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Extended - Thursday, May 28, 2015 - Uncensored

  • 05/28/2015
  • views: 2,756

Chris D'Elia, Nick Swardson and Whitney Cummings list #DadRappers, guess where brazen travelers are headed and annoy Jack White in this extended, uncensored episode. (31:55)

>> HARDWICK: RIPPED FROM TODAY'SINTERNET HEADLINES, IT'S RAPID

REFRESH.

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)DWAYNE "THE ROCK" JOHNSON?

MORE LIKE DWAYNE "THE RECORD"JOHNSON, RIGHT, COMEDIANS?

YES, 'CAUSE INSTEAD OF "THEROCK," I PUT "RECORD" IN, 'CAUSE

HE BROKE A RECORD.

THE VERY LARGE AND POWERFULACTION STAR OF THE UPCOMING

DISASTER ORGY, "SAN ANDREAS,"RECENTLY BROKE WHAT OFFICIAL

GUINNESS RECORD?

A: MOST EYEBROW RAISES IN 60SECONDS.

B: MOST SELFIES TAKEN IN THREEMINUTES.

C: SICKEST DELTS.

(BELL RINGS)CHRIS.

>> B: MOST SELFIES TAKEN INTHREE MINUTES.

I'VE SEEN HIS INSTAGRAM.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, YES.

THAT IS THE CORRECT ANSWER.

TAKE A LOOK.

YOU ATTEMPT THE GUINNESS RECORDRIGHT THERE.

UH, 105. ALL RIGHT.

>> WOW.

>> HARDWICK: THAT'S A LOT OFSELF-PORTRAIT PHOTOGRAPHS, AS WE

WOULD SAY OFFICIALLY.

>> OH, MY GOD.

>> HARDWICK: I BET THAT RECORDWOULD STAND FOR A REALLY LONG

TIME.

LIKE, 100 IS... 105 IS A LOT INTHREE MINUTES.

OR PSYCH.

I'M GONNA BREAK IT TONIGHT,ROCK.

YOU HAVE BEEN CALLED OUT, THEROCK.

CHECK THIS SHIT OUT THAT JUSTHAPPENED IN YOUR FACE, THE ROCK.

(LAUGHTER)I AM OUTSIDE THE @MIDNIGHT

STUDIO.

THIS IS OUR STUDIO AUDIENCE,SOME 120 PLUS PEOPLE.

IF I CAN GET ENOUGH SELFIES WITHTHEM IN THREE MINUTES, WE'RE

GONNA SHATTER THE ROCK'S 105WEAK-ASS RECORD.

I HOPE YOU DIDN'T GET TOOCOMFORTABLE ON THAT THRONE,

ROCK.

DO WE HAVE SOMEONE FROMGUINNESS?

WE HAVE A GUY WITH A GUINNESS.

UH, THINK MORE OF IT GOT ON HISHAND THAN IN HIS MOUTH.

UH, BUT, UH, WILL YOU PLEASEOFFICIATE THIS?

>> I WILL.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, ARE YOUREADY?

>> WE'RE READY.

(CHEERING)>> HARDWICK: OKAY, GETTING IN A

SELFIE MODE.

AND... OKAY.

>> AND START.

>> HARDWICK: GO! GO! GO!

GO! QUICK! GO! GO!

GO! GO! GO!

>> TWO MINUTES LEFT.

(CHEERING)>> HARDWICK: COME ON!

HE MUST GO DOWN!

>> 100.

>> HARDWICK: 100. 101.

>> ONE MINUTE LEFT.

>> HARDWICK: 102, 103.

>> ONE MINUTE LEFT!

>> HARDWICK: 104. 105.

WE BEAT IT. 106. 107. 108. 109.

OH, NOW IT JUST HURTS.

NOW IT JUST HURTS, ROCK.

141.

>> WE GOT FIVE SECONDS LEFT.

>> HARDWICK: 142, 143, 144.

>> THREE, TWO, ONE.

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)>> HARDWICK: OKAY. HEY.

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)WELL...

ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE, EVERYONE...

EVERYONE WAIT.

HANG ON, HANG ON, HANG ON.

NOW, UH, THE ROCK CAME TO PLAYWITH 105 SELFIES.

I AM A NARCISSIST.

I AM VERY GOOD AT SELFIES.

I AM HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE THAT WEHAVE BEATEN THAT BY 60 SELFIES.

(CHEERING)165!

IT'S YOUR MOVE, ROCK.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?!

HEY, ROCK, YOU WANT TO KNOW WHATDEFEAT LOOKS LIKE?

IT LOOKS LIKE THIS!

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)YOU GUYS MADE THIS HAPPEN.

YOU GUYS MADE THIS HAPPEN.

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)AND... IN ADDITION... IN

ADDITION FROM TAKING THE ROCKDOWN A PEG FOR THE 24 HOURS THAT

HE GOT TO FEEL LIKE HE WAS ONTOP, UH, NOW I HAVE ALL THOSE

SELFIES WITH YOU GUYS.

I'M GONNA DO SOME REAL NASTYSTUFF WITH THOSE.

(LAUGHTER)BUT IN ALL SERIOUSNESS,

CONGRATULATIONS ON BEING INSECOND PLACE... DWAYNE.

I CHALLENGE YOU TO COME ON THISSHOW AND TAKE YOUR RECORD BACK!

I CHALLENGE YOU!

NOT BY PHYSICAL FORCE, BUT ICHALLENGE YOU...

I WOULD CLIMB HIM LIKE A HOBBITON AN ENT.

LIKE, THERE'S NO... HE WOULDJUST WHIP ME OFF INTO THE ETHER.

SO IT'S A FRIENDLY CHALLENGE TOCOME ON, THE ROCK.

SO I'LL SEE YOU HERE.

PROBABLY NOT. UH, MOVING ON.

THIS OPPORTUNITY OF A LIFETIMEJUST SURFACED ON CRAIGSLIST.

A GROUP OF BUDDIES IS SEEKING AREPLACEMENT IN THEIR FRIEND

GROUP.

WHO EXACTLY WOULD YOU BEREPLACING?

THIS BIRD-LIKE BARISTA TYPENAMED DABY. UH...

(LAUGHTER)THOSE ARE PRETTY IRONIC

MOCCASINS TO FILL, BUT...

(LAUGHTER)...BUT, GUYS, SOMEONE'S GOT TO

HOLD DOWN THE YURT WHILE HESEARCHES FOR HIS TANK TOP AT

BURNING MAN.

THIS AD SAYS THEY'RE LOOKING FORSOMEONE TO "DRESS LIKE HIM, ACT

LIKE HIM," SO WHEN HE RETURNSHE'LL DISCOVER HE'S BEEN

REPLACED.

(LAUGHTER)OH, FUCK, TRIPPY, DUDE!

AM I NOT IN MY BODY ANYMORE?

SO, COMEDIANS, PLEASE PITCHYOURSELF TO BE THE NEW DABY IN

THIS FRIEND GROUP USING ONLY THEWORDS "WHOA," "DUH," AND "OH."

UH, CHRIS D'ELIA.

>> WHOA. UH...

OH...

DUH.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(WHOOPING)NICK SWARDSON.

>> BEAT THAT!

>> (CHUCKLES): ALL RIGHT.

(LAUGHTER)UH, UH...

(LAUGHTER)DUH?

WHOA!

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT.

>> DUH.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE, WHOOPING)WHITNEY CUMMINGS.

>> (EXHALES)WHOA.

UH...

OH...

HASHTAG DUH.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, GOOD.

POINTS. WELL PLAYED.

(WHOOPING)>> (SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)

>> WHAT? DID I CHEAT?

>> SHE ADDED WORDS.

(LAUGHTER)>> IT WAS A SYMBOL!

IT'S NOT A WORD.

IT'S LIKE PRINCE'S NAME A WHILEBACK.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH.

THEY'RE CERTAINLY NOT GONNAREMEMBER THAT.

>> YEAH, I KNOW.

WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?!

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: ONE OF OUR FAVORITE

BACK ALLEYS ON REDDIT IS/R/NOTTHEONION, A SUBREDDIT

DEVOTED TO REAL NEWS STORIESTHAT CAN JUST ABOUT PASS AS

SATIRE FROM THE ONION.

FOR INSTANCE, THE ONE INVOLVINGTHIS INDIANA MAN.

THIS HERE HEARTLAND HEARTTHROBWAS ARRESTED FOR WHAT SUPER

DOWN-HOME CRIME?

NICK SWARDSON.

>> I'M GONNA SAY B, CHOKING HISFIANCÉE 'CAUSE SHE DONE

TRASH-TALKED NASCAR.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH. SADLY...

SADLY, THAT'S THE ACTUAL ANSWER.

LET'S FIND OUT FROM NEWS LEADERSRTV6, THE INDY CHANNEL!

>> WHEN OFFICERS ARRIVED, SHETOLD THEM THEY HAD BEEN DRINKING

ALL DAY AND GOT INTO A FIGHTOVER WHICH IS BETTER, NASCAR OR

INDY CAR.

WILSON ALLEGEDLY GOT SO UPSETTHAT NO ONE LIKED NASCAR EXCEPT

HIM, THAT HE GRABBED HIS FIANCÉEBY THE NECK WITH BOTH HANDS.

(LAUGHTER, GROANING)>> I'M NOT A HUNDRED PERCENT,

BUT I THINK THAT'S WHITNEY'SAGENT.

(LAUGHTER)>> I'M NOT A HUNDRED PERCENT,

BUT I THINK THAT'S JUST ME IN,LIKE, EIGHT YEARS.

(LAUGHTER)>> WHAT IF IT JUST LOOKED, AND

HE WENT, "IT IS"?

(LAUGHTER)>> HE LOOKS LIKE HIS FACE IS

UPSIDE DOWN.

>> HARDWICK: HE DOES LOOKLIKE... OH, MY GOD, YEAH, HE

LOOKS LIKE ONE OF THOSE DRAWINGSYOU CAN FLIP UPSIDE DOWN.

>> IT'S, LIKE, HE'S, LIKE, ANESCHER.

>> HARDWICK: YOU KNOW WHAT?

UNFORTUNATELY, THOUGH, HE LOOKSSAD BOTH WAYS.

>> YES, HE DOES.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: AND NOW IT'S TIME

FOR TONIGHT'S HASHTAG WARS.

(CHEERING, WHOOPING, WHISTLING)THERE IS NOTHING MORE HIP-HOP

THAN SAGGING SOME DOCKERS ANDLETTING YOUR KIDS DRINK MOUNTAIN

DEW, EVEN THOUGH YOUR WIFE SAYSIT'S TOO CLOSE TO BEDTIME, BUT

REAL PLAYAS DO REAL THANGS.

SO IN HONOR OF THOSE FEARLESSFATHERS, TONIGHT'S HASHTAG IS:

DADRAPPERS.

EXAMPLES MIGHT BE, UH...

(LAUGHTER)LL COOL BEAN, OR... RUN DMV, OR

AS SOON AS POSSIBLE ROCKY.

I'M GONNA PUT 60 SECONDS ON THECLOCK, AND BEGIN.

WHITNEY CUMMINGS!

>> 50 CENTRUM.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

WHITNEY.

>> LAURYN OVER-THE-HILL.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

CHRIS D'ELIA.

>> TU-POP SHAKUR.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

WHITNEY CUMMINGS.

>> LIL JOHN DEERE.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

CHRIS D'ELIA.

>> GUCCI MANE OF THE HOUSE.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

CUMMINGS.

>> NOTORIOUS O.L.D.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

NICK SWARDSON.

>> FOOD-ACRIS.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

CHRIS D'ELIA.

>> IF I TELL YOU MACKLE-ONE-MORETIME...

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

WHITNEY CUMMINGS.

>> LAY Z.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

NICK.

>> KANYE VEST.

(LAUGHTER)(WHOOPING, APPLAUSE)

>> THAT'S SO STUPID!

IT'S TIME TO PLAY FLIGHT RISKS.

FLIGHT RISKS. NOW...

(WHOOPING, CHEERING)MODERN AIR TRAVEL IS BOTH FAST

AND CONVENIENT, UH, IN CASE YOUHAVEN'T HEARD ABOUT FLYING

BEFORE.

ON THE OTHER HAND, IT'S PLAGUEDWITH SUBHUMAN PASSENGERS.

FORTUNATELY, THERE'S A POPULARONLINE TREND KNOWN AS

"PASSENGER SHAMING," AND IT ISCOMPLETELY NECESSARY.

I'M GONNA SHOW YOU A PICTURE OFAN INCONSIDERATE TRAVELER, AND

FOR 250 POINTS, I WANT YOU TOTELL ME THE REASON YOU THINK

THEY'RE FLYING.

ALL RIGHT, FIRST ONE.

THIS BLAND BEASTMASTER.

WHAT IS HE... (LAUGHING)(LAUGHTER)

THAT BIRD MUST BE SO CONFUSED.

CHRIS.

>> UH... LAZIEST BIRD ALIVE.

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE)

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

NICK.

>> UH, HE'S GOING TO DOUCHE BAGISLAND.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: POINTS. WHITNEY.

>> HE'S FLYING TO SAN DIEGO FORASSHOLE CON.

>> HARDWICK: OKAY. POINTS.

POINTS. I THINK IT'D BE REALLYFUNNY IF HE WAS... IF HE WAS,

LIKE, "ZARATHUSTRA. PEANUTS."

(SCREECHES)(LAUGHTER)

ALL RIGHT, NEXT ONE.

WHAT ABOUT THIS HERE?

>> UH, I THINK HE'S FLYING TOMEET ANDY DICK IN AN AIRPORT

BATHROOM.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(APPLAUSE, WHOOPING)NICK.

>> UM, HE'S FLYING TO THEOPENING OF A NEW CINNABON.

(LAUGHTER)AND BY THE WAY...

BY THE WAY, HE'S...

HE'S DEFINITELY FLYING VIRGIN.

>> OH! OH!

>> OH!

(WHOOPING, WHISTLING, APPLAUSE)>> HARDWICK: CHRIS.

>> THAT'S AQUAMAN COMING BACKFROM VACATION.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: OH! OH, MY GOD,

TOTALLY!

YES.

POINTS.

>> THAT'S AMAZING.

>> WAIT, THAT LOOKS LIKE...

HIM.

>> HARDWICK: NO. IT'S NOT HIM.

>> YES!

>> FROM THE FRONT.

>> AND THIS RIGHT HERE, THAT'SWHITNEY.

(LAUGHTER)>> SEASON THREE.

>> LOOK AT THE TATTOOS.

LIKE, GET ME OFF THIS BODY.

GET ME OFF THIS BODY!

WHY AM I...

>> BY THE WAY...

THAT'S A VAGINA.

>> YEAH.

>> HARDWICK: I THINK THERE'S ALOT OF VAGINAS THERE.

I DON'T KNOW, I SEE A LOT OF...

>> I WANT THAT ONE.

>> THAT'S THE ONE YOU WANT.

>> HARDWICK: NEXT ONE.

THIS BOOZE HOUND, THIS BOOZEHOUND.

WHAT IS HE...

>> OH, MY GOD.

>> HE IS, UH, HE IS FLYING TOMEET ME FOR A TINDER DATE.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

POINTS.

DID...

DID YOU GUYS... DID YOU GUYS SEETHE SADDEST LITTLE EASTER EGG

RIGHT HERE?

AW.

(CHUCKLES)AW.

>> THAT'S MY DAUGHTER.

>> HARDWICK: UH, COULD BE.

>> UH, THAT'S THE PILOT.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

>> YES.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, NEXTONE.

UH, THIS GUY, WHO'S GETTINGREALLY COMFORTABLE.

VERY COMFORTABLE THERE.

>> OH, MAN.

>> JESUS.

>> HARDWICK: UH, CHRIS.

>> THAT'S A U.S. AIR MARSHAL ONTHE JOB.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

POINTS.

NICK.

>> HE'S GOING TO ONE OF MYSHOWS.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

LAST ONE-- THIS DIRTY HEADSEAWEED.

WHAT IS THAT, UH...

WHAT IS THAT, WHITNEY?

>> THIS PERSON IS GOING TO STEALYO GIRL.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH.

POINTS.

CHRIS.

>> UH, I'M JUST SURPRISED THATKATHY GRIFFIN IS FLYING COACH.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

IT'S TIME FOR OUR NEXT GAME,HIGH & FLY OR HIGH & DRY.

SOMETIMES A FAN WILL ASK ME,"HEY, CHRIS HARDWICK, WHY ARE

YOU SO COOL?"AND MY RESPONSE WILL BE, "WELL,

MR. PRESIDENT, I GIVE GREAT HIGHFIVES."

AND IT'S TRUE, I DO.

THERE'S A LOT OF VIDEOS ONLINEOF PEOPLE LIKE ME PERFORMING

SUPER FLY HIGH FIVES, ANDCONVERSELY, THERE ARE JUST AS

MANY VIDEOS OF PEOPLE GOING INFOR A HIGH FIVE, BUT THEN

GETTING LEFT HANGING, WHICH ISACTUALLY WHAT HAPPENS TO ME A

LOT, AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GETOUT OF IT, UH...

SO I'M GONNA SHOW YOU ASCREENSHOT FROM A HIGH FIVE

VIDEO AND I WANT YOU TO TELL MEIF THAT PERSON GETS A FLY HIGH

FIVE OR IS LEFT HIGH AND DRY.

ALL RIGHT, FIRST ONE.

WHAT ABOUT THESE TWO?

(BELL DINGS)OH, YES, WHITNEY.

>> WELL, HE'S BLACK, SO SHE'SGONNA MESS IT UP.

THAT'S...

SO... THEY WILL NOT MAKE CONTACT.

THERE'S NO WAY.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, LET'SFIND OUT.

LET'S FIND OUT.

>> IN TWO MINUTES.

♪ DO, DO, DUM, DUMBING

DO, DO, DO, DO, DO, DO♪ DO, DO, DOODLE-DOODLE-DO

POW, POW, POWBUM, BUM, BUM, BUM. ♪

>> HARDWICK: OH, MY GOD, WHOA.

JESUS.

>> WHOA, YOU GOT FACED.

YOU GOT FACED.

>> HARDWICK: HE'S-HE'S THENED RYERSON OF BLACK PEOPLE.

>> I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING.

I'M NOT GONNA LIE.

>> WHA... THAT... THOSE ARE THEWORST PEOPLE ON THE PLANET.

>> EVER.

>> HARDWICK: JUST DO THE NEWS.

AND IN OTHER NEWS, A SUICIDEBOMBER TAKES THE LIVES OF...

♪ WHOA, OH, OH, OH, OH. >> WELCOME TO WORST PEOPLE NEWS.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, NEXTONE.

WHAT ABOUT HUNKAHOLIC TOM BRADY?

HIGH AND FLY OR HIGH AND DRY?

>> I'M... I'M TRYING TO PRESS...

>> GONNA MISS, GONNA MISS.

>> HARDWICK: YOU'RE GONNA MISS?

OKAY, LET'S FIND OUT.

>> OH, I KNOW THIS ONE.

>> OH, OH!

>> YEAH.

>> OH, YEAH, DUDE!

THE FACE.

>> WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

>> RIGHT THERE, THAT FACE.

>> WHAT'S ON HIS HAND?

>> IT'S A GLOVE.

>> IT LOOKS LIKE BLOOD.

>> HARDWICK: THAT'S FROMDEFLATING THAT BALL.

>> SO INSECURE-- WHEN HE TURNS,IT'S SO INSECURE.

HE'S LIKE, "UH-HUH, OKAY".

>> BUT HE'S STILL INSANELYHANDSOME.

EVEN AFTER, LIKE, A FAIL, HE'SSTILL LIKE...

>> I KNOW, I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICEHIS HAND.

SUPER HOT.

>> GOD, HE'S HOT!

>> HARDWICK: YOU KNOW, HE'S SOATTRACTIVE, THE REASON THE HIGH

FIVE GOT MISSED IS BECAUSE THEPERSON IMMEDIATELY WENT DOWN AND

STARTED BLOWING HIM.

THAT'S WHY.

>> THEY WENT, UH...

>> YEAH, THAT WAS... THAT WASME.

>> HARDWICK: NEXT ONE, THESECHATTY CATHYS.

HIGH AND FLY OR HIGH AND DRY?

>> I'M GIVING THIS ONE TO NICKBECAUSE HE'S SO SHITTY AT

PRESSING HIS BUZZER.

>> HARDWICK: OKAY.

>> I... I'M PRESSING.

>> NO, YOUR HAND IS NOT...

>> I'M GONNA SAY HIGH AND DRY.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, LET'SFIND OUT.

>> OH, THAT'S SO...

>> OH!

>> ...SLOW.

>> WOW.

>> BUT SHE GOES LOWER, LOWER.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT... YOU KNOWWHAT SHE'S SAYING RIGHT THERE,

THE BLOND GIRL, "THERE'S NO WAYI'M TURNING AND HIGH-FIVING THIS

BITCH."

>> THAT'S MY FRIEND KATIE.

>> THAT'S HIS FRIEND.

>> HARDWICK: ARE YOU SERIOUS?

THIS GIRL?

>> IN THE GREEN.

>> HARDWICK: THIS GIRL?

>> YEAH.

I DON'T KNOW WHY SHE'S DRESSEDLIKE THE HULK, BUT... I DON'T

KNOW.

>> HARDWICK: OKAY...

>> LOOK HOW SAD-- YOU SHOULDCALL HER.

>> I KNOW, I MIGHT HAVE TO STEPIN AND FIGHT THIS OTHER BITCH.

(MEOWS)>> HARDWICK: I THINK THE PROBLEM

WITH THIS IS THAT, UH,BOBBLEHEADS CAN'T TURN LEFT AND

RIGHT.

SO THAT'S PROBABLY WHYTHEY'RE...

>> AW, "THAT'S MY FRIEND".

>> HARDWICK: NEXT ONE-- ARE YOUREADY FOR SOME FISTING?

(BELL DINGS)CHRIS D'ELIA.

>> HUH.

HE'S GONNA... HE'S GONNA GET IT.

>> HARDWICK: YOU THINK SO?

OKAY.

LET'S FIND OUT.

>> HE'S GONNA GET IT.

>> OH!

>> AAH!

>> OH!

>> NOPE!

>> WHOA, WHOA, THAT'S, LIKE, THESADDEST GREEN LANTERN EVER.

YEAH, THAT'S LIKE, "AND HERE WEGO, GREEN LANTERN!"

AW.

>> OH, OH, HEY, HEY, REAL FAST,UH, THAT BROKE MY HEART.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH.

>> BY THE WAY, LOOK AT THE LOOKON HIS FACE AFTERWARDS.

IT'S LIKE, "I'M GOING..."

HE'S, LIKE, PLOTTING TO KILL HIMRIGHT HERE.

>> HE IS, HE IS.

>> HOW DO I END HIS SOUL?

>> HARDWICK: I DON'T KNOW HOWLONG AGO THIS WAS SHOT, BUT I

FEEL LIKE THAT GUY IS STILLSITTING THERE, LIKE, "HE'S GONNA

COME BACK."

>> GOT FACIAL HAIR, JUST...

>> HARDWICK: HEY, GUYS, HEY,GUYS, HEY, GUYS, WHAT ABOUT, UH,

WHAT ABOUT SEACREST OVER HERE,HUH, WHAT ABOUT SEACREST?

HIGH AND FLY OR HIGH AND DRY?

OH, UH, WHITNEY.

>> I KNOW THIS.

>> HARDWICK: I KNOW THIS, TOO.

>> 'CAUSE THE GUY IS BLIND,RIGHT?

I KNOW THIS.

HE... OKAY, HE MISSES IT, HEMISSES IT, HE MISSES IT.

>> HARDWICK: 'CAUSE THE BLINDGUY'S BEING A DICK.

UH...

>> OH, MY GOD.

>> HARDWICK: WATCH.

OH!

HEY!

>> WELL, HE KIND OF GOT IT.

>> OH, MY GOD.

>> HE MAN... HE...

THAT WAS A MAN...

THAT WAS A... THAT WAS A MANUALHIGH FIVE.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, OH...

>> NOW, SEE, THIS-THIS IS WHY IDON'T LIKE THAT SHOW DAREDEVIL--

HE CAN'T EVEN FUCKING HIGH FIVE.

>> HARDWICK: NO, NO, DAREDEVILCOULD HIGH FIVE YOU, DAREDEVIL

COULD HIGH FIVE YOU.

>> DAREDEVIL WOULD BE LIKE,"UH...

(IMITATES CRACK)GOT YOU."

>> ALL RIGHT, STOP REPLAY, STOPPLAYING IT, STOP PLAYING IT.

>> YEAH, REALLY, IT'S SO SAD.

>> OH, THAT REALLY UPSETS ME.

>> HARDWICK: I MEAN, THAT ISSO...

FOR HIM TO DO THAT, THAT'S LIKEGOING UP TO A DEAF PERSON AND

GOING, "I SAID HELLO".

LIKE, RIGHT IN THEIR...

>> I LIKE HOW HE...

BY THE WAY, HE-HE LITERALLYMOVED MY HAIR AND WENT, "I SAID

HELLO".

>> HARDWICK: I DID, I DID, I WASDOING THE... THE APPROPRIATE

SPACE WORK.

>> BY THE WAY, BY THE WAY, THEBLIND GUY WOULD BE SO MAD IF HE

FOUND OUT THAT WAS ACTUALLYRYAN SEACREST.

HE'D BE LIKE, "OH, SHIT, ITHOUGHT IT WAS SOMEBODY ELSE."

>> HARDWICK: ACTUALLY, ITHINK... I THINK THE BLIND GUY

MIGHT HAVE BEEN LIKE, "YEAH, IKNOW, I JUST FUCKING KNOW WHO

YOU ARE, SO I DIDN'T REALLY,LIKE..."

>> NO, I THINK THE BLIND GUYFELT HIS FACE AND THOUGHT IT WAS

RACHEL MADDOW.

>> POINT.

>> ONE POINT, ONE POINT.

AS WE JUMP TO OUR NEXTGAME, DEAD LINKS AND THE DIRTY

GROUND.

DEAD LINKS AND THE DIRTY GROUND.

IF THERE'S ONE THING THAT JACKWHITE HATES MORE THAN

HAIRBRUSHES, IT'S CLICKBAIT.

I MEAN, CAN'T A GUY FROWN AT ACUBS GAME IN PEACE?

YESTERDAY HIS RECORD LABEL TOOKTO FACEBOOK TO RANT ABOUT THE

INTERNET'S NONSTOP BARRAGE OFJACK WHITE SENSATIONALISM WITH

10,000 LINES OF OUTRAGEDNAVEL-GAZING.

UM, ONE THING THAT WE SHOULDPROBABLY, UH, TELL THEM IS THAT

THE SUREST WAY TO GET THEINTERNET TO FUCK WITH YOU AND DO

MORE OF A THING IS TO TRY TOLEGALLY TELL THEM TO STOP DOING

THAT THING.

SO, COMEDIANS, I WOULD LIKE YOUTO COME UP WITH AS MANY JACK

WHITE CLICKBAIT HEADLINES AS YOUPOSSIBLY CAN, WHICH HOPEFULLY

WILL GET US A REAL LONG LETTER.

I'M GONNA PUT 60 SECONDS ON THECLOCK.

AND BEGIN.

(BELL DINGS)CHRIS D'ELIA.

>> WHICH FORMER FRIENDS CASTMATEGAVE JACK WHITE A LOTION

HAND JOB?

THE ANSWER WILL SHOCK YOU.

>> HARDWICK: OKAY, POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)NICK SWARDSON.

>> UH, JIM HENSON'S LOST MUPPETFOUND.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)CHRIS.

>> WHICH ENTOURAGE CAST MEMBERGAVE JACK WHITE A LOTION

HAND JOB?

THE ANSWER MAY SHOCK YOU.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)UH, WHITNEY.

>> UH, WATCH CHRIS D'ELIA GIVEJACK WHITE A LOTION HAND JOB.

(BUZZER SOUNDS)

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