share

Going Native

Butters' outrageous behavior is a sign. It's time for him to begin a journey where he will follow in the path of his ancestors. When Butters starts acting out at school, his parents realize it’s time to tell him why he's not like all of the other kids. He must travel to a foreign place to learn the ways of his people. It will be a difficult trip for a young boy to make alone so Butters chooses Kenny to travel with him to the distant and secluded island of Hawaii. (21:32)

- FELLAS!

FELLAS!- WHAT?

- YOU'LL NEVER GUESSWHAT HAPPENED.

BUTTERS JUST BEAT UPSCOTT MALKINSON.

- BUTTERS?WHY?

- IT WAS CRAZY.

SCOTT WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT

HOW HE NEEDED TO TAKEHIS INSULIN SHOT,

AND OUT OF NOWHERE,BUTTERS SAID HE'S SICK

OF PEOPLE WITH DIABETESFEELING SORRY FOR THEMSELVES.

SCOTT TOLD BUTTERSTO SHUT UP,

AND BUTTERS JUST STARTEDWAILING ON HIM.

- YOU'RE TALKINGABOUT BUTTERS.

- DUDE, I AM TELLING YOU.

BUTTERS BEAT THE CRAPOUT OF SCOTT,

AND THEN HE LOCKED HIMSELFIN THE BATHROOM.

- BUTTERS?- LEAVE ME ALONE!

- BUTTERS, COME OUT HERE.

- GET OUT OF HERE,ALL OF YOU!

- BUTTERS,PEOPLE CAN'T JUST GO AROUND

BEATING UP PEOPLEWHO HAVE DIABETES.

NOW, WHATEVER YOUR PROBLEM IS,YOU JUST--

- YOU JUST THINK YOU KNOWEVERYTHING, DON'T YOU, KYLE?

EVERY LITTLE THING,YOU GOTTA SHOOT YOUR MOUTH OFF

LIKE YOU'RETHE FREAKIN' EXPERT!

WELL, YOU DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING,

BECAUSE YOUR BEST FRIENDIS A KID WHO THINKS

THE ENTIRE PLANETREVOLVES AROUND HIM,

AND HE ONLY CARESABOUT HIS IMAGE!

YOU GUYS THINK CARTMAN ISTHE ONLY SELFISH PIECE OF CRAP

AT THIS SCHOOL?

YOU'RE ALL FAKEAND STUCK UP,

AND NONE OF YOU HAVETHE COURAGE TO TELL JIMMY

THAT HIS JOKES AREN'T FUNNY.

THE ONLY KID HERE WITH ANY SENSEOF DIGNITY IS KENNY.

AND THE REST OF YOU HAVEYOUR HEADS UP YOUR BUTTS!

[door locks]

- WELL, APPARENTLY KENNYIS BUTTERS' BEST FRIEND.

YOU GUYS GONNA MAKE OUT,KENNY?

- AND THAT'S ANOTHER THING!

YOU'RE ALWAYS TRIVIALIZINGEVERYTHING I SAY

BY GETTING THE LAST WORD!

WELL, YOU'RE NOT GETTINGTHE LAST WORD THIS TIME!

[door locks]

- WOW.

- DOUBLE WOW![door locks]

- I'M SORRY, BUT YOUR SON ISDISTRACTING THE OTHER STUDENTS,

AND HIS ATTITUDEIS JUST GETTING WORSE.

- BUTTERS, WHAT ON EARTHHAS GOTTEN INTO YOU?

- I DON'T KNOW, DAD.I'M JUST PISSED OFF, I GUESS.

- DO YOU THINKTHIS BEHAVIOR IS FAIR

TO YOUR TEACHERAND CLASSMATES?

- I DON'T SUPPOSE IT IS,BUT I DON'T GIVE A DARN!

- DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEAHOW GROUNDED

YOU ARE ABOUT TO BE,MISTER?

- WHY DON'T YOU SHUT UP, DAD?

AND STICK IT IN YOUR EARFOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

- STEPHEN, ARE YOU THINKINGWHAT I'M THINKING?

- YES.

OUR LITTLE BUTTERSIS FLOWERING.

HE HAS REACHEDTHE AGE OF PANUA.

- EXCUSE ME?

- PRINCIPAL VICTORIA,THIS ISN'T BUTTERS' FAULT.

- IT'S NOT?- IT HAS TO DO WITH BIOLOGY.

YOU'VE MAYBE NOTICEDTHAT BUTTERS ISN'T...

EXACTLY LIKE OTHER KIDS.- YEAH.

- YOU PROBABLY THINK BUTTERSSEEMS SOMEHOW DIFFERENT.

- HEY, YEAH, ALL THE TIME!

- IT'S BECAUSE HE IS.

HIS MOTHER AND I--OUR WHOLE FAMILY--

WE'RE NOT OF THIS PLACE.

- I'M SORRY,I REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND.

- PLEASE JUST TRY TO UNDERSTANDTHAT FOR OUR PEOPLE

IT'S A VERY PRIVATE MATTER.

HE CAN'T BE HELPEDBY YOUR DISCIPLINE.

THIS MUST BE DEALT WITHBY HIS OWN KIND.

IF IT'S ALL RIGHT WITH YOU,

WE'D LIKE AN EXTENDED LEAVEFOR OUR BOY.

PLEASE.IT'S A CULTURAL THING.

HE'S TOO YOUNG!- IT'S OUR PEOPLE'S WAY, LINDA!

YOU KNOW THATBETTER THAN I DO!

- THEN WE CAN GO WITH HIM!- YOU KNOW THAT'S NOT ALLOWED!

- WILL SOMEBODY TELL ME

WHAT THE FRIGGITTY FOOKSHMEREIS GOING ON?

- BUTTERS, YOU'VE REACHEDTHE AGE WHERE YOU MUST JOURNEY

TO YOUR BIRTHPLACEFOR THE CEREMONY OF HAPA NOA.

- BUT I'M FROM HERE!

- NO, WE MOVED HERE JUST BEFOREYOU STARTED PRESCHOOL.

YOU WERE BORNIN OUR NATIVE LAND, BUTTERS.

A DISTANT AND VERY SECLUDEDISLAND WORLD...

CALLED...HAVA-II.

- WE'RE FROM HAWAII?

- ONLY HAOLES PRONOUNCE IT"HAWAII," BUTTERS.

BUT THOSE OF US FROM HAVAIIARE A VERY SPECIAL PEOPLE.

- WE HAVE MANY CUSTOMSAND TRADITIONS

TO KEEP OUR CULTURE ALIVE.

WE DRINK CHICHISFROM THE COCONUT.

WE EAT POKETHAT THE SAFEWAY PROVIDES.

AND WHEN WE'VE CHOSEN A MATE,

WE MARRY AT THE FERN GROTTO,AS YOUR MOTHER AND I DID

SO VERY LONG AGO.

AS A STOTCH, BUTTERS,

YOU ARE ACTUALLYHAWAIIAN ROYALTY.

YOUR GRANDMA AND GRANDPA WERETHERE IN THE TIME OF THE KING.

- BUT WHAT DOES BEING HAWAIIANHAVE TO DO WITH ME ACTING

LIKE AN EMO CHICKON HER PERIOD?

- NOT AN EMO CHICKON HER PERIOD, BUTTERS.

LIKE A SALMON NEEDINGTO SWIM BACK UPRIVER.

ALL HAWAIIANS FEEL IT.

IT IS CALLED"HAPA HUA OPAE LOA,"

AND IT MEANSIT'S NOW YOUR TIME

TO MAKE YOUR TRIPTO OUR ISLAND HOME.

YOU MUST DO YOUR WALKABOUTTO YOUR HOMELAND, BUTTERS...

AND YOU MUST DO IT ALONE.

- [crying]

- TAKE THIS, SON.

IT IS OUR MAHALO REWARDS CARD.

IT WILL PROVIDE YOUWITH ALL YOU NEED.

AND NOW I MUST TURNMY BACK ON YOU.

GUESS WHAT, YOU GUYS.HOLY SHIT BALLS.

- WHAT?

- BUTTERS JUST GOT ON A BUS

WITH HIS BAGS PACKED AND SAIDHE'S GOING TO HAWAII.

- HAWAII?

- HE SAID HE HAD TO GO BACKTO HIS HOMELAND

AND THEN TOLD ME ITWAS NONE OF MY BUSINESS

AND TO KEEP MY FAT MOUTH SHUT.

- DUDE, WHAT THE HELL?SOMEBODY'S GOTTA STOP HIM.

- AFTER ALL THE THINGS HE SAIDTO US, HE CAN GO AHEAD.

- KENNY, YOU'RE CLEARLYHIS BEST FRIEND, GO STOP HIM.

- I'M NOT HIS BEST FRIEND.- YEAH, MISTER PERFECT.

GO RESCUE BUTTERS SO HE CANLICK YOUR BALLS SOME MORE.

- [sigh]

- [crying]

- BUTTERS, COME ON.

- THEY WON'T LET MEON THE PLANE.

I CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT.

NO, NO!

I HAVE TO GOTO HAWAII, KENNY!

I HAVE NO IDEAWHAT'S WAITING THERE FOR ME,

BUT I CAN'T GO ON LIKE THIS!

- [sighs]

EXCUSE ME.HE NEEDS TO GET TO HAWAII.

- I ALREADY TOLD HIM I CAN'TALLOW ANYONE ON THE AIRCRAFT

WHO APPEARS TO BE INTOXICATED.

- I'M NOT INTOXICATED,YOU SKANK!

I'M JUST "DELIGERENT"BECAUSE OF MY HAPA NOA HUY LOA!

- PLEASE, CAN YOU JUST LET HIMON THE PLANE?

IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT.PLEASE?

- TELL YOU WHAT.

THERE'S PLENTY OF POINTSON HIS MAHALO REWARDS CARD.

IF YOU WANT TO FLY WITH HIM,I CAN LET HIM GO.

- ME?

- CAN'T YOU SEEI'M IN HORRIBLE PAIN?

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT--- OKAY! OKAY!

I'LL GO.

- WELL, WE'RE HERE.

NOW WHAT DO I DO?

- CAN I HELP YOUWITH ANYTHING?

- UH, YEAH, I'M NOT SUREWHERE I'M SUPPOSED TO GO.

- OKAY, WELL,ARE YOU WITH A CRUISE SHIP

OR A LAND TOUR GROUP?

- OH I'M NOT A TOURIST.I'M A NATIVE HAWAIIAN.

- BUTTERS STOTCH?- YEAH.

- WELCOME HOME, YOUNG KEIKI.

YOUR PARENTS SAID YOU WOULD BECOMING FOR YOUR CEREMONY.

UH, WHO'S THIS?

- OH, THIS IS MY FRIEND KENNY.

- BUTTERS, NATIVE HAWAIIANSDON'T REALLY APPROVE

OF HAOLES COMINGTO THEIR CEREMONIES.

- OH, PLEASE,IF IT WEREN'T FOR HIM,

I COULDN'T HAVE COME.

- VERY WELL.

WE SHALL SPEAK WITH THE CHIEFOF OUR ISLAND AND SEE.

COME NOW.

- YOU FOLKS ARE ALLNATIVE HAWAIIANS TOO?

- YES.

MY WIFE PATTY AND I

HAVE BEEN COMING TO KAUAIFOR ALMOST FIVE YEARS.

AND BILL AND DONNA ACTUALLY OWNA TIMESHARE IN POIPU.

- YES, BUT POIPU IS GETTINGPRETTY OVERRUN WITH TOURISTS,

I'M AFRAID.

- LET US EAT.- AH, YES, LET US EAT.

ALOHA. FIVE ORDERS OF SAIMIN,PLEASE.

- WHAT'S SAIMIN?

- IT'S ONE OF THE FOODSOF OUR PEOPLE.

- OH, I GET 20% OFF.I'M A NATIVE.

HERE'S MYMAHALO REWARDS CARD.

MAHALO.

[horn honking]

COME ON,YA FREAKIN' TOURISTS!

JESUS.BUY A POSTCARD.

THESE ARE THE ANCIENT RUINSOF OUR ANCESTORS.

THEY SAY THE SPIRIT OF THE KINGIS STILL IN THERE.

- YOU MUST STAY AWAYFROM THIS PLACE.

IT IS KAPU.

- KAPU--THAT MEANS TABOO.ESPECIALLY THE HAOLES.

- THAT THEREIS BUBBA'S BURGERS.

IN HAVAII,US NATIVES SAY "BUBBA'S BRO."

HERE'S THE SHERATON.

JUST ANOTHER MEGAHOTELFOR THE THRONGS OF TOURISTS.

HERE'S WHERE MANYOF US NATIVES LIVE.

THE SHERATON RESIDENCES.

IT'S ALL RIGHT,WE'RE NATIVES.

PROTECTOR AND CHIEF,

I PRESENT TO YOUTHE KEIKI BUTTERS STOTCH.

- AH, STEPHEN AND LINDA'SCHILD.

LAST TIME I SAW YOU,YOU WERE THE SIZE OF A COCONUT.

- "MY DEAREST FRIENDS.

"I AM LIVINGAMONGST THE NATIVES

"IN THE REMOTEAND TINY ISLAND OF KAUAI.

"WHAT CAN I TELL YOU

"OF THIS MYSTERIOUS ISLANDAND ITS PEOPLE?

"IT IS A PLACE OF WONDER.

"AND YET TO THE OUTSIDERLIKE ME,

"A PLACE OF ODD TRADITION.

"THE PEOPLE HEREARE PEACEFUL AND JOYOUS

"AND SEEM TO CARE LITTLE

"FOR THE RUSH AND WORRYOF THE OUTSIDE WORLD.

"THEIR DIET IS MOSTLYAN ODD MIXTURE OF COCONUT MILK,

"PINEAPPLE JUICE, AND VODKA,

"WHICH THEY CALL'THE CHICHI.'

"AS FOR BUTTERS,

"HE IS QUICKLY LEARNINGTHE WAYS OF HIS ANCESTORS.

"AND SEEMS TO BE FEELING BETTERWITH EVERY PASSING DAY.

"HE STILL SEEMSQUITE ANGRY AT TIMES,

"BUT LUCKILY,HIS CEREMONY WILL FINALLY

TAKE PLACEON THE MORROW."

- "ON THE MORROW"?

WHAT THE FUCKIS WRONG WITH KENNY?

- "TO WIT, I HAVE FOUNDNOTHING WRONG

"WITH THIS REMOTE PLACE,

"AND I MUST ADMIT IT WILL BEWITH SOME MELANCHOLY

"THAT I WILL LEAVE THIS ISLANDAND RETURN HOME.

"I SAW THIS CHICK IN A BIKINION THE BEACH TOO.

SHE HAD THE NICEST BOOBS EVER.HUMBLY YOURS, KENNETH."

- IN THE TIME-HONOREDTRADITIONS OF OUR ANCESTORS,

WE HONOR THE NATIVE HAWAIIANBUTTERS STOTCH

WITH HIS HAPA NOA.

THE SHARK'S TOOTH NECKLACE

REPRESENTS YOUR CONNECTIONTO OUR ISLAND.

- [blows conch weakly]

- NOW DRINK THE CHICHI.

- [coughs]OOH, IT'S LIKE GASOLINE!

- DRINK, YOUNG KEIKI,

AND YOU WILL FEEL THE LASTOF YOUR AGGRESSION MELT AWAY.

- HEY, I DO FEEL BUTTER--BETTER.

- OH, SPIRITS OF ANCESTORS.

WE ASK THAT YOU BLESSTHIS NATIVE HAWAIIAN

WITH HIS HAPA NOA!

WE ASK THAT YOU--- LISTEN!

LISTEN, EVERYONE!

I HAVE TERRIBLE,HORRIBLE NEWS!

- DO YOU REALIZE THAT YOU AREINTERRUPTING A HAPA NOA?

- I'VE JUST COMEFROM THE FRONT OFFICE.

THE MAHALO REWARDS CARD IS--

- WHAT? WHAT HAS HAPPENED?SPEAK!

- THE MAHALO REWARDS CARDIS BEING ELIMINATED.

THEY ARE TRYING TO SAYOUR POINTS ARE--

ARE NO LONGERGOING TO BE ACCEPTED.

- I KNEW ONE DAYIT WOULD COME TO THIS.

- TO WHAT?WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

- THE HAOLES ARE TRYINGTO DO AWAY WITH US.

- WITH NO REWARDS PROGRAM...

THERE'LL BE NO DISTINCTION

BETWEEN WHO'S A NATIVETO THIS ISLAND AND WHO ISN'T!

- WHY CAN'T YOUR PEOPLERESPECT OUR ISLAND?

WHY DO YOU ALWAYS WANT MORE?

- I'M SORRY, KEIKI,YOUR HAPA NOA WILL HAVE TO WAIT.

FOR WE MUST UNITE TOGETHERAS NEVER BEFORE!

IT IS TIME TO SHOW THE HAOLESTHAT THIS IS OUR ISLAND!

[cheers and applause]

STOP RUINING OUR ISLAND,HAOLES!

FIRE!

- WHAT ARE THEY DOING?

- TAKE A SWING, LET THEM KNOWTHEY ARE NOT WELCOME.

- I'VE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE.

- IT'S ALL RIGHT.

JUST TRY TO TAP INTO THAT ANGERTHAT'S INSIDE YOU.

- MY ANGER.MY ANGER!

STUPID...BEN AFFLECK!

- AGHH!- [gasps]

[all screaming]

[passengers screamin distance]

- HOLD ON!HOLD ON!

- I CAN'T! I CAN'T!I CAN'T! I CAN'T!

- I LOVE YOU!I LOVE YOU!

- AGHH! I LOVE YOU!I LOVE YOU TOO!

- THIS IS BREAKING NEWS.

- AN INSURRECTIONIN THE HAWAIIAN ISLANDS

HAS ESCALATED TO WAR.

AFTER SINKING A CRUISE SHIP,THE NATIVES OF KAUAI

CONTINUE TO GO BERSERK,

FORCING ALL TOURISTSOFF THEIR ISLAND.

- THEY JUST PUSHED USONTO AIRPLANES

AND SAID WE WEREN'TWELCOME ANYMORE.

- THEN A LITTLE BOYCALLED ME A SKANK.

- THE PRESIDENT SAYSHE WILL SEND THE COAST GUARD

TO TAKE THE ISLAND BACK,

THOUGH HE SYMPATHIZES,BEING A NATIVE HAWAIIAN HIMSELF.

HMM.

- ALL BUT A FEW WHO AREHIDING OUT AT DUKE'S RESTAURANT.

WE'VE SENT BOB AND TRISHIATURNER TO SMOKE THEM OUT.

- WHAT ABOUT HIM?- WHAT ABOUT ME?

- HE'S A TOURISTAND HE KNOWS EVERYTHING.

WE HAVE TO KILL HIM.

- NO!KENNY'S MY FRIEND!

HE'S THE ONLY KID AT SCHOOLI ACTUALLY LIKE,

YOU BUNCH OF JERKS!

- BE CAREFUL, YOUNG KEIKI,YOUR ANGER STILLS CONTROLS YOU

BECAUSE WE WERE NOT ABLETO FINISH YOUR CEREMONY.

PERHAPS WE SHOULDFINISH IT NOW.

- FINISH HIS CEREMONY?WE ARE AT WAR, DAVID!

I HAVE LIVED ON THIS ISLANDFOR TEN YEARS.

TEN YEARS!EVERY JULY AND PART OF AUGUST.

AND I CAN TELL YOU ALL

THAT WHAT WE ARE ABOUT TO FACEFROM THE HAOLES

IS NOTHING SHORT OF GENOCIDE.

- HE'S RIGHT, DAVID.WE CAN'T TRUST ANY TOURISTS.

- HE WON'T BETRAY US.WILL YOU, KENNY?

- NO, I WON'TFUCKING BETRAY ANYBODY!

- THEN LET HIM PROVE HIMSELF.TRIAL BY OPAEKAKA.

- HE'S ONLY A CHILD.

- IF HE WANTS TO BEONE OF US...

THEN HE MUST FACETHE CHALLENGE.

- VERY WELL.

- [blows conch weakly]

HE'S NOT A NATIVE.HE'S GONNA GET KILLED!

- KENNY, BE CAREFUL!- QUIET.

HE MUST FACE THISCHALLENGE ALONE.

- BY THE GODS, PERHAPS HE DOESHAVE THE HEART

OF A NATIVE AFTER ALL.

- HE STILL HAS YETTO MAKE THE TURN.

all: OHHH!

- THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.

- WHOOP!

- KENNY!all: AWW!

- I TOLD YOU A HAOLECOULDN'T DO IT!

- DID YOU MAKE THE TURNYOUR FIRST TRY?

DID ANY OF US?

- DON'T WORRY, BUTTERS.

YOUR FRIEND WILL FIND HIS WAYBACK TO HIS KIND.

THE GODS WILL PROTECT HIM.

- [screaming]

OW! OW!

AAAHH!

BECAUSE IF WE ARETO SURVIVE THIS WAR,

ALL THE NATIVE HAWAIIAN TRIBESMUST JOIN AS ONE.

- WE ARE NOT JOINING THE PEOPLEOF THE HYATT GRAND VACATIONS.

THEY HAVE NO RIGHTTO CALL THEMSELVES NATIVES.

- OH, AND YOU DO?

YOUR ANCESTORS CAMEON AN AIRPLANE SIX MONTHS AGO!

OUR ANCESTORS SAILED HERE...ON A CRUISE SHIP...

NINE MONTHS AGO.

- LOOK, IF WE ARETO FIGHT THE HAOLES,

WE HAVE TO ALLOWALL NATIVES TO STAY.

- IT DOESN'T MATTERHOW MANY TRIBES WE HAVE.

WE CAN'T WIN.

WE ARE BUT FEW AGAINSTTHE HAOLES' MILITARY MIGHT.

WE MAY HAVE PASSION,BUT PASSION DOES NOT WIN WARS!

- OH, NO?

COME UP HERE, KEIKI.COME ON.

THIS CHILD SUNK A CRUISE SHIPBY HIMSELF.

TELL THEM, KEIKI.

- I DON'T KNOWABOUT THE REST OF YA,

BUT I'M SICK AND TIRED OF BEINGPUSHED AROUND ALL THE TIME!

I CAME ALL THE WAY DOWN HEREFOR MY HAPA NOA CEREMONY

AND I CAN'T EVEN HAVE IT

'CAUSE THE FUCKING HAOLESHAVE TO RUIN EVERYTHING!

- YEAH!- SCREW THEM!

- IF YOU ASK ME, THE ONLYGOOD HAOLE'S A DEAD HAOLE!

WITH A--

WITH A STICKUP HIS BUTTHOLE

AND A--AND HIS WEINER CUT OFF!

AGHH!

[all screaming]

- LET US MAKE A PACTWITH MORE CHICHIS!

- UM, WE'RE--WE'RE OUT OF CHICHIS.

- OH, RIGHT, WE'VE CLOSED OFFALL THE PORTS.

- BUT THEY'RE STILL LETTINGVODKA THROUGH, RIGHT?

THEY CAN'T CUT OFFOUR CHICHIS.

- OH, MY GOD.

- [coughing]

[bats shrieking]

- THIS ISTHE U.S. COAST GUARD.

WE HAVE INSTRUCTIONS TO TAKE YOUBY FORCE IF NECESSARY.

- READY!

FIRE!

- FIRE.

- LAUNCH THE BOCCE BALLS!

- GOD DAMN IT.

- KEEP FIGHTING!STAND YOUR GROUND!

- WE CAN'T FIGHTWITHOUT CHICHIS!

- YOU CAN AND YOU MUST!

- STUPID...GREEDY...HAOLES!

KILL...THEM...ALL!

- [spooky groaning]

- AH!

- UH-HUH-HUH-HUHH.

HUHH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

[mumbled singing]

COME ON.COME ON.

[mumbles gibberish]

UH-HUHH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

[mumbles gibberish]

YOU HAVE SOME CHICHISFOR ME.

WE GAVE IT ALL WE HAD.IT'S OVER.

WE MUST GO DOWNTO NAWILIWILI HARBOR

AND SURRENDERTO THE AMERICAN GOVERNMENT.

- SURRENDER?

NO!TO HECK WITH THAT!

- WE CAN'T HOLD OUT HEREANY LONGER.

- WELL, I WON'T DO IT!YOU HEAR ME?

I'M NOT LICKINGANYBODY'S TESTES!

- YOUNG KEIKI,TRY TO CONTROL YOUR ANGER.

- NO!THIS IS OUR HOME!

AND I'M SICK OF EVERYONE WHOTHINKS THEY'RE BETTER THAN ME

JUST 'CAUSETHEY GOT GOOD LOOKS

AND JUST 'CAUSE, EVEN AFTERMASSACRING DAREDEVIL,

THEY HAPPEN TO COME BACK

AND HIT A HOME RUNTHAT EVERYONE LOVES!

YOU SHOULDN'T BE ABLETO BE GOOD-LOOKING

AND BE WITH JENNIFER LOPEZAND BE A GOOD DIRECTOR!

ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT!FINE!

ARGO IS A GOOD MOVIE!

THERE, I ADMITTED IT!

I TOLD PEOPLE IT DIDN'T HOLD UP,BUT IT HOLDS UP, GOD DARN IT!

BEN AFFLECK HAS EVERYTHING.AAH!

- EVERYONE!LOOK, I SAY!

[cheers and applause]

- THE HAOLE DID IT!

- "MY DEAR FRIENDSOF THE MAINLAND.

"WHAT ADVENTURES I HAVE FOUNDON THE TINY ISLAND OF KAUAI.

"I HAVE TRULYBECOME ONE WITH THE NATIVES,

WHO FOUND NEW COURAGETO FIGHT THEIR OPPRESSORS."

- WE ARE NOT SURRENDERINGTODAY!

GO BACK AND TELL YOUR LEADERS

THAT WE WILL FIGHT THEMUNTIL THE END!

[cheering]

- YOU PEOPLE JUST DON'T GIVE UP,DO YOU?

- "THE AMERICAN GOVERNMENTFINALLY GAVE IN TO THE NATIVES,

"AND HAD THE MAHALOREWARDS CARDS REINSTATED.

"OUR TWO CULTURES,IT APPEARS,

WILL ONCE AGAIN LIVEIN PEACE."

[cheering]

"WITH THE WAR AT AN END,

"OUR BUTTERS IS ABLE TO HAVEHIS HAPA NOA CEREMONY,

"AND WITH ANY HELPFROM THE GODS,

BECOME HIS OLDCHEERY SELF AGAIN."

- AND SO IT IS WITH GREAT HONORTHAT WE RECOGNIZE

THESE TWO NATIVESWITH THEIR HAPA LOA.

TAKE YOUR CARDS, BOYS.

A PUY LOA HAPA LOA!

APA A A HOO HA!

- [blows conch weakly]

- IT'S FINALLY OVER,YOUNG KEIKI.

IS YOUR ANGER AT REST?

- YEAH, I GUESS SO.

EXCEPT IT STILL DOESN'TCHANGE THE FACT

THAT BEN AFFLECK GETS TO BEHANDSOME, TALENTED,

AND THEN GETS TO GO HOMEAND KISS JENNIFER LOPEZ.

- BEN AFFLECK ISN'TWITH JENNIFER LOPEZ ANYMORE.

HE'S MARRIEDTO JENNIFER GARNER.

- YEAH.- IT'S TRUE.

- WHAT?REALLY?

BUT I THOUGHT I WASTOTALLY JEALOUS OF HIM!

HE'S JUST MARRIEDTO JENNIFER GARNER?

OH, MY GOSH.I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER!

- YOU DO?- YEAH.

OH...I LIKETHAT BEN AFFLECK GUY.

HE'S A GOOD FILMMAKER.COME ON, KENNY.

I GUESS I OWE THE KIDSAT SCHOOL AN APOLOGY.

DID YOU SEE ARGO, KENNY?IT'S A PRETTY GOOD MOVIE.

BEN AFFLECK HASA LOT GOING FOR HIM.

NOT EVERYTHING,BUT A LOT.

WHOOPIE!

Loading...