share

Extended - Thursday, October 30, 2014 - Uncensored

  • 10/30/2014
  • Views: 3,207

Aisha Tyler, Brian Posehn and Steve Agee write #ScaryStoriesIn5Words, compare B horror movies and give away scary freebies in this extended, uncensored Halloween episode. (33:02)

RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNETHEADLINES, IT'S RAPID REFRESH.

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)OH.

AND, UM, FOR THOSE OF YOU, UH,WHO WERE CURIOUS, UH, I AM LUKE

SKYWALKER TEXAS RANGER.

>> YEAH.

>> OH. GOOD.

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)>> HARDWICK: HAPPY I AM WITH

THIS.

ALL RIGHT, GUYS, LET'S BEGIN.

DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES, BRACEYOURSELVES FOR AN ADORABLE

DISASTER WITH THE CUTESY FORCEOF A NINE-POINT-OH MIRTHQUAKE.

HELLO KITTY CON STARTS TODAY.

(HARDWICK PANTS LOUDLY)(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)

NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THEILL-FATED PUSSY PALOOZA IN

PACOIMA.

(LAUGHTER)UH, THE FAVORITE CUDDLY MASCOT

OF ASIAN SCHOOL GIRLS ANDDELICATE MEN IS CELEBRATING ITS

FORTIETH ANNIVERSARY WITH A CONOF ALL THINGS SUPER CUTE AND,

APPARENTLY, EMOTIONALLYUNSTABLE.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING IS AREAL F.A.Q. FROM HELLO KITTY CON

WEB SITE?

A: AM I ALLOWED TO TOUCH OR HUGHELLO KITTY WHEN I AM CRYING?

(LAUGHTER AND GROANING)B: I GOT SOME SUPER CUTE TOPS.

WHERE CAN I SHOW THEM OFF?

OR C: WILL HELLO KITTY CON MAKEMY NEW BOYFRIEND BECOME GAY?

(BELL DINGS)(LAUGHTER)

AISHA.

>> (IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE): B:I'VE GOT SOME SUPER CUTE TOPS.

WHERE CAN I SHOW THEM OFF?

>> HARDWICK: OKAY.

OKAY, AISHA, THE CORRECT ANSWERIS B.

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)>> YEAH.

>> HARDWICK: FOR 100 POINTS.

>> RIGHT?

>> HARDWICK: THAT'S SO GOOD.

THAT'S SO GOOD.

>> I CAN'T WAIT.

>> HARDWICK: YES, THERE WILL BEA FAN TATTOO CONTEST EVERY DAY

AT THE HELLO KITTY FRIENDSHIPVILLAGE.

BUT REMEMBER-- AND THIS ISVERBATIM FROM THE SITE--

"REMEMBER!

TATOOS MUST BE READILY VISIBLE(NO PUBLIC NUDITY!) AND NO SEX,

PROFANITY, GUNS, VIOLENT, DRUGOR POLITICALLY RELATED ART."

YOU KNOW, SOMETHING TERRIBLYAPPROPRIATE, LIKE THIS.

(LAUGHING): YES.

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)

FOR BONUS POINTS, WHAT WOULDYOUR VIOLENT, DRUG OR

POLITICALLY-RELATED HELLO KITTYTATTOO LOOK LIKE, AISHA?

>> HELLO KITTY, UH, DOING MYLITTLE PONY FROM BEHIND...

(LAUGHTER)...WHILE A BRONY TAKES PHOTOS!

>> HARDWICK: YES. PERFECT.

YES, THAT'S A GREAT ONE.

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)BRIAN?

>> FOUR WORDS: HELLO KITTY, ABUGHRAIB.

(LAUGHTER)HOLD ON.

>> HARDWICK: HOLD ON?!

>> HOLD ON.

>> HARDWICK: THERE'S MORE?

>> YEAH. ME-OUCH.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: THAT'S FIVE WORDS.

>> YES.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, I'LLGIVE YOU POINTS.

STEVE.

>> HELLO KITTY REFUSING AMEASLES VACCINE.

(LAUGHTER)>> THAT'S JUST REAL.

YOU GUYS, THAT'S JUST REAL SHIT!

>> HARDWICK: YOU KNOW...

(LAUGHTER)I'LL... YOU BARELY SQUEAKED OUT

POINTS, BECAUSE I... I'MENAMORED WITH THAT FACE.

(LAUGHTER)ALL RIGHT. NEXT ONE.

NEW YORK, NEW YORK, A PLACE SOGREAT THEY NAMED IT TWICE, OR

SOMETHING.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY SAY,BUT... THE TOURISM BOARD'S WEB

SITE NYCGO.COM JUST NAMED A NEWTOURISM AMBASSADOR FOR THE CITY.

IT'S ONE OF THEM CLASSICFAST-TALKIN' NEW YORKERS WHO'S

AN ICON, WHO'S GONNA BE THEVOICE OF NEW YORK FROM NOW ON.

YOU KNOW WHO I'M TALKING ABOUT--TAYLOR SWIFT! WHAT?

(LAUGHTER)>> ALLOW ME TO HIGHLIGHT SOME

IMPORTANT NEW YORK VOCABULARYWORDS.

(LAUGHTER)(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE, WHOOPING)

NOHO STANDS FOR "NORTH OFHOUSTON."

SOHO STANDS FOR "SOUTH OFHOUSTON."

(LAUGHTER)ANYTHING THAT'S BASICALLY A

STAIRWAY ENTRY TO A DWELLING,HOME, APARTMENT, BROWNSTONE OR

TOWNHOUSE IS REFERRED TO AS A"STOOP."

♪ (LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)(WHOOPING)

>> HARDWICK: I DON'T KNOW ABOUTYOU GUYS... BUT...

I FEEL VERY READY TO TAKE ON THEBIG APPLE NOW.

(LAUGHTER, WHOOPING)I NEED A NAP.

I NEED A NAP.

(APPLAUSE, WHOOPING)BUT I FEEL LIKE THERE MIGHT BE

MORE VOCABULARY I'M GONNA NEEDIF I'M GONNA MAKE IT IN THE NYC,

SO, COMEDIANS, WHAT'S ANOTHERNEW YORK TERM WE SHOULD KNOW

BEFORE TAKING THE SHOW THERE?

BRIAN.

>> OFF-OFF BROADWAY.

IT'S NOT REALLY THEATER, BUT ITINVOLVES A DONKEY AND THERE'S A

LOT OF IMPROVISATION.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

STEVE.

>> CRACK. IT'S WHAT YOU NEED TOTOLERATE PEOPLE LIKE TAYLOR

SWIFT.

(LAUGHTER, WHOOPING)>> HARDWICK: DON'T YOU DARE!

DON'T YOU DARE TALK ABOUT HERTHAT WAY!

I'M SO SORRY, ANGEL.

I'M SO SORRY.

I'M SO SORRY, ANGEL.

(GRUNTING)OH... I'M SORRY TAY-TAY, I GOT

LOTION ON YOUR FACE BY MISTAKE.

I'M GONNA LICK IT OFF.

OH, I'M SORRY, I'M SO SORRY.

(GRUNTING)OKAY. SHH, SHH, SHH, SHH.

SHH...

SHH.

THESE TUNICS DON'T HAVE A LOT OFGIVE.

(LAUGHTER)(LAUGHTER)

SHE LIKES COWBOY HATS, RIGHT?

>> YEAH.

>> SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE JUSTSMELLED SOMETHING TERRIBLE.

(LAUGHTER)I THINK IT WAS YOUR BURNING

SELF-RESPECT.

>> HARDWICK: NO. NO.

(APPLAUSE, WHOOPING)I THINK IT WAS, UM... I THINK IT

WAS ALMOND-VANILA, ACTUALLY.

(LAUGHTER)WHAT SHE SMELLED.

ALL RIGHT, MOVING ON, FORHALLOWEEN, THE SUBREDDIT R

PHOTOSHOP BATTLES HAS BEEN FULLOF UNSPEAKABLE HORRORS.

IF YOU'RE UNFAMILIAR WITH THESUBREDDIT, THE ORIGINAL

REDDITORS POST A PICTURE, ANDTHEN THE COMMON THREADS ARE

PEOPLE PHOTOSHOPPING SAIDPICTURES IN NEW WAYS.

THE POST ON THE FRONT PAGE THISWEEK WAS UNQUESTIONABLY

HALLOWEENY AND UNQUESTIONABLYADORABLE.

HERE'S THE ORIGINAL.

OH, MY GAW!

(AUDIENCE AW-ING)WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING ENTRIES

OF THIS PHOTOSHOP BATTLE GOT THEMOST POINTS?

A) THIS ONE TITLED: LOVE ATFIRST SIGHT.

(LAUGHTER)B) MILD-MANNERED REPORTER.

(LAUGHTER)OR C) BATMAN HEART SUPER PUG

DAWN OF JUSTICE.

(LAUGHTER, WHOOPING, APPLAUSE)AISHA.

>> BATMAN HEART SUPER PUG DAWNOF JUSTICE!

>> HARDWICK: HOW COULD IT BEANYTHING ELSE BUT BATMAN HEART

SUPER PUG DAWN OF JUSTICE?

(APPLAUSE, WHOOPING, WHISTLING)I MEAN...

YOU KNOW, NORMALLY I DON'TSUPPORT SPOILERS, BUT, UH--

WHAT? WHAT?

>> IS ANYBODY NOT MADE TOTALLYUNCOMFORTABLE BY THE HEIGHT OF

THAT PUG... AND THE FACT THAT HEIS CLEARLY DOING BATMAN FROM

BEHIND?

>> HARDWICK: NO, HE'S NOT DOINGHIM, HE'S JUST...

>> AND HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S FUCKEDHIM TO DEATH.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: THEY'RE JUST POSING

FOR AN AWKWARD PROM PHOTO.

>> HE JUST HAS A TOTAL POWER TOPFACE ON, JUST LIKE... (MOANING)

>> HARDWICK: HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.

LISTEN. LISTEN.

I DON'T CARE HOW SMART OF ADETECTIVE YOU ARE, LIKE BATMAN

IS, IF SUPERMAN WANTS TO FUCKYOU, SUPERMAN'S GONNA FUCK YOU.

(LAUGHTER)UNLESS YOU'RE WEARING... UNLESS

YOU'RE WEARING KRYPTONITEUNDERPANTS, HE'S GETTING IN

THERE.

>> HIS DICK IS POWERED BY THEGOLDEN POWER OF THE SUN.

ABSOLUTELY, BY THE YELLOW RAYSOF THE SUN, FOR SURE.

>> IT LOOKS LIKE WEEKEND ATBATMAN'S.

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE)

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, AHUNDRED POINTS TO STEVE AGEE.

>> WHAT HAPPENS IN THE FORTRESSOF SOLITUDE STAYS IN THE

FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE.

>> HARDWICK: SO... YOU KNOW,NORMALLY I DON'T SUPPORT

SPOILERS, BUT, YOU KNOW, I CAN'TREMEMBER THE PLOT LINE FOR THIS

MOVIE.

GUYS, WHAT IS THE PLOT LINE FORBATMAN HEART SUPER PUG DAWN OF

JUSTICE. AISHA?

>> OH, UH, BATMAN PUTS PEANUTBUTTER ON HIS TINY BAT, AND YOU

KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.

>> HARDWICK: AH, NICE.

(WHOOPING)YES.

POINTS.

(APPLAUSE)>> HARDWICK: POSEHN.

>> WELL, BANE, UH, BREAKS SUPERPUG'S BACK, AND THEN BATMAN HAS

TO MAKE HIM ONE OF THOSE CUTELITTLE CARTS.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

>> BANE'S A DICK.

>> HARDWICK: STEVE AGEE.

>> SUPER PUG GETS INTO BATMAN'SHALLOWEEN CHOCOLATE AND DIES.

(LAUGHTER)BATMAN HAS TO DEAL WITH THE

GRIEF.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(APPLAUSE)SO THAT MIGHT BE A GHOST

SUPERMAN... UH, SUPER PUG BACKTHERE.

THAT'S A GHOST SUPER PUG BEHINDHIM, THEN.

>> GHOST SUPER PUG.

LIKE, THE ACTUAL GHOST.

LIKE, WE JUST NEED THE CLAY...

>> HARDWICK: LIKE A CLAY... LIKEA POTTERY WHEEL, YEAH.

>> YEAH, ABSOLUTELY.

IT'S NOW TIME FOR TONIGHT'SHASHTAG WARS.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)BUZZFEED HAS A GREAT LIST OF

TRULY TERRIFYING FIVE-WORDHORROR STORIES, SO, UH, LET'S

JUST RIP THAT OFF.

TONIGHT'S HASHTAG IS:SCARYSTORIESIN5WORDS.

EXAMPLES MIGHT BE: HI. MYHUSBAND IS HOME.

OR: NANCY GRACE ON MY FACE.

OR...

(LAUGHTER)FOUR-HOUR ONE DIRECTION CONCERT.

(LAUGHTER, GROANING)I'M GONNA PUT 60 SECONDS ON THE

CLOCK RIGHT NOW. GO!

YES, AISHA?

>> ROB FORD FOUND MY BLOW.

>> HARDWICK: YES. POINTS.

(LAUGHTER)POSEHN.

>> MEET YOUR CELL MATE, SUGEKNIGHT.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

STEVE.

>> THE DIARRHEA PUDDLES OF 1804.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS. STEVE.

>> MY MOLDY TOE IS GROWING.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: POINTS. BRIAN.

>> ROSIE O'DONNELL HUMANCENTIPEDE 3.

(LAUGHTER, GROANING)>> HARDWICK: POINTS. AISHA.

>> UH, THE CHIPOTLE BATHROOMNEEDS CLEANING.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

BRIAN.

>> GAGA IS INSIDE THE HOUSE.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

NOW IT'S TIME TOPLAY FRIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION.

A CANADIAN HAUNTED HOUSE CALLEDTHE NIGHTMARES FEAR FACTORY HAS

BEEN RECORDING PEOPLE'SREACTIONS BY HIDDEN CAMERA AND

SHARING THEM WITH THE WORLD, UH,ON THEIR FLICKR PAGE.

SO I'M GONNA SHOW YOU A PICTUREFROM SAID FLICKR PAGE AND FOR

250 POINTS, I WANT YOU TO TELLME WHAT YOU THINK THEY'RE SO

AFRAID OF, OKAY?

FIRST ONE-- THESE JERSEY BOYS.

(BELL DINGS)THESE JERSEY BOYS.

YES, BRIAN.

>> SOMEONE TOLD THEM JOVI'SREALLY FROM PHILLY.

>> HARDWICK: OH, SHIT, OH.

>> NO FUCKIN' WAY!

>> HARDWICK: NO WAY!

>> NO FUCKIN' WAY!

>> WHAT THE FUCK, JOVI?

>> HARDWICK: POINTS FOR POSEHN.

AISHA.

>> UH, THEIR HOMEY AND DRANKALL THE FOUR LOKO.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, POINTS.

AND HE'S NOT DOING WELL.

>> NO, HE'S NOT FEELING GOOD.

>> HARDWICK: STEVE.

>> JOB APPLICATIONS.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

>> NO!

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

NEXT ONE-- LOOK AT THESE SARAHPALINS...

(BELL DINGS)POSEHN?

>> THEY JUST FOUND OUT THAT NICEELLEN IS A LESBIAN.

>> HARDWICK: OH, NICE, POINTS.

YEAH.

POINTS.

AISHA.

>> WELL, THEY JUST FOUND OUT THEPRESIDENT'S BLACK.

>> HARDWICK: WHAT?

JUST NOW?

>> JUST NOW.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

HOW COME THEY'VE SEEN NOPICTURES OF HIM?

>> THAT WASN'T A SATURDAY NIGHTLIVE SKETCH?

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

ALL RIGHT, NEXT ONE-- THISCOUPLE.

(BELL DINGS)YES, AISHA.

>> CHILI'S RAN OUT OF JALAPENOPOPPERS.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

BRIAN.

>> THEY FORGOT THAT PATTONOSWALT WAS LIVE-TWEETING

DOWNTON ABBEY.

>> HARDWICK: THAT MUT BE WHAT ITWAS.

THEY MISSED THE WHOLE... LIVETWEET.

>> THEY LOVE IT.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

STEVE.

>> SLEEVES.

>> HARDWICK: OF COURSE, POINTS.

NEXT, HOW ABOUT THESE BFFS?

WHAT ABOUT THESE BFFS?

(BELL DINGS)HEY, YES... STEVE.

>> SOMEONE SEEING THEIR ANKLES.

>> HARDWICK: BRILLIANT, POINTS.

AISHA.

>> THEY JUST FOUND OUT THEY'REGETTING A THIRD SISTER-WIFE.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

OH, SHIT, YEAH.

POINTS FOR THAT.

BRIAN.

>> UH, LORNE MICHAELS CUT THEAMISH GOLLUM SKETCH.

>> HARDWICK: VERY INSIDE, BUTVERY POINTSY.

POINTS.

>> PRECIOUS.

>> HARDWICK: LAST ONE-- THESEGUYS, THESE GUYS.

(BELL DINGS)I DON'T KNOW, THIS GUY DOESN'T

EVEN REALLY LOOK AFRAID, HE'SJUST...

STEVE.

>> MIATA THIEVES.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

BRIAN.

>> UH, KATHY GRIFFIN CANCELLEDHER BOOK SIGNING.

>> HARDWICK: JESUS. OH, MY GOD.

POINTS.

AISHA.

>> VAGINAS!

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

BUT IT'S NOW TIME FOR OUR NEXTGAME, THE RATINGS GAME: OH, THE

HORROR!

IN THIS, THE SCARIEST WEEK OFTHE YEAR, WE'RE GOING TO

HIGHLIGHT SOME FILMS ON IMDBTHAT HAVE TRULY TERRIFYING USER

RATINGS.

(MOCK CACKLES)COMEDIANS, I'M GONNA SHOW YOU

THE POSTERS FOR TWOLESS-THAN-GREAT HORROR FILMS AND

YOU HAVE TO GUESS WHICH ONE ISLOWER RATED ON IMDB.

FIRST ONE: "BLOODY BLOODY BIBLECAMP"...

OR "VARSITY BLOOD: SCHOOL'S OUTFOREVER".

(BELL DINGS)STEVE.

>> BIBLE CAMP.

>> HARDWICK: UH, IT'S GOT TO BE,RIGHT?

LET'S FIND OUT.

THE CORRECT ANSWER IS...

WHAT-- VARSITY BLOOD?

AW.

>> I KNEW THAT SHIT.

>> HARDWICK: SHOULD'VE BUZZED INFASTER, LITTLE GIRL.

>> THERE WERE ACTUALLY... THEREWERE ACTUALLY MORE TITTIES IN

BIBLE CAMP THAN IN VARSITYBLOOD.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH. TONS OF TITS.

>> TITTIES ALWAYS BOOST YOURRATINGS, YEAH.

YEAH.

>> HARDWICK: THERE'S MORE...THERE'S WAY MORE FINGERING THAT

GOES ON AT BIBLE CAMP THAN ATVARSITY FOOTBALL GAMES.

>> ALWAYS.>> OH, MY GOD.

>> HARDWICK: IT'S JUST LIKE AFINGER PUPPET SHOW.

>> IT IS.

>> HARDWICK: BIBLE CAMP'S JUST,LIKE...

>> GOD WANTS ME TO KNOW YOURSOUL INSIDE AND OUT.

>> HARDWICK: THAT'S RIGHT.

OH, 100 POINTS TO AISHA TYLERFOR THAT.

NO, YOU'LL STILL GO HOME AVIRGIN... OF A SORT.

>> SO MANY WAYS IT DOESN'TCOUNT, IT'S AWESOME, YEAH.

>> ARE YOU GUYS DONE BEINGGROSS?

>> HARDWICK: WHAT?

I'M NOT DONE.

ALL RIGHT, NEXT ONE.

"BITCH SLAP" OR "RUN! BITCHRUN!"

(BELL DINGS)AISHA.

MAN, THIS IS HARD.

I'M GONNA SAY "BITCH SLAP" WASLOWER RATED.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, LET'SFIND OUT.

N-NO-- "RUN! BITCH RUN!".

>> OH, WOW.

>> AGAIN, I KNEW THAT SHIT.

>> HARDWICK: ALTHOUGH...

BY THE WAY, I MEAN, NOT TO GETALL GRAMMAR NAZI, BUT IF I'M

READING IT THE WAY IT'SPUNCTUATED, IT'S "RUN!

BITCH RUN!"

>> I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT. YEAH.

>> HARDWICK: LISTEN...

LISTEN.

LISTEN...

IF I SEE THAT GODDAMN BOX ANDTHERE'S NOT AT LEAST TWO

EXCLAMATION POINTS ON THERE,YOU'RE GONNA RUN, BITCH, RUN.

>> POINTS.

>> HARDWICK: THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT, NEXT ONE.

"PSYCHO HOLOCAUST" OR "KILLERSCHOOL GIRLS FROM OUTER SPACE".

(BELL DINGS)BRIAN.

>> WELL, CLEARLY, "KILLER SCHOOLGIRLS FROM OUTER SPACE" IS THE

FAR INFERIOR, FILM, "PSYCHOHOLOC..." (SNORES)

WHAT?

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, LET'SFIND OUT.

YEAH... NO, "PSYCHO HOLOCAUST".

>> I KNEW THAT SHIT, TOO.

>> YOU KNEW IT, YOU KNEW IT.

YOU JUST DIDN'T WANT TO HANDICAPTHE GAME, I GET IT.

>> HARDWICK: THEY'RE JUSTREMINDING YOU IT'S ONLY A MOVIE.

YOU WANT A REALLY LOW RATING,JUST INVOKE HOLOCAUST DENIAL IN

YOUR TAGLINE-- LOOK.

>> OH, BOY.

>> HARDWICK: "PRAY THAT IT NEVERHAPPENED."

>> SO...

SO THIS WAS, UH, ONE OF MELGIBSON'S EARLY FILMS?

>> HARDWICK: YES, 100 POINTS FORTHAT.

ALL RIGHT, NEXT ONE-- THE THIRDINSTALLMENT OF THE FABLED

LEPRECHAUN FRANCHISE "LEPRECHAUNIN THE HOOD" OR "LEPRECHAUN 4:

IN SPACE"?

(BELL DINGS)AISHA.

>> OH...

(GRUNTS)THIS IS HARD.

>> SUPER HARD.

>> (GRUNTS)"LEPRECHAUN IN THE HOOD".

>> HARDWICK: REALLY?

I WOULD HAVE GONE SPACE.

LET'S FIND OUT.

YEAH, LEPRECHAUN IN SPACE.

>> NO, I WAS SO CLOSE, THOUGH,SO CLOSE.

>> HARDWICK: I KNOW.

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY-- INSPACE, NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU

SCREAM, "TURN THIS SHIT OFF"!

LAST ONE, BIKINI BLOOD BATH ORSPRING BREAK MASSACRE: UNRATED.

AISHA.

>> UM, BIKINI BLOOD BATH.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, LET'SFIND OUT.

COME ON.

NO!

>> COME ON!

WHAT IS THE DEAL?!

>> HARDWICK: I DON'T KNOW.

YOU GUYS ARE BAD AT THIS.

>> THIS GAME IS RIGGED AGAINSTBLACK PEOPLE!

IT'S EASY... IT'S ALWAYS EASY TOGO THERE.

THAT WAS TOO EASY.

>> HARDWICK: PREACH ON, SISTER!

>> AND GENDER NEUTRAL.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, LET'S,UH... LET'S WATCH...

>> DID YOU KNOW THAT SHIT,BRIAN?

>> YEAH, I KNEW THAT SHIT.

>> HARDWICK: LET'S WATCH THEMSPRING BREAK MASSACRE SOME

DIALOGUE.

>> NOW STICK IT TO HER.

(LAUGHTER)(AUDIENCE OOHING)

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

BRIAN, WHAT'S WRONG?

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?

OH, YOU'RE SPITTING. YEAH.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)OH...

DUDE. DUDE.

>> WHAT?

>> HARDWICK: I MEAN...

HIKING UP THE DRESS TOOK IT TO ANEW LEVEL.

>> I GUESS YOU'VE NEVER MET ME.

>> HARDWICK: I KNOW I HAVE.

I HAVE. YEAH...

>> YOUR HANDS ARE SO MOIST.

>> HARDWICK: I KNOW.

WELL, HE SPIT IN HIS HAND.

REDNECK LOTION.

THANK YOU.

>> HARDWICK: NEXT GAME, IT'STIME FOR FREE ON CRAIGSLIST:

HALLOWEEN EDITION.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

IF YOU CAN'T SELL SOMETHING ONEBAY, YOU GO TO CRAIGSLIST.

IF YOU CAN'T SELL IT ONCRAIGSLIST, YOU TRY TO GIVE IT

AWAY FOR FREE ON CRAIGSLIST.

NOW... THERE'S-THERE'S NOTRADITION MORE ANNUAL THAN

GIVING AWAY STUFF YOU BUY FORHALLOWEEN AND ASSUME YOU'LL

NEVER NEED, ONLY TO BUY THE SAMESTUFF NEXT YEAR.

I WANT YOU TO NAMEHALLOWEEN-THEMED FREE ITEMS

YOU'D GIVEAWAY ON CRAIGSLIST.

60 SECONDS AND GO.

(BELL DINGS)UH, STEVE.

>> ONE USED DICK WIG.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

>> HARDWICK: BRIAN.

>> HAND JOB WHILE WEARING AMICHAEL MEYER'S MASK.

FOR FREE.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)AISHA.

>> FREE PUSSY. MAY BE HAUNTED BYTHE FALURES OF MY PREVIOUS

LOVERS, BUT HEY, IT'S FREE. GETIN HERE.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

STEVE.

>> MY EX-WIFE ANNE'S QUEEFHARMONICA.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)STEVE.

>> ONE COFFEE CAN, FILLED SPOOKYSPERM.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)AISHA.

>> FREE GHOST COSTUME.

OR KLAN UNIFORM.

YOUR CHOICE.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)BRIAN.

>> ONE USED MEN'S XL SHININGCOSTUME.

MAY SMELL LIKE STEVE AGEE'SBALLS.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

NO.

Loading...