDE.

- YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW CLAIRE.

- YO, BUT FOR REAL THOUGH,

I FEEL LIKEI DO KNOW CLAIRE, MAN.

PUT ME ON THE PHONEWITH HER.

- UH...YOU DON'T NEEDTO SPEAK TO CLAIRE.

- NO, I DO.

YOU KNOW WHAT,I GOTTA LEVEL WITH YOU, MAN.

I...[bleep] HER.

- OH! OH, I'M SORRY.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO GETIN BETWEEN YOU GUYS.

- NO, IT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT.

'TWAS A WHILE AGO...

BEFORE SHE BLIMPED UP.

MY CURRENT GIRLFRIEND'S LIV.

BODY, TEN.FACE, TEN.

BUT ANYWAY, CLAIRE--YEAH.I HIT THAT SEXUALLY.

AND, UH, AS DID MY BOY HUGO.

HELL, EVEN BUBBA GOTSOME OF THAT.

SO JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW,USED GOODS, USED GOODS.

- SO YOU WOULDN'T CAREIF I ASKED HER OUT?

- WELL...LET ME DO IT FOR YOU.

HEY, CLAIRE, THIS GUYFROM THE PIZZA PLACE

WANTS TO DATE YOU.TOO POOR?

ALL RIGHT,I'LL LET HIM DOWN EASY.

- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.NO.

TELL HER THAT, NO,I'M NOT A RICH MAN.

BUT I'M A GOOD MAN.

TELL HER,"CLAIRE, I BELIEVE IN DESTINY.

"AND I BELIEVETHAT WE'VE ALWAYS KNOWN

"THAT OUR SOUL MATEWAS OUT THERE.

"THE MOMENT THAT WE HADTHAT UNSPOKEN CONNECTION

"ABOUT THE CHEESY CRUST...

"I REALIZED THAT YOU WEREALWAYS THE ONE.

"BECAUSE--AND I KNOWTHIS SOUNDS CORNY--

"BUT THAT MOMENT...

"WAS JUST LIKE...

SIMPLE."

- WOW.

YOU REALLY DO CAREABOUT CLAIRE.

- I DO.

- OH, MY GOD!CLAIRE JUST GOT SHOT!

- WHAT?NO!

- OH! IT JUST CAMETHROUGH THE WINDOW.

IT WAS A BULLET.IT HIT HER IN THE NECK.

OH, CLAIRE'S DOWN!SHE'S DEAD!

SHE'S DEAD!I'M CALLING THE COPS!

SHE'S DEAD!

- CLAIRE!

NOOOO!

- CHINESE IT IS.

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