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Monday, September 29, 2014

  • 09/29/2014
  • Views: 735

Kyle Kinane, Hari Kondabolu and Doug Benson learn about the exclusive new social media platform Ello, list #LamerDuos and watch debaucherous Vines from Las Vegas tourists. (21:15)

RIPPED FROM TODAY'S

INTERNET HEADLINES, IT'S RAPIDREFRESH.

(APPLAUSE)

>> A NEW SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORMSURE TO DETHROWN FACEBOOK OR

BECOME SUCH A JOKE THAT GOOGLEPLUS USERS WILL MAKE FUN OF IT.

IT'S CALLED ELO AND YOU NEED TOBE INVITED BY A CURRENT

MEMBER.

THERE IS A NERDIST PAGE ONTHERE BUT IT'S NOT ME AND I

WANT IT.

GIVE IT TO ME.

HOW DID SOMEONE PARK THATALL RIGHT?

YOU'RE NOT ME, I'M ME, NOT YOU.

GIVE ME NERDIST BACK, GODDAMMIT.

NO ONE WILL E-MAIL ME BACKFROM ELLO.

BUT MAYBE I COULD GO THISROUTE, INVITES ARE GOING FOR

50 GRAND ON eBAY.

THIS IS PERFECT FOR AFRIENDLESS BILLIONAIRE WHO

HAS SOME MONEY LEFT OVERAFTER BUYING ONE OF THESE.

(APPLAUSE)

>> ELLO IS I BASICALLY A PAIREDDOWN MIX OF TUMBLR AND

FACEBOOK. TO ADD FRIENDS, YOUSORT THEM INTO ONE OF TWO

CATEGORIES, FRIENDS OR NOISE.

OH.

YOU'RE INTRIGUED BUT ITHINK YOU DON'T KNOW WHY.

IN BETWEEN FRIENDS AND NOISEIS A LOT OF GRAY AREA, A TON

OF GRAY AREA IN THERE. SOCOMEDIANS WHAT ARE MORE SPECIFIC

CATEGORIES YOU WOULD LIKE TODIVIDE YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA

ACQUAINTANCES INTO. KYLE KINANE.

>> GREASERS AND SOCISHES.

>> POINTS.

>> ALL RIGHT.

>> FRIENDS AND WHITE PEOPLE.

>> OKAY, GOOD, POINTS.

(APPLAUSE)

OH NO, YOU GUYS ARE OKAY,BECAUSE YOU'RE HERE.

>> GOOD, OKAY, COOL, GOOD.

DOUG BENSON.

>> I DON'T KNOW WHICHCATEGORY YOU GUYS FALL INTO

BUT MY TWO WOULD BE TROLLSAND HOLES.

(LAUGHTER)

>> THE INTERNET EXPLODED OVERTHE WEEKEND BECAUSE OF A WEDDING

BETWEEN A BRITISH BARISTER ANDSOME GUY WITHOUT PLAYED

GEORGE ON THE FACTS OF LIFE.

THAT'S RIGHT, GEORGE CLONEY,AM I SAYING THAT RIGHT, GOT

MARRIED AND A MILLIONFRUSTRATED DIVORCED AUNTS

TOOK TO THE INTERNET TOEXPRESS THEIR RAGE.

BECAUSE IT WAS JUST A MATTER OFTIME BEFORE THE CLOONS CAME INTO

THE CRAFT STORE WHERE THEYWORKED TO BANG THEM IN THE

PUFFY PAINT AISLE.

THERE WAS ALSO A INCLUDINGNOSTALGIA CAUSING THIS IMAGE

TO GO VIRAL.

OH, YEAH.

YEAH!

I GOT IT, TAKE THIS FLIPPHONE CALL ON MY BIKE.

THAT'S GORGE CLOONEY FROMTHE SHORT-LIVED SERIES

SUNSET BEAT.

YOU REMEMBER, HE PLAYED ANUNDERCOVER COP NAMED CHIP

CHESBRO.

THAT'S 100 PERCENT TRUE.

AND I WANT TO YOU LOOK INTOTHIS IMAGE AND TELL ME WHAT

YOU THINK CLOONEY IS GOINGUNDERCOVER AS RIGHT THERE,

KYLE KINANE.

>> HELL'S PRETTIEST ANGEL.

(APPLAUSE)

>> POINTS. DOUG BENSON.

>> KELLY McGILLIS IN TOPGUN.

IT'S NOW TIME FOR

TONIGHT'S HASHTAG WARS.

YESTERDAY MARKED THE 30thANNIVERSARY OF AMERICA

GETTING INTRODUCED TO THEROLL UP BLAZER PASTEL

T-SHIRTED, CRIME FIGHTINGANTICS OF CROCKETT AND TUBBS

WITH THE PREMIERE THE HIT TVSHOW MIAMI VICE, REMEMBER?

THERE IT IS.

YEAH.

ONE COLOR, NO SOCKSIX DON'TGIF A [BLEEP] WHO I ARREST.

YEAH, MIAMI STYLE.

WHY DON'T YOU CRADLE THATSAWED-OFF SHOTGUN LIKE A

TODDLER.

SO IN HONOR OF THATTONIGHT'S HASHTAG IS LAMER

DUOS, LAMER DUOS.

EXAMPLES MIGHT BE TANGO ANDCASH FOR GOLD.

OR TUMOR AND HOOCH.

FINE, YOU WANT TO BE THAT WAY?GUESS WHAT, HOOCH IS DEAD.

(LAUGHTER)

>> YEAH, THAT'S WHAT YOU GET.

THIS IS SEASON TWO, I DON'T HAVETO TAKE YOUR (BLEEP) NO MORE.

(APPLAUSE)

>> SO I'M GONNA PUT 60 SECONDSON THE CLOCK STARTING NOW

AND GO. HARI.

>> MICHAEL JORDAN AND"PIPPIN" THE MUSICAL.

>> POINTS.

DOUG.

>> THE SCLAR MOTHERS.

>> YES, POINTS. HARI.

>> BELLE AND SEBASTIAN BACH.

>> POINTS. NICE. KYLE.

>> MIRIAM WEBSTER BUTWEBSTER THE LITTLE BLACK

KID.

>> YEAH, GOOD, POINTS.

>> HALL AND SCROTES.

>> YEAH, POINTS.

DOUG.

>>> MAYBE IT STILL WORKS.

DOUG.

>> THELMA AND LOUIS CK.

>> OK, GOOD. POINTS. KYLE.

>> SONY AND A CHAIR.

>> YES.

IT'S TIME TO PLAY VEGAS VINES,VEGAS VINES.

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY, WHATHAPPENS IN VEGAS IS THE WORST

THINGS.

WE'RE GOING TO SHOW YOU SOMEVINES WITH REAL GARBAGE FOLK

LET LOOSE IN SIN CITY, AND FOR250, I WANT YOU TO COME UP WITH

A NAME FOR THEM.

FIRST ONE, HOW ABOUT THISWALK OF SHAME RIGHT HERE.

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE)

THAT DID NOT STAY IN VEGAS,DOUG?

>> ALWAYS BET ON BLACKOUT.

>> POINTS. ALL RIGHT.

>>WRONG ROOM, RIGHT FLOOR.

>> POINTS. NEXT ONE.

LOOK AT THIS ROMANTIC,MOMENT THIS ROMANTIC MOMENT.

HARI.

>> PERFECT TINDER MATCH.

>> YES, PERFECT. POINTS.

KYLE.

>> JERK DU SOLEIL PRESENTSBONER ASSASSIN.

>> NEXT ONE.

THIS A WHOLE LOT OF LAP DANCE,A WHOLE LOT OF LAP DANCE.

HARI?

>> WHEN YOUR FIANCEE SETS UPYOUR BACHELORETTE PARTY.

>> POINTS.

JOKES ON HIM, SHE (BLEEP)ED THATGUY ANYWAY.

>> THERE ARE NO WINNERSHERE.

>> NO WINNERS.

>> KYLE?

>> FIRST CHRYL SCREWS UP THEKLAN HATS, NOW THE STRIPPER'S

MEXICAN. WHAT NEXT?

>> I LOVE YOU, KYLE KINANE. ILOVE YOU SO MUCH.

>> WHAT GROUP AM I IN NOW INYOUR FACEBOOK.

>> DOESN'T MAKE IT BETTER.

>> LAST ONE.

>> THIS CONCERNED CITIZEN,THIS CONCERNED CITIZEN --

>> ARE YOU DEAD?

>> HE'S FINE, PROBABLY. KYLEKINANE?

>> THIS USED TO BE A POOL.

>> IT'S TIME FOR OUR NEXTGAME, STEEL CAGE MATCH.

STEEL CAGE MATCH.

THE INTERNET HAS BUT ONETRUE GOD, HIS NAME IS

NICOLAS CAGE.

YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME?

ONE OF THE MOST AWESOMESUBREDDIT IS ONE TRUE GOD.

THERE IT IS TO PROVE MY POINT.

YEAH, ONE TRUE GOD.

DEVOTED TO NICHOLAS CAGE, I'MGONNA SHOW YOU A POST FROM THE

ONE TRUE GOD SUBREDDIT AND FOR250 POINTS YOUR JOB IS TO TELL

ME WHICH GOT MOST CAGE LOVE, OR UPVOTES FOR THE LAYPEOPLE.

FIRST UP, THIS GIF WITH THELABEL OUR LORD SEES ALL.

RIGHT? HOW DID HE KNOW, HOW DIDHE KNOW.

OR THIS POST THAT READSOUR LORD BLESSED US WITH A

GREAT PERFORMANCE IN HARRYPOTTER.

HARRY, WE DON'T HAVE TIMEFOR THIS. WE HAVE TO STUDY FOR

EXAMS.

DOUG?

>> THE ONE WITH EMMA WATSON --

>> OKAY, YOU THINK THE ONEWITH EMMA WATSON.

LET'S FIND OUT, THE CORRECTANSWER IS THIS ONE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

NEXT ONE.

MOUNT CAGEMORE OR -- THIS ISTHAT ONE--

OUR SAVIOUR LOOKING GREAT ASEVER.

YOU MIND IF I TAKE APICTURE? I REALLY WISH YOU --

CLICK, TOO LATE.

KYLE.

>> I LIKE THE SECOND ONE, ITLOOKS LIKE HE'S STILL IN

COACH.

(LAUGHTER)

>> I GUESS LEAVING LAS VEGAS WASA DOCUMENTARY.

(APPLAUSE)

>> A HUNDRED POINTS TO HARI FORTHAT.

THE CORRECT ANSWER IS THISONE.

>>IT'S TIME FORTHE NEXT GAME, FUNNY AND DIE.

>> THIS ACTUALLY HAS BECOMEA FUN LITTLE RECURRING

SEGMENT ON OUR SHOW.

WHEN WE HAVE FRO TIME IN THEWRITERS ROOM WE GO THROUGH

OBITUARIES TO SEE WHAT WESTUMBLE ACROSS AND

OCCASIONALLY WE FIND AREALLY GREAT ONE THAT WE

NEED TO SHARE.

THE PITTSBURGH POST GAZETTEINFORMED US THAT RAYMOND

"BIG AL" BROWNLEY PASSED AWAYAT THE AGE OF 82. THERE'S BIG AL

RIGHT THERE, IN HISBEST HARD HAT.

ACCORDING TO HIS OBIT, BIG ALWAS QUITE A TELLER OF TALES

IN HIS STORIES OFTEN END WITHTHE PHRASE THAT'S WHEN I

KICKED HIS ASS.

HE DESPISED CANNED CRANBERRYSAUCE, WEARING SHORTS, CIGARETTE

BUTTS IN HIS DRIVEWAY, TOBASCOSAUCE AND ANYTHING HAVING TO DO

WITH THE KARDASHIANS.

BUT BIG AL HAD MANY LOVES TOO.HE LOVED MILK SHAKES, FRIEND

SHRIMP, THE PLAYBOY CHANNEL, ANDSILKY'S GENTLEMAN'S CLUB.

IN HONOR OF BIG AL -- THANKYOU KYLE FOR REMOVING YOUR

HAT IN HONOR OF BIG AL.

BUT AL WAS A HARD WORKER ANDAMERICAN HERO SO LET'S COME

UP WITH OTHER THINGS THAT HEPROBABLY LOVED OR HATED.

60 SECOND ON THE CLOCK.

AND GO.

KYLE?

>> BIG AL HATED "THOSE" PEOPLE.

>> POINTS. DOUG.

>> ODDLY ENOUGH BIG AL LOVEDMONDAYS.

>> YEAH, HE DID.

POINTS.

KYLE.

>> BIG AL LOVED THE PHRASETHOSE PEOPLE.

>> POINTS. HARI.

>> LOVED INTERACIAL HARMONY,HIS FAVORITE STRIPPER.

>> YES.

POINTS.

BEAUTIFULLY DONE.

DOUG.

>> BIG AL --THIS IS ANOTHERHARD ONE TO BELIEVE -- LOVED

LIVETWEETING DOWNTON ABBEY.

>> POINTS. KYLE.

>> BIG AL IRONICALLY HATEDFAT ALBERT.

>> POINTS.

DOUG.

>> THIS IS ONE THAT IS KINDOF OBSCURE BUT-- TRUE THOUGH,

BIG AL HATED IT WHENFELICITY CUT HER HAIR.

>> UGH, HATED T.

SO MAD.

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