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Bangs

The Rich Dicks experiment with dying, Liz G. goes on a mission to find herself after her new bangs get a tepid reaction, and George and Gil take their show on the road. (21:14)

- OKAY, SO, WE AREGOING TO INJECT YOU

WITH ENOUGH PROPOFOL TOTEMPORARILY KILL YOU,

BUT THEN WE'LL BRING YOUBACK WITH ADRENALINE

SO YOU DON'T HAVE ANY--

- OH, OH...NO SPOILERS,NO SPOILERS.

- AND ONE MORE THING...

YOU ARE NOT GOINGTO SUE US, ARE YOU?

- OH, NO. LITIGATIONIS FOR THE MIDDLE CLASS.

- ASPEN, YOU'RE GONNA LOVEDYING, IT'S HILARIOUS.

IT'S LIKE BEING JOHN MALKOVICH

BUT YOU DON'THAVE TO GO TO JERSEY.

AS LONG I CAN DISCOVER THE FIRSTLINE OF MY SCREENPLAY.

I'M DOWN FOR WHATEVS.

- OKAY. HERE WE GO.

- BYE.- BUH-BYE.

[heart monitor beeping]

- MMM.

[irregular beeping]

[sustained beep]

HELLUR?

DR. TODDS?

OH, A DOOR.

- OH, HEY, MAN.

- AM I SUPPOSED TO BEAFRAID OF YOU?

- I DON'T THINK SO.

I'M JUST, LIKE,HANGIN' AND BANGIN'.

I LIKE TO COMETO THE FLATLINING UNIVERSE

'CAUSE, LIKE, IT JUSTHELPS ME CONCENTRATE

ON WRITING MY SCREENPLAY.

- HONESTLY, IT'S, LIKE,REALLY EXCITING TO MEET

A FELLOW WRITER.

LIKE, I DON'T WANT TO,LIKE, GEEK OUT ON YOU,

BUT, LIKE,I'M A FAN.

- AND I'M JUST LIKE, "CHEERS."

- OH, MY GOD.

- I FEEL LIKE WHAT WE'RE BOTHTRYING TO DO IS, LIKE,

STAND ON THE SHOULDERSOF GIANTS.

LIKE TED TURNER, KUROSAWA...

- COEN BROTHERS.

DAVID FINCHER.

- OH, MY GOD,I LOVE DAVID FINCHER.

[both laughing]

- DO YOU WANT TO COME IN AND,LIKE, CHILL OUT?

- CHEERS.I WOULD LOVE TO.

- YEAH, THAT'S ONEOF THE MAIN CHALLENGES

TO WRITING THIS SCREENPLAY.

IT NEEDS TO BE FUNNYRIGHT AWAY.

- YEAH. IT'S GOT TO BE FUNNY.

BUT IT ALSO HAS TO,LIKE, GRAB YOU.

- YEAH.

- I LOVE STORY.

BUT THEN I'M ALSO LIKE,"I LOVE CHARACTER."

- I JUST FEEL LIKE

THAT FIRST LINEOF THE SCREENPLAY

PEOPLE ARE GONNA BE LIKE,"OH, LOOK AT THAT FIRST LINE."

LIKE, "WOW."- YEAH.

- I THINK WE SHOULDTAKE A BREAK.

I FEEL LIKE WE'VE DONEA LOT OF GOOD WORK,

AND I THINK WE DON'T WANTTO GET BURNED OUT.

SO, LIKE, LET'S JUST CHILL OUT.

- WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?

- I DON'T KNOW, DO YOUWANT TO JUST, LIKE,

YANK EACH OTHER OFFTO COMPLETION?

- DEFINITELY.

OH. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME?

IT'S LIKE A DOPPELGANG-BANG,ISN'T IT?

- STOP ACTING LIKE SUCH A LITTLEDICK AND JACK ME OFF,

YOU LITTLE BITCH.

GIVE ME A PEN AND PAPER.

I JUST WROTE THE FIRST LINEOF MY SCREENPLAY!

- PEN AND PAPER, PLEASE.

- THE WRITER'S BLOCK IS OVER!THE WRITER'S BLOCK IS OVER!

- UM, ASPEN, I DON'T KNOW HOWTO TELL YOU THIS, BUT, UH...

WENDY IS DEAD.

[sustained beep]

- FADE IN...

[dubstep music]

- HEY, LIZ.

- OH, HEY, GUYS.

YOU DIDN'T EVENRECOGNIZE ME.

- LIKE, ARE YOU, LIKE, HIDING

FROM, LIKE, THE PAPARAZZI,OR WHAT?

- I MAY AS WELL SOON BE,CONSIDERING.

- CONSIDERING,LIKE, WHAT?

- BANGS!I GOT BANGS!

♪ FEELIN' SO GOOD

- CONGRATS.

I'M LIZ.

I HAVE A "B."

AND NOW IT'S TIMEFOR ME TO GROW UP.

- AND I'M LIZ.

I GOT BANGS!

- OUR PR FIRM IS CALLED"PUBLIZITY."

- IT'S BASED OFF OUR NAMES.

I GOT BANGS.

YOU SHOULD TRY IT SOMETIME.

IT'S LIKE A CLEANSEFOR, LIKE, YOUR FACE.

- THEY'RE BANGS. THEY'RE GREAT.CONGRATURITOS.

[slurping]

[swallowing]

- WAIT, HOLD ON.IS THAT A DIG?

I HAVE BANGS NOW, AND, LIKE,

YOU'RE BEING, LIKE, JEALOUS

OF, LIKE, THE RISK-TAKINGTHAT I'VE DONE BY, LIKE,

GETTING BANGS.

- LIKE, ARE YOU DONE?

LIKE, IS IT OVER?

- YOU THINK IT'S, LIKE,FUN FOR ME

TO HAVE MY, LIKE, BEST FRIEND,LIKE, BE LIKE,

"OH MY GOD, LIKE, YOU GOTBANGS," LIKE IT'S NO BIG DEAL,

LIKE, OBVIOUSLY IT'S,LIKE, A BIG DEAL.

- HONESTLY, FOR ME, I DON'T KNOWWHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT--

LOVE YOUR JAR.

- IT'S A MASON!

- BUT LIKE, WHY WOULD YOU SHOWUP TO WORK WEARING SALMON

WHEN YOU KNEW THAT,LIKE, HONESTLY,

ONE OF THE OTHER EXECUTIVESWAS WEARING SALMON?

I HEARD THAT SALMONIS HEALTHY FOR YOU,

BUT APPARENTLY TOO MUCHCAN MAKE YOU SICK.

- I WORE SALMONALL ON MY OWN, OKAY?

AND I'M SWIMMING UPSTREAM,

AND INSTEAD OF SEEINGANOTHER SALMON,

I'M SEEING A BEAR.

- REALLY?'CAUSE I'M SEEING A WHALE.

[ominous music]

[whale song]

LIZ, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU,LIKE.

[whale song]

LIZ.

DON'T DO THIS.

OH, MY GOD.

LIZ.

WHAT HAS GOTTENINTO YOU?

- MAYBE IT'S NOT LIKE WHAT'SGOTTEN INTO ME,

IT'S LIKE WHAT'SGOTTEN ONTO ME.

IT'S THESE BANGS.

I AM LEAVING TOWNUNTIL THESE BANGS GROW OUT.

- SHE HAS NEVER WALKED OUTOF A MEETING BEFORE.

- CASSANDRA!- LIZ!

- CASSANDRA!- LIZ!

- CASSANDRA,GIVE ME MY GO BAG.

- BANG VOYAGE.

♪ YOU'VE BEENLOOKING FOR LOVE ♪

♪ BUT NO ONECAN HELP YOU SEE ♪

♪ IT'S ALLIN THE MYSTERY ♪

- WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

[unintelligible]

CASSANDRA!WHAT?

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BEGOING ON RIGHT NOW WITH YOU?

NOBODY CARES,LIKE, HONESTLY, WHY--

WHERE'S LIZ?

- SHE LEFT.

- YOU MAKE ME SICK.

[hawk cries]

male announcer: LOTS OF GOLDIN THEM THAR HILLS.

AND EVEN MORE WAYSTO MINE IT.

MEET TODD.- GOOD DIRT.

THERE'S GOLD UNDER THIS DIRT.

announcer:AND THIS IS DUSTY.

- LISTEN.LIFE IS TOUGH.

YEAH.I'M UNHAPPY.

announcer:AND HERE'S OUR NEWEST MINER:

LIZ.

- I LEFT LOS ANGELESTO GROW OUT MY BANGS,

AND I'M IN THE SIERRASLOOKING FOR LOVE.

[squeaky toy noise]

[hawk cries]

announcer: THEY'RE GONNANEED TO WORK TOGETHER

IF THEY WANT TO STRIKE IT RICH.

- AND WHO WILL WIN MY HEART?

- WHAT?

[hawk cries]

- WELL, WE'RE NOT GONNA GET RICHBY EATING BREAKFAST.

CLAIM OFFICER DEMANDS75 OUNCES BY END OF DAY.

- HI, I'M LIZ.

SORRY MY HANDS ARE SO COLD.

HI.

I'M SO SORRYMY HANDS ARE SO COLD. HI.

- HI, LIZ. I KNOW WHAT YOUR NAMEIS, SO YOU DON'T NEED TO...

- MY HANDS ARE SO COLD.- YEAH, I KNOW.

- I'LL BE HONEST.

WHEN LIZ ARRIVED,I WAS SKEPTICAL, BUT--

[laughs] SHE'S LIKE A BREATHOF FRESH AIR, YOU KNOW?

- OOH!- OH! [laughs]

- EVEN THOUGH YOU WARNED ME,THAT WAS VERY COLD.

[both laughing]

- I WANT TO KEEP MY BANGSUNDER WRAPS,

OR IN THIS CASE,UNDER HATS, BECAUSE, LIKE,

I DON'T WANT ALL THESE HOT GUYS

TO SEE THAT I MADE THE MISTAKEOF, LIKE, A LIFETIME.

- HOW DID I END UPWITH THESE GUYS? OH.

UH, FOR ME PERSONALLY,I WAS GIVEN THE OPTION,

EITHER SIGN ON TO THIS SHOWOR GO TO PRISON.

- YEAH, I'M...I'M PRETTY SUREDUSTY'S TRYING TO KILL ME.

- OH, MY GOD. YOU GUYS,STOP FIGHTING OVER ME.

[hawk cries]

THERE'S, LIKE, PLENTY OF METO GO AROUND. [laughs]

EVEN THOUGH I DO SOULCYCLE NOW,

SO I'M, LIKE, BASICALLY,LIKE, A TOOTHPICK.

- RIVERBED'S DRY. I'M GONNA GODOWN BELOW TO GET MORE GRAVEL.

I'M GONNA NEED A PARTNER.

- OH, MY GOD.I'D BE HONORED.

- YEAH, I WASN'T--

- I MEAN, THE THINGWITH LIZ AND TODD

I MEAN, I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE.

RIGHT? WHERE THE WOMAN I LOVEGOES OFF WITH ANOTHER GUY.

- LET'S GO!- OKAY.

WOW, YOUR HANDSARE FREEZING COLD.

- THEY GET YOU TO LOVE THEM,

AND THEN THEY[bleep] BETRAY YOU.

YOU KNOW, THEN THEY...THEY BREAK YOU.

AND THAT'S WHAT SHE'STRYING TO DO.

I KNOW THAT'S WHAT SHE'STRYING TO DO.

WHAT SHE DOESN'T KNOW ISI'M GONNA BREAK HER FIRST.

[laughs]

- HUH? OH, NO.I MURDERED MY--WELL. [laughs]

[hawk cries]

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